Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and events from J.K. Rowling's wonderful Harry Potter books. I am writing this for my own enjoyment and hopefully for the enjoyment of readers. Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. The rest belongs to me.
Chapter 92: Suffocating Memories
"Good morning, Lily," chirped Madam Andrews as she entered the room.
Lily was dressed and sitting on the side of the bed staring at the shaded window.
Madam Andrews waved her wand causing the shade to draw upward, sending beams of light throughout the room. "Lovely day, today. Freezing cold, but at least the sun's out," said the nurse.
Lily looked at her hands, trying to avoid the sunlight.
Madam Andrews studied her for several moments before sighing and saying, "If you're not ready, you don't have to go back today. Your headmaster said that he could arrange transportation on a different day."
For a while it seemed like Lily would not respond, for lately she had been a girl of few words. She took a deep breath and softly replied, "I have no where else to go."
Madam Andrews clucked her tongue and said, "Well, I'm glad that you'll be seeing your friends. I really wish you'd have accepted visitors after Healer Winters gave his okay." She glanced at the array of flowers and cards that had come during the few weeks Lily had stayed at St. Mungo's.
Alice and Marlene had each sent cards. A few times Alice had owled her chocolates, however the boxes remained untouched. Emm and Remus had each sent cards, as did a few of her fellow prefects. George had owled a large bouquet of flowers. Marianne had stopped by, using her clout as a fellow Healer, and dropped off some flowers and candy that James and Sirius had sent. Lily had heard her enter and closed her eyes, feigning sleep, unable to face James's mum.
Lily shrugged weakly and stood up, looking at the trunk that was in the corner of the room, having been delivered from her house a few days earlier. Her owl, Lancelot, perched in his cage next to the trunk, blinking at Lily. "Is it time to go?" she asked.
"If you're ready, then yes," replied Madam Andrews. Her eyes welled up as she rushed toward Lily and gathered her into a large embrace.
Lily immediately stiffened, not prepared for the hug and not ready to feel such a maternal gesture. A rawness threatened to reclaim Lily, who had managed to numb herself over the previous two weeks. She stepped back and said, "Thank you, Madam Andrews."
The nurse held Lily at arm's distance and said, "Now I want you to take care of yourself when you get to school. Don't let this eat you up. You need to talk to somebody."
Lily nodded and glanced at the door, anxious to get away.
"Don't worry about your things," said Madam Andrews. "The Aurors will make sure your trunk and owl make it to the train."
"Aurors?" questioned Lily.
"They'll be escorting you to King's Cross," said the nurse. "They just want to make sure nothing
happens to you, dear."
After losing both her parents and being disowned by her sister, Lily wondered what else could possibly happen to her.
Fabian Prewett opened the door and asked, "Ready to go, Lily?"
Lily nodded and followed him through the corridors and down the stairs as they reached the lobby. There was a crowd of people waiting to speak with the witch at the Inquiries desk, including a man who's ears kept flapping and lifting him off the floor. Another woman appeared to be alternately whispering and yelling at the nurse, however it seemed she had been afflicted with a curse that caused her to have difficulty controlling the volume of her voice.
They arrived at a wall where Lily assumed the exit must be. Fabian motioned for her to stop and leaned forward, his face disappearing into the wall. After a moment he pulled back and smiled at her, saying, "All clear. Go ahead. My brother Gideon's waiting on the other side for you. I'll meet you at the station with your belongings."
Lily hesitated for a moment before stepping through what felt like a cold sheet of water and finding herself on a busy London street in front of an old red brick building. Turning around she realized the wall she had walked through appeared from this side to be an old window display.
"Lily, we need to get you to the station," said a voice Lily could swear belonged to Fabian. Turning around, she saw someone who looked just like him and realized it was his brother, Gideon. He was glancing up and down the street, presumably looking for possible threats. He nodded toward the street where there was a sleek black car parked. "It's on loan from the Ministry," he explained.
