Life and Times
Rating: R
Ship: HHr (main emphasis)
The (unlovely) procedure: all rights go to JKR for previous plot and characters, Scholastic, Warner, and whoever else has their hands in HP.
Author Note: Two chapters in less than a week? What?! How absurd! Being less busy in real life (while being busier soon…), I took on chapter twenty-eight. I mustn't have lost my touch, seeing 10,000+ hits for the fiction since I came back from hiatus; but, I've gotten only a handful of reviews! Someone must have something to say ;)
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Chapter Twenty-Eight - Princess
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"Today, Senior Defense Secretary Eaton addressed the British counsel and their constituents on the nabbing of four men suspect of being Death Eaters in Prague yesterday morning."
"After receiving communication from the Russian Ministry body of Defensive Affairs regarding the four acused, we here at the British Ministry have proven a link to the He Who Must Not Be Name's mark above Berlin's parliament a few days ago and Moscow's mark a little over a month ago," an older, wrinkly man with dirty blonde short hair and glasses stated beyond a podium overlooking camera shots and busy Quick Quills. "We have intercepted the men and have taken them into our custody for questioning. Unfortunately, none of them were on the Most Wanted list, but we've seen a significant decrease since taking in Number Four, Ivik Varishka. We are, without a doubt, moving at Merlin's speed to capture and question those remaining criminals and bring them to justice!"
The image switches back to a tailored suit clad male at the Wizarding News Network. The camera has him positioned perfectly in the center with people shuffling about behind him. "Minister Kingsley was quoted earlier, `I will not rest until every remaining Death Eater is sentenced under our Code of Law. These heathens are wretched beings of hate and will be dealt with swiftly for their murderous actions to our body of state and its citizins,' before jetting off to Italy where he will be meeting with top officials in Vatican City tomorrow. He will be in Rome the following day for talks with the European Union."
Cho applauded at the television screen. "Cheers, Minister! You take it to them!"
Cho's clapping hands felt like hammers hitting the backside of my skull. I lay curled up in a ball on the other end of the sofa. I had a blanket intertwined amongst my squeezed figure, the edge of one side at the lines of my neck. A fairly large glass sat to my left. Half of its contents gone, the yellowish hue of what was still there broke off a chunk of an ice cube. The clinking noise against the glass, so slight it was, still continued to make my head throb. My eyes were in squints.
It was morning, and I was still wide awake. Cho stayed over as usual. Typically the scene would be me and Cho, somewhere, probably right here on the sofa, out sleeping. I guessed I didn't have enough to drink. I guessed I needed more. The sun tried to shine in, but I made that stop. Before bundling myself with the blanket I'd taken the curtains and pulled them to block out the light. Any light. I didn't want any light whatsoever on me. It was bad enough between Cho's talkative personality and the tube flashing colours wildly.
"…And, the galleon is losing against the Pound due to future economic scares from Dark Marks, down almost a point and a half percent. Gringotts Gold stock also decreased to their chagrin, though more and more people are saving. Other large companies like Mungo Pharmaceuticals and Orina, makers of butterbeer, fell short of what they had expected. All in all it's quite a terrible opening and it's not looking well with futures. Next, we'll transfer it over to the weather. How's it looking out there today, Joyce? Will it be brighter than this forecast?"
"Today's going to be a very pretty day. Sun across the country except for parts south where the rain will continue to shower on any plans for today."
"Did you hear that, Gin?" I think I loved Cho's perkiness much more before she `moved in'. My eyes nearly closed to the environment's torment, I gradually turned my head to see her smiling face. "It's going to be a pretty day! We should go shopping-get out!"
I stayed like a statue.
"Remember? Walking along the streets of London, window-shopping for those cute boots, and those dresses-"
"Does it look like I want to go out?" I interrupted her sweet little attitude with a bitter retort.
Her smile faded.
It faded to a straight line like mine.
"Does it really look like I'm just ready to go right outside and play?" I spoke with thick sarcasm, and sharp. My voice grew louder when I asked again, not getting anything in response from Cho which made me angrier. "Does it fucking look like I want to shop?"
