Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 4

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Hey that's no way to say goodbye

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I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes, many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but now it's come to distances and both of us must try,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.

"Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye" - Leonard Cohen.

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"Oh…hi, Ron," she yelled from inside the shower. "I'll be right out. Why don't you wait in the bedroom?"

"Or how `bout I join you?" Ron had already started taking his cloak off.

"I'm almost finished, and I am really starving. Even better, why don't you go downstairs and make sure we have a table, it was really full yesterday. I mean we wouldn't want to stand up when we eat, that is really unhealthy."

"Yeah, yeah," Ron muttered and rolled his eyes. She was rambling again. When she heard him leave the room she quickly stepped out of the shower. She looked down at her body.

Was it possible to tell? Was the word "tramp" written on her body? Or did the word "cheater" read across her forehead? What would she do? How would she handle this? She hadn't even discussed this with Harry. He had said that he loved her, hadn't he? But what did that mean? Did it mean that he wanted to marry her tomorrow, date her, or was it just a one night thing?

She started rubbing her hands together. Get dressed, she ordered herself. She put on a nice black skirt and a matching top. She looked around for a muggle hairclip, she was sure she had brought one. She was in such a hurry and she didn't have time for this now. She shoved her wand into the bundle of hair in the back, it would have to do. She walked downstairs and when she saw Harry sitting next to Ginny on one of the benches she had to hold on to the rail so she wouldn't stumble and fall the last steps. He looked at her with an intense look and she decided not to meet his eyes, but she could feel them burning her.

"There she is, my beautiful girl!" Ron reached out for her. She felt the whole table looking up at her and she forced a smile.

"Hi guys," she said weakly.

"Come here," Ron said and pulled her down so she was sitting on his lap.

Ginny reached over and gave her a big hug, and over her shoulder she met Harry's gaze. They were looking right into each other's eyes and it felt like he was speaking to her. Like he understood all she was feeling, it was hurting him as well. But she was scared by something else she saw, there was jealousy in his eyes. He glared at Ron's hand, which was placed on Hermione's hip. Hermione reached over and gave the twins a hug as well. Ron grabbed her face and gave her a big kiss. She slid of his lap and grabbed her own chair and sat down next to him.

"So, what was the big meeting about?" Hermione asked the Weasley's.

.

"Oh, silly Fleur," Ginny laughed. Ginny was quite fond of Fleur nowadays, but she still liked to make a little bit of fun of her.

"She wanted everyone there to make the big announcement," Fred continued and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, she was quite disappointed you lot weren't there," George filled in.

"Bill knocked her up," Ron said.

"Mum is naturally ecstatic over the news. She has waited for so long to be a grandmother, she is hoping you and Ron will be next," Ginny continued. Hermione could hardly swallow her pumpkin juice, but she was relieved when she heard Ron's response.

"She's mental! We are so young; we haven't even started working yet. Sorry Hermione but babies will have to wait many, many years."

"Sound good to me," she said faintly.

She looked over at Harry and Ginny and felt a bit nauseas when she saw Ginny lean over and kiss Harry's neck. Harry must have noticed her gaze because he pulled away from Ginny and said, "It tickles too much, don't."

"How much did you miss me?" Ron whispered to Hermione.

"You were gone two nights Ron," she smiled at him. She grabbed some toast and started chewing on the dry piece of bread. Harry glared at Hermione and Ron, he had to force himself to change the subject.

"Fred, we heard about you and Angelina," Harry said. Fred looked a little uncomfortable so George answered in his place.

"Lee will be all right," he answered.

"He must hate me, I understand him. I mean to do that to a friend is terrible. I just… had to," Fred said desperately.

"They weren't together anymore, right? So you didn't do anything wrong!" Harry exclaimed, this was all hitting a little too close to home.

"Let's just not talk about it," Fred muttered.

"But you have Angelina, at least," George patted his brother's shoulder and Fred nodded. Hermione looked at Harry's right hand, its fingers intertwined with Ginny's. She felt like throwing up all over the table. Ron looked inquisitively at her.

"You look like I used to do before a Quidditch match," he declared.

"I just have a bit of a stomach-ache; I think I have to lie down for a while. Do you mind?" she looked at Ron. He shook his head with a concerned look and Hermione walked away as quickly as she could, without looking at anyone else.

Ron finished her toast and orange juice and then joked, "I wonder if that was code for `follow me upstairs and get naked,'" he smiled.

The others laughed and shook their heads at him; Ginny even threw a piece of egg at him. But Harry didn't think it was funny. He felt madly jealous, he didn't want Ron to talk like that about Hermione. She was Harry's Hermione. He was the only one who could be naked with her. Something suddenly occurred to Harry; Ron would want to be with Hermione soon. He'd want to kiss her, hold her, touch her and… and he'd want to make love to her. Harry couldn't let that happen, he wouldn't allow it. The thought made him shake with anger.

