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Depression by padfoot_puppyeyes
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Depression

padfoot_puppyeyes

AN- wow, I didn't really expect ten reviews. I really didn't! But ten reviews, without even adding ProngsGurl? MAGIC IS REAL! Okay, so I have some stuff to say here- first off, I don't expect people to really read these author's notes, or at least not everybody. Some of you I know do, because you mention them to me in your reviews. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that some of the stuff I let slip or hint at will happen, keep an eye out for it if you haven't already. Next off, I have several ideas which direction the story will go in, but I like to have a rough idea of what you, as a reader, want, what you're looking for. It's not totally about you, or me, it's about Lily and James and what ideas you have about how they came to be friends and more. So any input has been and will always be appreciated by me. Third, I have those ten (plus ProngsGurl) reviewers to thank.

Sweetkiwi456- I've added you to the spell check in my computer, because every time you review, I'll thank you, so I no longer need to ignore the red spots! I I'm hope you did alright on your exams, or will do alright, because as much as I enjoyed the dance and danced with everyone, I got to watch the one guy I like dance with another girl all night. But I got my one slow dance, so hey, I'm set! Anyways, I like the idea behind the butterfly `book' whichever title you choose to use! It sounds so good. And I'll have probably e-mailed you by tonight with the prologue and B.O.T.B. (back of the book,) by tonight, so look out for that. Anyways, what's thins about a hot guy… (Squeals and giggles.) Sounds more like James than Harry, Harry's kind of skinny, but did he have the messy black hair? Glasses? Oh, he sounds so hot, damn you're lucky, I've never seen anyone like Lily and James, and I kind of want to see both! Then I could describe them in more detail in my stories, (and se James *giggles*!) anyways, please keep reviewing me, I've gotten really attached to your reviews! And watch for that e-mail, it's coming soon!

Fire Gazer- yeah, I guess this chapter may be packed, it depends on how much time I have and what I have planned for the next chapter. I have to find a good breaking point in the idea I have, something to keep you reading but give you new ideas and thoughts. Also, the last chapter was kind of packed, but it related the events I needed to get out and probably kept you reading a little longer then usual, didn't it? Anyways, I go as fast as I can. But sometimes, depending on my muse, (bloody thing's hiding again, I'll just use his ideas from before) and how soon you all want the next update. Anyways, I think I'm officially blabbing now, so I'll just back off and let you read. Sorry about that, I tend to do it often.

loudmeggaphone- yeah, I wanted Lily to like James for the James the marauders know, as to the arrogant prat he reveals himself to be in the fifth book. You can tell he has human emotions though, because of how hurt he seemed at Lily rejecting him. That was where the idea originated from anyways. And I wonder if she's really realizing what she can really do for him yet… bloody hell, I just gave something else away. Okay, you can forget that, can't you? (She winks) but yes, only she has that impact on James, and yeah, that was really quick of you to catch n to my idea so quickly. I was going to have her talk about her `James problems' today. Smart...smart.

alinyat- I know it's kind of pathetic that he's smiling because of a girl, but I've done that before. It can just take one comment to make someone's day, particularly if that comment comes from that you-know-who, (no I don't mean good old Voldie yet) and I think after being rejected that many times, it'd feel good to have a compliment from her. Anyways, I think James point of views are pretty difficult, because his actions are so strange and random he's hard to figure out… at least to anyone but his creator. And there is no bloody way you can get too into James and Lily! No bloody way!

Sk8er Witch- no worries, no worries, I wasn't accusing you of being a lurker, I can totally relate! And I haven't had very much time to read other fanfics, but I think after reading the summary of Twist of Fate I may start. It sounded good! And I know how the whole brit thing can be. I always say `bloody', bugger off' and brilliant, just brilliant.' (Note sarcasm to last comment) but my friends all think it's weird when, instead of cussing, I go and talk like someone from England. I blame Harry potter, and they just roll their eyes. All right, I'm done rattling. But I have to tell you, I don't watch Buffy, but love Angel, so again I relate to you. Thanks for the review!

