Unofficial Portkey Archive

I did exactly what I didn't want to do with this one. What started out as 2 separate one shots fused to be a 2 shot...then I had to add a 3^rd chapter to wrap it up…and of course, I can't wrap it up in this chapter so I have to write at least 2 more chapters, 1 which is already done.

This chapter was hard to come up with a good "song" theme for, but Adele's "Someone Like You" seems to fit nicely. It was a toss-up between this one and 3 Doors Down's "Back To Me" haha.

CHAPTER 3: SOMEONE LIKE YOU

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

"Someone Like You" ADELE

She broke his heart right there in front of everyone. He put his heart out on his sleeve, took a chance with a woman who didn't deserve what he had to offer, and she refused him.

Now she's gone.

And I'm here to pick up the pieces.

* * *

It's amazing what a pregnancy scare can do to someone. Yes, I want children someday. Yes, I'd love to have his children someday. Yes, he would love for me to have his children someday.

But how could we bring a child into this unbalance, crazy relationship we have? We can't stay together. We can't work out what we want. Our chaos works for us, but I refuse to put this sort of stress on a child.

I remember when we had talked about having a baby. We had laughed and said it would happen someday, we were sure.

I also remember the day, almost a year later, when I thought I was pregnant. I had never been so scared in my life. I had never wanted anything more and less at the same time. I knew he would have married me right then and there. He would have done the whole family thing without a second thought. It was what he wanted. He would have been happy to do it. I don't have a doubt in my mind.

The test was negative. He was heartbroken; I was relieved. It was that moment I realized we had to stop. I wanted a child and so did he. I wasn't ready and he was. I was never the type to get married young and start a family. That was why it worked so well for so many years. I had my career and was lucky to have everything anyone could want out of a relationship with someone without having the pressure of the relationship itself from everyone. "When are you getting married!?" "When are you moving in together?!" "When are you having a baby?!" I never had to worry about any of that. We could be in love and not have to worry about anyone.

When I found out I wasn't pregnant, all those questions screamed themselves at me. I'm newly twenty-three. I don't need that stress.

I knew then what I had known the night we started this mess: our days together were numbered.

Confiding in Ginny had been helpful. It had helped put things in the proper perspective. It helped me realize I had robbed him of a deserved bachelor life, even when that hadn't been her intent.

"I think it's great, you two getting married and having children. I mean…he's never had the chance to be with anyone else. If he's content with you, then why fight it? Especially with the way you love him. Don't let him get loose, Hermione." She advised seriously, her eyes boring into my own.

`Never had the chance to be with anyone else?' I thought to myself. "What do you mean, `never had the chance to be with anyone else?'" I asked slowly, confused.

The redhead had shrugged. "You know, you two have always been together, even when you weren't together, so naturally…with your claim on him…" She trailed off before quickly adding, "But that's a good thing, Hermione. He doesn't want that kind of life, right? I mean, he hasn't been able to experience it to know for sure, but on some level, he must know it isn't for him?"

I had realized then that I had robbed him. I had let things go too far, and he never got to fight it because he didn't know he should. He was far too loyal for that. He would be there as long as I needed and wanted him-which was forever. Just as I would do the same.

Until it wasn't what was best for him. So I did what I had to do.

I broke his heart, more than anyone could, more than anyone ever had.

* * *

She said no. No to everything. No to the life I planned. No to the life I wanted. Needed. Deserved.

Part of me doesn't believe it. Part of me knows she would never do that to me.

But then she did. So now I'm here on my birthday, alone in my bedroom, crying like a fucking girl.

In my heart, I know this isn't the end. In my heart, I know things will work out.

But my brain is telling me otherwise. My brain is telling me I fucked up in the worst possible way.

I looked around the small hall they had thrown my surprise party in. Streamers and elaborate decorations hung on every surface. People fluttered around from group to group, gushing about the latest gossip. Several guests stopped me as I made my way to the bar, asking how I was and wishing me many birthdays to come. I thank them politely, gesturing for them to have their fill of both food and drink.

I caught sight of Hermione across the room, as my eyes always do search her out. She was talking to someone from work. As if she feels my gaze, she turns just a fraction to catch my eye. I smirk and give her a playful wink. I take a sip of my scotch and laugh at the small smile playing on her lips. I wonder briefly if she was thinking about my birthday present from her I had received last night…and this morning…and most likely at the end of my party-I certainly was.

