Coming to Terms-Chapter 7
The rest of that day was a wash for everyone. Harry and Hermione dominated the conversation around the house. The rumors of what Hermione said to Ron ran rampant. Ron had come back and gone directly to his room which was now his with Dean instead of Harry. Ron made sure of that as he passed the table and told his father of the change.
Harry looked at Hermione and even though he could feel the closeness they had before last night and today, it had changed. "I know this is going to sound thick, Hermione. But what's changed between us? I mean, I can already feel it."
Hermione seemed to know what he meant. She assumed that he wasn't talking about last night or even the events of this morning. She could feel it too. There was something casting a pall over them. "I think it's the stress, sweetheart. I don't think people are supposed to fall in love and later in the same day hurt people the love so badly."
It sounded too simplistic to Harry, but maybe there weren't words for this kind of combination of joy and sadness. It was like being at a wedding and finding out about a dear friend's death. Certainly no one died, but maybe it was symbolic of their naïve and wholesome friendship changing forever. He shared that thought with Hermione.
"Harry, that's probably pretty close to the truth, but we shouldn't let it destroy us. Sure, things changed. They changed the moment Ron and I started dating too," she said.
To this point, they had only spoken in general terms about this morning. Harry thought maybe that was it. "Hermione, you were pretty angry at me too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to start a row between us. I just don't want you to leave anything out if there is something that bothers you."
Hermione paused for a moment. The stump they were on was large. So she got up went to the other side. "Stand up here for a minute." They faced each other. "Okay, sit down and put your feet behind me. It was a little uncomfortable for Harry at first, but they sat face to face close enough to touch." She took his hands in hers.
"Harry, you can't come to my defense every time I have a problem. If we're together and I get a job with the Ministry are you going to fight my battle with my boss if we disagree?" She didn't speak harshly at all. "I know you're brave and if I were in physical or mortal danger I would want you there. You running out to Ron and I was pathetic. I felt like you wanted to pile on when I was already handling my own issues."
"I don't know what I was thinking at that moment. Are you still mad?" asked Harry.
"That's the other thing Harry. You never used to ask if I was okay if grimaced or had a frown on my face. I usually say something when I'm upset or need someone's comforting. You would drive me crazy if you kept that up for very long," she smiled.
"I got it. Maybe I'm a little to sensitive to things right now," he said. "I guess I'll just have to pay more attention to myself and what I need to do than to what you're doing," he added.
"That's sounds like a good idea, Harry. I owe you an apology too. I've really been wishy-washy, hot and cold, or whatever term you want to use. You can't feel very comfortable when one minute I must feel like putty in your hands and the next I feel like a porcupine," she said smiling. "I was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the last twelve hours."
"Yeah, you were a bit hard to figure out," said Harry.
"Now, this is the hard part and the part that I wanted you to look in my eyes for, Harry. I don't want to be that way again, but we need to spend a couple of days apart. I know that's going to be hard for both of us. We've pretty much pissed everyone off that we know so we might not have anyone to talk to for a while." Harry nodded his head in agreement.
"I don't like it but I have to agree. Ever since I came from the Dursleys', it's been way too intense. You haven't had time to even adjust to being with Ron in this environment and now that's changed. I had to deal with Ginny and now the DA. I don't think we need to be so far apart as not to see one another though. I think we just need to do our own things and let everyday events bring us together." Harry said.
Hermione looked at him for a second. "I don't know if that will work, Harry. The subconscious can create reasons for people to do certain things that could just be a mask for those everyday encounters. I think I should go home to my parents until Lupin comes at the beginning of the week."
Harry couldn't help but feel a stabbing pain of guilt. "This is because I rushed things, isn't it?"
"I won't lie to you, Harry. Yes, that's part of it. The other part is that I can talk to my parents about things. I don't mean specifics of our lives but other things. I need to get away from you and Ron for a few days. I can't have the distraction. You asked me if I'd leave without saying good-bye. On the walk over here a little while ago, I contemplated it seriously," she said.
"Oh," said Harry as he listened closely.
