Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and events from J.K. Rowling's wonderful Harry Potter books. I am writing this for my own enjoyment and hopefully for the enjoyment of readers. Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. The rest belongs to me.
Chapter 91: Echoes of a Nightmare
Distant sounds, meshed together like a group of incoherent echoes. Feeling drawn closer to the din, hearing the echoes starting to meld into fewer sounds, perhaps voices or the rustling of some paper. Pain, dull initially, but gradually intensifying as the sounds become more clear. Light, attempting to invade the senses, yet resistance seems the only way to avoid the pain.
"Lily?"
More pain, joined by confusion and the first hint of fear.
"Lily? Wake up, honey."
Wanting to stay in the darkness and avoid the pain, but unable to as a liquid is forced down the throat, a warm spicy sensation causing heat to permeate the body. The sounds suddenly become more clear, and the inevitable occurs as the eyes open.
"Oh, thank Merlin," came a female voice. "You had us in quite a dither, young lady."
Lily blinked, her eyes feeling dry and her vision blurred. She turned her head toward the voice and groaned as a stab of pain threatened to split her head in two.
"Don't move a muscle, miss," said the woman. "I've sent for the Healer and he will bring you something for the pain."
Lily tried to speak but found the task immensely difficult. Her throat felt dry and raw, and all that came out were some broken sounds. She spent the next few minutes blinking and trying to bring her surroundings into focus.
"Ah, I see our patient is finally awake," came a voice that had just entered the room. A short balding man with a kind face and lime green robes stepped into Lily's view and said, "Hello, Miss Evans. I'm Healer Winters."
The female voice in the room spoke, "She woke a few minutes ago and appears to need a pain tonic, Healer."
"Very well, Madam Andrews," said Healer Winters. He took out his wand and conjured a vial of purple potion. "I'll need you to drink this, Miss Evans. It will help you to feel better."
Madam Andrews helped to lift Lily's head so she could drink the potion, the movement causing another blinding jolt of pain to pound through her head. As the liquid ran down her throat she felt as if a cool rush of water had come to extinguish the fire in her brain.
Once her vision came back into focus, Lily felt some of the rawness in her throat abate. She managed to croak out, "Why am I here? Where am I?"
Madam Andrews said, "You're at St. Mungo's. You-"
The healer cleared his throat to interrupt the nurse and said, "What do you remember, Miss Evans?"
Lily furrowed her eyebrows and said, "I don't know. I was shopping with Petunia, my sister. She went to see her boyfriend and I walked home." Lily strained to remember what happened after she went inside the house, but all she could see was, "Green. I remember my house. I saw green. What hap-" she paused, feeling a wrench in her gut. The headache, a blank patch of memory… She hadn't felt anything like that since first year.
"I heard she's awake," came a gruff voice from the doorway.
"Now's not a great time, Moody," said Healer Winters.
"We need to know what she knows as soon as possible if we're going to find the-" started Moody.
"Not now," repeated Healer Winters. "She's only just woken up and I'm not sure what she remembers."
"What's happening?" asked Lily, more agitated. "Why am I here? Where are my mum and dad?"
Healer Winters and Moody exchanged a look while Madam Andrews appeared on the verge of tears.
"Where are my parents?" Lily asked more emphatically. Certainly if she was injured in a hospital then her parents had to be nearby, she thought. "Mum?!" she called, knowing that her mother had to be waiting outside the room. Suddenly she thought she heard the sound of a sob from a distance. "Dad?!" she called, sitting up, her heart starting to race.
'Lily, get out!' Lily's breath caught as she heard the echo of her dad's voice. 'RUN!'
Lily grabbed her head and echoed, "Dad?" her voice weaker. She looked at Madam Andrews, who was dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Where are my parents? Please!"
"Your house was attacked by Death Eaters," said Moody. "We need to know anything you can remember about who was there."
"Alastor!" reprimanded the healer.
"Attacked?" echoed Lily. "My parents…"
Moody's gruff face appeared sympathetic as he said, "They didn't make it. It's a miracle the Aurors were able to get you out alive."
Lily shook her head, a tight feeling forming in her chest. "No. They aren't…they can't be-" her throat caught, the sound of screams filling her ears, her vision filling with green. She suddenly found it impossible to breathe and started gulping for air. Blackness started to take over as she vaguely heard the healer call for a Calming Draught.
