Author's note: Thank you to all who have read and responded to my story. I appreciate your faith in my sanity, as well as your patience. I promise your wait is almost over. I have re-evaluated my posting schedule and noticed that more frequent updates are necessary in order to meet my goals (done and posted before HPB). I'd, also, like to take this opportunity to thank my betas, Sara (I'm sorry I killed you off in the other story. Thank you for talking me into posting this. Reviews are very addicting), Kaia (your reassurance means everything to me, especially at the beginning) and most of all, Izzie. Our late night chats have encouraged and helped me immensely, especially when I've wanted to just hit the delete key. Now, that that's out of the way, in the words of the Shrunken Head: "Fasten your safety belts, clinch your buttocks, It's gonna be a bumpy ride!"
Answers to Questions Unasked
Chapter 11
Answers to Questions Unasked
"Cho and Hilary stopped by earlier," Hermione continued. "They said to tell you that they'll bring supper and you are to rest up for some more 'diversions.'" Hermione moved her fingers through the air to indicate quote marks. "Do you want to talk about … anything?"
"Definitely not." Harry scowled.
"May I ask you something?" she inquired.
Harry groaned softly and nodded.
"Why are you doing this? Not that I don't think seeing you smile is great. These girls are so different from you. You're so serious. They're so…not. What do you find to talk about?"
Thinking back on those late night…er…activities, Harry smiled widely and said, "We've talked about loads of things."
"I'm not referring to pillow talk, you idiot. I'm talking about regular discussions about important things."
"Who says I don't?" Harry snapped.
Hermione snickered. "Honestly, Harry. Think about it. I've known you a long time. This 'New Harry' isn't you. I just want you to be happy, Harry. That's all. If this provides you with the support system you need…"
"I don't need a…." Harry argued.
"Everyone needs a support system, someone to bounce ideas off, someone to share dreams and help make them into realities…"
"What's up with all of this, Hermione? If you have something to say, then say it."
Hermione looked panicked. "All I want for you to be happy, Harry. You're my best friend, so, of course, I want that for you."
"And you think this isn't it."
"No, I didn't say that. Only you can determine that." Hermione softly responded.
"I like this," he responded. "I'm having loads of fun. We have a blast when we're out. That's enough for me. I don't believe in hearts and flowers and all that nonsense. It's a myth…"
"You don't truly believe that."
"Don't I?" he questioned. "Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I've got a lot on my mind from work. Maybe I've seen and been through too much to see the glass as half full, but at this point in my so-called life, this is what works. This keeps me sane. THIS is what allows me to sleep at night."
"I understand that, Harry, really I do, but don't you miss having that one special person to wake up next to? I know you still have nightmares. Wouldn't you want someone to talk about them to, someone who can try to help make them vanish forever?"
"That's not going to happen. 'Keep it simple" is my motto these days. What about you and Blaise? Are you two going to follow Ron's lead?
Hermione snorted. "Not bloody likely," she said. "Stop trying to change the subject. We were talking about you."
"I don't like to talk about me. There's too much 'talk' about me already. I have been dissected, analyzed, praised and scorned, all within the pages of 'Witch Weekly'. There is nothing left about me that is private. You used to know me better than anyone. You are the researcher. Do your research."
"Maybe I will." said Hermione. "I avoided it out of respect for your privacy. However, if you are giving permission…" Hermione stormed out of the flat.
"Hermione, wait…" Harry called after her. She never looked back.
Ron stopped by with Luna later that afternoon. "What's Hermione in such a snit over?"
Harry groaned. "She wants to talk about me and my lifestyle. She seems to be disappointed in my behavior. She says I don't have a 'support system' " Harry ran his hand through his raven hair. "I can't keep up with it all. 'You need to get out, Harry. You need to socialize.' 'You go out too much, Harry. It's not healthy.' Frankly it's bizarre."
"Well, it's like you are having all ice cream and no real food." said Luna dreamily.
