How Many Ways Can a Heart Break
(The Ultimately Unplanned) Epilogue/Chapter Ten (?)
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A/N: For my readers… and their reviews. *wink* Enjoy it! Yeah. So, I know the thing says this fic has been "Finished" for about… three (?) months now. But… well… I couldn't live with your reviews on my conscience. Some people thought it sounded finished, others thought it was incomplete. I hope this is more to everyone's taste… Though I wrote it in the span of two hours (one hour the last time I posted and saw your reviews--which make me laugh and I LOVE them, btw… and one hour just now.). So I HOPE YOU LOOOVVVEEE IT. Please do. I don't have time or energy to keep doing "Epilogues" after I've posted a story as complete. School is hectic. So is life. Reviews would make it sooo much better, though.
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I was the only one in the library that day.
For good reason.
There were only two days left for us at Hogwarts--or one and a half--whichever way you looked at it, we were riding the scarlet Hogwarts Express for the last time in roughly twenty-four hours time.
I felt a dull ringing in my ears. For the last time…
Where would I go? I'd never felt so scared in my life.
So I found myself in the library at seven-thirty on a Thursday morning, with my quill and parchment, at my favorite table. I was in my oldest, most comfortable jeans, a black t-shirt of the same serration (without the holes), with peeling blue fingernail polish, and my hair up in a messy bun.
I'd dressed comfortably, knowing my goal would take at least a few hours concentration to accomplish.
But by mid-morning, my letter to Petunia remained unwritten. The muggle stationary--I kept some, just for writing my darling sister--barely contained ten words.
I'd been putting this letter off for weeks, now, and yet… it had to be written. Before tomorrow. I couldn't just show up at home--or Petunia's home, rather, as it had been left to her name--without warning.
But I had an overwhelming sense of guilt fire up in the very pit of my stomach at the mere thought of my sister. She blamed me for all that had happened to our parents. I knew she did, and I hadn't even spoken to her since before my first seventh-year term had started…
But then… It had been months since it happened. Six months, in fact. Was there a chance she didn't blame me after all? We had been like friends once, maybe we could be again.
My heart flared up at the thought.
We could be sisters again.
But then… I remembered the look she'd given me at the funeral. It was in December, only days after we'd all found out… No. She couldn't forgive me. We were sisters but we couldn't ever be close.
With a sigh, I tossed the quill and paper from my grasp. My chin fell to my palms with a heavy sigh and my eyes slid to the beautiful baby blue sky outside.
It had been months. If Petty hadn't forgiven me yet, she wasn't likely to. Ever. It was that simple.
But then… Whether or not she forgave me, I still had my friends. My loving, faithful, always-there-for-me-friends. They'd always been forgiving. They'd always been my friends.
And James.
I smiled around the empty library, and, as if on impulse, looked up, expecting to see him strolling out from behind one of the bookshelves, looking casual as always, saying he just wanted to see me. It's the sort of thing he'd do, after all… Well. The sort of thing he'd been doing for the last few months.
Ever since that night by the lake… Exactly six months ago, to the day.
My grin widened and I glanced down at the table. I ran my fingers along the initials there. I'd always thought it was rather stupid for couples to carve their names into a piece of wood, but when I spotted James doing it one day, I couldn't help but love the idea. He claimed he'd been holding his essay up like that to "read over it" but this was quite hard to prove when I found the initials underneath. Boys are so daft.
I sighed again, tracing the heart around our names with my fingers. Six months?! Had we been together six months?
With that thought, I left the library, a crumpled note in my pocket next to a large eagle-feather quill, a goofy grin on my face, and the feeling of a carved wooden heart burning my fingers.
*
Anyone passing their Head Girl in the corridor that day might have just thought I'd gone mad. I skipped and sang all the way up to Gryffindor Tower; the puzzled looks and curious smiles only making me sing louder.
I didn't mind. I let them think it.
It was six months for James and me. I couldn't believe it.
We'd been together for six months. Merlin. When did that happen?
Smiling to myself, I said the password to the Fat Lady and climbed though the portrait hole.