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"Wake up, Padfoot!"
"Bugger off, Prongs," grumbled Sirius.
"It's Christmas!"
"Bugger off, Prongs," repeated Sirius, burying his head under his pillow.
"Fine, sleep," said James. "I'll just open your presents and give them to Perchy."
Sirius's response was a dull snore.
James grumbled and headed downstairs. He looked at the clock in the hallway and saw that it was 9 a.m. It wasn't that early, he thought. He knew once the smells of Christmas breakfast permeated the house that Sirius wouldn't be able to resist waking. His mum always made sure that Perchy had a feast ready to greet them on Christmas morning.
James walked into the dining room only to find it dark, no settings or food present. Joseph's portrait was empty. Confused, he jogged into the kitchen where he saw his mum sitting at the table, her back to the door. As he approached he saw that she was nursing a cup of tea over the Christmas edition of the Daily Prophet. Joseph was in the painting next to the table trying to read over her shoulder.
As soon as Marianne realized her son had entered the kitchen she hurriedly flipped the paper over and said, "James, you're up early."
James saw the line on his mum's forehead that always formed when she was worried or upset about something. "What's going on, Mum?"
Marianne sighed and motioned for James to sit down. She conjured a second cup of tea and pushed it in front of him. She glanced at Joseph's image wondering how she was going to tell her son.
Joseph gave her a sympathetic smile and said, "There's not going to be an easy way to break it to him, love."
"James," she started, "you know how I had to work last night, right?"
"Yeah," replied James. He remembered his mum had volunteered to take Healer McGinnis's shift so he could spend Christmas Eve with his wife and newborn daughter.
"I was discharging a patient when I noticed a flurry of activity," explained Marianne. "There were several Aurors that had just arrived from another attack."
James shook his head and let out a puff of breath. "Bastards don't even stop for Christmas, do they?"
Marianne continued, not bothering to correct her son's language. "The Death Eaters attacked a student's house, James." Pausing to take a deep breath, she finished, "It was Lily Evans's house."
If someone had dropped a house on James at that moment he wouldn't have noticed it. He was taken back to that moment after first year when he was about to find out about his dad. That moment when he still had a faint glimmer of hope that somehow his dad had survived the attack. But his dad hadn't survived, and James didn't want to ask knowing that he could hear the same thing about Lily. He wanted to hang onto that moment of hope, but found himself compelled to ask anyway. "Is she…?"
Marianne shook her head and said, "She's alive, James. The Aurors were able to get her out in time."
James let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. Running both hands through his already tousled hair, he asked, "Is she okay? Was she hurt?"
Marianne took James's hand and said, "From what Healer Winters told me, he thinks she's going to be fine. Physically, at least."
"What do you mean?" asked James.
Marianne took a ragged breath and said, "Her parents were killed last night, James."
James closed his eyes, feeling a stab of sympathy in his chest for Lily. He knew what it was like to lose a parent to an attack, but Merlin…to lose both parents? And to witness it? He opened his eyes and said, "I want to see her."
"I don't know if they're allowing visitors for her yet," said Marianne.
"I need to see her, Mum," said James, looking her in the eye. "I need to see that she's okay."
Marianne sighed and said, "I'll see what I can do."
A thought suddenly occurred to James. "Her sister," he said.
"Pardon?" said Marianne.
"Did her sister survive?" he asked. He remembered Lily telling him during their first year that she had a sister.
"I don't know," said Marianne. "I only remember Healer Winters mentioning her parents."
"Her sister is a Muggle," explained James. "If she survived then Lily's going to need her."
"Go get dressed," commanded Marianne. "Once we get to St. Mungo's we'll see what we can find out."
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"Roger, how is she?" asked Marianne.
Healer Winters sighed and said, "She's pretty shaken up. I've had to give her three Calming Draughts."
James stood next to his mum, impatient and antsy. "Can I see her?"
Healer Winters looked at James with a raised eyebrow and said, "How do you know Miss Evans?"
"This is my son, James," explained Marianne. "He's a friend from Hogwarts."
Winters nodded his head in acknowledgement and said, "I'm afraid Miss Evans is not up for visitors. One moment she's extremely agitated and the next moment she's sleeping from the effects of the Calming Draught."
"She just lost her family," said Marianne. "Perhaps it would help to see a familiar face."