"Maybe you should go back to the Dursleys," she said poking him in the ribs.
Harry thought about this for a moment and realized that things between him and Ron were pretty sour, to say the least. Ginny was no help while Fred and George would just be coming home tonight from their shop. They would probably be pretty brutal to Ron.
"That's not a stupid suggestion at all, Hermione. I mean I did just dump my stuff on the bed there and I can Apparate back and forth. I'm not supposed to, but we used the portkey because of the trunk."
"Harry, I was just kidding. It would be crazy to go back there, even for a minute. I couldn't stand to look at their faces," said Hermione. "You can't be serious."
"Look, the way I see it. Everyone is pretty sick of our little dramas. It would be an opportunity for me to get away too," he said. "I don't think I made any friends threatening them today either. It might take Professor Lupin being here to get them to listen to me."
Hermione shook her head. "You could go back and organize your things and go someplace else, Harry. Didn't Bill change some of your gold into muggle money last year or the year before?"
"Yes, and I still have that bank account near the ministry in London. I could go and spend a day or two near there and visit Bill," he said. "Hopefully, Bill isn't pissed off at me too? I'm sorry Hermione, with things the way they are, if you're not here I really don't want to be here either."
"Suit yourself Harry, but that's the point of my leaving, I can't worry about another person until I am happy. I'm not going to change my mind about us while I'm gone. That's not what this is about. Maybe a better way of putting it is that I'm going to re-evaluate where I am and where I want to be in life. That is going to change with you in a different role in my life. You should do the same. But that's up to you."
Harry looked at the situation from her perspective for a moment and realized the wisdom of what she was saying. Her home had always been a sanctuary for cleansing herself from the awful things going on in the wizard world. Where was that place for him? He knew that in some ways it was wherever she was, but that wasn't an alternative. Then it dawned on him. "Hermione, maybe I should spend a few days with Hagrid, and God-forbid, Grawp. Hogwarts should be safe now. No one would expect me to go back there during the summer."
"That might get you killed, Harry. We don't know what it's like there now," she reasoned. Hermione didn't look like she liked the idea at all.
"It's pathetic, Hermione. I have no where to go but here, Hogwarts or the Dursleys'," said Harry. He hated the idea of staying here to suffer the glares from Ron or anyone else, but he realized that's what he'd have to do."
"Harry, you act like I'm going on a round-the-world cruise on a tortoise. I'm going home to tell my Mom that I've lost my mind when I fell in love with you and to put me in a mental hospital. They'll give me some drugs and send me back when they realize I'm a hopeless waste of money and therapy," she smiled. "I love you, Harry. And, what happened today took a lot out of me. I still care a great deal for Ron and that's still a hard thing to cope with too. So trust me and let me go without making me feel guilty for leaving."
"You don't need to worry about that Hermione. Your judgment in things like this is usually spot-on. So I know it is a good thing for both of us. Please don't forget that this is new to me too. So why don't we go back and get you ready," he said.
She smiled. "I appreciate the offer and it means a lot, but I'm going to walk back alone. I can say goodbye right here."
She leaned in and kissed him. It was a deep and passionate kiss like the ones that set his soul on fire the night before. The saltiness of her tears gave way to the softness of her lips. She moved closer and pushed Harry back and laid on top of him. He felt the tenderness of her breasts pressing on his chest and the warmth of her bare legs against his. He just folded his arms around her and responded naturally.
That had to be one of the longest goodbye's of Harry's life. He felt drained physically and alive again emotionally.
She sat up on his lap and he could feel himself growing harder as she did. The wrinkle at the corner of her mouth as she smiled intrigued him. She said, "I've always wanted to say this so here it goes. Is that a roll of coins in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" She jumped off so as not to tease him any further, giggling uncontrollably. "I don't want to tease you sweetheart, but it was tempting. Now we couldn't have said goodbye like that on the porch at the Weasleys now, could we?"
Harry was afraid to move because she'd created a monster, so-to-speak. "No matter how you slice it, that's mean." He said. "Leaving me here like this."