Immediately, I saw Ken and Nora, in front of the fire, looking exactly the part of their characters. Nora, on her stomach, had her feet kicked up in the air, a nail file in her perfectly polished hands. Kendra, next to her, was sprawled out on her back, her feet propped up on the armrest of an armchair, a Quidditch book held open against the pillow on her stomach. They were chatting easily, laughing.
I smiled as I watched them, my two best friends (if only Michelle could come up to the Gryffindor common room more often)--this was exactly how I would remember them, no matter what happened or how things changed.
My smile morphed into a grin when I noted they weren't only talking with each other--but also with the Marauders, who were but a meter or so away.
Sirius and Remus looked like they'd just been yanked from their beds--unwillingly so. Their eyes were entirely out of focus, they wore crinkled robes, and each rested his cheek in his hand sleepily, slouched over in his armchair. The only thing that didn't look out of place was Sirius's hair--I doubted Sirius Black would ever go anywhere without at least spending a decent chunk of time on his hair.
I couldn't help but beam as my eyes fell on the third (and final, for the moment, Peter was absent) Marauder. James looked just as handsome as ever, if not more so. I longed to run over and throw my arms around him. His hair, while never neat, looked all the more appealing at that moment, and his eyes seemed to sparkle with some unknown secret. He was the only one who looked truly awake as he set up a chess board. I stood with my back against the wall, right next to the portrait hole, just watching him.
I watched, and he took Sirius's bishop with his own, let out a whoop of joy, then shot a glance around the room. I think he sensed someone's gaze.
His eyes lit up when he saw me, to my immense delight, just before he called out, "Lily," Was it just me or had his entire face brightened?
With a sigh of content, I made the short way over to James, pulling up an armchair as I did. "Good morning," I greeted them all, though I admit, I only had eyes for one.
I didn't have to look over at Sirius and Remus to know that they had shared a look and grinned. "I don't think that was directed at us," Remus whispered.
"Definitely not," Kendra laughed, the pillow on her lap slipping off a little. She pushed it back into place and smiled at Nora, who winked back. They looked at me, smirking.
I glanced at Sirius and Remus, who were still sharing that knowing look.
Everyone seemed to know something I didn't.
I looked back to James, who was smiling slightly at my puzzled expression. "Morning." He took my hand in his own, gave me a kiss and pulled me closer.
Sirius sighed. "Well. You know he won't be finishing this game. Moony, mate?"
*
"I couldn't possibly. It would be… rude. Intruding." I'd been standing the same way for minutes: hands on my hips, shoulders thrown back tenaciously, eyebrows up for effect. I was doing my best at looking intimidating, and as far as I knew, it was working… But James had gone out of his mind for good this time. Really.
"You would not be intruding, Lily!" James sighed, running a Quidditch-roughened hand through this dark tresses. He closed his eyes briefly. "We'd be together a lot of the time anyway." His eyes flashed open once more. "Wouldn't we?" But doubt crept into his deep voice, and if I hadn't known him so well, I wouldn't have heard it. But I had.
It was this that softened me. My hands slipped off my sides and I reached for him.
Taking both his hands in my own, I smiled. "Oh, James…"
Ten minutes before, on our walk around the castle, I'd made the mistake of telling him I hadn't been able to write my letter to Petunia… And that I was planning on not going home at all, but to the Leaky Cauldron, instead. Or with Ken.
Then he got the brilliant idea… That I move into his house, until I found my own place. I told him my pride couldn't take that.
And here we were.
"Of course we will." I leaned forward, tipping my forehead against his, brushing our noses gently together. "I can't live without you."
His eyes wandered over my face, from my lips, to where our noses met, to my eyes. He smiled slowly. "I love you, Lily." I knew he meant it.
My smile matched his. "And I love you."
*
"Oh, James… This has been the best day ever. I'll always remember it. I don't know if I'm sad or happy that it's our last one at Hogwarts. But as long as you're here…" I smiled quietly, content with laying my head against James's shoulder. "Can you believe we've been together so long?" I raised my head to look into his eyes.
