A/N. It's been a while, a long while. I miss everyone.
XXXXXXXXX
Chapter 62 - Half Yours, Half Mine
"You ruined it, man," Juan said to Al.
They were conducting a post-program debrief, telling him where he had gone wrong.
"I thought it went well," Tomas judged.
"What do you mean?" Juan argued with his friend. "He was the only one who used English!"
"He was the only Englishman," Tomas defended him.
Al had crashed from the performance high he had moments earlier straight into this queasy feeling in his stomach.
"Quiet down, she's coming," Marco warned, pointing behind Al with his mouth, "Pretend like we're talking about something else."
Juan decided on the topic, unfortunately.
"I really thought the vampire dance was hot! Still have a stiff one from..."
"Excuse me," Isa came up next to Al while the other girls stayed back and asked, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
She looked very serious. Al gulped and nodded and followed her some distance away, out of sight and out of earshot from the rest. When they got to a more private spot she stopped. Roses. He smelled roses and noticed they were beside bushes of them.
Isa hesitated at first, searching for the words, then said to him, "What you did made me very uncomfortable. Nobody has ever made me this uncomfortable, ever."
That sounded bad.
"I'm sorry," he immediately apologized but Isa was quick to make him feel better.
"No - it's okay - I think. I mean - I'd rather you didn't bring that much attention to me again but it was really very sweet. Thank you."
Isa turned and walked away, leaving him perplexed. Did that mean she liked it? Did she not like it? Was she really okay with it or just okay? Couldn't she be more clear?
Al was so pre-occupied with his questions that he didn't notice Isa had come back. She was all of a sudden right in front of him and on her toes, planting a kiss on his cheek.
As she backed away their eyes met and held each others'. His heart stopped, his lungs stopped, time stopped, and there was only them in some sort of a fishbowl dream; them in the midst of a bed of roses. Something within nudged him to take a step closer, his hand brushed up against hers by accident. She blushed but when she didn't move away he was emboldened to look into her eyes deeply. Hmmm...he could gaze into them all day...
Then awareness hit him that they couldn't just stand there and stare at each other all day. He heard panicky voices in his head.
Do something!
Like what?
Kiss her!
No! Don't rush!
She started it!
What about chivalry? What about being a gentleman?
What about being the only boy in your year who hasn't snogged a girl yet?! And you so want to snog her!
Isa interrupted his internal argument with a loaded question, "Are you going to kiss me?"
Al replied, his throat and mouth extremely dry, "I'm thinking about it."
"I'd greatly appreciate it if you can decide a bit quicker," he heard her say, her red lips were extremely inviting.
"Why?"
She drew a shallow breath in before answering, "Because I'm having trouble breathing and I might pass out if you don't do it soon."
She was joking, kind of. Isa, he figured, had this quirky sense of humour that got quirkier whenever she was in an uncomfortable situation. A burst of relief exploded inside of him when it dawned on him. She wanted him to kiss her!
There was chivalry and flat out stupidity.
"Okay," was all Al could say.
Never having kissed anyone before he just went with his gut. He tipped his head slightly to the right, leaned down, his eyes fluttering to a close just as hers did. He could already feel her soft sweetness even before his lips touched hers. This was perfect, just as he imagined it would be.
"Score!"
"She wants your love!"
"Give it, man! Give it!"
The perfect moment came to a screeching halt, instantly ruined by the deluge of cat calls and cheering behind him.
Before Al could recover from that Isa was gone.
XXXXXXXXXX
Moments earlier...
"You should talk to her about it," Spencer told Hugo for the umpteenth time.
They were heading to their hut to change. Into less formal wear. Hugo was walking fast, not so much that he was in a hurry to get there but so that he could get as far away from Spencer as possible. Spencer was beginning to annoy him.
"Why?"
"Why? What do you mean 'why'?"
Hugo decided to ignore the question.
The werewolf pressed on, "She can't be okay about what Casanova just did."
Truthfully, he found the entire episode irritating too. He tried not to notice the look of embarrassment on Isa's face throughout Al's binalaybay but her silence after indicated her lack of repulsion to his brother's intentions. Spencer saw that too and the possibility that Isa liked Al upset them both.
"Well it seems like she is," Hugo pointed out the obvious.
"You have to do something!"
"Like what? I can't tell her not to like my brother."
"Why not?"
"Because-" and Hugo had to really think about it, "Because that's not up to me to decide."
"Maybe not but you can tell her you don't like it, to influence her."
"Why does it have to be me? Why don't you do it?"
"Because if I do it she'll get pissed at me, think I'm being a jealous prick and do the exact opposite of what I ask."
