A/N. This chapter is the evening from Harry's POV. It's not typical HHr stuff but sheds more light on Harry and Hermione's friendship and how Harry sees Hermione five years after Hogwarts. They will talk about Ginny and many will not like what he says.
Thank you for the reviews especially those which gave me ideas on what to write in the chapter. I tried to include all suggestions (except for the one who wanted shagging to be on Harry's agenda :lol: not a bad idea just too OOC!). A few said Harry's Hag experience - I took a stab at that but it just didn't flow well. Maybe for a future chapter.
Some are finding this story of the past boring. To channel my Prof Dumbledore - I'm fishing to fish not for the fish, not that there's anything wrong with the latter. But I do appreciate your investment in the story and for those who choose to stick around I will change the story summary to alert you once I post the continuation of the present. To be clear, there are good reasons why I'm writing about the past (at least I think they are).
Enough about that. This chapter is long enough. Hope you find it interesting.
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Chapter 19 - His Friend Hermione
Harry asked for sugar free pumpkin pie and took care of the tab while Hermione made a trip to the witches' room. She had offered to pay for dinner but Harry convinced her to get the next one. They had vowed to make this a regular thing, to find time when they were both free at least once a week.
It was his idea. Hermione had been concerned that maybe they shouldn't tie themselves to such a lofty commitment, suggesting that Harry might have better use of his time but he insisted and she caved with a compromise that it didn't have to be dinner or at Finnigan's all the time. Her reluctance made Harry wonder and he asked her if he was intruding too much in her life which Hermione immediately dismissed. It was kind of a weird conversation thankfully interrupted by her need to use the loo.
She wasn't long. By the time their pie came he noticed her standing halfway back to their booth talking with a man he recognized as someone who worked at the Daily Prophet. He had met the guy at an office party once but as good as he was with faces he was pretty bad with names. They both looked down his way and Hermione motioned she would be a minute. He nodded and watched as they continued their conversation, thinking about how she had evolved from that bushy brown haired teenager he knew from Hogwarts to the woman she was today.
Physically she had not changed much, except perhaps that she had filled in the um, usual places and developed into a more mature woman. At about five foot five she was average built and carried herself in a manner that masked the strength and endurance she had acquired through years of dutiful training. When she joined the Auror office years ago she cut her brown hair for both ease and practicality and was nowadays sporting a bob that complimented her features.
While Hermione wasn't someone one would describe as beautiful she wasn't bad looking either. He had already been approached three times since the morning by Ministry wizards asking him what her availability status was. Not knowing the real answer he turfed the men over to Dean. He laughed inwardly as he imagined her tall and physically massive partner fielding the question, thinking if the wizards got past asking over Dean's glare they were worthy.
Hermione had gone out with other men during her many breaks from Ron. She usually picked the anti-Ron, someone who wasn't a red head, was an intelligent conversationalist and one who paid attention to her more than the food, kind of like the bloke she was talking with now. But outside her circle of friends men were generally intimidated by her accomplishments and tried to compete with her or make her conform to an ideal which Hermione clearly wasn't. She was never a conformist. She needed someone who was confident enough on their own to let her be herself without feeling threatened by her intelligence. There were very few men under thirty who were like that.
Needless to say the guys she dated were jerks. Over time, convinced she was tragically bound to end up with wrong sort, he, Seamus and Dean, Dean in particular, became quite protective of her. Hermione found it amusing, maybe even enjoyed their concern but if she ever found out why she got stood up by the French Ministry observer/jerk two years ago she would probably kill them. They got a bit carried away with that one but that was so much fun.
Like most modern day Aurors Hermione wore Muggle clothes and would don Ministry robes over them only when mandated inside the Ministry. Tonight she was in light brown corduroys and an orange v-neck cashmere sweater that hugged her frame, blending well into the crowd just as any twenty-something girl-next-door would.