The drive to King's Cross was mostly silent. Gideon tried to make small talk about Hogwarts and the professors, but Lily mutely stared through the window. As soon as they arrived Gideon stepped out and gazed toward a crowded spot near the entrance. Lily noticed a woman give him a discreet nod, apparently indicating that it was safe to enter the station. They walked to Platform 9 and the barrier, and Lily couldn't help but remember the hugs and kisses she'd received from her mum and dad a few weeks earlier as she had arrived home for the holidays. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
"We're all set," said Gideon. "The train leaves in ten minutes. Fabian will have made sure your things made it on safely."
Lily paused before the barrier, a queasy feeling settling inside her as she realized she was going to have to face so many people and settle into the normalcy of schoolwork again. Was normalcy even possible for her anymore?
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"She might not even be here, Prongs," said Sirius.
"No," protested James, looking around the crowded platform. My mum heard that she was being released today. She said she's coming back to Hogwarts."
"She's probably going to want some space," said Remus. "She didn't even want any visitors at the hospital."
James's eyes suddenly perked and the other Marauders followed his gaze to the barrier where Lily had just stepped through. She was noticeably thinner and her eyes had dark rims below them, making them appear haunted. No sooner had she appeared through the barrier before Alice and Marlene raced over and hugged her, each of them crying except Lily who stood there stiff and emotionless. Lily gave them each the ghost of a smile before becoming fidgety and playing with the edge of her coat pocket.
James was about to approach her when he saw George Cooper rush beside Lily and sweep her up in his own hug, kissing her on the temple. Lily's reaction was similar to the one she had shown Alice and Marlene. James hesitated, wanting to see for himself how Lily was really doing but remembering his promise before the holidays to lay off Cooper.
The train's whistle signaled the impending departure, so James opted to leave Lily to her closest friends, thinking that maybe Remus had a point about her becoming overwhelmed by all the attention. Besides, after his dad had died he hadn't liked all the extra attention. He had wanted people to leave him alone rather than pity him.
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"You sure you're okay?" asked Alice.
Lily looked at the floor, her face indecipherable as she replied, "I'm fine."
Marlene gave Lily a dubious look and was about to voice her doubts when George shook his head, saying, "Come on. Frank's saving a compartment for us." He put his arm around Lily's shoulders, guiding her toward the train.
The ride to Hogwarts was awkward for Lily and her friends. They tried making small talk to fill the silence, however Lily sat tacitly by the window during the entire trip, looking outside at nothing in particular. Frank started to talk about his Christmas when Alice jabbed him in the ribs, silently scolding him for bringing up Christmas when it could upset Lily. The rest of the trip was filled with carefully calculated conversation. Marlene was so frustrated from trying to find something to cheer Lily up that she considered finding Sirius and hexing him just to liven things up.
Once they arrived at Hogwarts, Lily excused herself from the feast and went straight to her room, claiming to be tired from the trip. She shut the curtains to her bed, neither Marlene nor Alice hearing a peep from her all night. The next morning, Alice went to wake Lily only to find the bed empty. Worried, she quickly finished getting dressed and hurried down to the Great Hall only to find Lily leaving.
"Lily!" called Alice, rushing over to her. "You're done with breakfast, already?" Seeing Lily nod, she asked, "Where are you going?"
"To the library," replied Lily.
"Oh," said Alice, glancing at the Great Hall before saying, "I'll come with you."
"No," protested Lily. "I need to finish the Transfiguration assignment. Go ahead and eat breakfast."
Alice waved off Lily's suggestion and said, "That's okay. I can help you. I finished the assignment already, anyway."
Lily shook her head and insisted, "I'm fine, Alice. I just need to do this on my own, okay?" She turned and walked away, leaving Alice to wonder whether Lily had been talking about her homework or her grief.
As the next few weeks passed, the weather seemed to mimic the atmosphere around Lily. There was no snow, not even wind, just a dreary chill that left the sky a dull gray. Lily tended to venture off by herself, citing the need to catch up on her studies. Whenever one of her friends approached her she had an assignment in front of her or a textbook, though there were times when her eyes did not move, seemingly staring through whatever it was she claimed to be working on. She no longer participated in class, only speaking if she was called upon.
Alice and Marlene were constantly concerned about Lily and her lack of emotion. Alice was worried that Lily had become a shell of her former self. One evening, in the common room, Marlene finally decided to try her original idea of cheering Lily up and hexed a donkey's head on Sirius, who was rather put out about it. Marlene told him not to be an 'ass' about it and to take one for the cause. While this sent several Gryffindors into hysterics, Lily didn't appear to notice the commotion as she was sitting by the window, gazing outside.
