I was thinking of doing the epilogue for WLGO, but I got sidetrack with Bio classes and other things. Plus I had this little plot bunny in my head that was just begging to be written. This will be a 3 parter… I say this than later it's more ><;;;;
It's another Crookshanks POV fic… I just love him…
This plot is not a really common thing, maybe a bit unrealistic, but it's always fun to wonder what if….
Must Be Approved By Crookshanks
By: Plumgirl
Summary: Hermione maybe successful and thriving, but she still hears her biological clock ticking. Being one of the only few women her age to still be single. Hermione takes drastic measures that Crookshanks is determined against…
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… though I wish I did… who doesn't? Ms. JK Rowling owns it…
I glowered as I watched Hermione jotted her requirements down on a piece of parchment. Hermione was sitting at the kitchen table of our home. I saw her forehead crease into a slight frown. I trotted to the kitchen, to read the requirements she had down so far.
"Crookshanks!" Hermione cried, as I jumped onto the table. She took a moment to scratch me. I started purring, but then she suddenly picked up her quill and wrote down another requirement. I waited grumpily for her to continue again, but she kept writing.
I looked at the parchment and frowned. This was totally ridiculous.
Hermione is a great person and companion. She's a very successful Healer and is living comfortably. I mean, she finally bought a home for us, last year. It's nice and cozy and a lot of sunlight in the rooms.
It's so wonderful. I can take a nap anywhere!
She's one of the youngest Healers for her department, she's 26, and all the others are in their late 40's. I think they might promote her again soon. She has small group of close friends and me as her roommate. What could be missing?
A husband?
I scoffed at the thought. 'Hermione does not need a husband.'
I glowered at the piece of parchment Hermione was furiously writing on.
It all started when that Ginny Weasley invited us to a special party at her and Draco's apartment. She had been living with him for 3 years and dating him for 7 years. The relationship wasn't all welcomed at first. Ron had a huge fit, but later calmed down after one of Ginny's superb Bat Bogey Hexes. Draco had grimaced at the sight, probably reliving his incident in 5th year and a year after Ginny graduated. Draco was trying to court her then.
Note the word: try.
But eventually Ginny fell for Draco's charms and they've seriously dated until now. Apparently they decided to take the next step.
"Were getting married!" Ginny cried happily, after we ate at her party. Draco was grinning and holding Ginny.
Lavender and Mrs. Weasley squealed as they went to Ginny to get a closer look at the ring. Ginny flashed it off proudly.
"My baby!" Mrs. Weasley cried, as she bursted into tears. All of Ginny's brothers and her father had to remove Mrs. Weasley from Draco. Mrs. Weasley had been suffocating Draco in one of her famous hugs. Draco had been running out of oxygen and turned a lovely shade of blue.
Well all of Ginny's brother except Ron. That dunderhead literally had a stroke and had to lie down on the sofa, while Hermione administered a couple Reviving spells. Luna and Parvati were trying to fan him with a couple magazines, while Harry went to retrieve the ice water for Ron.
None of the others noticed until Ginny noticed.
"Ron!" Ginny cried as she went to the couch, "Are you alright?"
Ron moaned and opened his eyes. He then glared at Ginny.
"Married?!" Ron hissed, as he moved to sit up, "Married to that ferret?!"
I heard Draco grumble behind the others, "Once in 4th year and it gets stuck with you for life!"
Mrs. Weasley frowned and scold Ron gently, "What's wrong with Draco?"
"Nothing." Ginny said, frowning back at Ron, "Draco is the perfect man for me!"
Lavender and Parvati nodded in agreement.
Ron sat up and glared at Ginny.
"You are too young!" Ron spat out angrily.
"What?!" Ginny cried incredulously, "This coming from the guy who's been married for 2 years!"
Luna smiled at Ginny.
"She's right, Ronald." Luna said to her husband, "You were younger than her by one year when we got married. Besides I was two years younger than her when I got married."
Ron grumbled, "It's not the same thing."
"How so?!" Ginny asked furiously, with her hands on her hips.
"Well," Ron started, "Harry isn't married!"
Harry jumped up when everyone looked at him.
"Hey, don't get me involved!" Harry protested, raising his hands up.
"Ronald Weasley," Mrs. Weasley scolded, "You are being irrational!"
"No I'm not!" Ron shouted, "She's just too young!"
"I am not!" Ginny shouted back, "Look at everyone in this room! Everyone in this room is married or engaged!"
"Well Harry isn't!" Ron retorted, "And so isn't Hermione!"