Of course, those who knew Hermione well knew she was anything but the girl-next-door. She was the brightest witch of their generation, a goal oriented perfectionist, opinionated about most things, passionate about her beliefs, and with an uncompromising social conscience. He would say all that even though she had definitely mellowed since Hogwarts. There were fewer things she was dogmatic about and had learned to accept that systems were much easier to alter than beings, human or otherwise. That was probably a result of being around Ron for many years and dealing with different beings at the DPMC, where her sensibilities and logic were severely tested.
But to him she was so much more than all that. If not for her he would not be alive today and Voldemort would have won. She was his most loyal friend and aside from Ron was the only other person who knew most of what he went through.
Tonight he came to realize that Ginny's observation was right. Talking with Hermione was different; it was more spontaneous, effortless and on a level that he had not had with his ex-girlfriend. In a way it was very personal, intimate in the non-physical sense and warmed him more than many other feel-good experiences he had in his life.
On hindsight maybe Ginny noticed how much more stressed he had been since Hermione left, something he attributed to increasing responsibilities at the Ministry. He knew now that it wasn't so much because of the increased work demand but rather the fact that Hermione wasn't around to talk him through it. He missed her. He missed her companionship for it was during these times with her when he felt most secure, when he felt most accepted, when he could let down his guard and be himself. With her he did not have to be the perfect hero, know all the answers or always do right. She had seen him at his weakest and at his ugliest and he could be totally honest with her because he had in the past and because most times she would need no further elaboration. And no matter what they said to each other they would always be friends.
Harry chugged the remainder of his pint wondering why he wasn't like that with Ginny. Why didn't this openness come as naturally? Surely it was no longer to protect her from what was after him or to shield her from the darkness of his past. Why couldn't he change for the woman he supposedly loved?
"Sorry about the wait."
Hermione just joined him, cutting through his thoughts.
"No worries," he responded then bugged by curiosity, he had to ask, "That guy you were talking with, he writes for the Prophet, doesn't he?"
"You mean Lance Elliot," she answered, "Yes, he covers the Wizengamot. Are you ready?"
"Yup," he replied as he helped her into her coat, "What did he want?"
"Him, nothing. I needed a favour," she said vaguely then steered their conversation, "I'd rather walk. It'll take about five minutes. You don't mind, do you?"
He didn't. They stepped outside and unexpected freezing January air greeted them rudely. The temperature had dropped suddenly while they were in Finnigan's. They walked side by side in silence, shoulders both hunched over, braving the cold, her with her arms hugged across her chest and him with his hands in his pockets. At one point they glanced at each other at the same time.
"Geez, it's cold," she laughed at the foolish sight caused by her suggestion.
"Yeah," he laughed too, "Any more bright ideas?"
"It's not much further," she pressed on.
"This is crazy. Let's side-along."
They'd have to because he didn't know where her temporary quarters were. She relented, taking his hand in hers, warming it instantly and squeezing it tightly. For his part he thought he should relax and let her take him, feeling odd when he realized it has been a long time since he had given up bodily control and completely trusted someone else with his. Wait. This was Hermione. Just five years ago she took him Side-along many times without warning and he never Splinched. He was thinking way too much.
They spun in place and reappeared right outside the Ministry owned flat. The momentum of their re-emergence caused Hermione to crash forward into him and he reflexively tried to maintain his balance and to help her with hers. He brought both his arms around her back and held her against him to keep them from falling over. Hmm…she was wearing a soft flowery perfume he was noticing for the first time.
"Sorry," she immediately apologized, "I should have accounted for the added weight and your mental resistance during entry."
"Sure, blame it all on me. You weren't half as shoddy five years ago when we were escaping danger."
She chuckled at his joke and tried to defend herself, "Give me a break. It's been a while since I've had to do this."
"I can't believe you're making excuses for poor execution."
"Um...Harry..." she said tentatively, the smile still in her eyes and in her voice.
"Yeah?"
"You can let go now."
"Oh, yeah, sorry," he loosened his embrace and blushed.
