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And here is chapter 2. There will be one more chapter.

CHAPTER TWO: We Are Young

I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies, you know
I'm trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun

"We Are Young" FUN

How many times have I been here? Most might feel ashamed, disgusted even. I can't bring myself to feel either; I never could with her. No, I'd feel disgusted if it was someone else, but never her.

How many times have I been here? Never battling myself when ever moral fiber says I should be? It's been years, and I still can't explain exactly how this sort of thing happens. How it always happens.

It started when I was seventeen in a dark tent. I was angry. She was upset. We got lost in each other, took everything out on each, in each other.

How many times have I been here? Just like this? Just a small piece of selfish heaven?

Without this, I don't think I would have survived the war.

That's not true. I would have made it. But right now, it's hard to think it would have been possible to live without all those stolen moments with her.

Now I'm twenty-one, and I'm still living for those stolen moments. They are fewer and farer between, but like gravity, they are inevitable.

The night of the final battle, we had done something we had never done before: we made love in all senses of the word. It wasn't rushed. I got to fully appreciate her for the first time. I relearned every curve of her body and every inch of her skin-as if I hadn't already known them all.

Something changed that night. Did we try to get together? Yes, we did. Several times, we tried to get together.

Why couldn't we make it work?

I still can't answer that. Every time I think about it, the reasoning gets more and more far-fetched. It's like trying to solve an easy question, but the simple answer is just out of reach and you can't fully understand why it is correct in the first place.

But we did try. No one knew of course. Ron had known about our new hobby long ago when he had caught me leaving her room one night, looking completely sexed up and satisfied. We never really talked about it, just a few dirty comments or jeers here and there. I don't think he knows we still go at it like animals though. I think he thought it was something we were just doing to pass the time.

So no one knew we were dating. Over the years we have gotten very good at hiding secrets. We've been a secret for so long, it was easy to continue that way.

We never told anyone we were dating because we didn't want to hurt everyone around us. We've seen firsthand what break-ups can do to a group. Dean Thomas, a serious boyfriend Ginny had dated after the war had become a good friend to both Ron and me. After a nasty break-up, Ginny saw any contact with him to be treacherous on our part. Lavender Brown, an ex-girlfriend of Ron's, never sees us anymore-which isn't a bad thing. The worst was when Ron and Luna Lovegood had broken up for a good six or seven months. Ginny and Hermione had refused to stop being best friends with the girl (I wouldn't have been too happy about it myself), but for a while, we didn't see her a lot because Ron was always around.

We didn't want to inflict this sort of conflict and stress on everyone else. If no one knew we were dating, no one would be forced to choose a side if we broke up: Team Harry or Team Hermione. So we hid it. And every time it ended, we coped. We didn't make it weird for anyone.

But we never lost this. Our friendship on the outside had never been stronger. Our secret passion for each other had never burned brighter.

Getting over Hermione was impossible. I loved her more than anything. I never even tried to find anyone else because I could do this for the rest of my life.

The few dates I've had have never turned into a second date. I'm pretty sure the small number of dates Hermione has had haven't either. Why fake trying to be happy with someone else, when we can really be happy-even in a twisted way like this-with each other?

Maybe, some day down the road, we'll both fill our need for each other and move on.

I doubt it.

Maybe, some day down the road, we'll both say fuck it and just be together forever.

I hope so.

And right now, while I have her up against a hole-in-the-wall bathroom stall in the men's restroom, I can't see any reason for the latter to not come true some day.

When she moans in my ear like she is doing right now, I can so easily see us together, just like this, in twenty years.

Why put a stop to utter perfection, ever?

I had missed her. It feels like it's been forever since I've been with her like this. Ron's birthday, weeks ago, if I remember correctly-and with her, I always do.

I vaguely think to myself that she might have planned tonight. She must have heard that I'd be at this pub with Ron, Luna, and Amber. Maybe she was worried.

I hope she isn't. She shouldn't be. Ever.

I try to reinforce my thoughts silently as I look intently into her blazing brown eyes.

She isn't worried. I can see her own thoughts in her eyes: I own you bitch.

`Yes,' I think back, `Yes, you do.'

Amber is just a girl from work, nothing more. I can see that she wants more, but I have no plans to jump on board. I haven't tried to lead her on; no, instead she just keeps pushing. If she's so insistent, then I don't feel so bad about letting her down. Hell, she is asking for it right? I've already tried telling her.

In her eyes, she sees this as a third date. In my eyes, I'm out having a beer with a few of my friends because Ron all but used the Imperius Curse on me.

And now how glad I am that he did. This is exactly what I needed. Hermione up against a wall.

It was a favorite way to take her of mine. I dunno why I find it so sexy-maybe because that's how we started in the first place.

I couldn't count how many times we've done this. How many times have we fucked right where we were? Restaurants? Friends' houses? Bars? Bathrooms? Shops? Cars?

You name it, I've hit it there.