Matters only became worse when the Daily Prophet reported more attacks, including the slaying of several Muggles near a wizarding village. Several of the Muggleborn students were constantly on edge, wondering if they would wake up one day to read about their families, wondering if they would walk around the school with the shell-shocked look that Lily and a few other students had from their tragedies.
The Marauders decided to try and liven things up a bit. They made a Saturday expedition to Zonko's through one of the secret passageways and stocked up on some items they felt would earn some laughs. With the help of a few house elves in the kitchen, they switched the cups on the staff table so that during dinner, each time a professor went to take a drink the liquid would jump out of the cup and land in another professor's cup.
One evening, James was on his way to the greenhouse intent on nicking some Mashing Potatoes, a potato that tended to mash the person before letting the person mash it for food. He thought it might be funny to switch the baked potatoes at the Slytherin table the next evening. As he approached Greenhouse 2, he saw a couple of shadows further down the corridor. Pulling out the Marauder's Map, he activated it and saw that the two people were George Cooper and Miriam Snodgrass, a seventh year Hufflepuff.
Staying close to the wall in the shadows, James sneaked closer until he could get a better look at them. He could see Miriam with a slight blush in her cheek, shyly smiling before saying, "Sure. I'd love to."
"It's a date, then," replied Cooper, smiling back.
James hid behind a statue as Miriam walked by, a broad grin on her face. Once she had passed, James stepped out and saw Cooper still by the greenhouse with a stupid grin on his face. Furious, James suddenly found himself in front of Cooper, grabbing hold of him and pushing him back, knocking the seventh year Gryffindor into the wall.
"What the bloody hell was that for?!" yelled Cooper, ready to fight back, but suddenly at the end of the wand of a very angry James Potter.
"I saw you!" shouted James. "With Miriam!"
"So?" said Cooper, trying to casually reach into his robe pocket.
"Expelliarmus!" said James, causing Cooper to knock into the wall again as his wand flew into James's other hand. James took a menacing step closer as he said, "So? You're supposed to be dating Evans, and here you are asking some other bird out!"
"Lily and I aren't dating," said George.
"She just lost her family, and you broke up with her?!" said James.
George nervously tugged at his collar before muttering, "She broke up with me last week."
James's wand faltered as he said, "What?"
George cleared his throat and repeated, "She broke up with me. I'm not cheating on her, so let me have my wand back before I decide to deduct points for using magic in the corridor."
James was tempted to hex the prefect badge on Cooper's robes to say 'prat', however he was more concerned about Lily. He reluctantly returned Cooper's wand and watched the seventh year prefect nervously walk away, glancing over his shoulder every so often to make sure James didn't change his mind about hexing him.
Forgetting about the Mashing Potatoes, James headed back to Gryffindor Tower. He had wanted to talk to Lily, especially after the way she had reacted to him in the hospital. He wanted to make sure she was okay, however he hadn't seen much of her since their return from the holidays. She seemed to isolate herself, and when he did see her she was flanked by her friends. Remus had said to give her space which James had done, knowing how he had wanted that after his own father's death.
Walking into the common room, James saw Marlene sitting with Alice and Frank at a table by a window. He approached them, ignoring the questioning looks he got from the other Marauders, who had been expecting him to return with a bag full of angry potatoes.
"What do you want, Potter?" asked Marlene, looking suspiciously toward the other Marauders, expecting Sirius to have sent James over as part of some scheme to avenge the donkey-head hex.
"Where's Evans?" asked James.
"She's upstairs," replied Alice.
"Did she really break up with Cooper?" asked James.
Marlene rolled her eyes and said, "Don't tell me you're going to start asking her out again, Potter. She doesn't need-"
"I'm not," interrupted James. He nervously ran a hand through his hair and said, "I was just, erm…wondering how she's doing. I haven't seen her around much except in classes."
Looking toward the staircase to the girls' dormitory, Alice said, "She's probably sleeping. Seems like that's all she does lately unless she's holed up somewhere studying."