She merely grinned at his absentmindedness. He watched her take the wards down and as they walked to her flat entrance at the very end of the sheltered path, he noticed that she was lost in thought. Harry guessed that would be about Ginny. They had been avoiding talking about her and Ron throughout dinner. Hermione probably wanted his side of the story about the break up and about the girl he was with last night.
"You're plotting. I must be in deep shit," he said, half-joking but with a tinge of genuine anxiety.
She chuckled, unlocking the door with her wand as she did, "Yes, you are, but we'll get to that later. I'm making tea. Make yourself at home."
Following her lead into the foyer, he took off his shoes as she did, left his jacket on the sofa with her stuff and placed their somewhat cold pumpkin pie atop the short counter that separated the dining area from the kitchen. He looked around as she noisily searched for a teapot and cups in the cupboards.
It was a small one bedroom flat, impersonal and indistinct. The door to the bedroom was ajar and just past it he saw unopened suitcases on the floor.
"Not planning on staying long?"
Hermione followed his gaze to her suitcases and guessed why he asked, answering, "I just haven't had the time to properly unpack. From the looks of it I might be here for a while."
"I thought you were thinking of buying right away."
"I'd like to but flats here in London are so expensive. I just browsed through the ads this morning and I'm losing hope I'll find one I like that I can actually afford," she handed him a couple of small plates, forks and a knife, "I heard you had to move out of Grimmauld. How do you like your new place?"
"It's okay I guess," he hadn't given it much thought, "At least it's in a new building, close enough to the Ministry even though I've been too busy I haven't actually spent time there."
Admittedly, the physical move had been symbolic too in that it was around the same time he began dating again. Out with old and in with the new, or at least he remembered that being part of his impulsive decision to buy property instead of lease. He handed Hermione a piece of pie over the counter and cut some for himself.
"Dean and I drove past the construction today. I can't believe the old Black House is gone forever," she said with a hint of nostalgia in her tone. "It's unfortunate the Muggles condemned the entire building. It must have been hard when you saw them tear it down."
"As much as I wanted to keep it, it had to go. It was only a matter of time. The place had been unmanageable since Kreacher died last year."
"So how does that work?" she asked inquisitively, "You still own the unplottable land, don't you?"
He confirmed, "I've hired a company to rebuild over it. I'm just not sure I want to live there after."
Hermione wanted to say something but tea was ready. Summoning a couple of chairs Harry transformed them into stools so they could sit at the counter and talk about work. They each took a careful sip of good warm tea.
"So," he took a breath in, "You first."
"About the Gaunt case; what did John say?"
"There's good news and bad news."
"Don't tell me John said 'no'," she guessed and groaned her dissatisfaction.
"But he said he'd have no problem if Kingsley was okay with it," he quickly added and instantly felt the gloom leave her face, changing into one of excited anticipation.
"So, I'm in then!"
"Not so fast, I'm meeting with Kingsley tomorrow morning."
"But he'd say 'yes'. You and I know it and John knows it. You can tell me now and…"
"Can you relax? One night is not gonna kill you and playing it straight will keep Humptail off my back."
"Fine," she agreed, "But I want to know the second Kingsley makes it official. Why is John being such a hard-ass anyway? Is he sore at me because of the Hag?"
"Not sure but he's very sensitive these days. Why? Is he picking on you?"
"Feels like it. He got on my case this afternoon as if it was my fault Gaunt is the mover in Knockturn Alley."
He hadn't heard about this one so she told him about what she and Dean stumbled upon.
"Warren and I were wondering the same thing yesterday," he said about Gaunt's increasing influence with a frown, thinking that this new information fit perfectly with the picture.
The mere mention of his partner's name brought out Hermione's frustration. As much as he hated this part of his job, it gave him the perfect opening to discuss the matter.
"About Warren. He can be prick."
"Can be?"
"But he can be nice when he wants to be."
