Chapter 8: Tears
************Hogwarts Express, Between London and Hogsmeade*****************
September 1, 2005
Harry Potter was patrolling the long crimson train. By all rights this should be been a pleasurable experience as he normally loved the train ride to Hogwarts and the freedom it represented from the Dursleys. This year should have been even greater as he should have had the love of his life walking beside him, doing things like helping first years figure out their robes, unjinx them as they played with their wands for the first time and other mundane tasks.
Instead however, Harry had the prefects of all the houses except Slytherin walking the train looking to head off trouble. And instead of a gorgeous brunette beside him, he had a werewolf, though to be fair to Remus, he was a brunette too. Harry had tried to be fair to the Slytherin prefects, however since two of them were Malfoy and his girlfriend, Pansy, this was truly, truly difficult. After the third muttered "Mudblood Lover" that Harry's enhanced ears caught, he just told them to go sit in the Slytherin cars and not come out until Hogsmeade Station.
"Are you Harry Potter?" A timid first year asked as he passed. The kid threw a quick nervous glance to his fellow compartment mates. Harry could see with fleeting amusement, just how similar the scene looked to his train ride first year, even to the point of having a bushy-haired eleven-year-old girl seemingly passing through. With a sight twinge of relief he noticed no redheads however.
"Yes?" Harry replied with a smile, though Lupin could tell it was forced. Lupin carefully watched Harry out of the corner of his gaze, to see how he would handle the boy.
The small eleven year old lit up though, "Hi I'm Mark Evans, I'm from Little Whinging too, I didn't even know I was a wizard until an Owl swooped down on the playground and gave me a letter. I saw you around sometimes, but I never knew you were a Wizard until I saw you and asked about you. Dudley, your cousin, used to pick on me, and he said that you were in an institution and then he hit me." Mark rambled brightly, and then glanced back to his friends as to say, "see whom I know."
Harry flashed back to memories of Dudley's behavior with him over the years, "Yep that's what they said. It was fun to meet you, Mark." Harry said, still holding the smile until they were out of sight of the firsties.
The smile faded from Harry's face and he turned to his friend, "That was weird." Harry commented to Lupin as they walked off.
"You're famous my boy. How is Hermy?" Remus replied, his voice full of concern. He himself had left Tonks this morning, more than ambivalently. Her arm and head had been healed, Madame Pomfrey was truly excellent at her job, but she felt she had let Hermione down. He had held her almost the entire night after she had fallen asleep crying.
A flash of memory illuminating a similar scene flooded Harry's thoughts, "You are the only person who gets away with that; she'd kick my arse if I used that nickname. About the same, she moved up to our suite this morning, but she's still not talking, I want to skip the feast and go directly to her when we get in, but I have to be in the sorting, as at least one of us is supposed to be there. The funerals are what I am concerned about." Harry responded almost incoherently.
"How are you, holding up?" Remus asked softly, he knew instinctively that Harry was toughing this out, out of a probably overdeveloped sense of duty, and to make sure no one else got hurt on what he considered his watch. Harry was in so many ways his father's son.
Remus had seen Harry's face when he, Harry and Moody had returned to the Granger's to retrieve their bodies. And he had seen just what havoc Harry could reap, when the two Death Eaters Voldemort had left behind, had decided that killing Harry would be a good way to rise in their Lord's favor. Harry had taken both out without breaking stride; firing a reducto powerful enough to crush one's chest left handed without a wand, and the other with a severing charm that just happened to cut his legs off and walked right inside. Remus had dragged Moody to the side while Harry was inside, and demanded that Moody not tell Dumbledore that Harry had destroyed the two without even considering their surrender. Moody agreed readily, and told Dumbledore that the two died while attacking them, which was the truth, if not the whole truth. Moody wasn't too bothered anyway, he had a pretty black and white set of categories that he placed his enemies in: those that were dead or those should be dead and soon would be.
Harry's head turned to Lupin slowly, "The bastard went after the only family I have left Remus and he got three of them, how the fuck do you think I feel?" Harry snapped back, taking a breath he went on more calmly. "And on top of that I'm not allowed to cut that motherfucker Malfoy's head off even though I know he put Hermione's parents in the crosshairs... I'm responsible, in a way it's even worse than when Sirius died, he at least was a warrior who went out in battle, they were just poor muggles, whose daughter had the bad taste to let me love her." Harry broke off, examining the weave of the carpet on the train intently.
"Harry, it's..."
Harry shook his head violently, then stared at Lupin begging him with his eyes to tell him that he was wrong, "No Lupin, It's not. But this time I have to be the strong one, usually it's her. I don't know if I can do it. I'm not as good as at this as she is. I do know one thing. Every fucking Death Eater gets one chance from me, after that it's no quarter. Between Roger, Jane, Percy and Molly, Lucius and Bellatrix have more than used up all their chances from me.
