Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and events from J.K. Rowling's wonderful Harry Potter books. I am writing this for my own enjoyment and hopefully for the enjoyment of readers. Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. The rest belongs to me.
Chapter 50: The Weary Werewolf
Remus moaned and turned over, feeling the familiar sense of aching nausea overcome him. Even though there were no windows and no functional clocks in the space, he knew it was morning. He knew because he was human again. Even though his body rebelled and sent pain shooting through every inch of him, he felt relief at knowing he was no longer a monster, that he wouldn't have to face that part of him until next month.
Remus painfully picked himself off of the floor and felt around for some candles and matches, which were usually hidden in the corner where he would be less likely to destroy them during his transformation. Once he had lit a few wicks, he steeled himself to gaze around the room and assess the damage caused from the previous night.
It was difficult to see what he had done overnight since the walls bore the marks of many previous transformations. His trained eye, though, was able to see the fresher claw marks through the dust. Remus studied the new marks and noticed some marks next to it that were much smaller. They had likely been cut into the wall when he was much younger and smaller.
As Remus reached to the wall to trace the marks with his fingers he winced as he saw some deep scratches on his right forearm. On his left arm there were a few bite wounds. They were not as deep as they would have been had they been on another victim. These wounds were made during his madness yet even then he could feel enough pain to ease up on himself.
Every day since Remus had become a werewolf he was thankful that he had not bitten someone - either killing them or cursing them to his fate. There had been a close call during his first transformation. The healers at St. Mungo's had tried to make it clear to his parents how important it was to lock Remus away during the full moon. Even though he was only five years old he could still inflict quite a bit of harm on an adult and could spread his illness to someone. His parents had tried to comply that first night. They had set up this basement room and explained to Remus that he would have to be left alone.
During the transformation his parents stood outside the door, listening as their only remaining son screamed in agony at the changes that coursed through his body. Before Remus had completely transformed he banged on the door in his delirium, begging his parents to help him.
His mother, still mourning the loss of Romulus, had felt a tightening around her heart as she listened to Remus' pleas for help. Before she could think about what she was doing she unlocked the door and rushed into the basement room to try and comfort her son. When she saw him she froze. Remus was a foot taller with hunched shoulders, fur sprouting along his face and limbs as his hands curled into clawed paws. He looked up at his mother, his glowing yellow eyes meeting hers.
"Remus?" she had weakly asked.
The boy werewolf had growled and leapt toward his mother. As he neared her a spell rushed from behind Ida Lupin and into the werewolf, stunning it. Remus' dad had grabbed his wife dragging her out of the room, for the stunning spell on a werewolf would only last a few seconds. The door was locked and from that point on it stayed locked during the duration of the full moon.
The morning after Remus' first transformation his parents treated him differently. Initially they had been so wracked with grief for Romulus and worry for Remus, they had not had time to truly process what Remus' lycanthropy would mean. Seeing their son in his werewolf form had driven home the point that Remus was different, that he was dangerous at times and would be viewed by the public as a pariah. Their son's life as they knew it was over and all their hopes for a bright future were buried with Romulus. Not only did they have to deal with the disappointment, they had to deal with the newfound fear of their son. This created a rift between the Lupin's and their remaining son.
Remus, now, glanced at the door wondering when he would be released. He did not expect to leave the space anytime soon. His parents feared him, and did not want to take any chances coming across his monstrous alter ego, so they often left him in the dark basement until midday, even though Remus transformed back early in the morning. This left him plenty of time to sit and stare at the room. This room represented nothing but bad memories. This was where he was forced to endure his fate.
It was different from the Shrieking Shack. Even though Remus went through the same transformation there he did not associate it with as much negativity as this cold, dark room. He associated this room with the memories of his first, most painful transformations, and his parents' newfound attitude toward him. He associated this room with prison, for he was locked for countless hours even after he regained his human form.
At the Shrieking Shack, Remus endured his transformations and first thing in the morning was met by the smiling, sympathetic face of Madame Pomfrey at the base of the Whomping Willow. After he returned he could count on his best friends for their support. The Shrieking Shack itself was a building made available for Remus' presence at Hogwarts. The Whomping Willow had been planted because of his arrival. Their existence allowed Remus the chance for a high quality education and lasting friendships. The Shack and Willow represented hope.
