AN: all reviewers who want the two primary characters in this story to talk about their feelings: I suggest you check out the primary genre of this fic, and then the year in which this story is happening, and then think…
All the ones who've seen the movie… well, you already can guess what the 'Angst' stands for…
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Chapter 5
Hermione didn't know what to think. Furiously fluttering butterflies in her stomach were wrecking her nervous system, and she was drowning in his green gaze… His eyes really were that much prettier without the glasses…
Her hair was tickling her back and shoulders, and she didn't really know what to think about the change in reality. She didn't really think at all…
Lying back against the pillows, she watched how he rolled on top of her. The skin against skin contact took her by surprise. It felt strangely more intimate and the way their gazes stayed locked together was making her forget the impersonal nature of this meeting…
Her legs had parted of their own accord, and the man guided himself inside her. A slight twitched of pain made Hermione close her eyes tightly, but it was gone almost immediately. Opening her eyes, she felt the man's breath just under her ear shell, making her shiver with the feelings that caused.
She barely registered her disappointment of losing the eye contact, when he started to redraw slowly. No real discomfort was felt, and she relaxed completely. Feeling the skin of his chest caressing hers through his movements was strangely pleasant, and it caused a strange prickling in her breasts, she didn't know could be experienced.
It still felt strange to have someone inside her like that, but the feeling of violation was forgotten for now. Hermione was looking at the ceiling watching the firelight play with the shadows, while the man was moving above her in a careful pace.
Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she could barely stop the gasp that escaped her lips. Biting her lower lip she wondered about the strange feelings that were invading her body. Every time the man pushed back in there was this strange kind of… need… that was awakened. She couldn't help but gasp with every thrust of his, despite almost tearing her own lower lip with her teeth.
Her head snapped to the side, away from him, and she tried to keep her breathing normal. It was scary, and at the same time exhilarating, but she still was unsure about what it was she was feeling and if this was how she was supposed to feel. She felt a certain want, but she didn't know what to do about that feeling, so she just laid there, trying to control her body's responses…
The feeling only rose when the man quickened his pace, and she started panting slightly, snapping her head back. She barely noticed she was pressing her face in the man's hair. Still feeling a bit scared, she was surprised at her own disappointment when she felt him shoot his seed within her.
She was still blinking at the ceiling, when the man carefully pulled away from her and rolled on his back next to her.
A feeling of loss crushed her when she felt the warmth of his body leave her. Trying to make sense of what just happened, she felt her heartbeat return to a slower pace but a strange need was still burning softly at the place where they had been joined.
After a while of confusing thoughts, she turned to her side carefully and watched the black-haired man sleep. He looked so handsome, and so much younger in this careless state, that she was mesmerised about him. Reaching out, she touched his bare chest carefully, feeling strangely excited about touching him so.
Tracing the pattern of the shadow that was dancing on his smooth skin, she lost herself without thought. Coming back to her senses, she snapped her hand away from him as if she got burned…
Tears clouded her vision when she understood her position fully… turning on her side, she whispered:
"I don't want to know… I don't want to know your name…"
She assumed he was asleep, and didn't see his green eyes snap open.
*
Harry had been slightly tired after that last encounter, but he'd heard her breaking voice utter those whispers… It wasn't supposed to be like that, he should stop this…
He should stop this before it was too late… But he couldn't make himself leave the bed last night. Contradicting feelings overwhelmed him. This witch's company was making him feel good, like a potion to his soul. He knew it couldn't last, but he'd been dutiful and respectable his whole life. Was it that horrible of him to want just one more night with her? He knew the potions Madam Pomfrey had given her would ensure easier conception, and so there was a great chance she was pregnant already…
Walking along the beach, back to the little pension he was startled to see her standing there, looking towards the ocean. Strong wind was playing with her coat, and he found himself wishing she would let her hair loose from that blasted bun.
Deciding to go up to her, he carefully approached her. Once she had noticed him, she quickly looked around her, as if to make sure no one was there to see them together.
Answering her unasked question, he spoke first: "There's no one around…"
She lifted her brow almost sarcastically, and just with her look she seemed to be mocking him a bit. He felt attracted by those eyes… Diverting his gaze quickly to the sea, there was still three feet of distance between them. Standing there, both looking at the sea, she spoke suddenly:
"Sometimes, I'd like to be able to just scream…"
As absurd as that sudden statement could've sounded, it somehow made perfect sense to Harry. The feeling of being restrained by life's destiny… Wanting to break from fate's bonds…
"Why don't you then?"
Harry dared a challenging look towards her. She seemed so surprised by his dare, she actually let her guard down and smiled. It wasn't a big one, actually, it was just a quick upturn of the corners of her mouth, no teeth to see, but it was a smile none the less.
Opening her mouth, she tried to meet the challenge. She ended up sounding like she was in the middle of a medical examination and the doctor had asked to say 'Ah!' so he could look down the patient's throat. Obviously, she knew how ridiculous she was behaving, because she started chuckling.
Her laughter was contagious, and he felt his expression turn into a smile also. She looked at him, and he felt caught at being seen smiling. But in her own eyes the laughter sparkles had been lingering, and the brilliance of her happy gaze left him breathless for a moment.
Snapping his eyes back to the ocean, he spoke again: "It wasn't supposed to be like this…"
He heard her clear voice: "How was it supposed to be, then?"
It was her turn to challenge him, and he couldn't say anything in return for a while. Concentrating his gaze on the horizon, he tried to ask what had been on his mind ever since he'd heard her gasp for the first time when she had laid under him the night before:
"Last night… when we…" he ventured a look at her, but she returned it so calmly and unwavering that he couldn't hold her gaze, "When we… you…"
Interrupting him, she said boldly: "You were wondering if I liked it, weren't you?"
A bit intimidated he managed to respond after a moment of hesitation: "Did you?"
"No," her answer was swift and uttered in a no-nonsense tone, but before he could process what he felt about her blunt admission, she added, "But I could…"
Glancing at her in surprise, she met his eyes shyly. And again he was struck by her paradox-like character… After the boldness she expressed just moments before, her shy smile now made him that more intrigued…
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