Hermione blushed as everyone stared at her and Harry. I glowered at the red-headed dolt. 'Hermione is just fine how she is.' I thought, frowning at Ron. I was deciding which leg of his to bite.
"Well Harry and Hermione are the exception!" Ginny angrily retorted.
"So is Crookshanks!" Ron, stupidly pointed out. I heard the twins snicker at this.
'Oh now I'm biting both your legs,' I thought, glowering at Ron.
Ginny rolled her eyes, "Well those three are the exception, not the majority!"
"Still!" Ron stubbornly said, "You're too young!"
Ginny frowned, "Well you're not my dad or mom, Ron! And so it's not really your decision!"
"That's right sweetheart!" Mrs. Weasley chimed, patting Ginny's back, "I have no problems with Ginny getting married!"
Everyone turned to Mr. Weasley who was quiet and nervous throughout the whole ordeal. Finally Mrs. Weasley elbowed him and frowned.
"Yes!" Mr. Weasley said, nervously, "We have no problems."
Ginny turned back to Ron. "See?"
Ron grumbled as everyone relaxed. Everyone had been worried there might be another blowout between the Weasley clan. Last time it had been Ron and Ginny at it again when she decided to move in with Draco. The time before that was when Ginny started dating Draco. Ron went off on Ginny that time too.
Maybe it's not a Weasley clan thing, but just a Ron and Ginny thing.
I don't know why the dolt even tries. Ginny always wins.
Well after they both settled down the party resumed, but I noticed Hermione frowning. She looked a bit sad. She was trying to hide it, but I could tell.
Did she think she was old and behind?
But she wasn't of course; she just focused on her career a lot. I mean she's been on dates. A couple of them. With the worst men ever.
Now let's see.
There was Terry Boot, the Mr. Know-it-all. Although Hermione liked the intellectual conversations they shared, he was too competitive. I mean Hermione is Miss. Know-it-all and Terry is Mr. Know-it-all. The too can't go together. Besides I could tell Terry didn't like to be corrected by Hermione during those conversations. Plus he didn't like me very much, because he has a kneazle. I'm half-kneazle and I'm pretty smart. I know kneazles are supposed to be smarter, but who cares? Hermione chose me!
There was Draco Malfoy (before he got together with Ginny), Mr. Arrogant. Smart, but doesn't flaunt it and had a backbone. Actually he I kind of liked him, except for the fact that he was a bit arrogant. And his eagle owl was so uptight and scary. And he spent more time in the bathroom than Hermione. I mean, Hermione spends an hour in there, just for her hair. Draco has perfectly fine hair. Besides I also got a kind of metrosexual vibe from him. I guess Ginny likes those kind of guys.
There was Neville, the guy with no backbone. He was pretty nice to Hermione, but I seriously think he was scared of his own shadow. He was terrified of me. And I don't think Hermione got any further with him than handholding.
And of course there was Ron, the red-headed dunderhead, who always emptied out Hermione's kitchen, Quidditch fanatic, and Mr. Hot Pants. She was with him the longest. About 5 months. They tried. They really did, but they were opposites. Ron loved to eat (a lot) and loved Quidditch. Hermione ate only when she was hungry and wasn't fond of Quidditch. She wasn't fond of flying either. I could understand. I hated flying too. Hermione was a more indoors type of person, like me. Ron was an outdoorsy type. Plus he was so horny. My goodness I hated being shooed out of Hermione's bed all the time during those 5 months. Once I purposely stayed while Ron tried to get me off the bed. Hermione fell asleep during our fight and Ron grumbled when he saw her sleeping.
It's not that I hate Ron. I don't love Ron, but I can tolerate him. Only in moderation. Him and the twins.
***
I watched as Hermione reread her list.
I grumbled and pawed her list. She's forgetting one. The most important one.
"Crookshanks?" Hermione said, confused.
I just meowed and gave her a look. Hermione frowned in thought then she smiled.
"Of course!" Hermione said.
I frowned. 'Not pets! I can't stand Eagle Owls or Ron's Pigwidgeon!'
I pawed her paper again and frowned.
"What?" Hermione asked me, looking confusined.
She looked at her list and thought for a minute. She finally chuckled and scratch my head.
9. Must like pets. Must like half-kneazles and other pets, But certain breeds of owls are restricted.
I frowned again. It still looked liked something was missing.
Hermione noticed my glower.
"What's wrong with the list, Crookshanks?" Hermione asked, stroking my fur.
I purred at her ministrations. 'Hmmm… something is missing' I thought.