Harry stared at her as if she had sprouted another head. "And the problem with that is…" he asked. "I mean if the ice cream is really good, well…There's milk and cream, that's healthy."
"Harry, mate, while I can't deny sleeping with four women at once doesn't have a certain appeal to any man, it can't compare to having a soul mate, some one who knows your mood by looking at your face, someone who…" Ron broke off.
"That's rubbish. It doesn't exist. It's..."
"Is it really?" asked Luna. "Your aura seems to say otherwise. Each person's aura is on a silent search for its other half, whether or not that person is looking."
Harry again looked at Luna in disbelief.
"You gave this speech to Fred and George, too, did you?" Harry returned. "They seem to think we are doing just fine."
"As a matter of fact, we did." said Ron.
"And what was their reaction?" queried Harry.
"They agreed that this was a great time until they were ready to settle down and look for their soul mate." said Luna.
Harry moaned in frustration. "I don't have a soul mate. I don't want to settle down. And my 'aura' can mind its own business, thank you very much."
"You can't lie with your eyes, Harry. Only your mouth is convinced." said Luna.
Harry tried desperately not to roll his eyes at her. "I am finished with this conversation," he said sternly. "If there's nothing else you wanted …"
After failing to reach Harry, the couple left and Harry dressed for work. He had an evening of paperwork to look forward to, if there weren't any raids or disturbances. He placed a strong spell for security on his room in case Cho and Hilary arrived before he returned. His room had always been off limits to guests, now it was his only remaining sanctuary, other than his cupboard. He felt a little foolish climbing into his cupboard, so he saved that for his really bad stretches. Thankfully, those didn't happen that often anymore. "Stop thinking about that" he told himself silently "or you'll bring one on." There was no one else alive who knew what had transpired at the Final Battle. His headmaster was dead, Hagrid, Professor Snape, all dead. No one else knew what a coward he'd been. They'd guessed that he'd killed Voldemort, but he'd never told anyone what had happened. He was too ashamed. He vehemently forced the memories to the back of his mind. "Later." he told himself "Sort it out later."
"Wotcher, Harry" said Tonks as he came into Auror Headquarters. "How's tricks?"
"Tricks are my specialty, Tonks." Harry teased in return.
"You're looking peaky, luv. Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine" Harry responded. "Just a headache. It's alright."
"Ask Kingsley to let you off. He'll do it. You need to lie down with a Dreamless Sleep Potion."
"That's the last thing I need." Harry said. "That will just postpone the inevitable."
"Oh" said Tonks with understanding. "One of those headaches"
"You make it sound like I've got 'that time of the month' headache' or something." Harry said with a snigger. He enjoyed his relationship with Tonks. She was older than him, yet still close enough in age to understand what he had been through. She didn't know the whole story, but she knew enough to understand a good bit.
As the youngest ranking Auror in history, the stress he placed upon himself was fierce. He felt the need to prove he was deserving of his many promotions. He knew that he'd been accepted into the program due to his defeat of Voldemort. He'd earned his place in training, yet he always wondered if nepotism played a role in his advancement. He hoped not. He dared not ask for time off. Usually he was ordered home when he was ill. He'd taken so much time off lately due to that damned article.
The signal came about three quarters of an hour before Harry was scheduled to go home. A cache of illegal potion supplies had been discovered. The squad that was checking it out hadn't returned and was late making contact with headquarters. Harry's team was selected to investigate. Invisibility cloaks would be useless. Harry and his Auror crew were dressed in full battle attire and ready for the signal to go.
"We're trained for this," Harry stated firmly. "I want everyone to do the job they were trained for and meet back here safe and sound. When we arrive Group One does recon, Group Two wait for my signal" and after a few tense, silent minutes he said "Lets go."
The group apparated to the mouth of a cave. He found the mark left by Tonks showing that her squad had arrived. The recon patrol took off on their racing brooms. Harry's experienced eyes took in his surroundings, planning for escape routes and cover, should those be necessary. His wand at the ready, he listened for anything that might give away the location of the stranded squadron. He saw red sparks in the air at the top of the hill. His first instinct was to head that way. He'd learned the hard way that first instincts can be trouble. He waited for the recon team to return.