Anonymous- see, it just takes one comment from a stranger to keep me going and brighten my day! Thank you! And no, did I ever say Gryffindor wouldn't win?… but what if Gryffindor lost? Food for thought…

yekwah- JANE! Good to see you again! Well, hear from you really, I don't exactly see you, but whatever. Anyways, wow I feel so honored, this is going to sound stupid but whenever I get a review with a name, I check into their stories and-or favorites. Whenever I see one of my fanfics on there, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside! And you were one of the few to give me an impute as to what you want next, so I think I'll take you up on it! (I liked those ideas better anyways; I'm not very good at writing Quidditch) Lily will find out, eventually, but not soon. The talk will be today. Maybe. I don't know which talk will come first. But, as the title indicates, there will be very much talking. Good for you for becoming a member of Portkey! Congrates and kudos!

JayaMioneDurron- thanks, but I love the last name, I'm sticking to it. Yeah, it was kind of fun writing the old James, because he's such a fun character to write, and maybe now that I've experimented with it, you'll see more of the old James Potter. I'm not really sure yet. I've never had a surprise party for m before, I've only been to them, but they're always so fun to write, and it's just about the only reason I can think of that would give Lily an excuse to spend the day with James (she wanted to anyway). Thanks for the praise,

Thumbs-up-anonymous- thanks, I can promise you eventually Lily will realize that she likes James, because if she didn't… well, we wouldn't have Harry Potter. But like I've said before… it could take a while. James likes to make things difficult, especially when it comes to Lily Evans.

PurplePasties1985- I'm honored to have become one of your favorites. Like I wrote before, I really do check the origins of all of my reviewers, to see what they like and have written, and if I'm in there as a favorite, selfish though it may sound. I hope this chapter keeps everyone happy, but especially you, because you actually said I was doing a wonderful job, and I haven't been told I'm wonderful for a while now. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

ProngsGurl- YES you must continue putting the girl in your name it tells everyone that you aren't really Prongs. And I know you want your picture back, but he's making copies, so at least you know that he cares. Wonder where he's making the copies. Oh well, don't you just love me because I got him to get his picture with you in the first place. AND DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHINGTO SAY ON THE STORY? I mean, you said it wasn't e-mail, yet you gave me neither criticism nor credit. AND YOU TRY TYPING JAMES THAT BLOODY MUCH!

Disclaimer- here we go again. If someone sues me, I'm blaming my bloody muse he started it!

James-

It had only just dawned on me how many people were in Gryffindor. The common room was filled to the brim with people on the stairs, even on the chairs, anywhere they could to get a spot. The table was piled high firewhiskey, and various sweets. Confetti came down in endless quantities, magically dissolving before hitting the floor, and streamers in the Gryffindor colors were shining and hung everywhere, decoratively hung about the ceiling and walls. A Gryffindor lion was painted on the far wall which I assumed would magically dissolve or wash away later, and various pictures of the Marauders and myself hung all over the walls smiling back at me. There was silence for a moment, everyone looking at me nervously. Alright, I admit I had been prone to bowing up in previous occasions where the prank had been pulled on me, or someone had kept something from me, (I had gotten in a nasty fist fight with Remus when we figured out the truth, because I had a firm belief friends shouldn't hide things from friends,) but I just laughed off the eerie silence and asked, confused

"When…Where? No, scratch that, how?" Sirius laughed and said

"Well it was planned a while to go on, but… you know me, I procrastinate."

I laughed for the second time in the last few minutes as Sirius slung an arm around my shoulders. "We owe Lily flower here. Without her, you would've heard us because you would've been sulking in the dorm all day. So thank the flower-"

"Sirius…" Lily growled in warning, her green eyes flashing. She didn't have to finish Sirius got the message and shut up. Never anger a red head. She smiled at me, shocking the rest of Gryffindor, who didn't know about our newfound acceptance towards each other.

