Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all the other characters within. Evanescence owns all their songs. I'm merely borrowing for the purpose of this story.
Author's Note: Omg! I am so so so sorry about not updating in MONTHS! I planned to finish this
story before entering my senior year but I wasn't able to and then the school year has been incredibly hectic. I
had a lot of stuff going on these past few months and writing was absolutely impossible to do. I feel so bad about
never updating but I'm going to try my hardest to get this story done. I won't be able to update often but I
will try to update with fewer big breaks in between. I appreciate all the reviews I get for this story, makes me want
to continue this story. And I'm sorry to everyone who really has enjoyed this story and I've made you wait so
long, please forgive me! Again, I'm incredibly sorry about this and I hope this story will still be enjoyed now as
much as it was before.
Much love to everyone!
PhoenixFirebolt
The day before Christmas arrived cold and gray. Dark clouds swirled around in the icy sky, dropping millions of snowflakes to the ground below. Everyone in the castle was asleep, enjoying the last few hours of nighttime before they had to awake. Dreams of the presents that awaited at the end of their beds and the grand feast to come later filled their minds.
A lone figure was wide awake though, sitting in the middle of her bed, knees drawn to her chest and chin resting on top of them. Ginny stared blankly at the dark curtains that surrounded her, deep in thought.
Ginny was thinking back to the night when she had realized Draco was trying to save her from drowning even further in her misery. That night had been a few weeks ago but it seemed to Ginny that it had just happened yesterday. It seemed like only yesterday that she was finally ready to recognize how much she needed Draco to help her and how much she ached for him.
Though she was extremely cautious at first, Ginny slowly began to open more to Draco, finally letting someone see just how her life was played out and how much she kept bottled up inside of her.
They met in secret all over the castle, Draco listening and Ginny telling him only what she wanted to say at the moment. He never pushed her for more, never questioned her, never put her down for being who she was or doing what she did. He simply listened and that was all Ginny wanted. A person to confide in, a person who would hear her pour out all her sorrow, anger, and pain.
As the days went on, Ginny began to build up a small amount of trust in Draco that was still growing. No one had ever bothered to listen or pay attention to her before and she was grateful beyond measure. She was at first afraid that Draco would spread every word of hers around the school and she would become an even bigger laugh then now. Draco stuck to is promise though and told no one of their secret meetings.
Draco had left Hogwarts to go home for Christmas a week ago though and Ginny was once again left all alone. At first she didn't care. She had a friend now who actually took notice of her and she held on to that thought. As the week dragged on and no letter from Draco was in sight, Ginny began to lose hope and despair settled once more in her mind and heart. Maybe Draco didn't care for her and listening to her troubles had been an act of his. Maybe he had simply been using her to get closer to knowing information about her family and Harry; Draco's father was a Death Eater after all. Maybe he wanted Ginny to kill herself, by taking in all her pain and then using it against her to push her over the edge.
All these thoughts ran rapidly through Ginny's head that cold December morning. The thoughts took over her reason and she was soon drowning even further into the depression she was beginning to fight off. Hurt, anger, and misery began to boil in her blood once more; and she wanted that blood to run out of her. Ginny wanted to feel release once more and the urgency she felt scared her.
Ginny shut her eyes tightly and desperately tried to fight the feelings welling within her body. She needed Draco there, to tell her she was loved and cared for, to tell her to fight away the pain.
"Please Draco," she whipered softly, "I need you here so much. I can't control myself anymore. I need this all to end."
Ginny's words fell only on air and the feeling of lonliness hit her so hard she reeled. She was alone. Completely and utterly alone. No one could save her now and no one could help her fight off the intense feelings of just wanting to end all her suffering. Ginny knew deep inside she could fight the pain if she had the strength. She was weak though and her mind was controlling her entire being.
Catch me as I fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and I fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
Ginny slowly uncurled herself and reached under the pillow. For the first time in weeks her hand closed over the smooth wood of her knife and she pulled it out. Her eyes stared at the blade lying flat on her palm. Her heart and mind were fighting a huge battle to win dominance over her body and her decision.