"Sir…" the recon leader spoke in a whisper, "we found the squad. They are at the top of the hill. There are about fifteen Darks," giving the vernacular for Dark wizards and Death Eaters, "holding them captive. No men down, only minor injuries. We can make it to about fifty metres without being seen."
Harry gave the proper hand signals to the rest of the squad. They were slightly outnumbered, however any Auror freed was another fighting on their side and they had no casualties to slow them down, so far. He'd like to keep it that way. He gave the signal to move out and the troop mounted their brooms and moved on.
Harry reached the clearing first and gave the signal to stop. His men gathered behind him. Harry used his omnioculars to discern their position. His main goal was to retrieve his fellow Aurors; however any Darks apprehended would be a bonus. Knowing an anti-apparition jinx was in place, Harry felt for his portkey. His squad was going through the same procedures.
Harry raised three fingers and pointed to the left. Five Aurors moved off that way. He did the same to the right. He and three other of the more experienced Aurors went straight in.
He was in luck. They'd caught the criminals off guard and quickly surrounded them. The battle was over very quickly. Harry had been disarmed briefly, however as he was qualified in wandless magic, it made little difference.
Harry grabbed two of the bound prisoners and activated the portkey. He arrived back at Auror headquarters and handed the prisoners off to be processed. He then went to find Tonks. He was supposed to debrief after the mission, however they could wait for him. He needed to make sure his friend was okay.
He found her in the infirmary. "Hey." he said softly to her.
"We've got to stop meeting like this, Potter, people will talk." she teased.
Harry smiled. "What is the damage?"
"Not much, just a busted wrist." she replied.
"Good" he replied. "I wanted to check on you first, but I'd better see Kingsley before he decides to ship me out again." He gave the Auror a friendly squeeze on the arm and gave her a, "See you," before heading out.
The meeting with Kingsley was brief to Harry's delight. His headache had become progressively worse throughout the course of the evening. He knew he was in for a bad night. On a scale from one to ten, he anticipated his nightmare to rank about a twelve. He knew the only way was to get through it was to remind himself that these were only flashbacks. It had happened in the past.
He made for the apparition point and saw Tonks leaving as well.
"Need some company tonight?" she asked with concern.
"I'll be alright." he responded. "Anyway, I've got tomorrow off..."
"Tonight made things worse, didn't it? I'm sorry Harry. It didn't go as planned…"
"It isn't your fault. If certain people would live and let live rather than these insipid 'Purebloods Rule the World' schemes, it would make our jobs easier."
"I'd feel better if you weren't alone."
"I'll be fine." he reiterated.
"I'll come. It'll be like old times. What do you say?"
The pain was getting so intense his eyes began to stream. Soon he'd be in no shape to apparate and he knew it. "Come on then." he said and apparated into his kitchen.
Tonks arrived a few minutes later. "I sent an owl to Remus. He wanted to come as well, but I convinced him to wait until morning."
"Thanks," Harry said as he threw himself into his chair by the fire.
"Can't anything be done about them?" asked Tonks.
"No. They talked about a memory charm, but decided that would cause too much confusion. Can't you just see it? The-Boy-Who-Lived locked in the Spell Damage Ward, with Gilderoy Lockhart teaching me 'joined-up writing'…" Harry said with a pained grin.
Harry locked his wand in a special box and transfigured a shirt into a straightjacket type of garment. He didn't trust himself when the nightmares came. "Want to charm this for me?" he asked.
Tonks had tears in her eyes as she bound his magic inside the garment. She knew he didn't want anyone to see him like this and that he was a skillful liar when covering his pain. Without the use of his arms, she held a glass of the strongest firewhiskey available to his lips. He drank greedily from the smoking glass.