"Okay, okay!" Cho's voice met mine in tone and volume. Her eyes lit up and her face scowled. Crossing her arms, she fell back into the arm of the sofa she propped on. Her face towards the screen, she muttered, "Take a fucking pill…"
"Oh, shut up," I responded, hearing her.
"Hey!" she flicked back at me. She put her hand on her chest, her eyes on me. "I didn't ask to be the one on the brunt end of your period, or whatever crawled up your ass!"
I closed my eyes and dropped my head back.
The pounding underneath my eyes grew.
I started to get a migraine and reached for the glass of alcohol.
"I can fucking leave if it'll help you out. You know," She'd gotten her buttons pushed, Cho seething, drifting off the side of the sofa for me to see her better. I tried not looking at her on purpose. "Whatever helps Ginevra. Merlin knows how much shit I've had to deal with when it comes to being around you these weeks! And for what?"
"Okay, okay…," I sighed, putting a cold palm to my temple as I drank the icy drink down. I needed to drown.
"You're such a princess!"
I put the emptied glass in my lap and rotated circles on that temple. My eyes closed still, I resumed whispering, "Okay, okay, okay…"
"Want me to leave?"
"Don't… leave," I set the glass down and scooted on over to Cho's warm body. "Please don't leave me… You're my best friend."
"No, Hermione's your best friend." Cho sat back, her foot beneath her rear, and sighed as I rewrapped everything around her including my blanket. "What are we going to do with you? You cannot stay like this forever, Gin. You have to get out of this mood. Have you even tried to contact her lately? Mend the fence? You have to meet her at least halfway."
"She doesn't want to talk to me anymore…," I took the blanket and pulled it over my head. The darkness was welcoming. My voice muffled. "I'm a stupid idiot, an imbecile, a total freak and she doesn't want to speak to me anymore!"
I felt Cho's hand on my back before she said softly, "I'm sure that's not true. You and Hermione are like two-peas in a pod. Like sisters-"
I groaned and balled myself up in a fetal position at the word "sister". I felt that was the stereotype, what the world wanted of me, and her, and I didn't!
"-Oops, no… You get what I'm saying," Cho rubbed my back as she resumed after a pause. "Hermione was never the one to hold a grudge. You, on the other hand, are a diva. You've held grudges. For Merlin's sake, you utterly loathed anyone who had Harry's attention. Remember your grudge against Parvati? You hated her guts and probably wouldn't have minded someone give them to you on a silver platter when she went with him to the Yule Ball. So, don't say you've never held a grudge…"
"I'm not saying I do… But, I'm not saying I don't, either," My voice fell from the sheet over my face. "I just want everything back the way it was…"
"It's healthy to express your feelings, Gin."
"Healthly stupid," I added.
"…And, I'm sure that took a lot of weight off your shoulders."
"Bullshit." I hid my face further into Cho by holding my hand over it. Coming from someone who never had an ounce of homosexual thought just tore me apart.
"But, you have to realize the truth, hun…"
"I don't want to hear the truth…," The tone came out rough, and I meant what was said. I knew the truth. I didn't want someone to tell it to my face.
I heard Cho sigh. "…for whatever it's worth, you have a fiance who loves you."
"Oh, how well do I know," Cho had moved her hand on me, now rubbing the back of my head beneath the blanket. "…And, it was better when I was lying to myself…"
Cho stopped her rubbing. "You do love him, right?"
After a deafly pause, I replied, "Sometimes."
"What?"
"Of course I do."
"…Then, what was that comment about? `Lying to myself'?"
"…That I fell in love with two people…"
"Hermione is in love with Harry, Gin. They're getting married You have to see the-"
That shook me to the core.
I knew they were getting married, shagging it up on some remote island who knows where and having the time of their lives.
It pissed me off.
It pissed me off because I wanted Hermione.