"Besides, I didn't really mind that much." Remus laughed but Sirius said matter-of-factly,

"Lily I do believe you owe that giant squid a date. You also have to go into the Forbidden Forest alone all night, sleeping the Shrieking Shack-" I swallowed, remembering all of the many different things she had said in rejection in the years prior, things she would do before dating me. Before they had hurt, but now Sirius had made them comical. Lily, however turned as red if not redder than, her hair and said in a more menacing tone

"Black." It took one word to shut Sirius up and only the look on her flushed face to make me laugh again. This promised to be an interesting night.

Sirius-

Three laughs in fifteen minutes. I could see Remus adding them up too, and knew he'd actually enjoy tonight. Both of us were watching James laughing, dancing (on the table) with anyone who asked, and eating more than I had originally believed was humanly possible. He was like a human vacuum cleaner, just eating and eating. Though no one seemed to think this disgusting, and Evans even seemed pleased he was eating again. Everyone who had sat anywhere near him in the last few months at dinner, (and as we are very popular, any who want to sit near us, but instead watch from a distance, had noticed James's rapidly declining diet.

Anyways, we actually had Leonardo, who went by Leo, in sixth year play d.j. For a night. Peter was supposed to have done it, as he simply refused to dance, but when he'd come in, he'd looked warn and had been shaking. There was diffidently something going on, and I had to wonder if it had anything to do with his parents. A mysterious Death Eater had killed his father over the summer, and I had a feeling he was fighting the dark side vehemently, just in his own cowardly way. Anyways, he had left the poorly wrapped present on the table, (though it was now on the floor, as the table had been cleared off from James feet) and had slumped slowly up to bed.

There was no one in Gryffindor that didn't like us anymore. The only one had ever been Evans and her friend, and James seemed to have taken care of that. No one ran to McGonagall, and if anyone had, Lily insists it wouldn't have helped. She said this as we watched James and Amanda from the Quidditch team dance around dangerously.

"So she couldn't hear, even if she wanted to?"

"Nope. Someone must have put a silencing charm on all of them. They didn't seem to be able to hear a thing."

"And you know this because…"

"Well…er…"

"It'd take quite a bit of complex charms to pull a stunt like that one. That's above NEWT level, I can tell. " I waited for her reaction. She didn't reply, which didn't surprise me. "Well, I can't say I don't appreciate it, but I think James and myself are a bad influence on you."

"Black, you couldn't influence me if you tried, so don't even get yourself started. If either of you have anything to do with my decision, it would be James. He needed it, but don't think I'll do it every time." I nodded abruptly; the two of us standing in silence in the noise, watching the scene play out around us. "He's doing better." She said happily, sighing. I couldn't keep myself from smirking. She almost looked wistful, then glanced at me.

"Black. Er-it may be a sensitive topic. But James was talking about how the two of you met, and-"

I smiled slightly, amused but how uncomfortable she was. I had always disliked Evans because she had disliked Prongs. They may have sorted things out amongst themselves, but I had unfinished revenge for all the times she turned me in. it wasn't as good as getting Evans in detention, but I'd play with her and make it amusing. "Evans get it out."

Lily frowned. :"You know I heard." She said. Bloody Hell, she was good at reading people.

"Yeah. You did really think I'd let you walk around with my best friend talking about me."

"How did you know?" I didn't want to say anything about my limited training in legimency, because I had used it to get into their minds when I had locked them in the room together Christmas Eve. Instead, I just said

"I know things." She nodded in acceptance and said

"So.. What happened?" I let the silence hang in the air for a moment, considering my words carefully. I didn't want to bring up Regulus, or mother. Both still made my blood boil. Instead I said,

"I was stuck believing pureblood should be the only blood. Then I met James and his family. They got me out of it." I decided to change the topic. Evans didn't needed to hear my family problems except for the one going on now. "Lily." I said her name, and she knew I was serious. (No pun intended.) "Look, that's what happened, James is my family now, and I really don't want to lose that. I saw you two today, or at least for part of the time. James was smiling. He was laughing. Evans- I mean Lily, sorry old habits die-hard. Let me get my point across. FIX HIM!"