"Look, clearly she's really sad about her parents," said Marlene, explaining the obvious. "We're helping her as much as we can, but right now she wants to be left alone. If that's what she wants then we're going to do that for her. She'll get through this if we just give her some time. And space," she added, giving James a pointed look.
James looked like he was going to say something, but instead ruffled his hair, tugging at the tousled strands in frustration as he walked toward his mates.
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The following day was another chilly winter day. There was an ominous calm outside, and several professors were overheard talking about the likelihood of a storm. Several students looked upward toward the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall, expecting to see a swirling of clouds. Instead, they were met with overcast gray skies, nothing more to indicate an impending blizzard.
Lily sat at the Gryffindor table attempting to read the next chapter in her Charms textbook, however Alice kept nagging her to eat. Lily tried to humor her by picking at her toast a bit, however she succeeding more in pushing the food around her plate rather than eating it.
Alice frowned, concerned at how skinny Lily was getting. She was already thin to begin with, but it seemed that ever since their return to Hogwarts Lily's life consisted of sleep and attempts at studying, though Alice could tell that Lily had trouble focusing on her reading. It seemed as if she had no appetite, and Alice worried that part of Lily had probably died along with her parents. She showed no signs of emotion, walking from class to class as if she were a zombie forced to get through the day.
Alice had tried a few Cheering Charms, however after each charm wore off Lily's mood only became more somber. Marlene told her to stop, knowing that they wouldn't be able to keep the charm on Lily 24-7, and worried that if they kept her on it long term, once the charm wore off things would be worse than they already were. Marlene felt that Lily just needed to work her way through the depression and then she'd be fine.
"I'll see you in class," said Lily as she gathered her books and stood up.
"Wait, we'll go with you," said Frank.
"That's okay," said Lily. "Finish your breakfast, Frank. I'll see you later." She walked out of the Great Hall before anyone had a chance to protest.
"I don't like this," said Alice. "She isn't getting any better. There has to be something we can do."
"We're giving her what she wants right now," said Marlene. "What else can we do?"
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Lily walked toward the DADA classroom, numbly praying to get her through classes that day so she could return to the safety of her bed and sleep away the rest of the day. She appreciated her friends, but they didn't understand. Merlin, even she didn't understand. To try was to bring up all the terror and emotion she had felt when she had first woken up at St. Mungo's. She knew she had to push those thoughts away or she'd never be able to survive what had happened.
Turning the corner, she suddenly found herself face to face with James Potter. He was alone, standing in the middle of the hallway, not surprised to see her. It was if he had been waiting for her.
"Hi," he said, somewhat shyly.
Lily was temporarily frozen in place, feeling a flutter of panic in her belly. She knew that at some point she would have to face James, but she wasn't ready. She didn't think she'd ever be ready.
James ran a hand nervously through his hair, noting that Lily looked like she would rather be anywhere but in front of him. Still, he asked, "How are you? Erm…that's a dumb question. But…are you okay?" Seeing her thin, pale state, he said, "Right, that was also a dumb question. It's just that, I know how awful this is for you right now. I mean, erm…my dad was killed, too…at the end of first year."
If it was possible, Lily looked paler. Her hands trembled a little as she gathered her books closer to her chest as if trying to protect herself.
"I thought that if you want to talk about it with someone who knows what you're going through, or even if you just want to hang out, I'm here," said James.
Lily's face lost some of the numb shell-shocked look that she had been sporting as she looked somewhat scared. "I just need to be by myself right now," she tremulously said. "Please," she added as she walked around him, her eyes a bit glassy.
"If you change your mind," said James, "come find me, okay?"
The empathy in his voice caused Lily to pause. She turned her head and gave a slight nod to indicate she had heard him, before rushing away toward the DADA classroom. She found her usual spot in the back corner of the room and collapsed into her seat. She ran her hands over her face, trying to force out the panicky sensation that was attempting to overcome her.
Ever since Lily had been released from St. Mungo's she felt as if she had been walking a constant tightrope set high above a pit of lies and despair that threatened to eat away at her. She had forced herself to avoid all of the thoughts and emotions that had been plaguing her in order to keep her balance. Every time someone tried to force her to open up it was as if they adding to her load and threatening the fine line she was walking. Seeing James and hearing the empathy from him had felt like a hippogriff landed on her.