The party progressed. Food, drinks, laughter. Everyone was in high spirits. I opened a few presents from a large pile sitting on a table.

Everyone cheered when Hermione levitated a magnificent cake onto an empty table. It truly did look great. I knew she had worked a better part of the day before on it, perfecting every inch.

In her neat hand, Happy Birthday Harry was written elegantly across the top in blue. A flick of her wand ignited all twenty-two candles. The lights dimmed as the familiar birthday song began:

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday, dear Harry-

Happy Birthday to you!

I didn't blow out the candles right away. I think about a suitable wish. What do I want most in the world.

I don't look at my cake. No, my eyes move upward and lock into Hermione's chocolate brown ones.

"I wish for Hermione Granger to marry me." My voice rang loud and clear in the silent room, though it was barely above a whisper.

I blew the candles out swiftly, my eyes still boring into Hermione's now widely shocked eyes.

Silence.

After what felt like an eternality, Hermione moved. She turned and rushed from the room, parting the crowd like the Red Sea.

Not what I expected.

"Hermione!" I called as I sprinted out the door after her. "Hermione, wait!"

She didn't wait. She didn't stop. But she didn't disappear either, so I took that as a good sign.

Finally, I grabbed her shoulder to spin her around.

"Hermione, what's wrong?!" I asked, exasperated.

She shook her head. "Don't do this, Harry. Please, just don't." She begged, trying to push me away.

"Do what? Love you? Marry you? Have a normal life with you?" My questions held more anger than curiosity. "I don't want to do this anymore. I want it all, Hermione. I want you; I want everything." I declared, daring her to object. I pulled a ring that has been burning a hole in my pocket for a year now and thrust it into her hand. I knew she wanted the same thing.

But still, she pushed me away, and like a fool, I let go.

"You don't know that, Harry." She replied softly, her eyes wet with tears. I felt tears sting at my own eyes. "You've never known anything else-how can you possibly be so sure of me? This…it won't work anymore, Harry. Whatever this is…it has to stop. We want different things. I'm sorry." Her voice was so soft I had to strain my ears to catch every word. Her gaze dropped to the small symbol of my love that she held between her thumb and index finger.

"Don't do this. Please." I begged, my eyes wide and wet as I dropped to my knees and took her hands in mine. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have…I mean…I won't lie. That's exactly what I want. But I can wait, Hermione. I can wait until you're ready. I need you. Please, please, don't…" Don't what? I didn't know, but whatever it was, I didn't want her to do it. "I love you." I reminded her pathetically.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and shook her head once more. "I know, but Harry…this isn't right. it isn't right for you. I love you too-never doubt that. But…I have to let you go. That's what people do in love, right?" She asked, fresh tears spilling over. She outstretched her hand and offered the ring back to me.

I curl her palm around the ring, refusing to take it back. I get to my feet and pull her into a tight hug. "No, no they don't let go. They wait. They get married and have kids and grow old together." I cry into her hair, tightening my hold.

She hugs me back just a fiercely, but instead of feeling the security of her arms like I always do, I feel good-bye.

"I love you." She whispered in my ear, so low I can't be sure she said anything at all.

Then suddenly, I wasn't holding her warm body. My arms crashed to my own body, clinging around nothing but air.

I didn't think twice. I Apparated straight to her apartment, but was met with a surprise. Everything was empty. Blank walls glared at me.

I thought about calling for her, but I knew she wasn't there. No one would answer.

I don't understand what I did. I keep thinking that if I hadn't proposed, then she would still be here. But then I'm reminded of her bare apartment-it must have been like that for awhile. She was waiting for me to give her a reason to stay, and all I did was make her leave quicker.

My heart is broken. I miss her already. My heart and my brain are battling within me, but my body is too exhausted to pick a winner.

* * *

A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought of him, of us. I miss him more than possible. My new life would be fulfilling if I felt like I actually had anything to live for. I'm not happy, but tolerant rather. I'm okay with my flat and new job. I've immersed myself back into the Muggle world. I've left behind a good job and a promising future. I took a waitressing job that was supposed to be for three months tops that somehow lasted for almost eight. Now I work at a bookshop. It isn't the best money, but it pays the bills while I take classes at a small university. For the first time in my life, I feel no pull towards my schoolwork. Instead, I feel a pull for London. I want to go home. When I think these thoughts, I have to remind myself that I am home. I made my choice, now I had to live with it. For him, I would be strong enough to do that.