"Oh, come on Harry. You know how to fix that problem and you know it," she said teasingly. "I'm sorry if I'm just not ready to fix it for you."
"Just like a woman, create a problem for a guy and make him fix it himself. Go away, you little tease, this is not funny and you know it," he cackled as he sat up rearranging himself making a bigger deal out of his pain than necessary.
"Harry, don't change from the way you are right now. You're adorable and funny. Once things settle down we will have a lot of fun together. We just need to clear our heads a little," she said kissing his cheek. "I'll see you Monday. That's like four whole days, okay?"
"I'll see you then, sweetheart," he said admiring her as she walked away. She didn't turn around.
Harry walked back slowly to the Burrow. He was thinking mostly of what he needed to do to be ready for the DA meetings when he ran into Seamus smoking a cigarette as far out of sight of the house as he could and still know where he was. "Hey, Harry."
Harry felt that Seamus was one of those who perpetuated the gossip the past couple of days and he was determined to just say hello and continue toward the house. "Hey, Seamus."
"What? That's it?" Seamus joked. "I mean we haven't even said hello since I got here if you don't count nodding at each other last night around the fire. You were directing some of that `don't make it worse stuff' toward me today, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I suppose it was toward anyone who likes to have a laugh on others misfortune," said Harry.
"Well, I'll tell you what I think because I think what you two did to Ron sucked," said Seamus. "I am not against you or Hermione, but if it was about whether he should have been angry at you two then you were way out of line. If it was just things not going well for him and Hermione, that's a different story."
Harry wasn't happy at the moment. Seamus often took the opposite side on issues Harry was involved with. "So, let's hear it so I can get back home."
"Take it from the point of view of all of us here. Everyone knows the three of you have a special thing. Some people even joke it's a kinky three-way bi-sexual thing, but that's beside the point. Oh, yeah, you haven't heard that one have you? These rumors are mild compared to some of them."
"What's that got to do with anything, Seamus?" asked Harry.
"What it means is that you guys get a free pass on some things. You are closer with Hermione than most women get with their men friends. No one denies that it's special. I'm sure you're sick of the popular gossip so I'll skip it. Anyway, if you two were to hold hands or she kissed your cheek, it wasn't news. It was normal.
But what has happened here over the past few days was over-the-top. You two flaunted your connection at Ron and dared anyone to say something about it. When we did, you acted like it was unfair. Then it happened again. Harry, how long was Ron supposed to think that you two were playing patty-cakes and telling ghost stories in the dark? Or, how long were we supposed to believe that? "
"But nothing happened, 99.99% of the time until that last day," said Harry.
"So, it was our fault that you two couldn't cool it, because we said something about how fishy it looked? Neither you nor Hermione were to blame for making Ron crazy? I don't think you intended to either. I think you guys should have gotten a room, about two years ago and bonked the hell out of each other and none of this would have happened."
Harry felt like he was being scolded and the way Seamus was putting it, he deserved it.
"This is what we all see. You two are in love and don't see it, while Ron is head-over-heels for her and she thinks she is for him. She knew better than to do that. She should have broken it off with him if she were going to do anything like that with another guy, whether he was a friend like you or not. Don't you get it? You two tortured Ron until he couldn't love her anymore the way he used to."
"You can blame me for that," said Harry. "You're right, but leave Hermione out of it."
"See, now that's a problem for me too. Why do you have to stick up for her? It's not all your fault and it's not all hers, but damn it it's someone's fault. It might even be partly Ron's fault for being slow to see what was going on and not having enough self-esteem to stand up for himself. But don't try to make yourselves out to be victims. That just pisses me and those who take pleasure in watching you squirm want to make you squirm more." He said.
Harry realized that Seamus wasn't here by accident. "Seamus, exactly why are you here" This isn't a chance meeting," challenged Harry.