"Oh please. Butter him up for someone who will actually believe it," she scoffed.
"I talked with him today and he says he'll behave himself if you do."
"If I do?!"
Shit. The second he said it he knew he shouldn't have. He forgot to carefully edit Warren's answer.
"He says he's merely reacting to you."
"He's the one who starts it with his bigoted commentary and his blatant disregard for decency!"
That was true. Warren enjoyed pushing buttons. He decided not to point out to Hermione that Warren was merely playing with her. That would just add kerosene to the fire.
"You don't have to like him but if you want to work on the Gaunt case, you're going to have to work with him."
"Maybe he doesn't have to work the case."
"You won't get him reassigned back to Toronto if that's what you're planning," he was straight with her.
"Why not?!" she was just about to explode, "What is so special about this guy that John's protecting him and you're protecting him?"
"I'm not protecting him," he said truthfully, "Look. This is getting out of hand. Is there something going on between the two of you?"
"What the fuck does that mean?!"
That riled her up more just as he expected it would. He really should talk to her about her use of profanity but not right now.
"This thing between you two; are you sure it's not because you like each other?"
"What would ever give you such a stupid idea?!"
Keep calm. She may look like she's going to kill you but she isn't. Best to keep the knife out of her reach and watch out for that fork.
"I've seen this useless bickering enough in the past with Ron to wonder if you're um…um…"
Someone give him a better word, or throw him a thesaurus, quick…
"Attracted to him?!"
Damn! Was it too much to ask for her not to be able to finish a thought of his just one time in their lives? 'Attracted' was such a sexual word. He didn't want to give her ideas.
He hoped she wasn't because Warren was not who he'd want to see Hermione end up with. However, it wasn't inconceivable that she was. Based on the usual initial reaction of women around Warren he was a good looking guy and he didn't have red hair. Hermione regarded Harry as if he had two heads and actually was waiting for an answer.
"Yes. Are you attracted to him?" he winced as he said the word.
"You actually think that the fact that I argue with Gates is an indication that I fancy him," she said quietly to confirm what he was saying. Before he could answer she was shaking her head and laughing to herself, "Oh, Harry. Did you think that through all by yourself or did Dean weigh in?"
"It's all mine," he replied a bit red in the face but relieved that she wasn't angry about his preposterous theory.
"For the record," she said in her listen-to-me-well-for-I-will-say-this-once tone, "While Ron may have bickered with me because he fancied me I bickered with him because we disagreed on a lot of things and he brought out the worse in me. In fact, we brought out the worse in each other and that was ultimately the reason we broke up."
"And Warren?"
"Gates is git. I have no patience for him even if he's supposed to be some Canadian hero," she replied, "He crossed the line and made this personal, Harry. I've worked hard at getting respect to let someone like him get away with what he did."
"I understand," he did now, "But this quarrel you have with him will compromise the squad and I can't let that happen. As I said, he's willing to start over. Can you do the same for the team?"
She was struggling with this more than he thought she would. The old Hermione would have decided immediately.
"You're right. I shouldn't let personal differences affect the team. I'll be civil at work," she emphasized 'at work' knowing there wasn't much he could do outside of it, "By the way, the do-it-for-the-team speech was really good."
Hermione said that straight-faced but it sounded way too sappy to think it was a serious compliment.
"Why thank you. That was my very first one."
"You're a natural."
From there the conversation became more serious. She enquired about what happened at the Ministry while she was gone. Being somewhat apolitical, he wasn't the best person to ask about it but he told her what he heard anyway. As in the past power in the Ministry predominantly resided within its two largest departments, the MLE and the Department of Mysteries. There was definitely growing concern that the DoM and its leaders wanted changes in the MLE heavy administration and the MLE sympathetic Wizengamot.
Rumours were that there was ongoing positioning and the anti-Kingsley group was recruiting influential players aggressively into DoM and into the more minor offices. Hermione was not pleased that after only five years of relative mutual cooperation the politics was back.