"I DIDN'T BREAK HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Lily hollered back, annoyed. The room went silent. I hid my smile. That was guilt talking. People didn't wait long to scream and dance again, but Evans out burst had given me my amusement for the week.

"Relax, Evans, I'm not saying you broke him. It was a lot of pressure to put on anyone. But I don't care what you do just fix him! I saw you do it today, I saw you make him laugh. Think you can do it again?"

"Not if I try." She said sounding unsure.

"Then don't." I smirked. " Hey look, it looks like Leo put on a slow song. Dance with him." And with that I dragged the struggling lily across the littered floor and towards Prongs, who was watching us with the light in his eyes, the one that had been missing since his mother's death.

"Padfoot, can I ask you what you're doing?"

"You can ask, but it wont get you anywhere. You are going to dance with Evans to thank her for today. And no one-" I stopped for a moment top push Evans forward, and let Prongs help her onto the table, "is going to stop you."

"You don't mind?" He asked. Lily gave a small smile and shook her head, her red hair, (purposely, I think) flying in the air, actually making her look more beautiful. It only reminded me why James liked her so much. And, to my surprise, she actually accepted his hand and stood up on the table, slow dancing closely with James Potter, her all-time enemy. The silence in the room was deafening.

It was silent until I started laughing. Then it was pretty loud.

Lily-

What am I doing, what am I doing what am I doing… I couldn't think of anything else while we were dancing. I couldn't even think of anything else when I took his hand and stood up on the table with him. The question wasn't `what am I doing,' or even `what am I thinking,' it's `am I even thinking'? At the moment, I really didn't want to. The logical part of me said that the charm might wear off. That I shouldn't be dancing with anyone on a table, much less James Potter, who this time last year I hated with a passion. When had I stopped hating him?

It was while we were dancing, the room was staring and Black was laughing that I realized I hadn't ever hated him, because I hadn't ever known him, at least not this side of him. It was something I'd never thought of before, but had he acted like this around me before I would've accepted his offer years ago, stupid as that sounds. So while to me he showed himself to be an arrogant prat, the Marauders and other knew who he truly was, and that was why they always defended him.

So why had he acted differently around me in the first place? Idiot. I mentally berated myself. He liked you. He was just trying to show of, what'd you expect him to do? But what had changed now?

He didn't like me now as anything more then a friend, which meant he could act normal around me. I bit my lip, realizing that while James had lost his feelings for me, I'd gotten those feelings for him. I've used this phrase so many times over the years it feels natural, but never for this reason. Bloody Potter.

Maybe you've just had one sip too many of that watered down firewhiskey. But I hadn't had a drink of firewhiskey that night. The fact was, I was in love with-

Nope. No, not yet, I'm not even going to go there. He has loads of secrets, But doesn't everyone? A cocky attitude, not anymore and… oh, bloody hell. I'd forgotten at least half of the reasons I'd always said no.

He was playing absently with a piece of my hair, and for the first time in my life I wished it where a different color, blond, or brown, anything but red. Red is so weird. (I'm sorry, but I had to put that in. my Lily is always so confident, and sometimes every girl lacks confidence when it comes to a guy she likes.) But he tugged on the ends of that piece without even seeming to think about it.

I saw the marauder's fan club watching our every move with beady eyes. At least, James's section of the marauder's fan club. Sirius's was dancing with him, one at a time. I smiled at their star struck expressions, and how Sirius seemed to enjoy playing around with them. "You look a lot prettier when you smile." James voice said in my ear. Yes, he was diffidently back to his old self, saying something like that. And I found I didn't mind one bit. I let him continue whispering in my ear, the music in the background. "I used to pull all those pranks hoping to get you to laugh or smile, or notice me." Oh, I'd noticed him all right. I was noticing him right now. "It's good to see you smile" He had no idea how badly I wanted him to smile.