"You are being a jealous prick."
"What's your point?"
"I thought that was over."
"It is. I just don't like the idea of her with your brother or her with some other bloke who just wants to get in her pants."
"But wasn't that the very thing you wanted to do?"
"Yes."
"Then why is it okay if you do it and not anyone else?"
Spencer reasoned, "I never said that what I did was okay."
Hugo just gave him the look before finally deciding that Spencer's recognition of his depravity of character was actually a good thing.
His friend continued, "You don't like it one bit too. If she hears it from you she will listen."
That Spencer picked up that he didn't like the idea of Al and Isa becoming close was somewhat embarrassing. It was wrong and Hugo didn't want to think that way. But he couldn't help it and Spencer wasn't going to stop pestering him until he did what he was being asked.
"Fine," he told Spencer.
"Really?!" Spencer was surprised at his giving up so easily.
"Really," he replied, it was really too late to back out of it now.
"Great! Tell me how it goes. I'll meet you back at the hut."
And the werewolf was off.
"Wait!" he called out, "Aren't you at least going to come with me?"
Spencer disappeared further down the path mumbling something incoherent. Hugo guessed that would be a 'no'.
What did I get myself into?
Hugo doubled back to where he last saw Isa with the other girls, thinking about how to tell her.
Spence and I were talking and we don't like the idea...
Best not to mention Spencer. Hugo suspected that Spencer was not being totally honest. If he was indeed over the incident between him and Isa it seemed strange that he would care who got into Isa's pants, particularly when it was the very thing he tried to do...unless as a friend he truly cared about Isa's um...virtue.
I can't tell you what to do but I don't like the idea...
That didn't sound right either. Hugo couldn't understand why he was against it. There was nothing wrong with Isa dating and from what he heard from Rosie Al was a decent guy when it came to girls; in fact, too decent to a fault, whatever that meant.
I know I can't tell you who to llike and not like but I'd rather you didn't go out with Al.
But she wasn't even going out with him yet. Wasn't it premature to assume that she would? He didn't want to give her any ideas.
If Al asks you to go out with him, I'd rather you didn't.
And why is that, Hugo?
Because that would mean you're going to see him more which means I won't get to spend time with you anymore.
Why not?
Because I'd rather not see you two do um stuff - maybe not that - because I don't want to spend time with him more than I really have to.
But he's your brother. You really should try to make him and the others become a part of your life.
Hugo could just imagine Isa taking that conversation and using it to address his avoidance of the other Potter family. Then he'd be trapped into promising her to do something he didn't want to do. He was so not going there.
This was not going well. Really, the best way would be to leave it alone, not tell her how he and Spencer thought about Al and hope the entire episode would just pass. Even if they liked each other it wouldn't work anyway Isa was at the IMAN and Al was at Hogwarts. There was a huge ocean between them; they wouldn't stand a chance. Maybe he could tell Isa that scenario. She would see the logic in that.
As he got closer to the stage his palms began sweating and his confidence wavered. He was about to give Isa unsolicited boy advice. Him - a thirteen year old boy whose experience with girls and relationships could fill a foot long parchment, maybe not even, all because he and Spencer didn't want to lose Isa to some 'boy'. Just then he realised that they couldn't really stop her from seeing anyone. This would be the one and only time he would do this. He couldn't imagine ever doing this again.
He began hearing voices which he instantly recognised as Isa's and Al's. He couldn't make out what they were saying but he followed the sound and saw them standing beside some rose bushes behind the stage.
They were alone, not talking now but looking at each other. While Hugo was used to seeing couples lin various states of intimacy at the IMAN there was something about the scene that shook him to the core. Even though Spencer had told him about what happened over the summer between him and Isa, what that meant didn't fully hit him until now. He felt sick to his stomach seeing Isa looking at a boy like that.
The Isa he knew was smart and serious and wasn't interested in boys that way. The Isa he knew wouldn't snog just anyone (Spencer wasn't just anyone) and definitely not someone she just met. She wasn't that kind of girl at all. And talking about her being with a boy was so different from actually seeing her with one.
He forced his eyes shut and looked away. He didn't want to see it happen. All he could think now was that this was Al's fault. Al was turning Isa into someone she wasn't. Why did Al pick Isa of all girls? Wasn't it enough their father chose them? And now Al was about to take Isa away from him too. Why couldn't he find someone else's friend to poach?
Stop!!!
Hugo opened his eyes abruptly and realised that was all in his head. There was wild cheering nearby.
"Score!"
"She wants your 'love!"
"Give it, man! Give it!"