"Harry, no one ever expected it to turn out like this. We figured one day, Ron would get tired of Hermione being around you and tell her where to get off or Hermione would do that to Ron. Either way, you guys would just naturally figure it out. This happened in less than thirty-six hours, Harry." Seamus looked like he was tired of this already. "Look, I'm not going to say I'm not here because someone told me I should be the one to tell you. I'm kind of a no bullshit type, but now that I'm here, I'm glad I told you. None of the three of you deserved to have the rug pulled out from under you the way it was today. And that is really why I'm here."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Harry.
"Harry, I'm not a touchy-feely type, but I can see when good people got caught up in something that consumed them for the worst. Don't hold things against Ron. Don't blame him for being a seventeen year old guy in love with a cute seventeen year old girl and not having a clue how to deal with it. I'm going to talk to him too and I'm going to make him see that he had a part in it too. Just let Hermione stand up for her mistakes in this too," he said. "We want you three to be friends again, if it's still possible. You all have served us well the past six years. If I'm going to follow you into the lion's den against Voldemort, then I want your whole support system intact. It's purely selfish, Harry. Purely selfish."
Harry looked at Seamus carefully and realized the role he'd played all these years in his life. It hadn't been a big one, but he was the tough guy who didn't back down and people listened too. Seamus wasn't a big guy, but it wasn't size that mattered in his case, it was attitude. "I'd say thanks but I'm kind trying to fix my wounded pride right now. Go talk to Ron, Seamus. Ask him if I told him I never meant to be disloyal. See if he remembers that part of the conversation."
"I'll do that Harry. By the way, I saw Hermione Disapparate with her suitcase not long ago, is everything cool?" he asked.
"Yeah, we all need to take time to figure things out and she hadn't gone home yet, so this was a good time," said Harry.
"Yeah, she's not stupid Harry. If you ask her, she'd tell you that she probably should have been more considerate," said Seamus as he crushed another cigarette out. "I should quit this. Seventeen and I got a two-pack a day habit during the summer."
____ ______
The weekend wasn't a bust after all. Ron and Ginny joined the rest for practice conjuring an apple without their wand on Saturday. And, they joined again on Sunday for conjuring a couple of ice cubes, this time without the wand and blindfolded. Sunday night was going to start to get even harder in preparation for Monday.
Ron sat quietly at the opposite end of the table from Harry as he described what he had to try to do. The jokes were a distraction because Harry found them funny. One was that they hoped their opponent was allergic to apples and the other was if they had to play pin the ice cube on Frosty then we're in. Harry tried to be diplomatic and settle everyone down, when Ron spoke up for him. "Hey, let the man do his job. We may need this. Lupin didn't want us to learn this so we could be comedians."
Harry felt better knowing Ron wasn't just there sitting because his Dad forced him. Harry had been afraid that was the case. "Okay, tonight, I am going to try to conjure an ice projectile sharp enough to kill or incapacitate someone and actually make it fly without my wand."
Harry explained what his guide told him he would have to do to ensure that it worked or at the very least had a chance of working. It was difficult and the best Harry could do was an icicle with potential to hurt someone. He'd done all the rest of their exercises very easily.
"Harry, how are we going to do this if it's that hard for you?" asked Colin Creevey.
"You're going to practice as long as it takes, Colin. Just like I am," said Harry. He thought it was time to bring up his pep talk from the first night again. "Guys, if this were easy we'd learn it at a Wizard Ninja school similar to the karate studios muggles go to. It's not easy and we have to learn it because it is a building block. Tae Kwon Do requires breaking boards to learn focus. Our skills are almost entirely mental. We need to clear our minds and picture what we want to happen. We can do it easy with our wands."
Harry took his wand, snapped his wrist and instantly an ice shard in the shape of a spearhead appeared on the table next to him. Harry pointed his wand quickly at the side of the tool shed and the ice shard sped in that direction pierced it and shattered instantly. "We have to channel that energy on our own if someone incapacitates a tool we would normally use to defend ourselves. They will use dark magic that can kill in an instant; we have to be able to stop them before they do."
Everyone's eyes focused on someone or something behind Harry at that moment, "Bravo, bravo Harry," said Professor Lupin. "I knew my confidence was not misplaced. Harry is absolutely right, guys. Trust yourself to imagine what you have to do. If you panic a bit that's okay, but concentrate. Remember if you panic and forget everything you learn, it may be too late. Observe."