He pulled me away at arms length, his eyes searching mine, questioning. I couldn't help it; I started to lean in towards him when-

"James! Are you going to open your presents?" the music had stopped, the moment was lost, and I had no idea how strange I must look, standing on the mahogany table with James Potter. James's hazel eyes reached inside me one more time before he pulled away and said "Yeah. I'm coming." I just stood on the table a moment longer until he offered his hand and helped me down, then thanked me for dancing with him. He hadn't thanked any of the other girls! Why did I have to be different? (Smile, I love torturing Lily!)

Sirius-

"James, are you going to come open your presents?" I heard Mandy call, and silently cursed her. No, I'd deal with Mandy later; I had to get the locket now. As I raced up to the dorm to get the locket, (I had known if it was a party in the Gryffindor common room, keeping anything valuable within the room was a bad idea. And the locket was priceless.) I thought about how happy James had seemed just a second ago. He would still be smiling, but the light in his eyes had never been as intense as it had been that moment. Mandy, James number one fan must have seen it too. How close Lily and James were. When had they gotten so close in terms of relationship? That night I had locked them in the stone room on Christmas, because they had both simultaneously decided to kill me? Or the lessons? I shook my head quietly, grabbed the box and raced down the stone steps again. This would have to be properly thought over later. But this bond was by far deeper than a crush. It had to be.

I watched as James opened one present at a time, thanking everyone individually, and smiling all the while. You could tell he found the girl's presents amusing. Things like ties, hair gel and cologne that we both knew he'd never use. Remus gave him a bag full of pranks, a photo album of us, and a painting I could bet he hadn't been able to pass up. James, it seemed, wouldn't have been able to anymore than Remus or myself. A stag stood in the forest, looking towards the artist. What looked like two wolves where howling at a full moon…but one of them was black and slightly bigger, like my animagus form. There was no rat as far as I could see, but somehow it felt right. We all made eye contact and a light of understanding passed between us. We were there for him if he needed us. I think now he actually knew it.

That was the problem with James. He always felt he had to be the strong one, the one to get us all through together. He was like the glue. He was like the rock. He was supposed to be the one who didn't need us, we needed him. I think somehow that moment made him realize it. He continued to open presents and I let him. I didn't mention that mine was in my hand until he smiled at the last person, which was a good hour and a half later. It was only then I mutely handed him the silver box had bought to hold the locket in in Hogsmade. He saw it, looked back up at me, as though for permission, before slowly opening the lid. His eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted as though he wanted to say something but couldn't think of what to say.

"I thought you might want that back." Hs eyes met mine for the second time that night. They were distinctly red, glassy, and happy, but at the same time sad.

"But… I though it was lost." Everyone had gone silent at the sight of the locket, and while none of the, save for Remus, knew the significance of the charm, I could hear his shaking deep voice easily.

"It was. Now it's found." Great, the burning was in my throat and eyes too. He carefully, solemnly, undid the chain and put it on. His eyes said I would explain this cryptic comment later. Right now… he was just thankful he had it back, even if it meant his mother couldn't. The music came back on, and people began dancing again. The moment was lost, but not on James and myself. For us, the moment would be forever etched into our minds, along with all of the other memorable events we had been through together. We would get through this, one moment at a time.

Hey, guys. I'm so sorry, I thought I was going to have the idea of Prongs and Lily and their talk in this chapter, but I really want to update on purely the party and see what you think of that. Swear that ideas two and three from the last chapter will be in the next one. So sorry for any frustrations. But I have a lot to do, and everyone wants me to update now. I'm not too sure if I had put the talk in, what would have been in the next chapter. So this time I demand twelve, (mean, I know) and when I get them, see how quickly I update? They make me so much happier, and as son as I get y twelve, I swear I'll update!