"I don't know," said Healer Winters, internally debating the matter.
"Please," implored James.
"All right," conceded Winters. He started walking toward Lily's room, nodding his head to indicate they should follow him.
"Roger, do you know if anyone has found Lily's sister?" asked Marianne.
"Yes," said Winters. "Petunia Evans was not in the house at the time of the attack, however she appeared on the scene while the Magical Law Enforcement was defusing the situation with the neighbors. They almost obliviated her before she broke down asking where her family was."
James felt a pang of relief, knowing that Lily still had some family left. "Where is she?" he asked.
"They brought her here directly to the Muggle Maladies wing," said Healer Winters. "She's being treated for shock and then she'll be brought to see her sister."
They arrived at a door guarded by a wizard dressed in scarlet robes.
"Fabian!" exclaimed James, shocked to see his cousin standing outside Lily's room.
Fabian greeted them, "Aunt Marianne, James, what are you doing here on Christmas?"
"James is here to visit Lily," said Marianne.
Fabian nodded grimly and said, "Yeah, she's had it rough. I've been assigned to guard her room, make sure nobody tries to finish the job, you know?"
James felt his stomach twist at the idea of someone trying to finish Lily off and said, "Can I go in?"
Fabian, who would have normally found some jibe to give to his cousin, nodded kindly and said, "Yeah, sure."
James entered the room and found that there were several beds present though it appeared that only one patient was there, presumably behind the curtain toward the right side of the large room. He approached it and peered around the edge of the fabric, his heart breaking at the sight before him. Lily was on her side curled into a ball, making her seem small in the hospital bed. He walked around the bed and pulled a nearby chair next to her. Her face was pale and appeared haunted, even in her sleep.
For a while James watched her, feeling a strange mixture of deja-vu. He remembered his encounters with Lily in the hospital wing during first year. He remembered his own grief from his father's untimely death. He knew the emptiness she was going to feel and wanted to do something about it. He was furious that the same people who killed his father had killed her parents. He wanted to do something, anything, to stop them from hurting anyone else.
Lily finally sluggishly opened her eyes, showing faint surprise at the guest beside her.
"Hey," greeted James. Seeing her draw herself into a tighter ball, he touched her shoulder and said, "Don't worry, Lily." He found himself unable to call her by her surname at a moment like that. "The Aurors are going to track down who did this. A life sentence at Azkaban prison will do more harm to them than you can imagine. Two days with a dementor is enough to drive some people mad. They guard the prison, feeding off the misery of the prisoners."
A gasp sounded from next to the curtain, drawing James's attention to a young woman who had arrived and apparently overheard what he had said. She was tall and thin with blond hair that was slightly disheveled. Something told James that she normally wore her hair in meticulous fashion, and that circumstances had caused the temporary change in her normal appearance. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy and she was hugging herself as if she could catch some odd magical malady at any moment.
"Are you Petunia?" he asked.
The woman regarded him suspiciously and gave him a curt nod.
James stood up and approached her, noticing she shrank back a step as he neared. He held out his hand and said, "I'm James Potter. I-" he was about to say he was Lily's friend but, even though they had agreed to a truce, he couldn't quite put that label on their relationship. "I go to school with your sister."
Petunia looked at James's outstretched hand with distaste and shakily said, "I'm here to see my sister," her voice catching on the word 'sister'. She gave James a pointed look and said, "Alone."
James glanced at Lily who had not moved since Petunia had entered. He said, "Sure, okay. I'll be outside."
After he left, Petunia awkwardly approached her sister, standing by the seat James had just vacated. She looked at her, the sight of her sister curled up in a ball threatening her composure. Taking a deep breath, Petunia stiffly asked, "Are you okay?"
Lily had been in and out of the effects of the Calming Draught since she'd first woken in the hospital. There were times when she felt peaceful and was able to sleep, however as soon as the Draught started to wear off and she was able to reabsorb what had happened and the grief started to tear at her, she could hear the cries of her parents all over again. It was all she could remember before the panic would set in, leading to another dose of the Draught.
"'Tunia," she weakly said, relieved to see her sister. "You're here." Lily reached out to grab Petunia's hand and felt a light pressure from her sister's grasp.
"Did they hurt you?" asked Petunia, her voice tight.