"Voldemort?" Remus asked; he did not shudder at the name, if nothing else Voldemort had hardened his enemies.
Harry fingered his wand thoughtfully, "Riddle is fucking dead Remus; he signed his death warrant when he sent his evil into the Burrow and Mione's. Any way I can take him down, I will. If it means dropping a building on his head I will and damn the consequences. The prophecy means shit now."
With a squealing of brakes, the train shuddered as it slowed down. Remus went to the nearest window, and saw the Hogsmeade station rapidly approaching; the ride had gone quickly at least.
He turned to Harry, "We're here."
************************Great Hall, Hogwarts******************************
September 1, 2005
8:00 pm
The Great Hall was decorated as normal for a sorting and welcoming feast. Thousands of candles hovered in mid-air over four long tables; the enchanted ceiling was showing an echo of the night's sky outside; a bright crescent of a moon and millions of stars. The usual hubbub around the sorting and the first time many of the students had seen their friends since June was present as on any other "normal" first day back.
However tonight, the atmosphere also was crackling with tension, almost enough to cut with a knife. Of course by now every student 2nd year and older, had heard at least part of the story surrounding the events of the last several days. The normally rambunctious Gryffindor house table was almost silent and a great hole was seen in the usually packed table. Harry was conspicuous in his presence, as he Neville, Semus and Dean were the largest group from their year present. The absences of both school age Weasleys, Luna, Hermione and several of the 7th year girls were glaringly obvious. The girls had been told on arrival by McGonagall to help see to Ginny and Hermione, as the others were needed at the feast. Fleeting looks from the other tables at Gryffindor, and hushed whispers filled the hall.
The first years filed in and the sorting hat went though it's normal routine, singing about the need to unite under the threat, and began splitting the new students into houses. Harry tuned out the ceremony, only looking up long enough to notice that this years crop of Slytherins was really small, and that Mark Evans kid from the train was going into Gryffindor.
After the sorting was complete, Dumbledore stood at the raised faculty table and a hush settled over the hall. Everyone who was paying attention was waiting to hear if he would address recent developments. He did not disappoint. "First, several announcements." He began, "Mr. Flich has posted this year's list of banned items. I understand it now occupies a rather large filing cabinet outside of his office, however as a quick rule, most of the items are Weasley Wizarding Wheezes items." A tiny, brief flitting grin crossed his eyes before they grew cold again. "Also first years are reminded that the third floor corridor and the forest on the grounds are strictly forbidden, unless they wish to meet a grisly fate, and even then please stay away, it is difficult to retrieve the bodies." He paused and then went on, "As many of you may have heard, yesterday Lord Voldemort and his followers launched a series of attacks on several of your classmates and their families. There were deaths I am afraid." He added sadly. Many of the students present shivered at the name, and many more looked over at the Gryffindor table. Dumbledore had not mentioned the specific students, however the missing ones from the Gryffindor table, all but hung a sign announcing who had been attacked.
"Good", a whispered voice was heard from the Slytherin table, at which Snape shot a warning glance at his house's table. He got up and stalked, annoyed, to their long table.
"Condolences for the families may be left at Professor McGonagall's office. Please tuck in as the food is getting cold." With that he looked at Harry and gave a slight nod as their eyes met. He sat down to eat, Dumbledore did not engage in his normal dinner conversation, but just ate quietly looking only at his food; he was more than feeling his age today.
**********************Gryffindor Tower***********************
Harry led the rest of the Gryffindors to their dorm. As they went he pointed out the various hazards and tricks to the
first years, from the moving stairs to missing steps to Peeves, flinging down suits of armor as they walked by. He
walked up to the Fat Lady, gave the password "lionheart" to the portrait and waved the students through into
the common room.
The door opened into a cozy, round room, filled with many decrepit scarlet and gold overstuffed chairs and couches. Several worktables were scattered about as if waiting for students to inhabit them once again. A fire was roaring in the hearth even though it was September, from past experience Harry knew that the nights could get cold here. As the year was just beginning, the normal clutter of left behind books, various familiars and pets, and other detritus had not yet begun to accumulate. Of course there was not trash or dust or anything of the sort, as the house elves were once again cleaning Gryffindor tower. Hermione, had never given up on S.P.E.W., however she had finally found about Dobby and Winky picking up all the clothes she had knitted and so she had begun a different tack to gain their freedom. As a result the tower was once again sparkling clean, though the doom rooms themselves often weren't picked up because of the scattered clothes.