All the qualities are down, but still something is missing.
'Aha!' I thought, sitting up, suddenly, 'How could I forget the most important criteria!'
'Must be approved by me' I thought.
I pawed her list again. Hermione watched me patiently as I pointed to the word 'half-kneazles.' Hermione looked at me curiously.
I pawed it again. 'Me!' I thought, 'Me. Me. Me."
Hermione watched me repeatedly point to the list. She finally laughed.
"You!" Hermione finally guessed.
I meowed at her correct answer.
"What about you?" Hermione thought for a moment. I watched her patiently hoping she'd get the idea.
Hermione wrote down one her list:
I hissed in disagreement.
Hermione looked at me curiously, "You don't want them to like you?"
I hissed again at her answer. 'I don't care if they like me. I have to like THEM!"
Hermione thought it over a bit.
"Must be approved by Crookshanks?" Hermione guessed.
I mewed at her answer. Hermione laughed.
"Oh Crookshanks!" Hermione cried happily, she gently pulled me to her lap.
"I guess it is an important criteria." Hermione said after awhile, still stroking me.
'Please,' I thought, 'it's the MOST important criteria.'
Hermione smiled and edited her list.
10. Must like Crookshanks. Must be approved by Crookshanks.
I mewed at her list. I was satisfied. With that quality, I'm sure she could find the perfect guy. But she really doesn't need to do this.
Besides I really wasn't fond of the idea of Hermione putting an ad in the personals. She doesn't need too. I've been her perfect guy detector and bad guy filter.
***
Hermione rewrote the list onto a fancy piece of lacy, pink parchment that was offered by the company.
Young(26), bright, employed witch with a home looking for a young wizard.
I frowned as Hermione smiled. She put on her coat and hurried to the publishing office at Diagon Alley to send it.
Normally I would stay at home and take long, lazy, Saturday morning naps, but I needed to go with her. I'm hoping that maybe she'll decided not to submit it.
I don't think she needs to. And hopefully she will realize too. And if she doesn't I'll make her realize it.
I trotted out the door.
"Crookshanks? You want to come?" Hermione asked me. I just mewed.
Hermione held me in her arms. I cringed and shut my eyes. I hate apparating.
"Hold tight." Hermione said, trying to reassure me as we apparated and landed in Diagon Allley with a 'pop'.
Hermione set me down gently as I wobbled for awhile, then caught my balance.
'I really hate apparating' I thought, 'but floo's not any better.'
I watched Hermione pick up some books she ordered from the bookstore and then held off to the publishing office. I watched Hermione bite her lips nervously as she grew more anxious as we got to the building.
You couldn't miss the building. It was bright pink with large letters saying, Love Spell Connection: For Hopeful Witches and Wizards.
I cringed as I saw the advertisements on the window. They were all moving pictures of happy couples saying how this personal columns company helped find their soul mate. It was all decorated in red and pink hearts and looked too gaudy.
I saw Hermione slightly cringe at it too. She held the paper in her hands tightly and looked around, furiously, to see if anyone was around. She was embarrassed.
'Hopefully she'll get too embarrassed.' I thought, 'Then she won't go through with this nonsense.'
I could tell Hermione was on the verge of leaving, when she noticed the largest advertisement. It showed a beautiful, young couple and they were smiling, showing off their wedding rings.
"Love Spell Connection helped us find each other!" The man cried, happily.
"And we are now happily married!" cried the woman, smiling.
Hermione frowned sadly at the couple. I hissed at the ad and tried to pull Hermione away by biting her pant legs.
Hermione just gently swatted me away.
"I have to do this." Hermione said nervously, "I need to do this."
'NO!' I thought as I bite her pants harder and pulled.
Hermione tripped and fell.
"Crookshanks!" Hermione scolded me. She brushed the dirt off her knees. I could tell she was going to submit it. So I jumped and snatched the letter from her hands.
"Crookshanks!" I heard Hermione cry, as I ran away from her.
"Stop Crookshanks!" Hermione shouted, "Stop!"
I ignored her as I ran between peoples legs. I looked back and saw Hermione had her wand drawn.
'Oh crap!' I thought as I ran faster.
As I turned the corner, a pair of strong arms grabbed a hold of me.
"Whoa! Crookshanks!" Harry said, trying to calm me down as I tried to scratch him to be released.
"Crookshanks! OW! What's wrong?"
"CROOKSHANKS!" Hermione shouted as she turned the corner.
