Chapter Fourteen: The Second (un)Forgettable Drink
James, Sirius, and Remus walked into the Great Hall as Lily was walking out at breakfast. She brushed by them without a word or even a hint of recognition in her eyes. She continued up the stairs and to the dorm room, never once looking back. James looked like he had been sucker punched, as if he was a broken man. James slumped into the seat at the table and went through the motions of eating without really tasting anything.
"She chose to give you up," Sirius reasoned with him. "She obviously was ready to move on; perhaps you should do the same."
"No," James said flatly.
"I hate to say this, but Sirius has a point," Remus agreed. "Lily chose to take the easy way out and drank you away. Perhaps, it is better this way?"
Remus pushed a drink into James' hand, smoking in the same blue smoke that Lily's drink had held. James looked at it slowly. It would be so easy to drink the potion and forget all about Lily Evans and those nights they had spent together. He swirled the drink in his hand and watched as the fluid inside swirled.
"Do you really think that this is the best way?" James asked them as he held the cup full of potion in his hand. James looked beat, as if he had lost the greatest battle in his life. He was so tired of all the thoughts that swam in his head. Remus and Sirius both looked as if they were struggling.
"We want you to be happy," Remus said quietly. "We don't want you to be in pain anymore."
"You are our brother, and we want you to be happy, James," Sirius said. James nodded and held the cup in his hand tighter.
"I want to be happy again too," James agreed. He looked at the fluid. "This really will make it all go away forever?"
"The memories, yes," Remus said as he rolled the top from the cup back and forth on the table.
"But?" James asked as he had sensed that there was more.
"Well, whether the memories are there or not, the truth remains the same. You and Lily were once in a relationship," Remus said.
"There is no coming back from this, James," Sirius told him. He looked a little ill. "Once you drink that, you won't remember what happened between you and Lily Evans."
"So, this is it? This is what I have reduced myself to?" James asked rhetorically. "Running away and drinking a potion to be saved from my heart ache?"
James stood and left them at the table in the Great Hall, holding the drink in one hand and the top to the cup in the other. He walked to the Astronomy Tower and looked out across the school grounds. He thought of how he and Lily had been together for the first time on the floor of the Astronomy Tower. He held the drink in his hand. He could picture her looking up at him with amazement and wonderment; he could almost feel her breath on his face, just as the wind blew. His chest ached, as if someone had placed his heart in a vise. He wanted relief; he needed relief. Any more, and he was certain he would die from his broken heart.
"Why, Lily?" He asked aloud. He swirled the cup again, looking deep with in its purplish-blue surface. This potion would take all of that away. He wouldn't remember the way she tasted, the touch of her lips on his, the warmth that surrounded him when he was inside her. It would all disappear from his mind and no longer torment him. He placed the rim of the glass to his mouth and tilted it back.
"Oh, sorry," a voice said interrupting him. James pulled the cup away from his mouth, the potion just touching his lips. James looked up to see Lily standing there, her school robes fluttering in the breeze that was snaking into through the windows of the tower. She went to back away, heading back down the stairs.
"No, wait," James called hopefully. She stopped and looked at him quizzically.
"I don't want to interrupt you. You look busy," Lily said quietly. She hesitated before joining him deeper in the Astronomy Tower. She flashed him one of her most dazzling smiles.
"Oh, no problem, really, I was just going to drink this potion," James said as he held out the potion for her inspection. She peered curiously into the cup. She wrinkled her nose, her eyes sparkling with laughter.
"Oh, a potion," Lily said curiously. "What does it do?"
"It is supposed to make me forget," James said pulling the potion back. She looked at him with her eyes wide.
"What would you want to forget? You are the most popular guy in the school," Lily said with quiet surprise, her emerald green eyes wide. James looked at her, surprised she knew that.
"I loved this girl," James said quietly. He watched her face as he spoke; hoping and praying for a light of recognition to enter Lily's eyes. "I know she loved me, too, but she thought that she was coming between my friends and me, so she broke it off. It was too much for her to take, so she took a potion like this one to forget. Now I am the only one who remembers how good it used to be."
"That's terrible," Lily offered sympathetically. She came closer and patted his shoulder. "Love can be too painful to endure, especially when it is not returned. I can see why you would want to forget her."
"The thing is, I don't," James admitted. "It's my friends; they want me to let her go."
"Like she let you go?" Lily asked. She had a sympathetic tone to her voice and a sad, sympathetic smile on her face.
"Yes," James said sadly smiling at her. She didn't remember. There was no way that she would be looking at him in that understanding and sympathetic way if she had known she had been the girl that had succumbed to weakness and needed a way out.
"What happens when the potion wears off?" Lily asked him. He looked at her as if she had grown an extra head.
"What do you mean?" James asked.
"Well, if I am not mistaken, that amnesia potion looks a lot like Amnesia Temperado, which means it will wear off," Lily told him matter-of-factly. "Assuming she drank the exact same potion, of course. There are others out there that are a little more permanent. Eventually that potion is going to wear off and you will feel as bad, if not worse, than you do now."
"How long?" James asked suddenly, his heart racing.
"How long would it take to wear off? I don't know. I mean, there are so many factors that go into it," Lily said smiling at him. She patted his shoulder. "Whatever you decide to, I am sure it is for the best."
"If something occurred to her before the potion wore off, would she remember it?" James asked breathlessly. "I mean would she remember it when her memories come back?"
"It is a common misconception that amnesia potions erase memories. You can't erase a memory. It is just clouded, blocked, or suppressed," Lily said as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "When her memories come back, all of her new ones will still be there. Chances are, what she felt before she took the potion is going to be just as strong and just as raw as the day she drank the potion. That is the downside of the potion; you can't heal while you aren't dealing with your emotions."
"Lily, thank you," James said to her quietly. Lily smiled at him.
"No problem, it's what I am here for, to help the head-boy. I guess that is why you and I were both chosen to be the Heads," Lily said grinning. She turned to leave the tower. She turned back and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "Don't give up on love just because love gave up on you."
Then she was gone and James was standing there, alone, in the Astronomy Tower. He looked down into the potion and knew that there was no way in hell he would drink it. He knew that one day Lily would remember what they had and she would need him to be there for her. He stepped to the outer observation area of the tower and closed his eyes, letting her face enter his mind. He tipped the cup and let it pour out, the liquid rushing to the ground, swallowed up by the earth.
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