He maneuvered down into the floor in front of the fire and prepared himself for sleep. He didn't know which was worse, the nightmares themselves or the dreaded anticipation. His eyes were heavy as Tonks slipped a pillow under his head and covered him with a blanket.
"Kill the spare!"
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-"
"You've no one left. I've taken them all. Are you ready to join them in death?"
"Bow to death, Harry"
"Better save your own life and join me:
"If death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the boy"
"You can't kill me, Harry Potter. You aren't even strong enough to hurt me very much."
Harry crept silently through the Forbidden Forest. He knew this was it. He knew only he or Voldemort would come out alive. He saw a green light issue from Bellatrix Lestrange's wand and Hagrid fell to the earth. Harry gasped. He felt anger beyond imagine. He started to run toward the scene playing out in front of him. Bill Weasley was dueling with Wormtail. Professor Dumbledore was locked in battle with Voldemort. Remus Lupin was fighting Bellatrix Lestrange. Surprising himself, Harry didn't feel fear. Professor Snape was nowhere to be seen. Harry had to remind himself that Dumbledore trusted Snape.
"Harry Potter, we meet again." snarled Voldemort, his snakelike eyes flashing menacingly.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," replied Harry. "Duties at school, you know." Harry saw Dumbledore look over the top of his glasses at his cheekiness.
"I find your sarcasm irritating, Potter."
"Good." said Harry. "Now that you've pulled me away from my studies, we can both be irritated."
"You've no need for studies, boy. Only death awaits you"
"You keep saying that. I must say that line is getting rather tired…"
"Crucio!" shouted Voldemort. Harry felt the now familiar pain of every nerve aflame.
"That was for your cheek. When I have finished with you, my next step will be to level that school you love so dearly and extinguish everyone left in it." Voldemort continued.
"Stupify!" countered Harry
"Diffindo!"
"There won't be anyone left in it. You've already failed. My friends have evacuated the school. There's nothing left but the castle. Castles can be rebuilt. Even the paintings, ghosts and Peeves have been relocated." replied Harry casually.
Professor Dumbledore was gaping at Harry. He wasn't aware that Harry had made provisions if the event that the Dark Lord was victorious. Voldemort screamed in anger.
"Are you going to stamp your feet, as well? Go on. Let's see a good tantrum then. I haven't seen a really good one since I left Privet Drive." said Harry.
"Avada Kadavra!" called Voldemort and Harry flattened himself to the ground. He heard the telltale sound that the curse had reached its target. He looked back and saw Bill lying on the ground with cold lifeless eyes. Harry felt guilt pressing in on him and forced it back. "Later." he told himself. "Think about it later"
"Reducto!" shouted Voldemort aiming his wand at Harry's legs. Harry went down.
Dumbledore cast a binding curse at Voldemort. The Dark Lord flicked it away as if it were a pesky fly and retaliated with another killing curse. Dumbledore winked at Harry and took the curse to the chest. With Voldemort's back to him, Harry raised up the best he could, then cast his own curse, this one of ancient origin, striking Voldemort in the back. The Dark Wizards body fell immediately. With a whoosh, the vapor and shadow Harry remembered from his first school year encounter. Harry immediately grabbed the orb he'd brought, held it in the approaching vapor trail. The vapor was trapped in the orb. Harry pointed his wand at the orb and softly intoned "Laqueus animus. Luguolo vita vis." The vapor seemed to disintegrate before the orb exploded with a loud rumble.
It was over. Harry had fulfilled the prophecy. Voldemort was gone.
Harry awoke to find Tonks running her hands through his hair in the daylight. He soaked with sweat and ached all over. His throat felt as if he had been screaming all night long. He probably had. He was glad he'd cast silencing charms before Tonks had arrived.
"That was a bad one" Tonks said softly. "How often are they happening?"
"A couple per month." Harry croaked, his voice gone. "Usually bad ones are only twice a year."
"You've beaten yourself up pretty badly." she pointed out to him. "Let me see if I can get you out of this contraption, and then about healing you up."
Harry was grateful. Released from his bindings, he fell back to sleep.