Harry looked up at Hermione who ran towards him. I panicked and I quickly put the letter in his hands. Harry looked at me and the letter curiously.
"Crookshanks!" Hermione cried.
Harry looked at Hermione confused as he looked down at me.
"Bad day?" Harry asked.
Hermione just huffed and puffed to catch her breath.
"Crookshanks is being a bit intolerable today!" Hermione finally said, still out of breath. She glared at me.
Harry looked at me.
"What'd you do?" Harry said to me.
I just mewed happily and snuggled in Harry's arms. As long as he's with me Hermione won't point her wand at me. I watched as Harry chuckled at Hermione.
"What's going on?" Harry asked, his eyes twinkling.
"Crookshanks just bolted from me!" Hermione said, still frowning at me.
"So you got mad and tried to hex him?" Harry asked, amused.
"Well," Hermione fumbled, "He also took some thing of mine….a letter."
"This?" Harry said, lifting up the letter in his hand. As Hermione went to snatch it, I grabbed it with my mouth then bolted from Harry's arms.
"Crookshanks!" They both cried as Hermione got out her wand.
They chased after me until I hit an alley with a fence. I was trapped.
I saw them running towards me, panting. Hermione was glowering at me and had her wand out.
"Don't make me use this!" Hermione said, warning me.
Harry just looked at me and then tried to calm Hermione down.
"I need that letter!" Hermione cried as she tried to push Harry away.
"Well you don't need to hex him," Harry said, "He's already trapped."
I frowned at the thought. I saw Harry try to calm Hermione down then he turned to me.
"Come on Crookshanks!" Harry said, encouraging me, "Give Hermione the letter."
I hissed.
Hermione raised her wand. Harry tried to calm her down.
"How about Crookshanks gives it to me" Harry offered.
'That would be better' I thought as I moved towards Harry.
"NO!" Hermione shouted, turning pink, "I need it!"
I frowned as Harry tried to calm her down.
'I will not let her submit this.' I thought, 'She doesn't need this. She's just fine the way she is. She doesn't need to take desperate measures like this.'
So I clawed and tore at the letter.
"Crookshanks!" Hermione cried.
Harry quickly got to me, before I shredded it. I hissed at him. The envelope was torn, but most of the letter was still intact.
Harry frowned as he noticed the fancy, laced, pink paper.
"What's this?" Harry asked curiously as he peered in the shredded envelope.
Hermione froze and blushed.
I watched, grinning inwardly at my work.
Harry saw the letterhead of the letter. Love Spell Connection: For Hopeful Witches and Wizards. Hermione turned redder as she panicked.
"Umm Hermi-
Hermione bolted away.
"Hermione!" Harry shouted as he moved to follow her. I grabbed onto his pant leg and Harry tripped.
"Ow! Crookshanks!" Harry cried as he rubbed his knee.
I went to the letter he dropped and started shredding it. Harry stopped me.
"Crookshanks! You shouldn't" Harry said, scolding me as he took the letter.
The envelope had been shredded off. The letter was still, mostly intact. I glowered at the fact that I didn't destroy it completely.
I saw Harry read the letter. He turned pink as he quickly folded the letter. Harry turned to me and sighed.
"Umm… You shouldn't have done that, Crookshanks." Harry said to me quietly, "She's pretty upset now."
I frowned at his words. 'I was only trying to stop her from making a big mistake.'
"This isn't at all like Hermione" Harry said, still blushing, "But I'm sure she had her reasons."
'They weren't very good reasons.' I thought, 'She could do other, less desperate things than a personals ad.'
Harry stroked me as he still sat on the ground with me.
"I'm sure you were trying to do the right thing, but you really upset her." Harry said. He gently grabbed me and held me in his arms. He put the pink letter in his pocket as he started walking away from the alley.
"I still have errands to do." Harry said, "But I'm guessing now wouldn't be the great time to take you back to Hermione. Wherever she is."
'I agree.' I thought. 'She'd probably hex me the second she saw me.'
I shuddered at the thought.
"We'll let her cool down a bit and maybe later in the evening, I'll take you back to her." Harry offered.
I mewed in agreement.
"Although you got to act really cute and sorry so she doesn't hex you right when she sees you." Harry said, grimacing. "Maybe tomorrow morning."
I hissed at Harry.
'I can do cute' I thought, grumpily.
Harry just laughed at my sour face.
***
Part 1 completed.
AN: I hope you don't see Crookshanks as being too mean or harsh. He's only trying to do what's best for Hermione. ^^;;; Plus I just think he's soo cute…
Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome.