AN: I've shamelessly forgotten to read the reviews for such a long while now… And now that I've remembered the shame of it is back, also…
Though many of the questions asked, have already been answered (yes, I'm sorry about the long update, no, I'm not gonna write longer chapters for this story… I like it the way it is now, no, Harry doesn't admit Lily is his blood-relative, he only 'appoints' her to be his heir… she's 'adopted' and by carrying the Potter-name she has all the right as his heir…) but there were some reviews that could merit some explaining I suppose:
greenevans: Cho and Cedric were engaged to be married, and the marriage itself was supposed to be held in a matter of weeks before Cedric was murdered… So yes the child was produced out of wedlock, which is precisely the reason Harry offered to marry Cho. If she had been a proper widow with child, the child wouldn't have been in danger of being born a bastard… Thus Harry wouldn't have let his guilt lead him into proposing protection.
ridxwan: very wise!
To all the rest: I'm very sorry about the long update… I have been reassuring people by posting messages at the yahoo-group I moderate. I was asked to post at least an Author's Note at the fanfictionsites to say I'm not dropping this story. I can't do this at fanfiction.net without being punished for it, and I generally dislike these 'chapters': it only disappoint people… So I avoid this…
Anyway: enjoy!
***
Chapter 25
In his jumbled dreams, he remembered her kisses, her taste… The sin that was heaven…
Hermione, bathing in a golden glow, golden curls circling her face. The light of the fire, casting shadows. Playful figures dancing on her skin, his fingers chasing them… Bringing her pleasure.
His heart healing, achingly so… He had found his home at last… The thing he'd craved for so long, but had always deemed himself undeserving of.
Her lips pressed against him, her image disappearing… Suddenly the dream turned darker, colder like the evening had been over.
He still felt a woman's lips press against his. Worried about the foreboding feeling, he fought to get back the image of his love. Discerning the contours of a woman's face, his heart stopped when he recognised the straight long black locks framing the face.
His wife was leaning over him, her face full of love. A tender expression she'd never given him before. Breathless, Harry watched the beauty that shone from Cho's face. So full of life and love, so foreign to him.
Once he had wanted this, now he feared it. Before his guilt could guide him through actions in his dream, Cho spoke softly:
"I love you so much, my soul mate… Cedric"
*
Harry woke with a start, cold sweat prickling his skin. He was in his own bed, where he had retreated after an evening of exploring love with the mother of his child.
Guilt and confusion were causing his heart to beat harshly within his chest. He had betrayed his wife! But the dream didn't… It didn't really accuse him of making love to another woman…
Alone and cold, he hungered for her warm embrace. Lying down again, he pondered what this dream could mean…
What was the meaning of this omen?
***
Hermione was dreaming, she knew she was: it was the only explanation possible for the sight before her… After gaping like a fish out of water she managed to stammer:
"Mrs. Potter!"
The image before her, smiled… The Asian witch was a beauty to behold, not at all like the lifeless body in one of the chambers of this house.
"Please, Miss Granger, don't insult me. I'm no Mrs. Potter… Not anymore…"
Her words crashed through Hermione, weighing on her conscience…
"I'm…"
'Sorry' was the word she wanted to utter, but dreams don't permit lies... Or at least, this one didn't… And even so, it was not appropriate at all.
The mirage in front of her spoke again, her words harsher than the actual tone in which they were spoken.
"Do not apologize and dishonour your own integrity any more then you already have…"
Hermione bowed her head in shame. The witch in her dream however soothed her with her voice, bringing her a disturbing message:
"You know there is only one way for you… Only one way to be part of his family, to take your rightful place with your daughter… There is only one way…"
Scared at what this could mean… at what her dream implied… Hermione looked at Mrs. Potter in shock. Her image was not accusing, it was downright threatening…
"And that is the path you must take!"
*
Hermione woke, scared witless.
She was never one to believe in Divination. But maybe it would be wise to read up on the meaning of dreams…
***
A strange pace was developing itself at the Potter manor. To most of the inhabitants, it was only the excitement for the coming festivities… And this was fine by the two people who knew otherwise.
By Tuesday night everything was in order, more or less, to receive the family of Ron and Luna Weasley. Miss Ginevra Weasley was quite excited about having them over, and Mister Potter seemed strangely relaxed, despite everyone knowing he didn't like parties and great masses of people.
Another quite remarkable change at the house was the regularity Miss Granger had managed to enforce on Miss Lily. The child was still spoiled, but the new governess had been able to teach her at least a little discipline in the very short time she had been there.