He was already smiling. "You'd still be sticking that pretty little nose of yours up at me in the corridors if it hadn't been for that day you saw me tutoring Zoe…"
I giggled and pushed him gently on the side. "We'd have gotten together anyway, I just know it." I said confidently, pulling him to a stop as I push my arms around his neck.
"You… you think so?" He smiled and blinked, looking almost nervous. Slowly, his hands encircled my waist.
I smiled back. "I know so. Don't you think we were meant to be?"
"Of course I do."
But as I watched, he got a far-off look in his eye, as though thinking of something else entirely.
"James?" I laughed quietly, running my thumb over the palm of his hand.
"Hmm?"
"What're you thinking about, love?"
He sighed, then looked at me, a puzzled smiled on his face. "I just…" Hazel eyes meet my own green.
I watched as James reached out, ran a hand over my cheek, and pulled me closer. He gave me a short, simple kiss, then smiled affectionately at me.
"There's something I've been dying to ask you." He said, only it came out as a whisper.
He watched me carefully for a moment… And slowly, very slowly, it dawned on me exactly what he'd said. Then my eyes widened slightly and my heart beat faster.
Inside, I was jumping up and down, my breath even quickening. Was he about to…?
"L-"
"Oh! Ms. Evans… Mr. Potter! There you are. I have been looking all over the castle…" Professor McGonagall hurried down the corridor, her fancy maroon dress robes swirling behind her as she went. She was panting, and was looking anxious--something Minerva McGonagall never did--but neither her Head Boy or Girl noticed.
We were busy looking into each other's eyes.
After a few moment's grievance about everything from the Great Hall's decorations to the angle of the tables to Peeves the Poltergeist, she realized she may as well have been talking to the gold trim on her hat.
For Lily Evans and James Potter were busy staring into each other's eyes.
Our dear old professor looked between us (I noticed, but only vaguely), mumbled something about making an appearance in the Hall sometime soon… please, and vanished without so much as a reprimand for ignoring her… a first for the Deputy Headmistress.
We were silent and unmoving for a moment. I was the first to move.
"So… what… did you what have you been dying to ask?" I smiled, feeling suddenly very shy.
"Oh… right…" James bit his lip anxiously and looked at the floor for a moment.
I almost laughed; he looked so adorable, I could have reached out and hugged him. But I didn't. I was dying to hear what he was dying to ask.
"Okay…" Suddenly, a bright smile lit up his features and his eyes flicked back to mine. "I love you, Lil. I want you to know that… always. I never want there to be any doubt about that… Because I've never once felt any doubts about you." He sighed, as though letting out some of his nervousness. I smiled, too, and reached for his hand, though I was nervous inside, as well.
"And… well… I guess… What I want to ask you, Lily, is…" He swallowed. I held my breath. "Will you marry me?" He blinked twice. "Of course, we're just barely getting out of school." The words spilled from his mouth. "And we aren't even entirely sure what we want to do yet. But we love each other and I think that's all that--"
I nearly screamed and cried and laughed in happiness--there was so much I wanted to do and say… Instead, I threw my hand over his mouth, though my touch was soft. "James." I stared into his eyes. "Yes, of course. Yes."
His eyes danced with happiness immediately. He grinned and reached slowly into his pocket. He pulled out a small velvet box and opened it cautiously, as though afraid of my reaction.
He needn't have been.
"James…" was all I could manage.
He wouldn't have allowed me to say anything else, anyway, because he simply kissed me on the nose and slipped the beautiful ring onto my finger. I'd never felt so princess-like in my life.
This was my prince.
And this was love.
When our eyes met again, I had tears in my own--and his shone with pure happiness. I knew I'd never forget this day… And I wouldn't ever want to.
"Look where we are, love." I whispered, tears more and more likely to fall by the second.
James glanced up, casting his hazel eyes around the corridor. Suddenly, he saw the towering door directly to his left and he squeezed my hand. "The library." he breathed in response.
We both knew the importance of that.