Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and events from J.K. Rowling's wonderful Harry Potter books. I am writing this for my own enjoyment and hopefully for the enjoyment of readers. Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. The rest belongs to me.
Chapter 30: Home for Summer
James' summer began in a daze. As soon as he and his mum stepped out of their fireplace they were inundated with memories of Joseph Potter. James stood in front of his father's favorite chair, staring at the depression in the cushion made from so much use. His father used to read the Daily Prophet there. He used to sit there and tell James of his adventures at Hogwarts. When James was very young he had sat on his father's lap in that chair while being read Quidditch Through the Ages. James shook his head, still in shock at the situation. He still couldn't believe that he would never see his dad again, never hear his laugh.
He felt his mum's hand on his shoulder and turned slightly to see the tears of grief and sympathy in her eyes. It was too much for him to take. He shrugged her hand off and purposely strode up to his room, slamming the door behind him and locking it.
James paced the room feeling a rush of energy burning through him. The energy bubbled up like boiling water and he felt the need to release it somehow. The energy started to manifest itself as anger - anger at the mysterious Dark Lord who no one knew, anger at Riddle for working for him, anger at the woman who had led his father to his death, anger at Mad-Eye Moody for surviving, anger at his father for being dead, and anger at himself for losing the one thing his father had told him to keep close - his ring.
His pacing became almost frantic as he looked for a way to release the anger. All of a sudden his eyes landed on Quidditch Through the Ages, conveniently sitting on top of his bureau in the corner. James slowly and deliberately approached it, seeing the book that to him at that moment represented the loss of his father. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment, his hands starting to shake. He took a deep ragged breath and with an angry cry hurled the book across the room into some trophies sitting on a bookshelf. This set off the angry energy burning through James, as he felt the need to release more. He raced across the room and knocked the trophies onto the floor, then set about hitting and tossing anything he could lay his hands upon.
His room was unrecognizable after a few minutes as James moved toward the nightstand which he had yet to damage. He knocked off its contents but before James could turn away his eyes were drawn to a picture frame that had been knocked to the floor. It stopped James in his tracks and his heart skipped a few beats as he slowly knelt down and picked it up. It was a photo his mother had taken a few years ago in the back yard. His father had been teaching him all he knew about flying. Joseph Potter watched his son with pride, watching him pull off difficult dives. James watched as the image of his father in the photo grinned, the same younger smile that he saw in the mirror every day.
Guilt rushed through James and settled the anger while he looked at the crack that had formed in the glass of the picture frame after being thrown from the nightstand. James carefully set it back in its place and flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. He felt a numbness starting to settle into his bones. He couldn't believe that a few days ago life for him had been better than wonderful. His father had been alive, he had the best of friends, and Lily had been his girlfriend.
A few minutes later James heard his mother knocking on the door. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to see the grief in her face. He didn't want to have to be strong for her. He simply lay there on the bed and tried not to hear his mother's pleas to open the door.
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Lily stepped off the Hogwarts Express feeling an odd sense of deja-vu. It seemed like just yesterday she had walked through the barrier into the magical world, first facing the Hogwarts Express. Marlene and Alice walked with her silently as they loaded their luggage onto trolleys and headed toward the barrier to return to the Muggle world. Lily was anxious to return home and get away from the stares and the whispers of the other students. Even Marlene and Alice seemed to tiptoe around her.
As they crossed through the barrier Lily saw her parents and Petunia. She turned and bid a quick goodbye to her friends and started walking toward her family. Her mom rushed to her and almost squeezed the life out of her.
"Oh, Lily! I missed you so much. Thank God you are alright!" she exclaimed. Professor Dumbledore had owled them about Riddle's attack, explaining that Lily survived with mild memory loss.
Lily inhaled her mom's perfume, drawing some comfort from her mom's scent. When she was finally released from Anne Evans' grasp, Lily turned to her father and with tears welling in her eyes she rushed into his arms and held tight to him, feeling protected by his big bear-hug.
Harold Evans watched his youngest daughter and stroked her long red hair as he asked, "Are you alright, sweetie? Your headmaster told us about what happened."
Lily, her face still buried in her father's jacket, nodded. She finally pulled herself away and happily noticed her sister's presence. Petunia had an odd look about her, a mixture of happiness, curiosity, sympathy, and something else - something Lily couldn't pinpoint. Lily was so relieved and happy to see Petunia that she hugged her as well, noticing that Petunia had grown a bit over the school year.
When she pulled back, Petunia finally gave her a smile and said, "Welcome back, Lily."
Lily smiled back and said, "Thanks 'Tunia! It's good to be home."
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James' summer dragged on, though in a blur. He couldn't remember much about those first days home. His mother had had Perchy, their house elf, magic some food to his room though much of it went uneaten. James continued to spend most of his time laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Otherwise, his gaze led him to the picture he had nearly destroyed days earlier.