The HouseElves also noticed these subtle changes. Dobby, never one to question a good thing, accepted it without worries. Winky, however, could not bear to watch a Muggleborn succeed. She whispered about 'strange happenings' and 'unnatural teaching methods'… But who ever listened to her?
***
Hermione was staring at the glass house in the middle of the lake.
Enveloped in a warm shawl, her breath made little clouds in the freezing air. She was guarding her daughter. Today being Wednesday, Hermione had given Lily leave from her lessons, to prepare herself for welcoming her father's friends.
Expecting more enthusiasm from the girl, she had followed Lily in concern. From what Hermione could make of the stories Miss Weasley told, the friends that would arrive at the Potter home this afternoon, were more than just friends… They were like family. As such, Hermione had rejoiced for her daughter. She really was lonely here, without other children to play with.
But Lily didn't seem as excited as Miss Ginevra. She had not been unhappy about having the Weasleys over, but Hermione wondered why the prospect of having playmates around her own age at the house didn't spark more energy in her daughter.
Watching her daughter pretending in the lake house, made her heart ache… Because she knew now… She knew very well what Lily was pretending there…
Hermione had congratulated herself on giving Lily the opportunity of winding down with the 'Magic of Firelight' each night after her lessons. It had allowed the girl to open up to her governess, in a way that was careless, but very informative to Hermione.
The first time Lily had shared a little, Hermione had learned Lily's ideas about Muggleborns being Mudbloods had been taught to her by Winky… Unintentional of course, because the girl knew very well that the HouseElf didn't think her any better, but Lily considered herself a real Potter. Thus above the Elf's mutterings.
It was clear that most of Lily's arrogance was like a blanket to protect herself. Hermione recognised early on that Lily was most of all confused about her own place in the world. She was the sole heir of the Potters, and it was quite clear she would have her place at Hogwarts as soon as she turned 11, but underneath lay the question that plagued her more than any child her age…
Who was she and where did she come from? Because Lily knew very well she wasn't Mrs. Potter's daughter…
Hermione learned Lily was this knowledgeable just last night…
True to the promise that came with the Magic of Firelight, Hermione hadn't mentioned anything about Winky or discussed Lily's disdain for Muggleborns the following day.
This apparently soothed Lily into a more trusting mood.
*
Lily was playing with her first cards again. The ones with which she made the sentence 'Father loves Lily'… It were her favourite, and Hermione let her have them.
They were kneeling in front of the fire, in the otherwise darkened room, when Lily suddenly spoke:
"The woman lying in the bed, she's not my real mother, you know…"
This innocent but very loaded statement her daughter had just made threw Hermione off. She hadn't been prepared for Lily to say - let alone know - this. But life had taught Hermione well how to keep one's composure.
While her heart was thudding wildly, she managed to answer calmly:
"Yes, I know…"
Lily seemed pleased with that answer, so she continued, unaware of the effect her words had on her governess:
"My real mother isn't ill, you know?"
Carefully Hermione asked:
"You have met your mother before?"
"Of course I have…"
Lily's nonchalant answer froze Hermione's heart - she knows! Or someone else is trying to turn Lily's head with ideas… What? Confusion and fear immobilized her. Over the loud pounding of the blood in her ears, Hermione barely heard Lily continue:
"I see her every day, I meet her in the lake house…"
Hermione forced herself to calm down, even though she remembered Winky's voice speaking with disdain about how much time Lily spent in the glass house… Miss Ginevra's voice: "… So have you met Lily? If you did, I bet you found her at her lake house"
Everyone knew Lily spent most of her time there. But Hermione was the first to know what it was she was doing there. She was meeting her mother… her real mother…
"What do the two of you do when you meet there?"
Hermione managed to get the sentence out with a reasonable tone. Lily seemed to relax a little, as if she had been scared her governess would laugh at her for revealing this great secret of hers.
"We just talk… just spend time together… that's all…"
*
Just remembering the conversation tore at Hermione's heart. She had wanted to cry from sheer joy and pain at the same time. She had wanted to embrace the child, never letting her go, wanted to tell her that she was here, real - not just a pretend… She had wanted to confess that she spoke to her daily too, in her journals…
Of course she did none of those things. The thought that stopped her most from doing this wasn't her promise to Harry though… It was the thought of being rejected. The thought of scaring Lily away, or not living up to the imaginary mother Lily had created for herself.
So she stood here. As close as she could without being seen, while she watched her daughter pretending to spend time with her real mother…
***
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