At the moment, her mind was winning. She slowly pulled the curtain back and stepped onto the cold stone floor of the dormitory. She took halted steps toward the door, her heart and mind still fighting each other. Ginny's hand shook as she reached for the brass door handle and turned it. A soft squeak amitted from the hinges as the door swung open. No one else in the dormitory stirred as Ginny swept like a shadow from the room and descended the stairs.
The Common Room was dark and empty, the fireplace having been dead for many hours. Gray light streamed through the high windows and illuminated the many pieces of parchment, quills, and books lying over every table and chair. Ginny paid no heed to anything though and walked straight to the portrait door and stepped out into the drafty hall.
The Fat Lady was gone for the night so no comments were made as Ginny continued walking like a zombie down the corridor. The knife was still laid in her outstretched hand and her eyes stayed on it. In what seemed like an seconds, Ginny reached the entrance hall and stopped before the great oak doors. Her heart was pounding rapidly in her chest and her mind was screaming within her head.
Ginny's mind was telling her to keep going, to end the pain, to stop hiding from every emotion that cause her to be so depressed and so hurt. Her mind was screaming her name, calling her to the forest where she should end her life.
Her heart fought back with never-ending intensity. Screaming at her to not give in, to not end all her agony. She was loved and everyone would be crying with grief if she left forever. It was telling her to not close her eyes to the pain, whatever lied behind them would let her die and that could not happen yet.
Don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die
Ginny's mind continued winning and she forcefully pushed the doors opened and stepped into the cold. The wind slapped against her body, making her nightgown blow around her. Ginny didn't notice the stinging cold biting her body or the fact that she was walking through snow barefoot. She had to get to the forest before her heart told her to turn back around and be within the comforts of the castle.
Ginny reached the edge of the forest and went quickly into its depths, where no snow reached the ground and the cold was blocked by the thick trees. Silence pressed upon her ears and she stopped in the middle of a large clearing where pine needles and leaves lay scattered all around her.
Ginny suddenly broke from her trance as her heart won a momentary victory and her eyes widened in shock when she saw where her mind had led her. Fear crawled throughout her body and she stood frozen in place, not daring to move or breathe. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized how close her control was to breaking.
The dark forest became blurry as tears dripped from her eyes and hit the ground. Her will to survive was slipping, the pain taking over. Ginny felt the need to stop herself from dying once more though and for the first time that night she began to listen to her heart. She desperately tried to turn away from the hurt but her mind began to fight once more.
I'm frightened by what I see
but somehow I know that there's much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away
Ginny's knees hit the forest floor as the tears poured more rapidly from her eyes. The battle raged within her once more and she gripped the knife with such force the blade made a tiny cut on her palm. The sting of it made her gasp in shock and the knife dropped with a soft thud on the leaves.
Ginny lifted her hand up and stared in awe at the blood that now trickled slowly from the cut. As she stared at the blood, the battle of mind and heart became fiercer than ever. Her mind continued to scream about not turning away from the pain while her heart kept crying out in sadness, telling her to not let the lights go out forever and to not close her eyes.
Don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die
Red filled Ginny's vision and her mind made a yell of triumph as it successfully put out its opponent and the will to end all rippled through Ginny's being. Death lay before her now and there was no turning back.
The trees swayed in the wind and the whispering noise reached Ginny, it was like voices were speaking to her, telling her to go and meet the end. Her heart gave up and settled back, waiting for the cruel and brutal stab of death to fill it.
Ginny felt death beckoning to her, calling her home and to be at peace. Her heart gave once last futile surge to live and she hesitated for a second. Was it right to end everything? Was death truly what she wanted? Would she be missed at all? Would death truly make all the pain go away?
Ginny's mind fought back with anger and the brief moment of hesitation was gone. No, it was time to end everything. It was time to meet death and Ginny felt more ready than ever before. Every moment of grief, anger, hurt, pain, sadness, and lonliness would end that night. And nothing would stop it from ending.
Fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me I fear
she beckons me shall I give in
upon my end shall I begin
forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end
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Song: Whisper by Evanescence