Unofficial Portkey Archive

Wow. What reviews. I think you guys might try to kill me. However, seeing as how you guys are all so awesome, I'm posting today instead of tomorrow-and going to work so leave me a bunch of kickass reviews to come home to after a crappy night at work! Much love!

Dedicated to: Kasmira36-for being so cool, lol!

CHAPTER FOUR: YOU DON'T KNOW HER LIKE I DO

Hey old friend, thanks for callin'
It's good to know somebody cares
Yeah she's gone, but I don't feel like talkin'
It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say she ain't worth it

'Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do

"You Don't Know Her Like I Do" BRANTLEY GILBERT

"Hot chocolate?" Ginny asks me as she comes outside. She finds me in the snow-covered garden, sitting on a bench.

I smile my thanks and take the steaming cup of cocoa.

"My mum makes the best." She says with a grin and I'm inclined to agree. Mrs. Weasley makes the best of a lot of things.

She takes a seat next to me on the bench.

"A knut for your thoughts?" She teases.

I shake my head. "Nothing really. Just thinking about Christmas." I say, which was true. I still needed to buy a few more presents before the big day.

"That's cool. Get me anything special?" She asks slyly.

I laugh. "Of course, little sister. You know I'm good for the best presents."

Her smile falters jus the slightest bit at my words. I pretend not to notice. I don't know what that's about.

Then she asks something that makes me choke on my hot chocolate.

"What did Hermione do to make her out of the friend zone?"

"What?" I ask, taken by surprise.

Ginny shrugs. "Surely you didn't always think of her like that. At some point, she had to be `one of the boys' or `like a sister' or something. Something that made her off limits. How did that change?"

I'm confused by her motive, but give her a vague answer, "I dunno. She was never off limits, I suppose. She was always…there, you know? Why?"

Ginny suddenly giggles and looks up.

Mistletoe.

I laugh. "Didn't know that was there."

Ginny smiles. "Well?" She says expectantly.

I lean forward to kiss her on the cheek, but she tries to turn her head and I stop, just inches from her mouth. I swiftly pull away.

"Ginny…" I trail off, knowing suddenly why she asked that.

"If you gave her a chance, you should give me one too. I won't run away." Her bright brown eyes blazing.

I stand up and take a few steps away to give myself some room. "I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way about you." I try to let her down gently.

She generally isn't an emotional girl, but angry tears spring to her eyes. "What is it? What is so wrong with me? Why is she so much better than I am!?" Her voice rises with each question.

Guilt forms in the pit of my stomach. Where had this come from? Had she been pinning all this time?

"Look, Ginny, you're a great girl. I'm sorry. It's just you're like a-"

"Don't you dare fucking say sister, Harry." She interrupts me before I can finish. Her voice is low, controlled. "I am not your sister. I am exactly the kind of person you should be with. Hermione isn't. She left you. She doesn't love you."

Anger quickly replaces the guilt. "Just stop, Ginny. I'm sorry. It's always been Hermione…even when it wasn't. So please, just stop." I say, a warning in my voice.

"What? It's the truth! She didn't want a future with you. You were just a toy for her to play with when she wanted some. I would be there for you. I know how great you are. And Hermione?! Hell, she just fucking leaves you heartbroken and runs off to Seaham to move on, not giving a damn about what state she left you in!" Ginny was almost shouting now.

"Seaham?!" I ignore everything she's said because even though those thoughts turned in my head a few times, I knew they were a lie. Hermione loved me more than anything. She proved that day in, day out. If anything, I wasn't deserving of her. I could live with that. And I would spend every day of my life trying to better myself, to be good enough for her.

I turn and start to sprint from the Weasley property, into the small woods where I Disapparate to my flat.

Seaham. I get on my laptop and type it into the Google search engine.

About five hours north.

I look at my watch and see that it is already eleven.

What was I going to do?

I force my mind to slow down a minute. I needed to think.

When Hermione left, my first reaction was to hunt her down. I'm an Auror-a damn good one at that. I did this sort of thing for a living. Finding Hermione would almost be too easy.

But I didn't. I would wait. If she needed time, I would give it to her. But all of a sudden knowing exactly where she was…the temptation was almost too much.

Ginny knew where Hermione lived she must still talk to people in London. Not Ron-he would have said something. But why Ginny? And what does Ginny know about her moving on?