Remus could still remember getting his Hogwarts letter. His parents had resigned themselves to sending him to a Muggle school, even if he would be out 'sick' every month. When the letter arrived they thought it must have been a cruel joke, but shortly thereafter Professor Dumbledore arrived and sat down with them in their living room. He explain his ideas about how to keep Remus and the other students safe during the full moon. His parents had reservations, worried that Remus' secret would be discovered. After much pleading from their son and a great deal of convincing from the headmaster, the Lupin's relented and allowed Remus to attend Hogwarts.
After a few hours Remus heard the familiar sound of the lock turning. Remus wearily made his way to the door and opened it, hearing the sound of footsteps dying away. On the bottom step there was a first aid kit with some magical salves and potions to aid with his wounds and pain. Remus was used to this by now. Ever since he had been old enough he had been left on his own after being released so that he could mend his own wounds.
After he had patched himself up he walked up the stairs into the kitchen, where he saw two owls perched on the back of a chair. Remus smiled. He knew who the owls were from and why. Whenever he was home on holiday and had to endure a full moon, he could count on his friends to send their encouragement. He approached the first one, a small, plump brown owl with large yellow eyes. It stuck out its leg, impatient to make its delivery, incensed at having to wait all morning to do so. Remus took the letter and gave it a treat from a jar on the counter before it hooted and flew out of the kitchen window. Remus opened the parchment which read:
Dear Remus,
I hope that all went well last night and that you are recovering well. Are you enjoying your summer so far? (Except for the obvious monthly interludes, that is.) My summer is rather boring. My family decided we should visit my great-aunt Helga. She's as blind as she is crazy and keeps yelling at us to leave before she summons the Magical Law Enforcement Squad. She was my mum's favorite aunt however Helga doesn't recognize anyone now that she's over 100.
Needless to say, I cannot wait to return to Hogwarts. Have you heard about what Padfoot and Prongs are planning for our return? I hope we can sneak over to Honeydukes. I miss their exploding bonbons.
I have to go now. Mum says it's time to walk Aunt Helga. See you soon!
Your friend,
Peter
Remus smiled and shook his head. Leave it to Peter to get bullied by a 100+ year old woman. He never did stand up for himself much unless the other Marauders were standing beside him.
Another hoot sounded in the room, surprising Remus. He had forgotten the second owl was there. James' owl did not look as indignant as Peter's owl, however Peter's owl was borrowed from the post office and likely had other deliveries to make. Remus took the rather mangled looking parchment from James' owl and gave it a treat. The owl perched patiently as Remus read through the letter, waiting to see if Remus would send a reply back to James.
Moony,
Did everything turn out okay last night? Don't worry, there's one more step to finish and then you won't have to suffer through it alone. I am rather irritated about the Decree about underage students using magic at home. You would think practicing magic at home would be encouraged. After all, the professors are always on our case about studying!
My holiday isn't very exciting. I'm sleeping in every day and out on my Nimbus when I'm not sleeping or eating. I got a letter from Wood the other day - he reckons I have a shot at making Captain after he graduates.
Every so often I hear from Padfoot. His summer sounds like his previous holidays at home. He's not allowed to use the owl post so that's why you haven't heard from him. We communicate through our mirrors. I have a sneaking suspicion that Padfoot is not telling me something. Whenever we speak I can hardly see him because it's so dark on his end. I know being around his family is difficult for him but I don't remember his being so down last summer when we spoke. He tries to cover it up with jokes, of course, but I can tell there is something wrong. He doesn't want to tell me so I guess I'll just have to let it be for now.
I look forward to September when we'll be back at Hogwarts where we can have some real fun. I think we've been rather tame so far with our mischief so why don't we really leave our mark there this year?
Your fellow Marauder,
Prongs
P.S. Sorry about the condition of the parchment. My mum's new cat decided to use it rather than its scratching post.
Remus chuckled. 'Leave it to James to find a way to make me laugh this morning,' he thought. He wondered what was happening with Sirius. He and James were the closest of friends, so it was easy for them to tell when something was bothering each other.
Remus had gotten a quick glimpse of Mrs. Black as he was crossing the barrier at Platform 9 ¾ at the beginning of the summer. She looked downright scary, dragging Sirius out of the station. Remus did not see much resemblance between mother and son, other than the dark hair and eyes. The angry eyes of Mrs. Black were eyes that Remus had witnessed in his friend only when Sirius had been angered by something the Slytherins had said or done. Remus hoped that the Blacks would allow Sirius to return to Hogwarts that fall. He remembered the two weeks when Sirius had been missing from Hogwarts, forced to attend Durmstrang.