Beyond anger, I pushed myself right up-fighting my migraine-and met Cho eye to eye. Before I could belt out the string of curse words that so readily wanted to drop off the tip of my tongue, I heard the door open and slam shut in the main hallway. Neville got accepted to his job at the Ministry, working in a branch appealing to Muggle studies. He knew tons about those objects so needed by Muggles that he was a significant cornerstone in assisting them in reaching out to the Muggle-world in our own way.
The Ministry wanted people to help them to fully understand the contraption called, "The World Wide Web". The Ministry could see this as a similar contraption used in our world. It wasn't like we were daft over the subject, a tool buzzed just about anywhere you went outside of our universe. And, there was communication between the wizarding world and the Muggle-world. We didn't want to be left behind, the advent of cellular telephones and music devices so small you could travel with them piercing this side with angst from our blood.
I re-hid my face in Cho and took the sheet with me.
I heard Neville walking behind us. First he went into the kitchen. He dropped something heavy, and then something that sounded like coins hit the countertop. Several cabinets opened and closed, the refrigerator being the last door to be shut. He coughed and came closer, stepping to a closet where he took up a hanger. He mumbled something to himself. The newscast was the only sound heard for a while, Neville busy hanging something up and closing the closet door. I closed my eyes, feeling Cho's hand back on my head.
Neville coughed again into his hand and my ears perked to the fact that he was now standing in the living area, the padding of his shoes elevating and drawing nearer.
"Cho," he said her name very calmly. So calmly that it didn't feel right.
Cho halted her massage and I heard her above me. "Yes, Neville?"
"I know you're Gin's friend and all, but I believe it's time for Gin and I to have a discussion."
"Huh?"
How he said, "discussion," irked me. It irked me right out of my ball and up on my seat, however slow it took me. Neville was standing behind the armrest where my toes pointed. He had his hands at the knot of his red and yellow-striped tie, undoing the box-shape and loosening the loop about his neck. His face was stern, and that drew a look of distaste on me and in my mouth.
"Alone." He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Cho who had shifted in her seat.
"Gin?" she asked me.
That broke something.
Something inside Neville lost it.
His eyes shot open, his body language turned aggressive, and he pointed at the door and yelled, "Out! NOW!"
"I want you out, out, OUT!" He stomped the heel of his shoe to emphasize the word.
Cho scurried up like a startled rat in a cage.
My eyes were on Cho, busy putting her slippers on from aside the sofa. My head turned back to Neville and I screamed, "Don't you fucking talk to her like that!"
"You." He pointed at me. "I want you to be quiet."
The alcohol teased me and my vision. The insides of my head swirled and, trying to get up quick only had me fall back down on the cushions of the sofa. I held my head, that hammer coming back to pound at my skull.
"And, I'm tired of all this fucking alcohol-" I glanced at Neville just in time to see him seize the glass I'd been drinking out of and throw it against the wall. It shattered into a billion pieces, scattering everywhere. "-BULLSHIT!"
My adrenaline started to rise.
The adrenaline of a red-head.
"Quit… Fucking… YELLING!!" My voice louder at the tail-end, I shot back at him. "MY HEAD IS ON FUCKING FIRE, ASS!!"
"Gin!" I heard Cho from behind me. She was almost gone, a wall of the hallway covering her as she peeked out from the side. "My door will be open, hun!"
Neville stomped around in front of me and took the empty whiskey bottle and threw it at Cho who dashed out of sight. The bottle burst into what looked like powdered flakes of crystal blowing into the house.
"I'm tired of seeing you, every, single fucking day-" Neville took the entire coffee table with Cho's cup and another half-emptied bottle of gin still sitting on top and tossed it over onto the floor. The gin gushed into a pool on the stained wood floor. "Every. Fucking. DAY!"
"That's right," I laughed at him mockingly. "Tear the whole GOD DAMN HOUSE UP!"
My throat felt like it bled, my voice scratching the skin of my esophagus.
"IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE HERE!!" I concluded, screeching.
We stared at each other in a split second, fire burning in both our eyes, our mouths a tight line, before he was gone.