"I don't know, 'Tunia," said Lily, her voice cracking. "I don't remember anything, except-" Lily cut herself off, realizing that she didn't want her sister to know about their mum's sobs and their dad's terrified yells that kept haunting the back of her mind. It was already too much that they had died, but Lily didn't want Petunia to know how scared they had been.
"Except?" prodded Petunia.
"Except that I woke up here," finished Lily.
Petunia dropped Lily's hand and paced by the bed, hugging herself again as if there was a chill in the air. "I don't understand this, Lily. How could this happen to them? Why did these people kill our parents? I don't understand how someone could just wave a wand and how that could have killed Mum and Dad!"
Lily sat up, feeling a bit lightheaded at the effort. "'Tunia, there are bad wizards and witches out there that don't like people like me, people who come from non-magic backgrounds. They think that I pollute the magical world."
"So these bad wizards, they killed Mum and Dad because they wanted you dead?" asked Petunia, looking at Lily with an accusatory stare. "Are you saying that if you hadn't gone to Hogwarts, if you had chosen to be normal, then Mum and Dad would still be alive?"
Lily felt herself go cold at the idea. If she had decided to stay home after second year…perhaps things would have been different.
Petunia face contorted as she let out a frustrated sob. "Vernon was right!"
"What?" whispered Lily.
"I told him I couldn't marry him," she said. "I told him I had ambitions, but he told me that I was just being influenced by my freak sister." Petunia continued, the tears flowing down her cheeks, "I defended you! I never understood what you're able to do or why you want to do it, this gift," she said snidely, "that Mum and Dad went on about. But I told him that you were my sister and that he couldn't speak about you like that."
"'Tunia-" sobbed Lily.
"He told me he loved me and that he wanted to marry me," cried Petunia, "to give me a normal life." She looked at Lily and shook her head. "Now what's left for me, Lily? Mum and Dad are gone…and look at you! You're stuck in this freaky place because people in your world want you dead. I can't deal with this!"
"'Tunia, I need you," sobbed Lily. "I think something's happening to me, something that happened to me during first year."
"I don't want to hear about it!" shouted Petunia. "You chose your path years ago. Magic," she bit, "is what Mum and Dad went on and on about, but that's what killed them! Their blood is on your hands!"
"No," cried Lily, the sobs of her mum starting to pound inside her head again. She put her hands over her ears, trying to drown out the sounds.
"I'm going to marry Vernon," stated Petunia. "I'm going to have a nice, normal life with him. Magic will not be a part of our lives. I will not let it hurt me like this ever again!"
"'Tunia…" gasped Lily, the sounds getting louder.
"Don't call me that!" shouted Petunia. "In fact, don't call me anything. Just keep your world and yourself away from me!"
Lily felt her heart collapse as Petunia turned and walked out on her. The sounds of her parents continued to reverberate inside her head, now accompanied by chilling laughter. She felt her body wracking with sobs, her mind trying to grasp what had happened the previous night. A hand gently touched her shoulder and she looked up to see James Potter's concerned gaze. Petunia's words echoed in her head 'Their blood is on your hands!' and Lily knew she was right. Riddle had been at her house that previous night, she could hear his laughter in her head. He'd been there and somehow had caused her to do something so bad that she couldn't remember it.
Flashes of Riddle's words from the events in the Forbidden Forest rang in her head. They were almost five years old, but she could hear them as if they had been spoken yesterday.
'You did my bidding.'
'Joseph Potter is no longer a problem, and I have you to thank for that, Lily.'
'You were the one who led me to Joseph Potter. You are the reason he is no longer a problem.'
"My fault," sobbed Lily. Had she somehow caused her parents' death, too?
"What?" said James.
Lily became more panicked. What was James doing there? He couldn't be there! She pushed away his hand and shrank away. "My fault, it's my fault!"
"It's not your fault," said James. "The Death Eaters are responsible for what happened."
He went to touch her hand but Lily backed away in a panic, falling off the other edge of the bed. She immediately scrambled backwards as James rushed around the bed to see if she was okay. "Stay away!" cried Lily. "It's my fault!"
James knelt down and tried to grab her hands which were covering her face but she again pushed him away, choking out, "No! Don't touch me! You can't touch me! It's my fault, oh God, it's my fault!"