Lily felt her heart flutter from nerves, constantly reminded of what Riddle had told her in the forest at the end of first year. It had been her fault. She had somehow revealed the location of James's dad to him, and he had used that information to kill Mr. Potter. She couldn't stomach the idea of James showing her sympathy after what she had done.
Lily's memory of the events of the night her parents were killed was still sketchy, however she knew that Riddle had been inside her house. Every so often Lily would get a flash of memory of that night, like something out of the most intense moments of a horror film. It was killing Lily, not knowing, yet she was scared to death of finding out her role that evening. Had she somehow been responsible for her parents' deaths like she had been with James's dad? Did she even try to stop the Death Eaters?
"You look like you've been in an argument with a Lethifold," came a soft, melodic voice from the front of the room.
Lily started, jumping back slightly in her seat. She looked across the empty classroom to see Professor Grazynska standing by her desk. Lily tried to regroup, taking several deep but shaky breaths. She hadn't heard the DADA professor enter the room.
"I did not mean to startle you," said Professor Grazynska. She walked towards Lily, her pace graceful and smooth. She sat down at the desk opposite Lily's and said, "I understand you had a difficult time over the holiday."
Lily felt another flutter of unease. She had had several professors offer their condolences and give her advice on how to get past the tragedy. Lily did not want another person telling her how to feel and act. She just wanted to be left alone, trying to find a way to make it through each day. She nodded at the professor, staring down at her desk and hoping she would get the hint and leave her alone.
"You're feeling guilty," said Professor Grazynska, almost matter-of-factly.
Lily looked up, surprised at the comment. Did she know…?
The DADA professor arched one of her delicate eyebrows and said, "Being a muggleborn. It's natural to feel guilty about such a death. After all, you're magical, your parents weren't. It is understandable that you would have doubts about your decision to enroll at Hogwarts."
Lily gazed at the professor. Something about her voice was soothing, however when her eyes met Professor Grazynska's, Lily couldn't see any empathy. Lily felt a chill trickle through her bones and she shivered.
"I imagine your parents were very proud of you," continued Professor Grazynska. "Being Muggles, I suppose they got a lot of enjoyment out of anything magical you brought home."
Lily looked down and nodded, feeling a lump form in her throat at the excited and pleased reactions her parents had anytime she showed them anything enchanted or magical.
"Such a shame they had to die at Christmas," said Professor Grazynska. "I bet the gifts you had gotten them would have made them very happy."
Lily thought of her last trip to Hogsmeade before the Christmas holiday. She had found a toy sailboat for her dad, who loved boats. The sailboat, once set upon water, would come to life, the sails raising and enchanted little sailors shouting orders. She had bought her mum a scarf enchanted to change colors depending on the outfit she was wearing that day.
Suddenly Lily noticed Professor Grazynska had started humming a soft melody. Lily gazed up at her professor and felt a little dizzy. Though the DADA teacher's face was serene, something about her eyes was intense, almost probing.
Lily suddenly felt a memory surface from before the holidays. She had been with the prefects and Professor Flitwick, sorting through a variety of things in an old classroom a few corridors down from the library. Professor Flitwick was hoping to use the room for his seventh year students for some advanced NEWT preparations. He had enlisted the help of several prefects for the task.
The old room had looked more like a storage room rather than an old classroom, a place to put things when one could think of no better place to put them. There were sheets draped over the furniture and boxes in an attempt to keep the dust off, however it seemed like the dust had a mind of its own. Lily had been unable to fight off several sneezing fits as the sheets were removed from the stored objects, causing the dust to hang in the stale air.
What they found presented a major challenge. There was no rhyme or reason to the stored items. Professor Flitwick gave a frustrated tug at his few remaining hairs, and finally decided to try to catalog what they could identify. He hoped to find a more suitable place for the objects he could identify and shrink the objects he could not identify, at least making them easier to stow away.
Lily found a wide variety of items, from old textbooks to clothing that looked like it was hundreds of years old. She and a few other of the prefects had fun donning some of the old hats and robes that had gone out of style centuries earlier. Professor Flitwick had to gently remind them that there was still much to be done if they were going to have the room cleared out by the end of the day.