A soft howling broke my concentration. Jake. He probably needed taken out. I mechanically go to the small laundry room and let Jake out of his cage. He barks quietly and I bend down to pick him up.

"Hey boy. Wanna go outside?" I ask, grabbing his leash.

We walk around slowly in the snow as I wait for my puppy to go to the bathroom. All the while, my mind starts to buzz again.

Should I go? How long would it take me to find her? Would she want to see me? What if she doesn't?

I should go, I think. Maybe I shouldn't, but I want to. If she doesn't want to see me, then that's fine. Maybe. I could Apparate. I need time to think. I could deal with this in the morning. The snow is coming down pretty hard.

It's late. I should go to bed.

So why do I pull my keys from my pocket and head to my SUV?

I put Jake in the front seat and toss his leash in the back. I hit a fuel station; fill up with gas and snacks, then hit the snow-covered road. I have to put it in four-wheel drive because the vehicle is sliding a bit, but once I do, everything is fine.

Maybe.

The road is dark. Jack is asleep. My mind is elsewhere. I'm playing out every possible scenario in my head. Wrong town. She wants to see me. She doesn't want to see me. She calls the cops. She disappears again. I follow her. I don't follow her. She's with someone.

I have to pull over to throw up.

The GPS on my phone tells me about five hours. It takes closer to six with the road conditions. Finally, I pull into the small, sleepy snow-covered town of Seaham. Where to begin?

I check my watch. About five-thirty in the morning. I pull out my wand and use different spells that detect magic. I drive around and wait for a small blimp on my radar.

Magic is a unique thing. Unique to people when you know what to look for. Recognizing Hermione's magic is almost second-nature to me after all these years. So I scan, slowly, looking for anything. I get feeble traces here and there but it isn't until I hit Main Street that I get something concrete. My hearts starts to pound. There is no doubt that Hermione hasn't been here.

I follow the traces to a small shop. Of course. I step out into the cold and easy unlock the door with a simple charm. Rows and rows of books. I can barely see but I don't dare use my wand for light. Don't want to get caught.

I get confused when the traces of her magic lead me behind the counter and into a small stockroom. Why would she be back here?

This isn't a place of leisure, this is a place of employment.

Could I get that lucky? Breaking into the main office and finding a file with her name and address says I can.

I return to my car and fire it back up.

She lives in a small duplex. Her car is out front. My heart begins to hammer again. As I walk up the small walkway, uncertainty overtakes me. What if?

Damn what if. I check for wards and of course there are plenty. I begin to slowly get past them when I hear a voice from the left start yelling at me. "Who are you!?"

I look over and an elderly lady in a fluffy yellow bathrobe and pink curlers in her hair standing on her porch, giving me a reproachful look.

"Um, I'm Harry. Just here to see my friend." I say. Neighborhood watch? Really?

She scrutinizes me carefully. "You're here to see Hermione?"

I nod. "Yeah, I'm a friend from school, back when she used to live in London."

She tries to measure me as I all but roll my eyes at her. If my heart wasn't in my throat, I might have laughed.

"Well, she isn't here. If you were such a good friend of hers, you would have known that she went home for Christmas." The old lady spat indignantly.

The news floors me. "She's back in London?" I repeat, taking a step towards the woman, away from Hermione's house.

"She left a few weeks ago and won't be back until after New Years'. And I'm keeping watch on her house." She added with a hint of warning.

I'm stunned. Hermione is home? Was she planning on seeing me? How many times have I missed her coming back to London?

"Does…does she go back often?" I ask, trying to sound casual and not like my heart is breaking all over again.

The woman looks at me with curious eyes before she finally decides she can trust me. "No. This is the first time she's gone back. Such a sweet girl. Helps me with my gardening and shopping. Always so lonely." She reflects sadly. "You're the first visitor I've ever seen."

Still breaking, now for her loneliness.

"She's a special girl." I repeat. "The best there is."

I run a hand through my hair. "I guess I'll just drive back to London then." I say, at a loss. This wasn't a scenario I imagined.

"An awful long way to drive at three in the morning for a causal call." The woman stated evenly.

I give her a wistful smile. "Like I said, she's a special girl."

The trip home is a long one. I'm tired. I'm hungry. Jake is getting restless. I'm getting restless.

