Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author's Note: These stories are all one-shot, 1000-word responses to the Summer Writing Series Challenge, so each one is not related to the next.

Summer Writing Series Challenge (July 9)
Challenge: Sequel Week: The quote challenge
Challenge Conditions: You have to choose 10 of the quotes from this list and use them in a 2,000 word story where you choose the topic, and write a sequel to one of your previous fics that wasn't written this week!
Title: Hen Night (Sequel to Dinnermezzo)
Word Count: 2,017

Hermione sat at the bar in a Muggle pub called - amusingly enough - The Stag's Head. Standing at her side were Ginny and Luna. The last few remaining guests of the hen party, which had dwindled from an initial crowd of nearly twenty, were drifting about the room.

Hermione was donning a tiara and a feather boa, which had made her feel absolutely foolish four hours earlier, but at this point in the evening she was basking in the attention she was getting. Of course, that might have also had something to do with the number of bottles and glasses that were collected on the bar, which gave only a hint of the amount of alcohol that had been consumed by the ladies that night.

However, as most women know - both Muggles and witches - there is a magical effect of alcohol on the female bladder that makes women visit the loo at least five times as often as if they'd been drinking only tea or water. It was after her fourth trip to the loo that Ginny approached Hermione and Luna with a wryly smirk on her face.

"Have they reserved you a permanent stall in there now?" Hermione joked. "Been decorating the place? It took you long enough…"

"Very funny," Ginny replied. "I got stopped on the way back. You'll never believe what that bloke just said to me," she said, rolling her eyes and pointing to a tall man across the room.

"Try me," Hermione laughed. "I've heard more horrible lines tonight than in my entire 22 years combined."

"Well this one will beat them all. He was bragging about his Oxford days, and his Lombard Street job, and after he tired of talking about himself, he finally asked me what I did. So I told him I played professional sports, since he's a Muggle. Then he looked at me and said, 'Oh, so you're one of those field hockey birds, are you? You look a bit too small to carry one of those big sticks. But if you're into big sticks, I've got one you can play with.'"

Hermione snorted into her drink. "You're right…that was horrible! And he said it with a straight face?"

"Completely! He was dead serious! It was shameless!"

"I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed," Luna said in her typically dreamy voice.

"Well, I'll admit he had me at first. I thought an Oxford guy would be respectable enough. And he was going on about his honors and this and that. But the more he talked, the more ignorant he became. Then he pulled that line and I laughed in his face."

Hermione smiled and shook her head. "Too many people mistake their education for intelligence. He may have paid a nice price for his degree, but it was clearly a waste. You can't buy common sense, taste, or diplomacy." She drank the last sip of her shandy and set her glass down.

"Here, let me get you another one," Ginny said, waving down the barkeeper.

"No!" Hermione laughed, grabbing Ginny's arm and pulling it back. "Thanks, but I think I've had enough. I've really let myself go tonight…I never drink this much!"

Ginny grinned. "It's alright letting yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back."

"Well if I keep going, you'll be 'letting me back'…letting me back into my flat, into my pyjamas, and into my bed," Hermione replied with a laugh. "I'll just have water."

Ginny reluctantly consented and ordered a glass of water for the bride-to-be, just as an unattractive young man with a rather large nose approached the bar.

"Getting married, eh?" he said to Hermione, clearly intending to chat her up.

Against her better judgment, and mostly because of her lowered inhibitions, she decided to appease him...after all, the poor fellow probably didn't get much attention from women, she reasoned.

"Actually," she said, putting a hand to her tiara, "I've just been crowned the Princess of Ales."

He grinned. "Nahh, I know a hen party when I see one. You know, if you were in the market for one last romp before your…'coronation,' I might be able to help you out," he said with a wink. "I promise not to tell a soul," he added in a whisper.

"Oh really?" she asked with mock interest. "Well, as inviting as that might be, the thing is…," she looked around stealthily and leaned in, pretending to have a secret, "I'd have to have had a first romp in order to have a last romp."

He raised his eyebrows. "You mean your stag is getting a virginal princess?"

She smirked. This one must have attended the Ron Weasley School of Tact.

"Pure as the driven snow," she said angelically.

"Well in that case," he said, moving closer, "if you were in the market for a bit of pre-wedding-night tutoring, I'd be happy to offer my expertise, princess."

"Tempting, but I've always thought that imagination was more important than knowledge. And I've got a very…active…imagination." She accented the last two words with her best bedroom eyes. "I don't think my fiancée will be too disappointed."

The young man gulped and picked up his drink. "Right, well…best of luck to you then." He scurried off across the room and joined his friends.

"Well, well, Miss Granger," Ginny said slyly, "I think you've finally mastered the art of interception, and just in time. As long as you're single, you're practically invisible. But once you're marked as taken, they'll be knocking down your door." She took a sip of her drink and asked, "But are you sure you don't want to take him up on his offer? Sounds like he could teach you a thing or two."

Hermione grinned and shrugged casually. "People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do."

Ginny laughed. "Ooh, so you're an expert now, are you? I wonder if Mr. Potter knows what he's in for?" she joked, wiggling her eyebrows. "Of course, I'm sure he knows you've read every book on the subject."

"He does. And I gave him a reading list, as well," Hermione said with a wink.