By the time the last box had been packed and shrunk, the prefects were feeling sweaty and covered in a layer of grime from the dust and dirt. Emm, who was a Ravenclaw prefect, chuckled and said to Lily, "You've got an enormous dust ball on the top of your head, Lily."
Lily grimaced and ran a hand over the top of head, picking out little pieces of dust bunnies. "Did I get it all?" she asked, continuing to search for more dust. As her hand reached the back of her head, she suddenly remembered, "Whoops! I forgot I had this on." She pulled out a comb she had found at the back of a bookshelf. She had pulled her hair back and set it with the old comb both as part of the fun of dressing up in the ancient clothing, and also in an attempt to keep her hair out of her face.
Emm studied the old comb, admiring the sapphire blue color and the set of birds that were carved into the hair ornament. One of the birds stretched and fluttered its wings, causing Emm to gasp in delight. "That is so neat! Where did you find this?"
"At the back of a bookshelf behind some of the old Charms textbooks," replied Lily.
"That's an odd place to leave something like that," commented Emm.
Lily nodded and saw their Charms professor approaching.
"We're done here," said Professor Flitwick. "Thanks for all your help today, girls."
"Professor, I forgot that I had this," said Lily, showing him the blue hair comb.
Professor Flitwick turned his tired eyes toward the comb and studied it for a moment before saying, "I don't recognize it. Probably something for the 'abandoned clothes' box."
Lily studied the pretty comb, sad at the idea of letting it sit in a box indefinitely.
Professor Flitwick smiled and said, "Why don't you keep it? There's no point in leaving it stored somewhere when I'm sure it would look lovely in your hair, right?"
Lily smiled and said, "Actually, I think I might give it to my sister for Christmas. I still need something for her, and it would look better in her blond hair."
"Splendid idea!" exclaimed Professor Flitwick.
As Lily and Emm walked away from the old classroom, Emm said, "I'm jealous. I wish I'd found something like that to keep. The most exciting thing I came across was that old bugle that plays itself, and there's no way I'm keeping that!"
Lily laughed and said, "Maybe you should've taken that old hat with the chicken perched on the top. Then you could look like Frank Longbottom's mum."
"Is she the lady with that weird hat with the vulture?" asked Emm.
Lily nodded and said, "That's her."
Emm scrunched up her face and said, "You'd think she found that hat in the room we just cleaned. It's awful." Glancing over and the comb Lily was carrying, she said, "I can't believe you're going to give that to your sister. I'd probably keep it for myself. She's going to love it."
Lily studied the pretty comb and, seeing one of the decorative birds preening itself, she suddenly had doubts. Petunia would probably love the comb, except for the fact that it had little birds that fluttered around on it. Lily smiled at Emm, silently thinking to herself that she should use that upcoming Hogsmeade weekend to see if there was something for Petunia that wouldn't make her shriek in fear.
Lily's memory suddenly shifted from the day cleaning the classroom to the night her parents were killed. She found herself held at wand point surrounded by several Death Eaters. Riddle was standing before her, not wearing a mask like the others, though his face had changed. It was paler, less handsome than his days as her DADA professor. His eyes were different, less human.
"Bring her here," he commanded to the Death Eaters surrounding Lily.
"Yes, My Lord," replied a female voice coming from the Death Eater on Lily's right. She gave Lily a harsh jab with her wand and shoved her toward Riddle. Behind him, her parents were on the couch, invisibly bound by a spell, unable to move.
Riddle stepped closer to Lily and said, "Where is it?"
Lily shook her head in confusion, finding herself unable to look at the man who had somehow made her do horrible things during her first year at Hogwarts. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."
Riddle turned and aimed his wand at her father. "Crucio!" he yelled, causing her father's face to contort in agony, unable to thrash about with the binding spell upon him.
"No!" yelled Lily, trying to get to her father but feeling one of the masked Death Eaters holding her back. Over her father's screams she could hear laughter from the group of Death Eaters. "Stop it!" she yelled at Riddle.
Riddle broke the Cruciatus Curse and turned back to Lily. "Now tell me, where is it?"
