Chapter 40
Dinner was a strange affaire without Ginny present. As such the talk died down after the customary compliments for the food and a remark about the weather that day. After that, silence reigned.
Harry couldn't mind, though, he was thinking about what he'd done that afternoon, while Lily had been at her lessons. He was preoccupied with his decision. Since informing Cho, it had seemed so real. And it had been particularly surreal talking to her about letting her go…
He was used to discuss everything with her. She hadn't just been his wife in name, she had been his friend. And it wasn't easy talking about extinguishing the little life that was still inside her. And now that the words had been spoken to her, the decision became real. When Ginny returned, everything would be put into motion.
It had been the first step to make it real, and suddenly it felt like he was going too fast. Where had the decision come from? For years he'd clung to the promise of not causing a scandal to taint Cho's name. And now he was letting go of that rule, in order to do what?
She deserved peace. And he was starting to believe she wasn't at peace here. She would only know the quiet end she deserved if he made the decision to let her go.
He still wasn't sure if it really was the right course to take, but he couldn't go back on it now. He'd told Cho.
Now there were other concerns to address. His future as an Auror at the Ministry of Magic.
***
Hermione wasn't comfortable at all during dinner. Without Miss Weasley there, no conversation flowed easily. On the one hand, she was anxious to discuss Lily's improvements during the lessons, especially the achievements of today. But she didn't dare start discussing which word Lily had asked to learn to write.
She was surprised in any event that Mr. Potter didn't seem to know already. She'd expected Lily to have told him all about it when she departed from the classroom earlier. Perhaps she was not comfortable either telling her father she'd been learning to write the word 'mother'… In that case, it was their secret…
Heavens know she shared secrets now in one way or another with every member of this household… present and absent…
Before retreating to her own bedchamber, Hermione stopped by Lily's. Slipping inside, she leaned over the girl, caressing her hair away from her face. It was then that Hermione saw Lily must have slipped back into the classroom to retrieve her little chalkboard. It was clutched loosely in her hand. On it was her last try at writing her first word. It was an almost illegible result. Pressing her lips softly on Lily's forehead, Hermione felt tears pooling in her eyes.
She fled the chamber in a hurry, and failed to see the sleeping child blinking her eyes, regarding her retreat with confusion while feeling the wet drop on her forehead.
The whole affaire had brought raw emotions to the forefront. Hermione didn't know how to feel, and now that she was alone, she couldn't suppress her feelings as well as she had in the classroom while it could be witnessed by Lily.
Hermione needed comfort. And it was in that mindset that she decided not to extinguish the fire in her room that night…
***
Harry was ready to join Hermione. He couldn't wait to feel her nearness, to warm his soul. He'd felt the separation of only two nights keenly, and was impatient to resume the habit of joining her during the night.
Therefore, he arrived maybe sooner then she expected, because she had yet to change in her night cloths. When he appeared to her, she didn't seem to mind his early arrival, but sat down to undo her hair from the bun first.
It was one of the most sensual things he'd ever laid eyes on. He loved to witness the escape of her locks from her severe hairdo, but watching her do it in such a natural manner brought even more pleasure to this spectacle. He paused to enjoy her rituals from afar.
For a moment his thoughts strayed to the little room in France, at the sea. He'd watched her ready herself for bed there also. But this time was different, the anxiety and fear were gone, and so was the guilt. His presence also seemed less disturbing to her now, than it had then.
He felt a warmth of being home. A sensation he'd rarely really felt as deeply. Basking in that reassurance of not being alone any longer, of having her here, in his home, and soon, in his arms, soothed him from the recent turbulence in his life.
The weight of all decisions yet to be made, fell away, as Hermione's clothing did.
***
Hermione felt her defences melt with the intensity of his gaze.
When she'd first come into her room, she made sure to calm down from her emotional fit. Masking the slightly red eyes and nose with a few well-placed potions, she made sure the fire in the hearth was blazing, and no candles were lit.
Waiting to undress, she anticipated his arrival. Thinking her state of dress would help with his wish to speak to her, she refrained to the compelling wish to change in her night clothes. That being thought, she was pondering of removing the pins in her hair.