Neville left me for the kitchen where I heard the cabinets fly open. I went to get up and run, to follow, stepping over the glass to see him sling one bottle after the other into the sink. Each of them crashed into a bazillion pieces. Some he threw in so hard that the glass actually bounced on top of the counter and onto the floor at his feet.
"I don't ever want to see another alcoholic drink in your hand," he said this fast with his back turned against me.
I stood in the entryway looking in, having to hold onto the side of the door to balance my equilibrium.
"I don't want another fucking bottle in this house ever again, or I swear to Merlin I'll-"
"You'll do nothing because this is what I want to do!"
Neville turned to me this time. He'd taken half the liquor cabinet out.
"THE HELL YOU WILL!!"
"Don't touch anything else!" I started in, stumbling forward and grasped the top of the counter. He didn't push me, but he took his strength and moved me from around the cabinet.
"I'm doing this for your OWN GOD DAMN GOOD!"
"These are my drinks!" I annunciated "my" within a long slur. "I BOUGHT THESE WITH MY MONEY!!"
"And you're going to die if this keeps up! Now," He held me back firm and looked me straight in the eye. "Get upstairs and lay down while I clean all this shit up!"
"MOVE!" I pushed all my weight into him and made him shuffle backward.
I grabbed the largest bottle I saw. I couldn't get away quick enough before Neville had me in his arms and fought the bottle out of my grasp. I clawed him as he took it. My nails punctured his skin, drawing blood where I slashed at his arms. He made a sharp gasp from his lips as I gave him pain, shaking me away and throwing the bottle into the sink.
I'd stumbled backward and hit the wall.
I watched it shatter, the clear liquid going down the drain.
The house fumed with the remains of alcohol.
My eyes kept on the liquid, swirling and twirling, until it was no more.
I felt suddenly alone, Neville dissolving my last moment of respite from me.
I came at him with my fists. Being in a house full of boys, they taught me how to defend myself alongside defending my turf from them. The sight of my enemy, Neville, swished to one side where I went to punch him. He grabbed my arm and held me tight. I tried to hit him with the other, but he grabbed that one as well. I tried to knee him, making these animalistic grunts, feeling tears cross my cheeks. He tackled me to the ground, understanding where any glass had fallen on the floor. He didn't want to cut me.
I fought him even from down there.
Through fits of tears, my legs trying to channel enough strength to kick him, I cursed him. I cursed him loudly.
"Why?!" I screamed out in tantrum after using up every curse in the book, having made up some in the process to tell him where he could go. "Why?! I didn't do anything to deserve this!!"
"You loved me," he responded coolly, keeping me flat on the floor. He kept me from attacking him.
"This isn't how you treat someone you love!!" I yelled at him, twisting my head around and coughing through tears.
"It is when I see the one person I love treating themselves wrongly. You're on a right path to death and you're not dying on me. You don't eat and all you do is stay drunk. I don't even recall you sober it's been so long."
"You're hurting me!!"
"My heart aches, Ginny…," I had my face squished into the floor when I felt Neville kiss the back of my head. I gritted my teeth and cried. "It's like we're two different people now… And, I don't want to lose you. I love you too damn much to lose you."
Nothing made sense.
This was a thematic, the pattern of my new life.
Ripples of images flashed through my mind like a roll of film celluloid turning on a reel. First of Neville, the man I was proposed to on the day he proposed to me. He got down on one knee in the middle of a family get-together at the Burrow and asked for my hand in marriage. Then, Hermione's sweet, lovable smile tore the scene. The tear wasn't a rip, more like it had been there, like one of those memories that keeps creeping into your mind throughout the day, even though that memory was of yesterday, last week, a month, a year, ten years ago.
I felt Neville kiss the top of my head again, his weight upon me.
I fell limp, probably to Neville's pleasure, my head hurting within white-hot washes of pain.
I laid there on the floor in a pooled, lukewarm mixture of my own saline and saliva.
I opened my mouth, my eyes closed, and let out this shrilled scream of sheer sadness.
I continued to weep for I didn't know how to do anything else anymore.
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