Lily looked at her father, who was tremoring from the aftereffects of the curse. Feeling her own tears spilling over, she said, "Where is what?"
Riddle turned again and set the curse on her mum this time.
"No, please!" screamed Lily. Her mum was screaming and her dad had tears running down his face in frustration at the pain his wife was in and the threat against his youngest daughter. Lily pulled at her hair and yelled, "I don't know what you want! Stop it!"
Riddle stopped the curse and looked at her. Lily looked down, unable to meet his creepy eyes. "You brought a present home for your sister. Where is it?"
Lily furrowed her brow in confusion. "My sister's present? They're just some chocolates from Honeydukes."
Riddle did not like her answer, as he released the binding on her father and said, "Imperio!"
Her father's face relaxed, his eyes dull as he picked up a letter opener from a nearby table. He took the knife and started cutting at the skin on his arm, causing blood to drip.
Lily struggled to free herself, but the grip her captor had on her was too strong.
"Tell me where it is!" demanded Riddle.
"The presents are in my trunk upstairs!" cried Lily.
Riddle summoned the trunk, causing it to land in front of one of the other Death Eaters. The masked person, a woman, opened the trunk and pulled out all the wrapped gifts, tearing each of them open. "It's not here!" she hissed.
"Accio comb!" incanted Riddle. Seeing nothing happen, he turned to Lily and said, "You got your sister a comb. Where is it?!"
"The comb?" said Lily. She couldn't believe that Riddle was torturing her family over a hair comb. And how had he known that she had it? "It's not here," she said. She had decided that Honeyduke's chocolates were a safer choice for her sister who didn't like magical items like combs that had moving birds.
Riddle's face contorted in anger and he whipped around, aiming his wand and shouting, "Avada kedavra!"
Lily watched in horror as a trail of green light hit its target, causing her mum to go limp, her eyes glassy. Her father was still under the Imperius Curse, cutting at his arm, oblivious to the fact that his wife had just been killed. Lily felt her knees give out, though she couldn't fall to the floor as her captor was still holding on to her. "Mum…" she cried weakly.
"Perhaps I need to do this a different way," said Riddle, reaching into his robe to grab something. He stalked toward Lily and grabbed her face with one of his twisted hands, forcing her to look into his eyes. The last thing Lily remembered seeing was a twinkle of green and Riddle's intense eyes.
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Lily felt herself being jarred out of the memory. Her world felt like it had turned upside down. Professor Grazynska was still gazing at her, her eyes calm and her face serene. The memories that had just surfaced overwhelmed Lily, causing her to feel like she was drowning in the stale air of the DADA classroom. She had to get out, had to get away. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath.
Lily stood up and ran, the blood pounding in her ears as she raced through the corridors. Her one thought was that she needed air. She pushed her way past a group of third year students, who looked frightened by the wide-eyed panic in Lily's eyes.
The gust of icy air that hit Lily as she raced outside didn't slow her down. She ran through the flakes that had begun to drift down from the sky, confirming the earlier weather predictions of the professors from breakfast. As Lily neared the lake, her foot hit an icy patch in the grass and she tumbled, her palms and elbows scraping against the hardened ground.
Lily lay there, trying to catch her breath from the run and the fall, in addition to the rush of memories that were catching up to her. Her parents' faces, full of fear and pain as Riddle tortured them. Her father's face as Riddle placed the Imperius Curse, the blood dripping down his arm… Her mother's face as the rush of green light hit her, her eyes glazing over as the life was forced out of her. Riddle's face, contorted from rage and hate, looking less human than when she had been eleven years old. His eyes, boring into hers…she couldn't remember anything beyond that moment when she had felt his icy hand grabbing her face.
Lily felt all of the emotions she had tried to avoid rising from the pit of her stomach and surrounding her like a web, weaving itself tighter and tighter and threatening to suffocate her. She let out a howl of agony, feeling her body shaking as the screams robbed her of air. The wind howled in response, drowning out her wails as the snowflakes swirled around her, growing thicker as the storm grew.
Lily pounded the ground as her screams settled into gut wrenching sobs. The pain searing into her hands as they bruised and scraped against the ground didn't phase her. She cursed herself, wishing she had found some way to stop what Riddle had done to her parents, even wishing that she had followed Petunia's advice by not returning to Hogwarts for her third year. Her parents would still be alive if she had decided to stay home.