"Come here, Jasper." I coo softly, pulling my black lab puppy up on my lap, replacing my book that fell unceremoniously to the floor in Jasper's eagerness. "Hi there, honey. Did you miss your mum today? Huh? Did you little guy?" I smile at his adorable puppy face, staring at me with eyes full of unconditional love and trust.

I scratch him softly on his belly, laughing quietly at his tail flailing about this way and that.

"You are just the cutest little thing, aren't you?" I asked, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

I look up and my eye catches a picture of my parents on an end table, an opened envelope resting beside the frame.

I sigh and lean back on the couch. I would be returning to England in just a few weeks. I had been gone for a little almost a year and a half. Harry's birthday was just a few months before.

I didn't send a card.

I haven't talked to anyone in England, save my mum and dad.

It has hurt me to not keep in contact with Ron and Luna.

But not talking to Harry has killed me. I feel dead inside.

But I am to return for Christmas. My parents had come here last year, but I promised I would come home this time. The hurt wasn't fresh-I could handle it. Besides, I would just be at my parents' house. No one would know I was there.

Jasper tugged at my sleeve, upset that I was lost in thought and not paying attention to him. "Are you excited to go to see Grandma and Grandpa, little Jasper? They're going to love you to death." I smile as he wags his tail, delighted to have my focus on him again. I hug him tightly, "Sure you are."

* * *

I didn't Apparate. I could have, but just didn't. Why rush?

No, I took a train. The long trip reminded me of the trips on the Hogwarts Express that stretched through most of the day. Instead of Harry and Ron to keep me company, I had Jasper today, in a small carrier.

Kings Cross Station is buzzing with people. With the holidays so near, I'm not one bit surprised-in fact, I expected it. As my eyes scan the crowd, I search for my mum and dad.

"Hermione!" A voice calls, and I finally spot the glowing face of my mother.

She has missed me dearly; I can see it on her face. A stab of shame grips my heart. I try to push it away, tuck it under the ever-growing hoard of guilt that already resides in my stomach.

I rush forward and set Jasper's carrier down to embrace my mother in a hug, then my father. Our reunion is rushed as more people spill into the lobby from various platforms. My father picks up my small bag and empty carrier as I take little Jasper in my arms. Through the jostling crowd, we make a beeline for my parents' SUV.

Being back in London is fills me with lots of different emotions. I feel nostalgic and relief bursts forth from inside my heart. I'm home. At the same time, I feel like a stranger. Small renovations in my absence makes the city appear new, yet overly familiar.

Jasper is delighted by the new company and playfully jumps into my mother's lap as we cruise home. We take turns exchanging stories about work and day to day life. My father tells me we'll be taking a trip to pick up Grandma in a few days and that she will be staying with us until the new year, as she missed her granddaughter something fierce. I bite my lip guiltily and promise to go visit her more.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction. I ponder this as I stare out at the snow from my old bedroom window. My parents are both getting ready for dinner. As a celebration for my homecoming, my dad is taking us all out to the nicest restaurant in town. As the sky darkens, I force my eyes to look as far as the darkness will allow. My pull towards London has been more specifically directed to a flat where-to the last of my knowledge-he resides. He's out there somewhere. I'm closer to him than I've been in a year and a half. I slowly begin to shrug out of my traveling clothes and into something more suitable for dinner, my every thought still bent on my old lover and missing him more than ever.

* * *

I'm spending a month at home to help my parents with Christmas preparations. I've stashed away a small fortune to go Boxing Day shopping with my mum and grandmother if she's up to it. I will be returning "home" soon after New Years-too soon in my opinion. I've only been here a few days and already I dread returning to my exile.

I think about this depressing piece of news as I walk on the sidewalk between various shops. I live in a very small town and didn't start my Christmas shopping yet. I figured I'd wait until I was hom-here, where I'd have a better selection. A pair of tear drop earrings with a matching necklace for mum. A few new golf clubs for my father's set. A fancy coat for my dear sweet grandmother to keep the small woman warm. I had to dip into my Boxing Day stash, but I don't really care. All I'm really after is a new television and a list of DVDs anyway, perhaps a few small cheap appliances. It's funny how much money you can save when you have no one to do anything with, even with a crappy job.