"Are you OK, Harry?" Ginny asked.

"We should leave Hermione alone, she felt a little sick last night as well. I think she just needs some rest. We should go over to Zonko's; they have some pretty cool stuff. Sorry…" he apologized to Fred and George.

"We don't mind checking out the competition. Zonko's kept open during the war, we felt that it was more important to fight then make money," George assured.

"And we are glad for it," Harry stated.

The gang kept busy all day in Hogsmeade; they met so many people they knew including old Hogwarts professors. Harry was so busy thinking about ways to keep Ron busy so he wouldn't be alone with Hermione that he forgot all about himself. Before he knew it Ginny had somehow made her brothers remember errands they had to run and the couple were alone.

She threw her arms around him.

He looked at her cute face. She sure is pretty, he thought. Why had he never loved her the way he loved Hermione? It would have been so much easier.

"I have missed you so much. I haven't seen you since killed You-know-who. "

"It's just been two weeks," he answered distractedly. She looked hurt by his words, but started carefully playing with his right earlobe.

"I think I know what you want to do," she smiled and continued before he could answer. "Go up to our room and snog for a few hours."

"Our room?" he said and realized that, of course would they be sharing a room. And Ron would share with Hermione, sleeping in her bed, smelling her hair… He couldn't think straight anymore. What had happened to him? He felt like he had been cursed. "Sounds nice," he continued. "But you know what? Neville was looking for you yesterday."

"He was?" She sounded surprised.

"Sure, he wanted to talk to you. I don't know what about, maybe about Luna."

"What are you talking about, what do you mean about Luna?" She looked irritated.

"She's coming, and I think he wanted to ask something about that." It wasn't a complete lie. Neville had asked Harry if Ginny knew when Luna would come to Hogsmeade.

"He can wait," she gave him a mischievous smile.

"No I can wait. Why don't you find him, and we'll meet in our room later?" She reluctantly agreed and walked away. Harry walked fast towards the Three Broomsticks . He had to talk to Hermione, now. He ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. Hermione opened and before he could open his mouth he saw Ron lying on the bed. He was fully dressed and looked like he had just gotten there.

"Hi mate," he called out to Harry.

"Am I disturbing anything?" Harry asked trying to read Hermione's face.

"No, I was just going to check if any owls have arrived downstairs," she answered quietly.

"I'll join you," Harry said and quickly closed the door behind her.

They were finally alone, even though a thin door was the only thing separating them from Ron. And all Harry wanted to do was kiss her.

"Hi there," he smiled at her.

"Sshh..." She put a finger over his mouth and looked around. She saw a broom cupboard and pulled him inside by the hand. The second the door closed behind them Harry kissed her with such a force that she almost fell over. She couldn't help but kiss him back, running her fingers through his hair. Harry pushed her up against the wall and started kissing her neck.

"Oh Merlin, the taste of you…" he mumbled. He had both his hands on the outside of her thighs. He slowly raised them so the skirt followed him, soon she had it over her hips.

"Oh please, Harry, stop," she begged. He kissed her again and started to pull her underwear down her hips.

"No!" she suddenly said and pushed him away with force. He looked surprised at her.

"Hermione, what…?"

"What are you doing, Harry? Ron is just in the next door. Anyone could find us! This is just completely insane. And what do you take me for, someone who'll just have sex in the broom cupboard and the go back and have sex with Ron?!"

"Did you, did you..." Harry couldn't get the words out. Suddenly he felt ill.

"No we didn't do anything; of course I couldn't do that."

"So leave him. Leave him now. I'll leave Ginny, we can just go and be together."

"Harry what are you talking about?" Tears started running down her face. "Do you want to do that to Ron?"

Harry took her hand and put it on his chest. "All I know is that I am in love with you Hermione."

She sobbed loudly. "No," she whispered. "I love Ron!"

"No you don't," Harry muttered defiantly.

"Yes I do, and so do you. He is your best friend, and you would do nothing to hurt him. I know that. He would never forgive us."

"So what are you saying? Are you going to be with him, after all this?" Harry's words seemed to not want to leave his mouth.

"I can't leave him now. Don't you see? He would be devastated. He doesn't know the change that has happened. As far as he knows, everything is as it was. What we did, it was… a mistake. It wasn't right. We should never tell anyone about it."

"I can't believe you are saying this to me." Harry shook his head. "You disgust me right now, do you know that Hermione?" He turned to walk and she desperately grabbed his arm.

"Please, Harry." She was crying so hard that she could hardly speak. "You can't hate me. I am just trying to do the right thing. This isn't like breaking up with Cho Chang, it's Ron. And for heaven's sake, it's Ginny. They would hate us forever, we would never be allowed to set foot in the Burrow again. I just don't want to be this person… this person who breaks people's hearts, who cheats and lies."