That's part of the beauty of us, I think. If we need each other so badly that we were willing to go at it in the back of Flourish and Blotts, that surely shows how much we need each other in general in our lives. I can't picture my life without her. It breaks my heart for me to even try.

Hermione smiles up at me, her eyes bright from her excitement. I lean down to kiss her slowly, sensually. She expertly winds her hand up my chest to the nape of my neck. I feel goose bumps erupt on my skin from her touch, like always. "I missed you." I whisper, my eyes closed in utter contentment.

"You saw me earlier today." She reminds me with a grin.

"Not all of you." I retort, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.

"So you've missed me naked then. You really should clarify that sort of thing." Hermione says with a laugh, mirth and sarcasm dripping from her voice.

I wink at her as I stow her knickers in my pocket for safe keeping. She rolls those beautiful eyes of her and shimmies into her jeans, commando.

"I've got to get back. The girls are surely missing me by now. They probably think I've fallen in. And you should go to. Don't want to keep precious Amber waiting now, do we?" Hermione teases me innocently, but for the first time, I can hear the slightest faltering of her confidence.

"I don't have to. I don't want to. You know that's nothing, right? I could never see her again and not care even the slightest bit." I say slowly. "I'll Apparate home now from right here if you want me to." Even though I know she would never ask me to do that, as she isn't the jealous type, I know every word is true.

So does she.

"You know I'm only kidding. I'm not worried." She says, and like always, she looks completely confident in her words.

I kiss her forehead. "Do you want to spend the night? We can get out of here." I ask her, trying to keep the pleading from my voice. "We can rent a film and get some popcorn and-"

She shushes me by putting a finger to my lips. "It's Carissa's birthday. I can't leave now. But...maybe we can meet up a little later? You'll keep your phone on?" She replies, looking completely genuine.

I nod. I know she won't call. I know she won't stay. She never does.

That always has a good chance at resulting in a relationship. Not always, not even half the time, but that's the only time the opportunity has ever presented itself. Maybe she isn't ready for another break-up.

I'm not either.

I bid her good night one last time before we both go our separate ways at opposite ends of the crowded bar.

I grab four shots and bring them to the table with me.

"There you are! We wondered where you'd gotten off to!" Luna greets me, taking my offered shot.

"Sorry. I ran into Hermione over there and we got to talking. She's here for someone's birthday." I reply, handing a shot to Ron and Amber.

I ignore the look I get from Ron when I say this. Sometimes, I think he isn't as in the dark as he appears to be. Who knows.

"Cheers." I toast before downing my shot. It burns my throat but for the second time that night, it is exactly what I need.

"You look happy." Ron observes, surveying me. Now I know he knows. And he knows that I know that he knows.

I shrug. "Nice little surprise in the loo-automatic hand dryers. Wouldn't have expected such technology here." My snide remark is cryptic enough for neither Luna nor Amber to pick up on. Ron rolls his eyes.

"Amber was just telling us about a boat her father owns. And a small cottage they have up on a lake a few hours away. She's invited up to go up there for a long weekend." Ron tells me, but I'm barely paying attention. Like always, now that I know Hermione in the near vicinity, I find it hard to focus on much else.

"Wow, I didn't know that." I reply as I order another round of shots. I tell the waitress to send over a round of birthday cake shots to Hermione's table and to put it on my tab.

Luna doesn't want hers, so I take two.

As the bar begins to spin around me, I can barely hear the other three talking about the boating trip.

"There's a great beach where we can swim. We've got jet skis and boogie boards and water tubes. It would be so much fun to just make a weekend out of it-like a double date weekend!" Amber gushes to Luna, who nods excitedly.

"I'm going to go to the loo." I interrupt and before they reply, I'm already halfway across the bar, heading to visit the scene of my passionate crime. As I piss, my head-already swimming from the alcohol-shifts through a tangled web of memories with Hermione at the center.

I get like this from time to time. Usually, I can be detached, or as detached as one can be and still be in love and best friends. But tonight, it gets me to. It gets to me that she is with her friends and I'm here with Amber who isn't even supposed to be a date but she is planning boating weekends with my friends. It gets to me that I'm pissing in a stall that I just fucked Hermione in, and instead of reliving the passion, I'm losing my high and feeling depressed.

My phone beeps and I stumbled ever so slightly as I reach into my pocket for it. I have to lean against the stall to steady myself.

The text message is simple: Are you going in for round 2? I thought that was later tonight? Xoxo

My high returns instantaneously. Haha just takking a piss biut I'm willking if you are… ;) I quickly type, my fingers eager across the keyboard and creating typos. I curse under my breath but hit send anyway. She'll understand. She always does understand my drunken texts.

It's okay, you can keep your pee penis to yourself. I'll bring popcorn tonight. I know you don't have any, so don't even say you do, Liar. xoxo

I smile at her banter. i love you I respond before zipping up my jeans, sobriety suddenly taking over my body. I wash my hands then splash cool water over my face and hair. I rinse my mouth out a few times before shaking my head and a few times, trying to clear my head completely. I look up at the man facing me in the mirror. Green eyes. Messy black hair. Pale skin. My face looks tired. My eyes are bright with a new anticipation. Finally, I exit restroom, feeling completely in control. The dizziness had passed.