"Those bastards. Can't they see there's still so much rebuilding to do? What's Kingsley been doing about it?"
"There's really not much Kingsley can do," he concluded but Hermione disagreed.
"He could do his own shameless recruiting," she suggested, "Or influence laws to actively protect important projects even if just for the transition."
"Yeah he could but Kingsley's too straight to do something like that."
"I guess that's the problem. He too straight he'll end up getting his throat cut by those who aren't, and then we end up with a less than ideal Minister."
That was graphic but he was sure she meant it in a figurative sense.
"It'll work out," he tried to reassure them both.
"This wasn't what I pictured would happen five years ago. I really hoped those in Ministry leadership would stay on course until they build a better Magical world and prevent what happened from happening again. But no, that would have made too much sense," she ranted. "Aren't you frustrated? Did you see this coming five years ago?"
"I hope you don't take it against me but at that time the state of the future Ministry wasn't on my thought much," he admitted, "On a more personal note, this thing with Ginny was, and where it is now is definitely not what I envisioned then."
Hermione didn't say anything but waited for him to continue. All this talk about unmet expectations was depressing. He didn't realize until that moment that he needed to talk about Ginny.
"She broke up with me," he finally said the words, "I never imagined she would."
"I don't think anybody did. She definitely didn't."
"She wanted me to change. She said I didn't talk to her enough."
"Was she right?"
"I know what she means."
"So why don't you talk to her more?"
"It's not that simple."
"What do you mean?"
"It's kind of hard to explain."
"We don't have to be at work 'til seven. We have time."
She warmed up and poured them more tea.
"What made you give up on Ron?"
"Slick Potter. Don't you make this about me."
"It isn't just about me. It's about us, our expectations then and our realities now. Don't tell me you saw yourself and Ron not making it five years ago."
"Four actually although I kept on hoping I was wrong. It was hard to judge anything objectively during that first year when everyone was kind of high on Voldemort's death," she answered, "Didn't Ron tell you why we broke up?"
"He said it was the arguments but I got the feeling something else broke the camel's back."
Hermione sipped her tea. She had to think about it before deciding. They never really discussed their relationships. He and Ginny never had any real problems before this one and she usually went to Ginny while he listened to Ron when they had fights. This was kind of new for them but he sensed she wanted to talk about Ron too.
"You have to promise you won't take it against him."
"Have I ever?"
"What ticked me off finally was his jealousy."
"He was jealous of another bloke?" he asked, surprised.
"I wish. If it were a guy I could have at least deluded myself that it was because he loved me."
"The Hag," he concluded.
"He was upset that she chose to train me," Hermione confirmed.
"I knew he was a bit insecure but I had no idea it was this bad."
"For years I tried playing down what I did so he wouldn't feel insecure. I finally figured that was stupid and that if he can't be happy for me and be okay with me doing well I didn't want to be with him.
"Ron's the kind of person who needs a constant cheering section. I couldn't imagine myself being a perpetual cheerleader. I'm just not the type so I gave up."
"I'm sorry it didn't work out."
"I think we're both better off, actually," she said without regret.
"Do you miss him?"
"His friendship and even his awful jokes," she admitted, embarrassed, it was amusing.
"Do you still love him?"
"It's changed but I'll always care about him."
"And what Warren said?"
He was curious about the answer and if she actually would reply. She put up token resistance.
"Don't you think that's way too much information for you?"
"Why, Miss Granger, you of all people should know that there is no such thing as having too much information."
"Since when did you become so nosy? You used to have a life."
"I'm not nosy. I'm just curious if Warren got it right."
"I miss sex. So shoot me."
"Geez, warn me before saying something brutally honest like that."
"You asked the question, I didn't," they were laughing the awkwardness away and Hermione dug them deeper, "And I'm not even talking about good sex, I'm talking about forget foreplay, just plain ole get to the point, naked sex…"
"Whoa! Okay, that's definitely way too much information!"
