Chapter Twenty-Two: Lily's First Love
James walked along the corridors, his shoes making noise on the stone floor. He had so many thoughts running through his head. Absent mindedly, he pulled the map from his pocket and looked around the school. He didn't see anyone's dot out of place. He sought Lily's dot, unable to find it in her dorm. He had taken up to watching it when ever he had a moment, except when it was in the bathroom. He couldn't face the visions of her naked and so close. He continued to look for it and found it down in the dungeon. She was alone, but he could see Severus' dot approaching. James pulled his cloak on and headed down to the dungeon, sliding into the class room behind Severus, undetected.
Lily was sitting cross legged on the table. She had her back to the door, and she wasn't looking at the potion, but instead she was looking at Severus' reflection in the glass of the window. She was slouched over a book that was open in her lap. She didn't look unusual or shocked to see Severus standing there in the class room. Her wand was on the table next to her.
"Severus," Lily murmured, looking at his reflection.
"Lily, please forgive me," Severus said. He rushed to her and pulled her into his arms. James felt his inside flood with icy water as Severus kissed Lily, holding her much in the same way that James had kissed her earlier. Lily turned her head, breaking the kiss. Tears were streaming down her face.
"I can't, Sev, I just can't," Lily protested. "You, above all, should know why."
"But Lily," Severus begged.
"No," Lily said. Her tears continued down her face. "I don't love you anymore."
"Lily," Severus whispered as she pulled away. He looked destroyed. If Severus hadn't been kissing James' girl, James might have felt a little bit sorry for him. "I was your first."
"Yes," Lily agreed. She turned away, her hand up to stop him from advancing. "But that was three years ago, Severus. You waited too long, and I have moved on from you. You made your choices."
"Lily, don't do this!" Severus demanded. "You can't choose him over me!"
"I don't have a choice, Severus!" Lily shouted angrily. "You took my choice from me."
"I thought I was helping you," Severus defended.
"Helping me by having your enemy hold me down while you forced potion down my throat?" Lily laughed coldly. She couldn't make it him out through her tear-blurred vision. "You are just as bad as they are."
"No, Lily, you couldn't…"
"Couldn't what? Couldn't possibly remember?" Lily spat angrily. Her hand was clenched hard on her wand. "Maybe next time you try to force someone to drink something, maybe you should make sure that she doesn't spit it out onto her clothing."
"You didn't drink the potion?" Severus asked slowly as he crept closer.
"No, I didn't," Lily confessed angrily. She held her wand up, casting a charm and creating a force field around her. "Don't come any closer."
"Lily," Severus begged.
"You chose to believe that I was inferior because I was muggle born," Lily said angrily. "You chose to be with me that summer, but once Malfoy summoned you to join him and the other Death Eaters, you wanted nothing to do with me. You used my body after that, yes, but never did you have any intentions on remaining loyal to me. I want nothing to do with you."
"I love you Lily," Severus defended.
"It's too little, too late," Lily said angrily. "You are marked and your Lord won't take to you having a relationship with a filthy Mudblood."
Severus tried to advance but was unable to come any closer to Lily. Her protective charm was a force field that wouldn't allow him to get any closer than she allowed him. He circled her, pacing like a caged animal trying to get to his prey. Lily wouldn't let him near her. She had made up her mind about him and wanted nothing more from Severus Snape.
"Lily, please, I will give it all up for you," Severus begged. She laughed coldly, fresh tears streaming down her face.
"You know you can't just give up the Dark Arts, not with the likes of Lord Voldemort running the show," Lily said. She wiped her tears from her face with her wandless hand and trembled. "Trust me, Severus, it is better this way. This is the way that it was meant to be."
Severus turned his back to her and walked out of the classroom. He knew it was true. He would never give up the Dark Arts and he would never give up his loyalty to Lord Voldemort. He loved her, but he knew where his loyalties lay. He was a Death Eater for life. The door slammed behind him and he headed back to the Slytherin common room where Malfoy was waiting with open arms with Crabbe and Goyle.
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