Wincing at the reminder that she was up in her room in pain, he put the thought out of his mind for a second and looked around the common room. He found the usual milling around, and on a couch away from the others before the fireplace, he saw Ron sitting, staring into the flames. Harry weighed the options, loyalty won and Harry walked over to him. "Hey"
"Hey" Ron replied softly with none of his usual cheerful tone in his voice, his gaze never left the fire as he responded.
"Have you eaten, I can have one Dobby bring something up." Harry asked looking down at his friend with concern evident in his expression. I wish I could do something real, Ron.
Ron shrugged slightly, "No I'm ok; Luna brought me some stuff up earlier."
No, you're not my friend but I'm afraid that none of us will be for a while. "Ron, if you need anything, the password to Hermione's and my suite is padfoot, so you can get me if I'm not down here." Harry said softly to his friend, leaning in so no one else would hear.
"Thanks, Harry", Ron paused "Harry..." he finally turned and looked at Harry, he still hurt, but he wanted to tell Harry...
"Yeah, Ron."
"It's not your fault." Ron gave a slight nod, as if affirming his statement to himself, and retuned to the fire.
It's always my fault, I don't know why you all don't just run at the sight of me, "Yeah, well...I have to go up and check on, you know...."
"Go Harry, I'll be fine." Ron gestured vaguely in the direction of the stairs to Harry and Hermione's suite.
With a slight nod, Harry paused summoning his Gryffindor courage; he turned and walked to the stairs up to the Head Boy/Girls rooms.
***********Head Student's Chambers, Top of Gryffindor Tower*****************
*Evanescence Bring me to life, Track #2 on the Fallen album
Only a lone pair of candles lit the room as Harry stood in the doorway of Hermione's bedroom. Far back in the shadows, she was huddled on a corner of her four-poster bed, her head resting on her knees. Crookshanks valiant efforts seemed in vain, as no notice of the desperate purring of her familiar curled next to her, penetrated her pain-darkened thoughts. His heart shattering at the sight, Harry sighed softly, and walked heavily over to the bed. As he carefully sat on the edge of her bed, his stomach jolted once more as he noticed dried tear tracks on her face. "Mione"
"Hmm" she muttered without looking up, deep in his heart he knew that he was the only one remaining in the whole world that could have gotten even that much out of her this night, but the thought provided him no comfort. What do I say? "Do I ask if I can get you anything?"; "Do I offer to do something?" I'm afraid that the answers to that question would be the one thing I could not do for you. I'd take their place if I could; Love. Just like I would have taken Sirius or my parent's place. Hell, by the time this is over we may all be with them. I resisted US without knowing why for so long. Somewhere inside I thought that if we just stayed friends that something like this wouldn't happen. Then when I tried to send you away you came back through the fires to me and I knew you were too stubborn to leave me. And just how much I truly loved you, like the half of me that was missing and I never knew. "Hermione, I..."
Hermione's head snapped up with tears burning in her eyes, she exploded. "Damn it Harry James Potter, don't you dare to apologize for this or try to take the blame, If anyone's at fault it's mine, I was there too. I heard Dumbledore say, just as you did that if we took up the mantle of the Order of the Phoenix that we were putting hearth and home at risk. You think I didn't know what could be in store for me and mine? I was there at the Ministry and at Hogsmeade. I have been petrified, hit, beaten, burnt, damn near drowned, and I'm still here beside you, and it's not just because I love your dumb arse." She gave a brief sad smile and then went on torturedly, "Voldemort has to be stopped or there will be more muggles die, more mothers tortured in their homes." She fiercely wrapped her arms around him and started crying again into his shoulder. Harry merely sat there silently, holding her tightly, his hand cradling her head gently.
After several minutes had elapsed, she looked up into his eyes and he could read the clouds passing by. Flashes, of rage, disgust with herself, and love for him combated in her eyes for a second, and she gently pulled him in for a kiss. Harry could taste the salt from her tears on her lips, and his stomach flipped yet again at the very sight of her, even as torn up as she was. She pulled away for a second and then with a sudden hunger or desperation she grabbed him again and crushed his lips with hers. Quickly her hands started to roam and then found his shirtfront where they were three buttons down before Harry gently pulled himself away. As he did, he read new competing emotions in her eyes, flashes of lust; combated with fear and gratitude for him having the strength she did not.
"Harry, can you stay here tonight, and just hold me?" Hermione asked biting her lower lip nervously, not wanting to meet his eyes.
Harry gently pulled her eyes to his; bending forward he kissed her forehead, "Of course."
"Promise you won't leave" she pleaded.
"I won't leave the castle without you, and if I leave your side at all you will know where I am at." Harry replied, trying desperately to convey that no one would take him from her this night, or ever again.
"Ok." She responded and snuggled into his arms, secure at least for a while.
A/N: Sorry Mione. Next Chapter's Harry demons and a request from those lost is fulfilled.