It was Juan and a couple of the other boys. Al was standing, frozen like a statue where he last saw him but not Isa.
Her blur went past him. He ran up beside her but she was walking so fast he could barely keep up. They were far from the stage when she slowed down and he finally caught up. Isa was upset, she was almost in tears.
"Not one word!" she cautioned him before he could even think of what to say.
Hugo was quite fine with that.
XXXXXXXXXX
Harry followed the path that led to the clearing where the music was coming from. There was a party of sorts. He stood a few feet back from the crowd and spotted Warren at the centre of attention, dancing with Gracie, the vampire restaurant owner Harry had met a few days ago.
It was a local folk dance he had never seen before. Two beings held a pair of thick, long bamboo poles on their opposing ends, tapped them down twice and slid them together to close at the center before lifting them apart and repeating the same while dancers pranced about.
Tap, tap, snap - tap, tap, snap -
And so it went, the audience clapping to the rhythm, cheering them on as their feet stepped into and out of the space in between the bamboos, in perfect cadence to the music, avoiding the poles as they slid against each other, barely missing their ankles at each snap.
A few more pairs of bamboos were then brought out, expanding the dance floor even more. Several other couples joined in, taking turns while Harry methodically searched the crowd for Hermione and the children. He spotted Rosie with some girls daringly trying it out. Al was at the sidelines looking on, as were Hugo and with his friends, all of them cheering Rosie on. For a minute it felt like all was normal and good. He couldn't remember the last time he saw their children this carefree.
Then he saw her, in the front row of the audience. She was observing the children too, with the same expression he had. It was great to see her having fun. Moments later Hugo came and convinced her to do a run with her.
Harry couldn't help but grin as he watched mother and son dance. Hugo, thankfully, had inherited that talent from his Mum. They were doing so well until Hugo purposely missed a couple of steps to get Hermione's reaction. His mother playfully chided him for messing it up. That made Harry laugh.
Soon Warren was at their side. Harry saw the Canadian motion to Hugo good-naturedly to watch them do it right. Warren theatrically called for more bamboos and when the Beings had set them in a criss-cross pattern, did an exaggerated bow; Hermione obliged with a curtsy.
They danced. Well, it was actually more than that. It was a performance. Not keen on watching, Harry thought of leaving but that would be juvenile. Really he should just suck it up.
And Hermione was enjoying herself. They were effortlessly moving into and out of the space in between the poles, neither looking down even once even as the pace quickened, confident that there would be no misstep. The audience laughed here and there mostly at Warren's antics. Personally Harry couldn't find anything amusing about it but Hugo seemed to be having a blast.
Harry felt out of place. As much as he wanted to be a part of what was happening, it was clear that he didn't belong. He came tonight eager to talk with Hermione, not so much about the case but about Hugo, and it looked like now was not the time to do that. He should have realized his urgency was not theirs.
As he pondered what to do, some local woman approached him and introduced herself.
"I'm Maria Ortega. Jean and I worked together years ago when she was with the IMP."
"The woman in Jessie's freezer," Harry greeted warmly, getting the chuckle he had hoped to get, shaking hands with her, "I've heard so much about you. I'm pleased to finally meet you. Harry Potter."
"Hugo's father, I know."
Being known first as 'Hugo's father' than as anything else was something he was not really accustomed to.
"I get this feeling that I was the last to find out," he joked.
"Jean was always a woman of many secrets."
Thinking back about their past and what he found out about her after Hogwarts Harry couldn't agree more. He followed Maria's gaze back to where Hermione and Warren were dancing. Harry felt it odd hearing someone addressing her by her middle name.
"You call her Jean."
"The nature of her work at the IMP then necessitated use of an alternate name. She was Jean Peverell to us," Maria answered.
"What exactly did she do?"
Maria paused, scrutinizing him before finally answering, "I suppose you're all right."
"Off the record," he reassured her, not that he would ever do that to Hermione.
"She took down bad elements of society using unlawful methods."
He had surmised as much from previous conversations with Hermione but wanted a better picture. He feigned ignorance.
"Really?"
"When I met her I didn't think she'd last the week. I still wasn't convinced until about six months later. We were in Thailand. The IMP had lost many operatives trying to apprehend a syndicate of for-hire assassins and they sent Warren to eliminate the lot. Warren had asked me and Jean for help. He infiltrated their ranks but before we could attack, we received intel that his cover was blown and that he was dead. I watched Jean stroll calmly to the front door, ring the bell and take out the doorman without lifting her wand. By the time I arrived in the house all the bad guys were dead. That was when I found out about the Hallows."