Professor Lupin took his cloak off. "Harry, I want you to cast the Disarming Charm on me on the count of three. I want it like you mean it Harry. One, two, three."
"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted as a bolt of energy knocked the wand out of the Professor's hand and left him stumbling back. But as he gained his footing, his eyes closed, his left arm shot into the air in a fist and pulled down like one might pull a lever with his right arm moving as if he were hitting a bludger in sync with his left. From his right hand a ball of fire emerged blasting through the dusk into the fire pit and setting it ablaze. This sequence took four seconds at most.
No one there had ever seen such a display in their life. The Professor shook his hand as his cuff smoldered. "That was the extreme example people. It is dangerous, but it is about survival and not magical games or tricks any more."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hermione and Tonks standing with Mrs. Weasley. Harry returned his eyes to Professor Lupin but clearly he was thinking of Hermione. "Professor, is there a danger of burning ourselves like almost happened there?" Harry asked unknowingly.
"Harry, we also learn to reflect the powers used against us. You have become as powerful in some aspects Harry as a fully qualified wizard and your Expelliarmus Charm gave me a great deal of momentum. But be aware, if you can use that force, so can your opponent. Don't give them power they can use. Save things like that sort of spell for the one that ends the fight. Use it too early and miss, you might find yourself being served as a French fry at a local pub." He joked.
"Fires lit," quipped Seamus as everyone ooo'd and ahh'd at that incredible display of power when they broke up the meeting.
"Harry," said Remus. "You did well. I want you to know that elemental magic is easily defended by a mature wizard. That is why it is rarely used. It destroys things and leaves a trace. We will move into the more subtle ways of using our power in the coming weeks. That is to stay between you and me. I want them excited to know that it is possible to do this type of thing. That's all these demonstrations are for."
"Yessir, Professor, can you teach me to do that one though? It looks awesome," said Harry.
Lupin laughed. "Of course, as long as I don't see you are trying to fry Ron Weasley in an argument."
Harry hung his head wondering how news traveled so fast. He saw Hermione again and felt a little timid in approaching her. He looked wonderful and he'd missed her a lot, but not as much as he'd imagined the first day. Maybe that was a good thing he thought. Maybe that means that I'm confident that we'll see each other. "Face it Harry, you have no balls now, she owns them and you're afraid of what that means." He laughed as that thought passed through his head knowing it was an exaggeration of a partial truth.
He was glad that there were a few obstacles to walk around on the way to where she stood. He had to figure out how to do this in public. As he approached all fear and nervousness subsided as she took a step toward him and said, "Hi, sweetheart, I missed you." She kissed him on the cheek and took his hand. "So, here he is Tonks."
"You too look good together," said Tonks. "I heard that you have a pretty good bunch of friends here Harry. I don't think Hermione knows how things went since she left. Why don't you guys go talk?"
"So, how was your visit home, Hermione?" asked Harry. He had no idea what it was like there.
"It was amazing, Harry. I took long hot bubble baths without worrying about someone else needing to get in. I read and talked with my Mom and Dad," she said.
"Yeah, right after you left me at the stump, Seamus cornered me and read me the riot act," said Harry with a smile. "It was a wake up call I needed." He shared the story with Hermione who smiled weakly and nodded in understanding. After he finished he waited to hear what she thought.
"I think you'll be surprised to hear that's pretty much what my parents said too, when I told them about what happened," said Hermione. "I never have told them such intimate details before Harry, but I know they love me and would tell me if I was wrong without being mean."
The look on Harry's face must have asked the question without words because Hermione answered it a second later.
"No, Harry, the details of my love life is something that I don't share. Now, I told them that I spent a lot of time cuddling with my friend around the fire, but I didn't get into specifics of anything else. My parents wouldn't let me come back if they thought I had the freedom we do. Are you crazy?" They laughed.