James soon felt himself being pulled back by his mum as Healer Winters pushed past him to give Lily another Calming Draught. She guided him out of the room and James took one last look as the potion finally started to calm Lily down. The nurse helped her into bed as she started to drift into a peaceful state, muttering one last time, "My fault…"
James waited impatiently in the hallway until Healer Winters emerged from Lily's room. "How is she?" he asked.
"She's resting, finally," he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Good," said James, stepping forward to reenter her room.
Healer Winters stepped in his path and said, "I'm afraid she can no longer have any visitors."
"But I just want to sit with her," said James. "Her sister just walked out on her! She's going to need someone!"
"What Miss Evans needs right now is rest," said Winters. "Rest and time are the only things that are going to help her right now. Everything else seems to agitate her."
"But-" James protested.
"He's right, James," said Marianne. "Lily's sleeping. There's nothing else we can do right now. Let's go home. I'll check with Roger to see how Lily's condition is and let you know if there's anything else we can do, okay?"
James finally relented and grudgingly followed his mum toward the hospital Floo network.
"You okay?" asked Marianne as they waited in line to leave.
James shook his head and said, "I just wish I could do something to help."
Marianne gave him a sad smile and said, "She's grieving, James. It's hard to watch someone you care about grieve and not be able to help."
James saw the sad note in her eyes and a realization hit him. "Is that how it was with me…for you?" He felt a pang of guilt, realizing that his mum had felt the same frustrations with him that he was feeling about wanting to help Lily.
Marianne hugged him and said, "It's okay, James. I wanted to help you, but the more I tried the more you pushed me away, so I finally decided to step back and let you find your peace with what happened. I don't know how you were finally able to do that, but I know that when you came home after third year I could tell that you had been able to come to terms with what had happened to your father."
"I'm sorry if I was hard on you," said James, running a hand through his hair. "It wasn't easy to see you sad. First Dad died, then I saw you sad, and parents are supposed to be strong, so I guess I distanced myself."
"Don't worry about it, sweetie," said Marianne. "The point is that Lily is going to need support, but it'll be up to her when she's ready for that and who she's willing to accept it from." She gave him another hug which was soon interrupted by a 'Hem hem' behind them from an impatient woman waiting to use the Floo network.
They arrived home to find Sirius chatting with Perchy in the kitchen. James felt a pang of guilt at not waking him before rushing off to St. Mungo's and said, "Sorry."
Sirius waved him off and said, "Forget it. How's she doing?"
"You know what happened?" asked James.
"I saw the story in the Daily Prophet," said Sirius. "I figured you'd both gone to the hospital to check on her."
James mussed his hair again and said, "She's alive, but she's pretty messed up. You know, she actually blames herself for what happened? Those bastards attacked her family and killed her parents and she feels she's to blame!"
Sirius frowned and said, "You think we should owl Alice and McKinnon? Let them know what happened?"
James shook his head and said, "I'm sure they saw the article. Besides, the healer's not allowing any more
visitors right now."
"Pardon me, Madam," came the squeaky voice of the house elf.
"Yes, Perchy?" asked Marianne, yawning from her lack of sleep.
"What would you like me to do about the gifts?" asked the elf.
"Gifts?" said Marianne, suddenly realizing that it was still Christmas. She looked at James and Sirius and knew that none of them felt like celebrating. Nonetheless, she knew they couldn't just let the gifts sit there unopened until the next Christmas. "I suppose we should just open them. No sense in letting them go to waste."
James shrugged his shoulders, feeling like skipping the rest of Christmas but not in the mood to protest. "Fine," he said.
Perchy gave Sirius a knowing look and said, "See, Mister Sirius? I knew Mister James would not want me taking all his gifts for myself!"
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A/N: I was thinking about waiting another day or so before posting this, however since I left you with a cliffy and since I've had a few long spaces between updates, I figured I'd reward my loyal readers with a quicker update. Yes, there are still several unanswered questions but things will continue to gradually unfold as the story progresses. Keep in mind we're already halfway through sixth year. Only 1.5 years worth of this story left to write so a lot is going to have to happen before they graduate!
Thanks to my reviewers, as always! Most recently: Anonymous, BMoll, Golden Phoenix, loonymoony8, kelly, Mani12191, katblack, ladylaughalot, Jo Bob, stranger, tfr hq, Jellywig, and RainDateChick.