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Depression by padfoot_puppyeyes
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Depression

padfoot_puppyeyes

A.N.-I'm SO NOT going to make up excuses as to why I haven't written in months. Really, I'm not… it's just I have some small… problems and the computer broke down and my book's getting published (trying to) and (dodges tomatoes)… Fine, I really messed up, no more vegetables! Really, I'm extremely sorry, and I'll do anything I can to make it up to you guys. I'll even try and make this chappie extremely long! Here it goes….

P.s.- I tried updating this chapter for a million times before this one. Can anyone tell me why it simply says something about the…oh, shoot, I forgot it now… anyways, I will have whatever it said as soon as I remember when I update the next time, and I hope maybe someone can tell me what it means in case it happens again, because it was extremely frustrating! Also, I thank all for their patience, and apologize for the delay again…

Disclaimer- I really don't own Lily, or James, or most of anything. I don't even own Michelle, (do I prongs?) and there isn't honestly that much of a specific plot, other than James gets a little… depressed. (Who would've thought?)

Thank you to-

Midnight9214- I'm glad you like it6, hopefully this will live up to your expectations.

PhoenixPhether-sorry, I suppose you wanted to read about the match. I promise you somewhere in this fanfic, I will fully describe a Quidditch match! Cheers! (always wanted to say that!)

sweetkiwi456- wow, are you really? Please tell me the name of the book. details, here! And no, it isn't published as of yet we are still working on it, (AND PRONGS GURL ISN'T HELPING VERY MUCH, ARE YOU MITCH?)

gddssofdarkness- wow,

Lily-

Now that I had made the bet with him., I was somewhat afraid of the outcome of the match. All of us went, although Gryffindor wasn't playing, not because they wanted to see who won, but because Michelle had pretty much screamed to the Common Room in general that I had made such a gamble. Everyone wanted to see who wound up wining, just to find out how I would have to spend time with Potter, studying of in Hogsmade.

James sat only a few seats down, staring intently at the game. while I was completely nervous, (I'll admit freely, I don't usually attend the games, sometimes not even for Gryffindor,) he seemed at his ease, listening to Black and Lupin debate on something or another. I happened to overhear the words

"But if we get caught by Hagrid-"

"He wont know we're us!" Black argued,

"I wont know he's him." Lupin retorted. At leas, I'm pretty sure that was what I heard. At the time, I wasn't paying them very much attention.

James's hair was tousled from the wind, but it had been a while since I'd seen him mess it up on purpose. He had purple shadows lining his eyes, which still seemed intent on the game.

"Lupin." Professor McGonagall said sternly. "Do you think you can avoid the swear words this time? Last time was somewhat out of-"

"Absolutely, professor." Remus normally did the commentary, and very nicely, except on games were Gryffindor didn't play, and he insisted it was Black's turn. Sirius gave a smile that said he would have fun with the mike, and I knew, from then on, this game was bound for chaos. "Passes it to Carr, back to Bryant- hit him, Jones. The bloody idiot could use a bludger to the head after turning us in like that, git- I was just teasing, nothing serious Professor!"

The game took about a half-hour, by which the end I was extremely cold, but it was worth it, and I considered coming to the games more often. Diggory for Hufflepuff, was making an effort, it became clear from his screwed up face, to concentrate on the snitch and not the commentary. Bludgers were `mistakenly' being aimed at Black, though I really can't say I blame Tom, whom he had been yelling to earlier.

Diggory, who, while he was somewhat good on a broom, was a little thick-headed, caught the snitch too early, ending the game in favor or Ravenclaw, but wining the snitch for Hufflepuff. James turned around in the middle or Ravenclaw's victory to meet my eyes,

And suddenly I didn't really mind spending the time with him. not that I'd ever tell him that of course.

James-

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. Diggory caught the snitch, and Ravenclaw won. This was almost a little amusing, all things considered. A while ago, I would've done anything to spend so much time with Lily Evans, even if it meant tutoring her, and dating her? Not that I was really dating her, we were just going on a date. (As she reminded her friend Michelle over and over again at lunch.)

But the thing was, now? I'd rather not spend too much time with her. Even just thinking about her makes me feel angry and frustrated, never mind talking to her. Because as much as I had obsessed before, I had sort of realized something now, something pretty disheartening. Lily Evans, the girl I'd believed was somehow perfect, was human. Just like me, just like Dumbledore, (although I suppose that one's debatable) and just like almost everyone else at Hogwarts. So I've been pretty much avoiding her, since the embarrassing scene in the Great Hall at the start of term. No more fights, no more nasty names, and, (author note-gasp) no more vile pranks. Not on her, not on anyone else. (Not that that stopped Sirius.) But honestly, what Sirius said about hair gel at Christmas? That was a bit of an exaggeration.

And you'd think they'd let it go, now that I'd finally gotten my date with Evans. You would think, but Sirius doesn't let things drop so easily. Now he's afraid I'm not eating. "But your getting thinner, and the pranks-" Sirius always brings up the pranks.

"You're acting like my mother! Just give it a rest."

"Fine, fine. You're not too upset to come tonight, are you? We were going to make a little run into the forest." Sirius said, eyes bright. Much as he must have expected me to know what he was talking about, it only confused me more.

"Why?" Dumb question.

"WHY! Are you really that out of it?" I raised an eyebrow, I still had absolutely no idea what his bloody point was, and if I thought my question was stupid, Padfoot's was by far worse. He was the one who was, just moments before, commenting on my different personality. "We've been planning on this for months. It took forever to find Aragog and those centaurs, and wanna pay them a visit! And Moony transforms tonight." Although he couldn't yell, because Moony's secret is ours too, he did a pretty loud whisper, earning him an elbow in the side for his troubles. Although he kind of had good reason. I'd helped plan half the trip and I had completely forgotten! Not to mention, I had set up a tutor session with Evans tonight. It was our first one, and she insisted I wasn't allowed to back out of it. It was only after I explained this to Sirius that he hit me hard on the back of the head, (he was no longer acting like my mother,) and told me to call it off.