"But you are," Harry spat at her. Hermione looked down at her feet. Her shoulders were shaking violently. Harry wrapped his arms around her. "I don't want to hurt Ron," he said quietly. "I just never thought it would be his heart or mine. But I guess you are right." He kissed the top of her head and let go of her. As soon as he was gone Hermione sat down on the floor and cried even harder. Where would she go from here? Her heart hurt so much that she didn't know whether or not she would be able to get up and walk out of the cupboard.

It took her over an hour until she finally was sure she wouldn't start crying. She went to her room and to her relief Ron had left. She fell asleep quickly and didn't wake up until Ron was gently stroking her face. "You feel a bit hot Hermione, do you have a fever?"

"Oh, Ron," she whimpered and pulled him down towards her. She hugged him as hard as she could. How could she have betrayed him? He was so sweet, anyone would be lucky to have him. He loved her so much, she thought. She smelled his hair, and it smelled the way Ron always did. It was a scent of chocolate frogs and cinnamon. She cursed herself as she thought of the way Harry smelled. Why couldn't she just enjoy her relationship with Ron?

"Maybe you should stay up here tonight," Ron said with a worried voice.

"Why, what's happening tonight?" He smiled widely.

"The twins are here. It'll be a mad party downstairs. Lots of drinking, remember tomorrow we're back under mum's watchful eye."

"Oh right, everyone will be mad drunk then," she stated more to herself then to Ron. "No, I'll come down for a while."

Harry hadn't returned to his and Ginny's room. He had been walking around in the snow. By the time he got back to the Three Broomsticks, he was freezing and the heat in the Three Broomsticks hit him hard in the face.

"Harry!" Ginny squealed. She was sitting with the twins and Seamus at one of the tables. They were deep in conversation, discussing the war and some of the battles they had won. No one liked to talk about the lost battles, or the loss of friends. Harry's heart ached a little when he thought about Dean, Tonks, Alicia Spinnet and both the Patil twins. They had all been so brave, and so many more besides them had lost their lives. He tried to shake the thought from his mind.

Harry walked over to Ginny and gave her a kiss on the mouth. She cared for him, she wouldn't want to be with anyone else but him. Unlike Hermione who had chosen to stay with Ron. How could I have been so stupid, Harry thought. He sat down and took a zip of Ginny's butterbeer and it warmed him up a little bit.

"Bet I can drink you under the table!" George challenged Fred.

"Guys, Luna and Neville aren't even here yet and Ron and Hermione are coming down in a minute, let's wait for them," Ginny yelled at them. Harry ignored her and swept her butterbeer.

"Alright Harry. Nice to see you haven't got a broom stuck up your…." the twins started, but Harry cut them off.

"Shut it." He smiled as he said it, though.

Ron joined them a few minutes later, and thirty minutes later Luna and Neville joined them. Harry kept looking at the stairs. Why didn't she come down? Did she think she was too good to join them? He knew Hermione was nothing like that, but it felt better being angry at her than sad.

He saw her feet at the top of the stairs and soon she was in full view. She looked great. She wore black pants and a tight top that gave her quite the cleavage. Fred saw her and said jokingly, "Whoa Ron, you better keep an eye on your girl. Someone might steal her." Hermione wore a silver necklace that was dangling just above her cleavage, she had straightened her hair, and even wore a bit of makeup.

"You sure look nice." Ginny smiled at Hermione.

"Did you do all that for me?" Ron nodded appreciatorily.

Hermione met Harry's eyes. She thought she could see them flash, but with what she wasn't sure. Jealousy, love, hatred? Or maybe a mixture of all three.

"Here, take my seat," Ginny suggested.

"No I..." Hermione couldn't finish. Ginny had pushed her down on the seat before she could continue.

"I have to get more drinks, it's my turn anyway," she assured Hermione.

Hermione sat down next to Harry. She was sure everyone could see the tension between them. Luckily most of them seemed pretty intoxicated by now, and they were busy discussing their DA memories. Harry looked at her. She turned and faced him. Their legs were touching and her leg felt like it was on fire.

"You do look nice," he whispered quietly.

"Harry…" She wanted everyone to disappear around them. I did it for you, it's all for you. It always has been for you! she thought. Her arm was lying next to her and Harry let his arm fall down on the sofa they were sitting on. He could see her breathing increase rapidly.

"Calm down," he said quietly. She quickly leaned forward and stole Neville's firewhiskey.

"Thanks," Neville said and grinned at her. "I really don't like those."

She faked a smile and put back her hand and it landed very close to Harry's. She gently moved her pinkie so that it lightly touched Harry's finger. Harry felt pain, excitement, and desire all at once. He casually leaned over and whispered, "You're killing me."

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