Her vivid description of her current needs had grabbed a hold of his imagination and it was difficult not to see her as a woman.
"I can't believe I just said that out loud and to you!" she was covering her face with hands, laughing, self-conscious as he had never seen her before.
"In case you didn't notice you're talking to a man and, as you know, all men given sufficient cause and opportunity are perverts."
He struggled to finish his point seeing Hermione was in tears.
She asked as they regained composure, "Don't you miss sex with Ginny? And don't lie by saying no."
"What's the point in asking the question then?"
"I'm asking because for the life of me I can't figure out why you not only let her break up with you but you also chose some bimbo to replace her."
"I haven't replaced her," he fended off her playful accusation, "And what if I told you the bimbo you're referring to has a double degree in advanced metaphysical runes and higher potions?"
"She's still a bimbo."
"I thought so."
"Does she really?"
"No, of course not. But you see my point."
"Quite clearly. You haven't answered my question," she reminded him.
"I thought it was rhetorical."
"Would it kill you to say it?"
"I miss sex with Ginny. There. Happy now?"
"What about her? Do you miss her?"
"I miss her."
"Do you still love her?"
"If it's true what they say about the first, well, she was my first. I think I always will."
"So why are you giving her up so easily? She's leaving for Holyhead in five days. Just talk to her."
The series of questions and the conclusion Hermione led him to was typical of her trying to make him see logic. Logic would not help in this one.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't think I can be who she wants me to be. She wants me to be someone like that shrink on the telly, that bloody American, what's his name?"
"Who? Dr. Phil? She does not!"
"You should get this; you, who'll never shake those pom-poms for Ron ever again. Can you imagine me talking about my feelings? 'Oh yeah, I'm feeling sad. That mother who just died reminds me of mine and I want to talk about it'. See?"
"You're being ridiculous. That's not what she means."
"I know what she means. She wants me to talk to her the way I talk to you."
"How hard can that be? It's not an unreasonable request."
"That's just it. When I finally figured out she was right I started thinking that I should just do it because it's not an unreasonable request. But it just hit me. How am I supposed to do that? She's not you and I can't pretend that she is."
"I agree that would be quite a stretch and best not mention that pretend thing to her ever," she suggested and then added, "I do see your point. It's difficult to duplicate something that took years of what we went through to create. You kind of almost have to experience your own ups and downs. Too bad it isn't a switch that you can readily flip on."
"Luna had a good point too."
"I've been hearing that a lot these days."
"She said Ginny should see what's out there and maybe she'll find what she's looking for."
"Maybe," she replied acting as if the conversation did not turn out to be what she had expected.
"Is there something she asked you to tell me?"
"No."
"Does she want me back?"
"Harry…" she was reluctant to answer.
"I just need to know."
He did need to know. For if Ginny wanted him back then there was a chance she'd back down and accept him as he was, flaws and all. And if she didn't…
"I'm her best friend."
He knew what the hesitation was about. It was unspoken that as Ginny's friend she was not supposed to tell him. But it wasn't difficult to read that she was trying to get them back together, likely without Ginny's consent, and would have told him what he hoped to hear if it was true. Knowing now what it was really about, the reality of his break-up with Ginny stung more than ever.
"I guess that's a 'no'."
"She was just so hurt last night. She wasn't thinking clearly," Hermione tried to soften the blow, "I know her. She'll want you back."
A part of him wanted to believe her and a part of him wanted to shut the door completely. It was hard to completely let go.
"If she wants me back she knows where to find me."
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A/N. I hope their friendship seemed real enough and genuine without Harry being overly sentimental.
I'm not sure if anyone can appreciate Harry's conundrum about Ginny. The fool who came up with 'first love never dies' should be stoned until he/she recants that it does! It's kind of true for me. I'd be interested to hear from someone who knows firsthand that it's not.
Next chapters are going to be about the Morpheus Gaunt case and the continued evolution of Harry and Hermione's friendship.