AN: wow, this is the third chapter I'm starting today… I'm on a roll, people!
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Chapter 14
Harry had never felt so uncomfortable in his life. Sure there were many awkward periods in his life, but this was topping the list by far. He was scared that her being here meant that his world was on the brink of being destroyed…
The careful walls he'd built around him… the fragile equilibrium he was living in could be shattered in a mere flash of a moment. He was conscious of this every second dinner wore on. How could he make her understand the gravity of the situation?
Could he trust her?
Making up his mind, he gave into the need to fully explain himself, like he'd always wanted to do, ever since he'd met her. He had always been afraid that too much information about why he was involved in such an dishonourable act, would lead to give away his identity… Now, she already knew his name.
After dinner, Harry excused himself to his guests and asked Miss Granger to follow him. He admired her composure. She could shield her emotions better than any witch he'd met. She always could, but, now that they were alone in the hallway, he allowed himself to look a little better and he saw her face had aged a bit, her expression… hardened…
Shaking himself from those thoughts, he strode to the room his wife resided in.
Leading Miss Granger into the room, he saw her passive expression change into one of confusion. He could understand it was eerie to watch Cho like that. He had become accustomed to it, though. She hadn't lost any of her exotic beauty that had attracted him as an adolescent.
He waited until he'd closed the door behind them to speak:
"You made a promise some time ago… This is my wife… She… she had a miscarriage and we lost her child…"
Harry moved to the bed, seating himself next to his immobile wife.
"She knows everything. She knows Lily is mine…"
"Can she hear us?" It was little more then a whisper.
"I made the choice long ago, that she could understand what I was saying. But I also promised her that I would never put her through a public scandal. I promised her I would protect her from that, and I refuse to let her name be tarnished…"
The silence in which Miss Granger was studying him and Cho pressured him too much… He felt almost like she could see through his words, that she was… reading him.
As kindly as possible he ushered her out of the room:
"Please… Leave us…"
***
Hermione descended the stairs from the highest floor of the mansion. It had been very strange to see Mrs. Potter… She seemed so… broken.
Despite the many years she must've been like that, one could easily see the witch had been a true beauty. She still was, in a… porcelain doll sort of way.
Hermione hadn't counted on the unconscious woman looking that beautiful… She didn't know why… It wasn't that rational, but she felt… plain and totally out of her league. Even with the woman being unconscious for nearly a decade, she made Hermione feel everything she lacked: status, beauty, serenity stemming from being high society.
She knew why he'd shown her the poor woman. He wanted her to fully understand why he had done the things he'd done. All this insecurity about her judging him an adulterous man like any other, had stemmed from his fear of ruining his wife's reputation.
He had shown her, to give her a motive to shut up. He was counting on her sense of respect to aid him in covering up what he saw as a -necessary- indiscretion… All the while, she understood more than he'd wanted to tell her. He had set the whole thing up because he wanted someone to love him, too… Not just an heir… A child and its unconditional love.
Hermione put those thoughts out of her head, and changed for bed. Crawling in, she dragged her diary with her in bed. There was too much she needed to write down, to actually try and start tonight. Clutching the journal to her chest, she stared into the dying embers, knowing she was finally sleeping under the same roof as her daughter…
*
Rising early, Hermione dressed for the day. Knowing the rest of the house occupants must still be asleep, she wandered down in the garden to try and organise her thoughts more before she had to face the reality of her situation.
Seeing the greenhouse from afar, she decided to try and get a better look at the house in the middle of the lake. The house where Lily had played in the day before.
Feeling refreshed from the brisk morning air, and cuddling her cloak warmly about her, she felt considerably less burdened with worries. Stepping into the hallway next to the greenhouse, leading to the lake, she heard splashing. Curious, but not wanting to be seen, she proceeded carefully, clutching her wand unconsciously.
Through the foggy windows she had watched her daughter row towards her, she saw something that shocked her being in an entirely different way.
A man was swimming inside the lake, and considering the temperature of the air, she hated to think about how cold the water would be. Wondering who would punish himself in such a way, she had an inkling on who her mystery man could be. She heard the man grunt while doing his lapses, and was startled when he suddenly heaved himself out of the water.
Even if she saw not much more then shadowy figures through the windows, she could tell it was him, and very much bare as the day he was born. Transfixed, she watched his shape while he furiously towelled himself with drapes that lay waiting for him.
She didn't even consciously do so, but while she was longingly watching him, she had brought her hand to the back of her neck, to rub the skin there, while her other hand rested on her stomach. Feelings long buried resurfaced with a vengeance. Her breathing was irregular, and it was barely in time that she saw him throw his cloak around his shoulders.
Congratulating herself for her quick and silent disillusionment charm, she slinked into the shadows of a corner just to be sure. It had been but a mere second later when he briskly strode through the hall, not noticing her…
It took Hermione a few minutes to regain her composure, to steady her breathing and to thank the heavens that the walk to the mansion was a lengthy and cold one…
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