"I can't." I explained. "Promised. Here, I'll leave early. You can see the centaurs without me then I'll meet you at Aragog." While Sirius agreed with this plan, (then asked me if I would finish my food. I gave it to him. I wasn't really hungry.) I was having a little trouble convincing Evans. Not because she had a problem with it, only because I stubbornly refused to talk to her. It wasn't as if she couldn't put up with me. She'd been the one to talk to me at Christmas, after all, and a few days ago, to make the bet about the game. But... I wasn't really all that sure I could put up with her.

Of course, by the end of dinner I wasn't really left with much of a choice. "Evans." I called, running to keep up with her. I swear people stopped in the halls to watch Evans put me in my place. They have been every time Evans and I've passed each other in the halls; at the end of every class we've had together, and in the common room, whenever we sit within five feet of each other while working or playing wizard's chess. Then again, they'd been expecting me to ask Evans out all of those times, so I can't really say I blame them for watching. It must make a pretty amusing picture, Evans blowing up.

But she didn't blow up at me this time. Just gave me her McGonagall look, told me I'd better not end it too early, and walked into the portrait hole, followed by a stunned Michelle. An equally stunned Sirius stood next to me, mouth open in shock.

"So I lock you in a room with her over night, and suddenly she doesn't hate you?" he asked, his expression puzzled. "Well, I didn't expect it to work. I'll have to keep that in mind."

Lily's POV-

"So he can be a real jerk. But he'd really good at Transfiguration, and you saw my mouse…owl…thing. That'll probably be on the NEWT's and I can't mess up, not if I want to be a healer."

Michelle was somewhat annoyed by the fact that while I could have asked her to help, I went running to Potter. "Well, at least you're talking to him again. I think Sirius Black was actually concerned for him, and seeing Black worried…" Michelle shivered as if the sight wasn't pleasant, but I really didn't know what she was talking about. I'd never seen Black upset, at least not this year, except for at Christmas. But Sirius Black had always been upset at Christmas.

It was on this note, (the note being that I was wondering if Potter was really that upset that he'd had Black worried,) that I made my way to the owlery, to meet James for my first lesson.

He must have already had it planned out, because he had an ink-black owl on his arm, and a mouse in a cage next to him, on the rail. There was a little cleaned up area, a blanket laid out for us to sit on, where he was kneeling on the wooden floor. Walking around the droppings, I sunk down next to him. "I've been thinking. We'll work on this project tonight. Tomorrow we'll work on turning the owl," he gestured to the one perched one his arm "into a mouse."

He actually sounded like he knew what he was teaching, and when he taught, it seemed that he did, by the end of the "lesson" I had learned more than one thing in the owlrey. I learned that Potter took his Transfiguration seriously, just taught it in an unusual way. "Ignore the fact that it's an owl, because that's not the point. The point is, it's one thing that could become another." He was almost saying it like McGonagall, and I actually wanted to listen.

"But it is an owl. Why ignore the fact that it is one?" All right, I was genuinely curious. Patiently, he said

"Because if you focus on it now, you aren't going to ever be able to change other things into mice." This actually made sense, and I made a mental note to tell this to Michelle, who might want the advice. There was a howl that pierced the night, drifting through the owlrey, and James seemed to be brought out of his lesson by it. He paled visibly, his attention drawn to the window.

"Well, that about wraps it up today, you can stay and practice if you want, but I've got to go! I'll see you tomorrow, you owe me a date!" He called as he made his way quickly down the ladder and out the door.

Boys.

Sirius's POV-

James still hadn't shown up, Remus had transformed and was hungry and Peter had almost been eaten, not by Remus but a giant spider. And all of this because James was too afraid of a girl to tell her that he needed to cancel what wasn't even a date. A study session. Since when did James study? Idiot.

Of course, James had no idea we were on our deathbeds. He was quite content up in the owlrey, (which we had been forced to help him clean,) with Ms. Evans, whom he was afraid of.

Girls.

Anyways, James came just in time again, like he always does. Just in time to control Moony, who was almost biting me to keep me moving, (hey, werewolves are a bit faster than dogs!) and calm Peter, who had been on my shoulder and was now perched, shaking on James's back. It appeared the stag's calm demeanor soothed the rat, something I was not good for, especially at the moment, seeing as I was pretty worked up myself, not with nerves with worry.

Moony usually does all of the worrying around here. But he was a werewolf, and would therefore only remember the events of tonight in a daze without much detail. He wouldn't notice Prongs's shabby coat, or the fact that he seemed to have lost even more weight when in stag form. He even had that haunted look, the one that came with a suicidal.

James Potter was not suicidal. But he could get there.

I said it before, and have patience with me, I'll say it again. Girls.

Next Chapter summary: what if Lily enjoyed her day with the Marauders, and her moments with James but James started avoiding Lily like the plague? Plus- I may give some insight as t how one can get himself up the stairs to the girls dormitory. It's a good idea, I just have to place it right. And it will probably be in both Sweet Dreams and Depression, which is so far not really living up to it's name, but it

S too late to change it, and I'm technologically challenged. Anyways, that wraps that up, I think. You never know, Padfoot could be right about it. But don't worry, he isn't. No suicide on Portkey, right? I can play by the rules. Seriously, I wont if it's against the rules, and I wouldn't anyways, James needs to be alive because of Harry.