Soaring, I casually made my way back to my table for the night.

"When do you think you'll be free for the boat trip, Harry? We were just discussing maybe a few weeks from now if we can all get the days off-a Friday-Saturday-Sunday ordeal." Amber asked animatedly, looking at me expectantly.

I shrugged. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it. They've got me pretty busy for the next few weeks." I try to let her down easily, having no interest going on a trip with her.

She isn't deterred. "We'll just have to see then."

"Maybe, but I just don't think it's going to work out. It might not be the best idea, you know?" I say, looking at her meaningfully and ignoring the kick from under the table that I know must have been from Ron. He likes boats.

Her eyes lock into mine, her face cool and confident. Her lips are pulled into a tight smile. "I know what you're doing, but I'm not going to let you. I've waited way too long for you to be scared away by your weird commitment issue. I'll wait and wait, then I'll wait some more. Why do you think I haven't pushed this to go farther yet? I've heard how difficult this is for you, and I'm okay with that. We can take this as slow as you'd like." She told me, her voice relatively even, considering.

At first, I'm shocked by her miniature speech. I hear Ron clear his voice uncomfortably. "You don't want to get involved with me, Amber, trust me." I tell her lightly with a smile. "I'm screwed up and twisted so many ways that you don't even want to begin to unravel these mysteries. Find yourself a nice, normal bloke." I advise her with a genuine smile. She was a nice girl. She really did deserve someone decent.

She shook her head slowly. "I know exactly what I'm getting into. And like I said-I've put in too much work to give up. I'll wait until you're comfortable. No pressure. I know you're a great bloke. You're worth the wait. You aren't nearly as screwed up as you are trying to come off to be." She laughs, taking a sip of her vodka and cranberry.

Seeing that she wasn't going to take the hint, I get crude with her. "Look. This is never going to happen. You. Don't. Want. Me. I am so messed up, trust me. I'm here with some friends, even a nice, great girl that any bloke would be lucky to have. What do I do? I just fucked my ex-girlfriend in the men's bathroom. And you know what? I don't care who knows because when I'm with her, I'm happy. And you know what, I haven't been happy like that for a good while now." I say, not rude but indifferent, my tone cool. "Your birthday, in fact." I offhandedly add to Ron, just because I like to watch him squirm. "I'm sorry, but I hope your mum washed that afghan she gave you a couple of days ago before she gave it to you.. If not, I'd advise you to."

Luna knocked over her drink, Ron choked on his beer, and Amber's mouth dropped. She recovered quickly. "No you didn't. Stop acting like an ass." Amber said in a steely tone.

I reach in my pocket and threw down my prize for the night as evidence. "Yes, I did. I don't want you. I don't want any other girl. The only reason I'm not with the girl I actually want…well that's all fucked up too. And frankly, none of your business," I add, turning to look at Ron and Luna before they could say anything.

Amber stood up. "So let me get this straight. You are picking a fucking booty call over an actual mature relationship?" She asked, her voice low but dangerous all the same.

I laugh out loud at her choice of words. The demeaning term was nothing compared to what Hermione and I had, but it fit perfectly all the same. Hermione always liked to refer to our physical relationship as an outlet for each other. When we needed something, anything really, we could get it from each other. We would get together when we were angry, when we wanted to celebrate, when we needed to cry. It was so much more than a booty call-it was a safe zone for us to just go nuts and not be judged, whatever the reason be.

For all intents and purposes, we were in a relationship emotionally, socially, physically, sexually…it just wasn't official. Everything was compartmentalized rather than woven together.

And right now, that was enough. Right now, we were young and when we were together, we felt like we could bring even the world to its knees. I wouldn't be surprised if the pure passion we had for each other set the sheets on fire one night.

There was no doubt that Hermione was the one for me, and I the one for her. In my heart, I knew that someday, we would be a great little family unit with children and a dog and her greeting me at the door with a kiss when I got home from work.

But not tonight. No, tonight, we would just work on the present. And it would end, just like it always does. Then start up again. Then end. Then begin. Hermione was my drug, and I wasn't ready to go to rehab. We didn't need or apparently want a real relationship at the moment. We just needed to know that we had someone to waste sleepless nights with when it was time for the bar to close, and that was okay. Stolen moments.

"If you don't mind, I think I'll head out now." I said, pocketing Hermione's knickers and chugging the last of my drink. I threw down a credit card. "I've got the tab. Be sure to leave a nice tip. And go ahead and get a nice hotel room for yourself and Luna tonight, mate. It's on me." I say with a wink before I grab my jacket and head out to the cool night air.

Amber and Ron had driven tonight, so I didn't have a way home. That was fine by me. The flat Ron and I shared wasn't too far away. I walked across the street to a minimart and searched the aisles until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed my phone, took a photo for evidence, and then sent a quick picture message: Got the popcorn. See you soon.

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