Finally, his mother felt he had had enough time to himself and magicked the door open. She forced him to come downstairs and eat dinner. She had to use the argument that his father wouldn't want him to waste away in that room. He was allowed to grieve, but had to do it in a healthy manner. He wanted to be stubborn and fight her about it but his conscience got the better of him as he realized she was right. His father would not be one to hide in his room. James reluctantly followed his mum to the dining room and tried to ignore the empty chair at the end of the table as he forced himself to eat.
The memorial service had been grand. Much of the wizarding world came to pay their respects. James knew his father was well-liked, but he stared in awe at the number of witches and wizards who shook his hand, many in tears. James politely listened to them and forced himself to smile. Many commented on how strong and brave he was to be dealing with this so calmly. They commented on how like his father he was. James continued to shake people's hands and soon found his concentration wavering. He stopped paying attention to who greeted him until one hand he shook did not let go. James looked up curiously to see Remus standing before him.
"Remus, what are you…why are you…?" stammered James.
Remus stood there, his face full of understanding for his friend. He had watched James as the line progressed and saw how much he wanted to get away from everyone. He remembered feeling similar when Romulus had died, though that had been several years earlier. Remus quickly pulled James into a brotherly embrace. When they let go he smiled and said, "I thought I would come and rescue you from this. Do you want to go somewhere else?"
James turned to his mother who had just finished greeting one of the junior assistants to the Minister of Magic. Marianne Potter had noticed the exchange between James and Remus and nodded to her son, silently giving him permission to go with his friend. He had, after all, been at this for a few hours and she felt he deserved some time with his friend. She prayed that James would open up to Remus, for he had yet to talk about Joseph's death with anyone else. After hearing him trash his room, he had clammed up and tried to put on a brave front. Marianne knew that inside James was feeling intense pain and sadness, for she more than anyone else knew of the closeness between him and his father.
James' heart felt a little bit lighter with each step he took away from the mourners. He followed Remus outside and sat on a bench in the park across the street. James, glancing back toward the memorial said, "Thanks, mate. Don't think I could have taken shaking many more hands." He turned back to Remus and asked, "What are you doing here? How did you find out?"
Remus smiled a little and said, "We woke up when Professor McGonagall came to our dorm to collect your things. You should have seen Peter. He was freaking out - thought that Riddle had come back and done something to you. After she got him to calm down she told us about your father." Remus paused, looking at his hands. "Er, James…I'm really sorry about your father, you know?"
James' mouth set into a firm line and he nodded.
After a few tense silent moments Remus spoke again, "Sirius wanted to come but…you know his family. His mum wouldn't let him leave the house to come here, us being 'blood traitors' and all. Peter wanted to come too but he was stuck going to America for the summer with his family."
James nodded again. Hoping to change the subject, he asked, "Did I miss anything interesting after I left Hogwarts?"
"Not really. Our tests that week were challenging but I think we all did pretty well - even Peter. Lily was released from the hospital wing the day before we returned," replied Remus.
James suddenly realized he had almost forgotten about Lily since he had been preoccupied with his dad's death. "How is she? Did she remember anything more? Does she remember me?" he asked.
Remus shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know, mate, but I don't think so. I never got a chance to speak with her. She spent most of her free time in her dorm room and then holed up in a compartment with Marlene and Alice on the train ride home. The few times I saw her, from a distance, she looked to be in good health. I kind of got the feeling she was a bit strained by recent events, you know - waking up not remembering what happened to her and losing other memories."
James nodded sadly and there was another awkward moment of silence between the two.
Remus spoke up again. "Well, maybe after you get a chance to speak with her this fall she'll remember. If not, I'm sure you'll become fast friends again. After all, she became fond of you once. How hard could it be to charm her again?"
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Lily felt an immense relief walking into her bedroom and seeing her things, being there with her family. She needed the familiarity of her home, something non-magical. She was glad to be away from the magic of Hogwarts and somewhere she felt safe.
Lily's parents tried to get her to talk about what had happened but all Lily would tell them was that she couldn't remember. They would then try to ask her about her school year and her friends but Lily would tear up and only say a few things regarding her classes and what she had learned. She said nothing about her friends.
Petunia was thrilled to have Lily home. It had been difficult over the Christmas holiday. Lily had been so absorbed in Hogwarts and magic that Petunia had felt a distance between them forming. Now Lily tried to speak about things that Petunia considered normal. During most of Petunia's life the family conversation always drifted toward Lily and her accomplishments. Now Lily purposely tried to redirect the conversation to occurrences in Petunia's life - how she did at school, her friends. To Petunia, the closeness they had shared before Lily had gone to Hogwarts was coming back. She ignored the initial detachment Lily had toward everything.