The two laughed, imagining poor Harry's reaction to the books his fiancée had suggested. In the meantime, a short, stumpy bearded man at least twice their age had advanced on an unsuspecting Luna. He was leaned on the bar and seemed to be annoying the ever-so-polite girl, who clearly needed an escape. Ginny nodded toward Luna and her leech, and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Luna, dear," Ginny said, draping an arm around her brother's girlfriend. "I seem to have gotten my zipper stuck. Do you think you could come help me get it undone?"

The man eyed Ginny up and down, and leaned in very close with a suggestive look on his face. "I could help you with that, red."

Ginny's face took on a surprised expression and she quickly raised a hand up in front of her nose. "Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?" she asked, backing away from his offensive odor.

The man's face turned bright red, and like the last one to make an attempt on Hermione, he left hastily and disappeared across the room.

"Thanks," Luna sighed. "Aside from the smell, his teeth were green and fuzzy."

The three friends giggled, discussing the sad sampling of the male species that filled the room. It made Hermione all the more appreciative that she'd ended up with a man who was not only her best friend, but also loving and thoughtful, and not the type of guy to hang around in pubs all the time.

Barely five minutes later, a blonde fellow approached the bar. The girls had stopped talking and were taking in the sights and sounds, each seemingly lost in their own little worlds. Seeing this as his cue to make a move, he stepped closer to them, and just as he opened his mouth to say something that he surely thought would charm their skirts off, Ginny raised a hand.

"Don't speak unless you can improve upon the silence."

His jaw clamped shut and he looked at her with shock and confusion. Then without a word, he turned back around and got lost in the crowd. Hermione laughed at her friend's abruptness.

"Looks like you've really mastered that art of interception, Gin. That's two in a row!"

"It's a gift," Ginny said with a smile. "I've learned to be quite defensive growing up with six brothers. You've got to be quick and clever, and pull the rug out from under them before they realize you've even got hold of it."

"Well if your gift is being quick and clever," Hermione said, looking up at the crowd, "then here comes the girl whose gift is being harsh and to the point."

Lavender and Parvati, who had been wandering about the pub scouting for men, were returning to the bar for refills, discussing their adventures in bachelor-land.

"So I said, 'There's a fine line between funny ha-ha and funny weird. You've just crossed that line,'" Lavender said, telling Parvati about a particularly strange man she'd encountered. "And then I turned around to walk away. But," she continued as she flagged down the bartender, "he grabbed my arm and looked at me with this playfully offended expression and said, 'That hurts, love,' holding a hand over his heart. Well, I'd had quite enough of him, so I just glared at him and said, 'Good! It'll make you a stronger man. Pain is weakness leaving the body, after all, and you seem to have a lot of weak points. You'll thank me later.'"

"Ooh, that was cold, Lav," Parvati said with a laugh. "And I thought I had…"

"Oy!" a familiar male voice interrupted from behind the girls. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"I think we're having Hermione's hen night," Ginny said, standing up to her youngest brother. "What are you lot doing here?"

"Harry's stag night!" Ron said, motioning in the direction of Harry and their friends. "You can't come to a place called The Stag's Head for a hen night!"

"Really? Funny…because I thought we had."

Before the siblings could bicker any further, Harry walked up.

"Hey, Ron…whoa! Hey! I'm not supposed to see you tonight!" he said, averting his eyes from Hermione.

"No, silly," Luna said, "You're not supposed to see her before the wedding. It's perfectly fine to see her on your stag and hen night…albeit highly untraditional."

Lowering his hands from his eyes, Harry looked at Hermione and grinned. "Nice tiara."

"Nice army helmet," she said back, smiling at his ridiculous attire for the evening.

"You're here to spy on us, aren't you?" Ron accused.

"I should ask the same of you," Ginny replied incredulously. "We were here first. But if it suits you, we were sort of wrapping up anyway."

"Well we're just getting started!" Ron said quite seriously with his chest puffed up, attempting to one-up the girls.

Hermione, Ginny and Luna looked at each other and smirked, then burst out into laughter. The other guys joined in, and soon everyone was relaxed and hanging out just like any other normal night at the pub.

"So," Harry said, putting an arm around his fiancée. "Had a fun night, your majesty?"

"It's been fine, major" she said with a smile. "You?"

"So far, so good. Though the highlight has been seeing you."

Hermione grinned and wrapped her arms around Harry. "You know, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all night. All these other guys just want to get me into their beds!"

"Well, you know what they say; nice guys finish last…but we get to sleep in."
She laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Well I'm glad you're a nice guy, Mr. Potter."

Harry leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Any chance I can 'sleep in' in your bed?"

Hermione smiled at him seductively. "I think there's a very good chance of that."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N: To the Americans - I'm sure you figured it out, but a hen night is a bachelorette party, and stag night is for bachelors. :)

Cites:
1. "I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed." - Jonathan Swift
2. "Too many people mistake their education for intelligence." - Dan Prinzing
3. "It's alright letting yourself go, as long as you can let yourself back." - Mick Jagger
4. "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
5. "People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do." - Anonymous
6. "Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?" - Dr. Gonzo
7. "Don't speak unless you can improve upon the silence." - Anonymous
8. "There's a fine line between funny ha-ha and funny weird. You've just crossed that line." - AJ HaigFerg
9. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." - Frank Alex
10. "Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in." - Evan Davis