Harry liked what he heard though. Hermione had been able to pamper herself and take time for the things that soothed her. He hadn't realized how cosmopolitan she was until now. She talked of her parents' trip to France this summer and the one to America in the winter. He'd forgotten how wealthy her family was as dentists.
"Harry, you looked like you had their attention out there. You were doing very well. Professor Lupin, Tonks and I watched from where you met us for about ten minutes before he showed himself," she said.
"So, I told you that I missed you. Did you miss me?" asked Hermione playfully.
"Are you referring to how you left me four days ago?" He brushed her hair away from her face.
"What ever do you mean?" she said in as close to an American southern belle's accent as a young Brit could get. "Did everything come out okay?"
The sun hadn't gone down yet and for the first time he didn't need to find a place to hide to cuddle with her. "What are you doing?" he asked more confused than ever.
"Doesn't the gentleman want to resume where they left off the other day? Or was the lady too brutal and unkind?" she intoned walking slowly backward into the shadows.
He walked faster to catch up to her. "Ooh, now the gentleman seems to understand the proposition and he can't get there fast enough, can he?"
He hadn't touched her but the anticipation was already making him crazy. Finally, they had gone far enough that even if someone were to take a walk they probably wouldn't go that far. She stopped. He reached for her and pulled her close as time stood still for them again.
"Harry, do you remember what I said about how I thought sex should be discussed first?" She asked breathlessly.
"I remember and I won't rush you, sweetheart," he replied as he kissed her neck and ran his hand down her thigh. "Am I doing something wrong, Hermione?"
"No, but I might be the one who asks you," she laughed throatily as her breathing changed again. "Not tonight, but don't be surprised if I'm the one who wants to ravage you."
Harry laughed. "Well, if you do, remember guys are sluts. The standing answer is yes."
"I figured as much." They're lips met again and the talking stopped for a while.
Finally they stopped. "Harry, we are in so much trouble if we ever start doing it. They'll find us shriveled up dead somewhere. We'll kill each other," she growled. "This is what I meant about having fun, Harry."
Hermione looked down and buttoned her shirt. "Are you really a slut, Harry?" she said sort of off-handedly. "I'm not trying to be funny. Well, maybe I am by using that word. What I mean is if I were in the mood would you just go for it, just like that? No, thoughts of consequences or anything?"
Harry knew he wouldn't question it, but he wasn't sure how he wanted to answer her.
He wouldn't change his story, but he wanted to be honest about why. "No, I wouldn't give it a second thought. There is an old saying and it is rule number one: `A stiff you-know-what has no conscience.' But that's not really the whole reason. If you were to proposition me, it would mean to me that you had thought about consequences and I'm alright with that."
"But you said all guys are sluts. Would any guy with a girl just go for it if she asked?" asked Hermione curiously.
"I'm not sure, Hermione. But if I were a betting man and the girl was attractive to him, I'd refer to rule number one. He's probably going to go for broke," said Harry with a nod.
"Remind me to be careful of what I wish for then, okay?" she said with a wink.
"I hope you don't feel like I'm forcing the sex issue, Hermione. I admit that I don't want to be a '40-year-old-virgin' though." He winked.
"That's funny, Harry. I'm the one who's been acting like a poodle in heat. Don't worry, the way we're going, it's likely neither of us will make it to our eighteenth birthdays as virgins," she smiled.
He stopped and pretended to count on his fingers like it was a long way in the future until his eighteenth birthday. "Mine's a year and something away." Then pretended to get a shocked look on his face, but yours is only a couple of months. Am I doing the math right?" he asked slyly.
"Yes, Harry, that's only a couple of months. I'm afraid you're a wolf in sheep's clothing. Don't get any ideas though."
Harry started to let her slide because he realized she had really only used the birthdays symbolically. But he couldn't resist the temptation. "Yeah, that's me, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Ah-oooo." He bayed quietly in Hermione's ear. "I love you, sweetie. You're a pretty good sport about things."
"Yeah, and you're a piece of work, Harry and I love you anyway," she said as they started walking back toward the house hand in hand.
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