As the storm progressed Lily felt the chill of the snow and wind icing her to the bone, gradually causing a sleepy calm to take over. She welcomed the cold, relishing the way it numbed her mind, thereby numbing her pain. She lay on her side, curled into the fetal position, allowing the cold to soothe her as she drifted into a deep sleep.
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Remus stood guard in the corridor leading to the greenhouses. Sirius had been disappointed that James had not brought back the Mashing Potatoes the previous night as planned, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He and Peter had decided to sneak into the greenhouses after DADA, knowing it was riskier during the daytime, but Sirius was intent on carrying out the prank. They had borrowed the invisibility cloak while James went to the kitchens to make certain no professors had decided to eat their lunch there. Remus had been assigned guard duty.
"Remus!"
Remus saw Alice approaching him and glanced over his shoulder to make sure there was no obvious activity from the greenhouses. Hearing a thud and a muffled 'ouch!', Remus opted to meet Alice halfway, hoping she wouldn't get close enough to hear the potato theft.
"What's up?" asked Remus.
"Have you seen Lily?" she asked.
"No," replied Remus, remembering overhearing Professor Grazynska telling Alice and Marlene that Lily had been feeling ill before class had started. "Isn't she in the hospital wing?"
Alice shook her head and said, "No. I looked there already and Madame Pomfrey said she hasn't been there today."
"What about her room?" asked Remus. "Maybe she decided to take a nap."
"Marlene's looking there now," said Alice.
"Then that's probably where she is," said Remus, "unless she's holed up in the library."
"I was going to look there next," said Alice. "If you see her, let me know."
Remus nodded and watched as Alice disappeared around the corner, continuing her quest to find her friend. Once she was out of sight, Remus pulled out a roll of parchment, unwrapped it, and tapped it with his wand, whispering, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
The lines of the map appeared and Remus searched the dots for Lily. He looked at Gryffindor tower and saw Marlene pacing around the 6th year girl's dormitory room, but no Lily. He looked at the library and could not see her. He scanned the entire contents of the castle and was unable to find her. Just as he was about to double check Gryffindor Tower, his eyes locked onto something by the lake. He had not thought to look around the periphery of the castle as the weather had grown rather nasty in the past few hours. His eyes had almost skipped over it - a dot by the lake with 'Lily Evans' in faint print. He stared at it for a moment comparing her name to the other names moving around the castle.
"Why is it so faint?" he wondered aloud. "Unless…" The realization hit him as his heart started to pound. "Merlin!" he cried, shoving the Map into his robes and taking off at a sprint toward the front entrance, hoping he wasn't too late.
As he pushed open the outer doors, he felt his breath catch at the rush of icy air. The snowflakes, which had been soft earlier, were turning into ice, pelting Remus in the face as he tried to gather his bearings. The blizzard had progressed to the point that he couldn't see more than a few feet in front of him. He pulled out the Map and held it close to his face, trying to place where his dot was compared to Lily's.
He stumbled through the wind and the ice, trying to keep from letting the Map get whisked away by the blizzard. As his dot neared Lily's, he shoved the parchment back into his robes, grateful he had remembered to place a waterproofing charm on it.
Remus scanned the area, knowing that he had to be very close to her location. He blinked a few times, trying not to let the chill freeze his vision. Suddenly he felt himself stumble over something. He looked to see what had tripped him, and gasped as he saw a shock of dark red hair amidst the gathering snow on the ground.
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A/N: Well, I figured since you guys were probably already fed up with me for taking so long to get this chapter out, why not push my luck and leave a cliffy? (Nervous laughter) What can I say? I have a bunch of excuses - injured my finger (makes typing difficult), was traveling for work, then boyfriend was in hospital for a month (he finally seems to be on the mend, thankfully). That, plus I had a few details about this chapter I had to straighten out before I could finish it.
6th year has been a rather depressing year, hasn't it? Hopefully it won't stay that way, right? Assuming Lily survives… (evil laughter)
Thanks to all my readers and to those who took the time to leave me reviews. Thanks for sticking with the story!