Hermione had been in town for a few weeks and hasn't called on me.

Was she planning to at all?

I get back to London around noon. What a wasted trip. I consider driving to her parents' place but go home instead. I crash on the bed as soon as I get inside feeling angry, hurt, and relief.

* * *

I wake up around eight, take a piss, let out Jake, drink orange juice from the jug, then go right back to bed.

I don't stir again until seven in the morning. I call Ron and tell him to meet me at a small coffee shop between my flat and the one he and Luna now share.

I let Jake out one last time before I head out.

I'm early. I order us both breakfast and wait.

Ron looks like the walking dead.

He yawns and takes a large gulp of his coffee. "This couldn't wait `til later, mate? Gotta be at the arsecrack of dawn, eh?"

I don't beat it around the bush. "I've found Hermione."

He stops mid-yawn. "Blimey. I'm gonna need another cup of coffee for this." He pours a fair amount of sugar in his coffee, then adds a big measure of cream.

I wait for him to eat some breakfast and wake up. I'm already done with my muffin-I can barely eat, my stomach is in knots.

"So, where is she?" He finally asks slowly.

"Seaham. It's about five hours north." I launch into the tale of his sister getting mad at me and accidentally letting it slip, of me driving there, the mental old bat that lives next door, then coming back.

"Bloody hell. What are you going to do?" He asks after a few minutes of silence.

"What should I do?" I fire right back. I'm going to Ron Weasley for advice. Someone kill me now.

"Well, it's Christmas Eve, so your window is closing. If you show up in Seaham again, you're going to look like a damn stalker. You could show up and ruin her Christmas. You could show and make her Christmas. Mate…I dunno." Ron said, looking lost.

I consider asking Luna, but I don't think that will be much help either.

"You've been fucked over countless times…" Ron says slowly, "I mean, all your life. And Hermione…she's what you want. I don't think it's too much to ask for. The worst that can happen is she can shut you down. But mate…if what you want is out there, then what's stopping you from getting it for once? If she's worth it…then it can't be wrong, can it?"

I nod. It couldn't be that easy, could it? No. It never is. We chat idly about Christmas at his mum's the next day and what I'm going to do next. By the time we leave the coffee shop, I'm no where closer to a decision than when I first walked in.

In the mean time, I finish up my Christmas shopping. I pick up a few things for the Dursleys, even though I hate them. Because I don't hate them. I wish I could but the bottom line is, even though they treated me like shit, they took me in. Even though they raised me in the worst way, they raised me. They let me come back, even after I blew up Marge and blew up their fireplace and got their son attacked.

I wrap my presents and put them under my tree. With everything that was going on, it just didn't feel like Christmas Eve.

Then again, it didn't last year with Hermione's departure still so fresh. She's had me so crazed it should be illegal.

The more I think about her leaving me, the more angry I get.

But I want to talk to her.

I want to shout at her.

I want to tell her how much she hurt me.

I want to apologize for it hurting her.

"Fuck." I swear lowly in the mirror, appraise my sickly appearance.

I need some air.

I grab my iPod and a hoodie, and then tear out the door, already sprinting.

* * *

Mum sent me out to get a few things for tomorrow's dinner.

There are several marts to choose from close to my parents' house, so why am I all the way over here?

Close to someone else's house?

Harry's flat, just blocks ahead.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

I slow down as I draw nearer.

His SUV is parked out front.

I sit in the car, heart hammering, for several minutes before I get out and walk towards the building's entrance. How many times have I gone up these stairs?

Second floor.

Down the hall.

I should leave.

But instead, I take a few more steps towards his door.

He's started a family. I don't know what I'm expecting.

He started the wrong family. I'm expecting him to choose me.

He will.

Do I want him to choose at all?

I don't know.

Right now, I just want to see his face, see that he is indeed happy.

Then I can let go.

Or cling on.

I just want to see.

And I hate myself for knocking.

Someone stirs on the other side.

I recognize how much of a mistake this is as soon as I hear the movement.

So why, instead of running, am I here, waiting with bated breath?

I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside the family
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it

Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do

"You Don't Know Her Like I Do" BRANTLEY GILBERT

Well, what did you guys think!? Of course he wasn't with Ginny. Psh, like I would write that.

Haha. I'll have the next chapter out soon!

REVIEW!

*~Archie~*

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