Just as she reached the decision that she would loosen her hair from the bun, he appeared behind her. Watching him from the looking glass of her vanity, his presence and gaze warmed her. Bringing her hands up to remove her hair from the captivity, she realised that his gaze darkened considerably.
Knowing by now what this meant, the effect's on her own emotions weren't lost.
She keenly felt the desire for his touch, more so because of the recent events and the directions her mind had been tossed in, back and forth. As she halted and waited for a moment to give him a chance to start discussing that which he wanted to talk to her about, she realised two matters.
First, that talking must be the last thing on his mind, judging by the intensity of his gaze.
But second, and more importantly, that she didn't wish for him to talk. She wanted to be in his embrace, and succumb to the Firelight, the magic of them being close. She wanted to forget once more everything that stood between them, and take comfort from the love he would give her, however misplaced it was for her to receive it.
With that in mind, she succumbed to her desire, and set to undress herself.
***
Harry approached her once only her slip was not removed yet. Feeling strongly about her, he took her in his arms and brought his lips towards her face. Brushing them softly over her closed eyes, and nose, he took his time finding her own lips.
He loved the feeling of anticipation. It made the soft kiss that much powerful. He wasn't in a hurry to take matters further. He had been denied this pleasure and now he was going to linger on each pleasure thoroughly, before indulging the next. He was going to take his sweet time…
***
Hermione felt weak and warm. Safely ensconced in his strong embrace she considered herself selfish for never wanting to surrender this possibility. Her desire for this family ran deeply, and she didn't want to dwell on considerations about how she would have to survive without their presence.
At first she willingly surrendered to his kiss, letting him dictate her emotions by the movement of his lips. A flare of impatience gave her the stimulation of taking control, though. Her desire and need for comfort was too great for slow lovemaking, least of all teasing.
Returning his kiss urgently, and pressing her body against his, she felt Harry's gasp of surprise. For a infinite moment, fear that he'd break away from her because of her actions, entered her mind. But stronger emotions rained, and clutching him, she felt his more passionate response.
The kiss could best be described as needy and urgent. As much opportunity there had been to relish and enjoy the kiss when it started, now it only conveyed the desire for more. More love, more contact, and less cloths…
With that last thought in mind, she tried break away a little in order to fulfil that little wish.
***
Surprise wasn't lingering long after she had made her desire known to Harry. Happily abandoning his plans to take his time, he let her urgency infect him. He was quite ready to ravage her anyway, this incentive was only the flame needed to forego his reservations.
Her hands sliding rapidly over his back, and in his hair made his incessant lips only more eager to explore hers. Excited, he felt the thrill of knowing that the way she wanted him equalled his need. This made him unwilling to let her out of his embrace.
Barely noticing her hands abandoning the massage of his head, he only felt the slightest pang of disappointment. Either way, it didn't last long, as her hands travelled north, over his buttocks, sending foreign waves of excitement all over his body.
***
Hermione grew impatient when she couldn't get Harry to step back even the tiniest bit so she could get rid of his clothes. With very little intelligence left to think over a rational solution to this problem at hand, she let her need for him dictate her bold actions.
Sliding her hands down, she tried to feel her way around his trousers, deciding that losing only them would be quite sufficient. Finally receiving some cooperation from Harry, the barrier was soon discarded.
Gasping when she felt Harry push her back, she stumbled a few steps before hitting the wall. The kiss wasn't interrupted long, since Harry followed her instantly, pressing himself against her, while grabbing her slip, bunching the cloth to lift it. Hermione was trapped, but too impatient for him to be with her to feel anything else. The need was indeed quite painful…
***
Urgently, Harry joined her at last, hearing her squeal. Too impatient himself, he didn't know of she meant to express her relief, her enjoyment, or if she meant for him to proceed even faster, or maybe slower.
He couldn't think of anything but completing what he started. Rhythm was everything, and reaching final relief the only result. Ravaging her mouth one last time he felt crackling energy being shared between them, until Hermione turned her head violently away from him to pant erratically. Her sounds growing louder, Harry had to bring his teeth to her shoulder in order to keep sane.
The rhythm lost his beauty and became savage as the energy around them build up. Feeling nothing more than pure excitement and joy, Harry felt the energy around them explode, giving them relief in love.
***
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