"Remus," called the voice of his mother.
Remus turned around and saw her standing in the doorway. "Yes, Mum?" he asked.
She looked toward him, but couldn't bring herself to get a good view of him the morning after the full moon. She couldn't handle seeing his self-inflicted wounds and bruises. "There's some food on the counter for you. If you would like I can heat it for you," she said rather formally.
"No thanks, Mum," replied Remus, still feeling nauseated. "I'm not hungry."
"What is that you have?" she asked, seeing the parchments in his hands. She walked toward him, looking at the letters.
"Some letters from my friends at Hogwarts," said Remus.
Before he could pull them out of her view, she looked up at him with shock. "Why is that addressed to 'Moony'?" Remus opened his mouth to reply but sudden realization came to his mother's face. "You're Moony? Do they know?!"
"Yes," he replied.
"WHAT?" she shouted.
"What's going on in here?" came the voice of Remus' father.
Ida Lupin turned to her husband and said, "Your son has told his friends about his…you know…his condition."
Julius Lupin looked at his son with disbelief and said, "Tell me that's not true."
"It's not true," said Remus.
Julius sighed with relief and said, "So they don't know?"
Remus shook his head and said, "No, they do know. I didn't tell them, though. They figured it out."
"But you confirmed it!" bellowed Julius.
"Eventually, yes," said Remus.
"How COULD you?" cried Ida. "You could have denied it. You could have…"
"What?" asked Remus. "Continued to make up ridiculous excuses every month for my absences…on the FULL MOON?!"
"YES!" shouted Julius. "We agreed to let you attend Hogwarts as long as you were kept away during the full moon and as long as nobody found out about your condition."
"My condition?!" shouted Remus. "After 9 years, can't you even say the word? I am a WEREWOLF!"
Julius and Ida blanched at the word. After a minute Julius slowly asked, "How many know? How long have they known?"
"Sirius and James have known since the end of first year," said Remus. "Peter found out at the beginning of second year."
Ida shook her head in disbelief. "How is this possible? Why haven't we heard from their parents?"
"Because they're my friends," said Remus emphatically. "They don't care about my being a werewolf. It doesn't make a bit of difference to them. They promised not to tell because I asked them not to, not because they think it's something to be ashamed of." He felt another wave of nausea pass over him. After taking a deep breath, he glared accusingly at his parents and said, "And you know what? They're supportive of me before and after the transformations. They don't leave me locked in some cold dark place afterward!"
His parents looked back at him in shocked silence. Remus was not normally like this toward them. Usually he followed his parents lead and kept his distance in the days surrounding the full moon. He did not talk back or yell at them and they pretended like things were fine, though they were always a bit formal with their son. They were not prepared to hear his accusations and resentment.
Julius cleared his throat and haltingly said, "Just…make sure that no one else finds out." He turned and guided his wife out of the kitchen.
Remus shook his head and looked down at his feet. For nine years he had been trying to regain their approval. He had gotten accepted into Hogwarts and made excellent grades despite his frequent absences. He had worked hard to make them proud. Now, he knew that it would not be possible. His parents were only fulfilling the duties they had to in order to finish raising him.
Now, Remus knew that he had to stop striving for their approval. He would still work hard, but only to prove to himself that he could succeed, even as a werewolf. He would not try to make his parents proud - he would work to make himself proud and to make his friends proud. Remus found a blank piece of parchment and started to write back to James and Peter.
**************************************************************************************
A/N: Once again, a chapter that is not exactly sunshine and roses. I think this'll give Sirius and Remus good reason to really appreciate the friendships they have developed at Hogwarts.
Answer to the latest 'bonus' question: Elphaba (the name I gave Sirius' mum) was taken from Gregory Maguire's novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. Elphaba was the Wicked Witch of the West. Wicked is also a popular musical, too. Kudos to delpheena and Anonymous for getting it right! For one extra point - how did Gregory Maguire come up with the name Elphaba?
Thanks to my latest reviewers: Anu, Nyscat, delpheena, Alicia, James Love, PottersPrincess, Golden Phoenix, Remus'Sweetie, Anonymous (x2), mani12191, granger1191 (x2), mrs. padfoot, mystical cah, and Jo Bob.
Next chapter: More of Sirius' summer.