A familiar voice calls my name and stirs me from my thoughts.

"Hermione! Is that you!?"

I turn to see none other than Ginny Weasley standing a store away from me, jaw to the ground.

My first reaction is to run, but that only lasts a second. I break into a smile and rush towards the girl. We embrace in a quick hug.

"I didn't know you moved back to town!" Her shrill voice gushed happily.

"I'm just here for holiday. I'll be going back to Seaham after the new year." I told her with a tight smile.

"Seaham? Where's there" Ginny asked with a curious expression.

Already feeling like I gave away too much, I try to be vague. "Um, it's north. Nothing special really. Too much water. Compared to London, it's just a blink and you'll miss it." I exaggerate.

Ginny nods appropriately, not asking for more specifics. "So how have you been?"

I shrug. "I'm okay. I'm going to school for general studies."

We talk for a few more minutes about useless information: my studies, her job, London, Christmas.

"How's Ron?" I manage to asked, keeping my voice level.

"Engaged, believe it or not!" She gushes. "He and Luna will be married next Spring."

Awkward silence.

"How's…" My voice trails off.

Ginny suddenly grows uncomfortable and casts a look behind her. "He's doing well. It took him some time but…he's moved on. He's starting a family. He's actually over at a shop picking up a few things for little Jake right now." She says, her voice a mixture between guilt and smugness.

As her words pierce through my ears, I notice how she oh-so-slightly caresses her stomach, which looks flat in her coat. How far along could she be?

I meet her eyes and understand. He moved on. He moved on to Ginny. I had always had an inkling about them, but Harry had left no room for doubt concerning his feelings for her-a little sister, never anything more.

But she would be familiar to him. Just as I was. With me out of the picture, she would be the next best choice-perhaps the better choice in the end. She was normal. I had serious issues.

My eyes automatically shift to her left hand, and under the lavender gloves she was wearing, I would bet my wand a gold band laced delicately around a very special finger.

His ring.

Something we both had.

I can't bring myself to be angry with her. I refused him a long time ago. This is what I wanted, even if it was with a close girlfriend of mine.

"He's just over there if you want to say hi." Her voice makes me look up. How close was he? My heart rate involuntarily speeds up. At first I can't comprehend her words, and then slowly, I focus on each one.

"Maybe next time." I reply numbly, feeling dizzy. "I've got to go pick up my grandmother."

Ginny nods, hearing the words I can't say. "Will you be returning again soon?" She asks, almost accusingly. I don't blame her. She doesn't want me to mess things up for her.

I shake my head. "No. I won't be back for a long time. I should go."

"Good-bye." Ginny says, giving me a stiff hug. "This is good for him." She says slowly, weighing each word carefully, as if she was afraid of me hexing her or something.

I could.

But I don't. Instead, I smile tightly, nod in what I hope looks like understanding though I don't understand a whole lot at the moment, and turn my heel, each step putting more distance between me and where I want to be.

* * *

I don't leave the house much for the next few weeks. I've gone to a local grocery store a few times. We went to see various displays of Christmas lights. Other than that, I've stayed home and help up the Christmas tree with my mother, decorate the inside and outside of the house with lights with my father, baked cookies with my grandmother, built gingerbread houses and snowmen with my little cousins, and genuinely enjoyed my family. I've tried not to think about him doing the same with his new family.

I wasn't going to let Ginny's news ruin my Christmas with my family. I owed them. I would make it perfect.

But I can still think of him. As his ex-girlfriend, I'm allowed to relive any and every memory I can think of, even the dirty ones.

I have half a mind to drive by, just to see if he's outside. Maybe see if his car is there.

But I won't.

I can't mess up his life like that.

I refuse.

At least I'll try.

I'm no home wrecker.

But then again, I never thought I'd be a fuck mate either.

A big part of me wants me to fail.

Part of me knows I will.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "
Yeah

"Someone Like You" ADELE

The next chapter will be out in a few days, like I said, I already have it done. Also, I've just updated Potter Vs. Granger Rivalry for those of you who follow that one. I was surprised that a few of my reviewers for that one mentioned me needing to really update Outlet…haha, I love you guys. You're all so nice!

Except you mean ones…you aren't nice…but I still like you…a little.

Well, please review!!!!!!!!

*~Archie~*

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