With each passing summer day Lily relaxed more. She began to feel some of the happiness she had known before. She spent some time with her old Muggle school friends and with Petunia. The majority of her time she tried to spend with her parents.
In early August her Hogwarts letter arrived stating when she'd need to be back at King's Cross for the train and listing the books and supplies she'd need. Anne Evans was surprised to find the letter on the floor of Lily's bedroom near the trash bin. She picked it up and studied it before finding Lily in the back yard, reading a book.
"Lily?" she asked.
"Yes, Mum?" she asked, still absorbed in her book.
"Why didn't you tell me you'd received your Hogwarts letter?"
Lily looked up, surprised. "Where did you find that?"
"On your bedroom floor," replied her mother.
Lily gulped and stared at her hands. She had been certain the letter had gone into the trash bin. How had it gotten out?
"Sweetie?" her mum prodded. "Don't you want to go to Diagon Alley to get your supplies?"
Lily shook her head.
It was Anne's turn to look surprised. "What do you mean 'no'? You're going to need the things listed."
Lily shook her head again. She glanced briefly at her mum before replying, "I won't need them. I'm not going back. I want to go to the Muggle school with 'Tunia." With tears starting to escape she stood up and ran into the house, up to her room.
That evening as Lily stayed in her room she heard one of the worst arguments she had witnessed between her parents.
"But Harold! She doesn't want to go back!" cried her mum.
"Anne, this is where she needs to be," replied her father.
"She could have been killed! Look at what this has already done to her. She seems so depressed, so down. And I miss her so much when she's gone!" she reasoned.
"The headmaster made it clear this was an exceptional situation. He assured me that Lily would be protected at the school from now on," he said.
"You didn't see her face. She was so upset when she said she wanted to stay here and go to Petunia's school," she argued.
"Lily has a gift - one that won't just disappear. She needs to nurture that gift and learn how to control it. Remember all the strange things that happened before we found out she was a witch? Remember the vase that seemingly broke on its own in front of us - when it was actually Lily who accidentally broke it after she had gotten into an argument with Petunia?" When Anne nodded, he added, "Her magic will stay with her whether or not she goes back to Hogwarts. Do you honestly think we'd be the best ones to help her control it?"
Her mum sighed and said, "She's just so unhappy now. I hate to send her back. What if she becomes more depressed?"
"She's already doing better. She's not as bad as when we first brought her home. Of course she'd be nervous going back. I'm sure that once she gets back into her class routine and is around her friends she will feel better about being back there. And besides, remember seeing her at Christmas? She seemed to light up every time we asked her about her classes and her friends."
Lily couldn't hear much after that. The voices of her parents quieted down but there was still a lot of discussion. After another half hour she heard a knock on her door. Her dad stepped into the room.
"Yes, dad?" she asked.
Harold approached her and sat on the edge of her bed. "Lily, your mum told me that you don't want to go back to Hogwarts."
"I don't," she replied.
"Why not?" he gently asked.
Lily wouldn't answer at first. She finally said, "I just don't want to go back. I want to go to 'Tunia's school."
"Lily, I know that something bad happened at the end of your first year there. I've spoken to your headmaster who assured me that you would be safe," he said.
"But Dad-" she started.
"Sweetheart, you seemed so happy at Christmas. You were so excited and proud of what you were learning. You had made friends-"
"Please, Dad, don't make me go back! I don't want to leave you or Mum!" she cried.
He leaned over and hugged her tight. "If I thought for a moment sending you back to Hogwarts wasn't the best thing for you I would keep you here with me. We miss you so much when you're not here. You bring so much life into this house." He pulled away from her a little and gazed into his daughter's green eyes. "You need to be at Hogwarts and you need to learn how to use your magic. This magic is a gift and should not be wasted."
"But-" she stammered.
Her father held up his hand to say that he'd made up his mind. "Your mum and I came to a decision that we feel is in your best interest. You will return for your second year at Hogwarts. You will apply yourself and try to find the joy in your studies that you found in your first year. Try to reconnect with your friends. If at the end of your second year you still want to go to Petunia's school, we will let you stay home."
Lily's shoulders fell as she reluctantly nodded. Her father hugged her again, telling her he loved her before bidding her a good night.
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A/N: I know, yet another chapter that is a bit sad / depressing. It won't stay this way forever, but I couldn't just let James go home and say, "Woohoo! It's summer and time for fun!" right after what happened in the forest and after his dad died. Couldn't do that for Lily, either, for that matter.
So is this getting too depressing for your tastes, or are you enjoying the drama? Like I said, the sadness won't last forever…
Thanks to the latest batch of reviewers: Harrysgrl, DobbyGrl (x2), urSweetiemSmia, Golden Phoenix, Watermelon!, and itsme63. Replies are in the review section.
Next chapter: Last part of summer for James and Lily before returning to Hogwarts. James and Lily will come face to face for the first time since she woke up in the hospital wing.