The picture Maria painted explained Hermione's approach to Llamas at the Ministry earlier. It gave him goosebumps hearing about this side to Hermione he never knew existed. Somehow it was still very difficult to see Hermione doing something like that. But it was what Maria said about Warren that struck a chord in him. In the context of what Hermione was at that time and their current difficulties with Malvado and Llamas, Harry wasn't about to assume the obvious.
"Warren wasn't dead after all."
Maria answered with reluctance, "Only Jean really knows. When I found them he was still unconscious. She said she didn't have the power to bring anyone back from the dead but I've always wondered. I've seen her survive just about anything, including a significant dose of exanguine while she was pregnant with Hugo. What she had was very special. Too bad she gave the Hallows up."
His lack of knowledge of details like the one he just heard continued to make him feel like an ass. More than ever, he was determined not to let her shut him out of her life again.
"She saved Warren's life."
"The first of many. Warren never worried about getting killed anymore after that and he kind of enjoyed it that no matter how much she said she wouldn't, Jean still bailed him out every time he got himself in trouble."
"Is that why she trusts Warren? Because she thinks he owes her for saving his life?"
Maria sensed how he felt about the Canadian.
"You disapprove of Warren."
Harry replied bluntly, "I don't trust him."
"You disapprove because you don't trust him or because she does?"
To be honest, it was both. Normally he wouldn't be so open but seeing that present company seemed to know both Warren and Hermione well and his role in Hermione's and Hugo's life, he took the opportunity to find out more about Hermione's and Warren's relationship, something neither would share with him
"She does for the wrong reasons."
"If I were her I would have plenty of other fine reasons to trust Warren," Maria rebutted, "You know of their unusual mental connection. He can't hide much from her."
"He's taking advantage of her."
"Years ago I said something in the same vein to Warren about her."
"Hermione took advantage of Warren?" he didn't believe it.
"She probably didn't realize it at the time. Shortly before Thailand she went back to London to attend your wedding. Warren was worried about her and decided to go too. That was when things started between them. I think he was just trying to be a friend and back then that was the only way he knew how.
"On the outside she was this hard core, tight ass bitch but on the inside she was an emotional wreck. It was obvious that all she needed from him was the physical distraction he provided. That and taking out every dark wizard she could get her hands on were about the only things that kept her from going completely to the other side during those days. Warren was like a drug to her; she needed him to heal. And Warren was quite aware of this so I guess he allowed her to take advantage of him."
"Warren wouldn't do something unless he got something back in return."
"It was something, all right. Let me just say there was a point in time when it was difficult to be with them in the same room and not blush. The actual sex, I heard, was mind blowing," Maria said in a more private tone, "And if you know Warren you know he got exactly what he wanted."
It was too late to completely stop his face from warming up. Mind blowing?
"Normally that would be enough for Warren but she gave him so much more, something that he never expected. In time she got better, she was happier and much of it because of him. He liked how he made her feel and how she made him feel. She gave him a taste of what happiness was like. His one mistake was that he began to hope. It came to a point when he couldn't let them just go on with things the way they were. He realised that he loved her so he asked her to marry him."
"She turned him down."
"Without second thought. I think with her recovery came the recognition that she wasn't in it long term. Not used to rejection Warren was devastated. He didn't speak to her for years and I don't think she has ever completely forgiven herself for using him. They had since gotten back together on more equal terms which worked well for them for a long time. But I admire them for both for how they've been able to maintain their friendship even though Warren is with Grace now."
Harry tried to hide his surprise, his heart rate going up a few notches.
"So she and Warren aren't - ?" he couldn't say 'lovers' and left it at that.
"Not anymore. She didn't tell you?" Maria asked rhetorically then continued, "He may be using her and taking advantage of her or he may not. But even if he were, Jean knows and she's allowing it. And she trusts Warren just like she trusts you because like you he's been through a lot of craziness with her and I'm not only talking about the mental and emotional connection they have. This is them working a case, them being the partners they were from the time when she wielded the powers of the Hallows. I've been telling Grace the same thing. She has some difficulty with it too. But I would think you of all people would understand. You trust her unconditionally for the same reason."
Harry did understand though he wished he didn't. He wanted to believe that Hermione's blind trust in Warren was either gratitude or guilt. It was upsetting to think that it went beyond that.
But imagining what Hermione went through all those years, he was (somewhat) belatedly grateful that she had Warren. Her having no one at all, he figured, would have been worse. And while he still didn't completely trust Warren he was certain now that had Warren been some other faceless, nameless guy, he would have hated the thought of her having any intimate relationship with him just the same and probably wouldn't trust him either.
For years he had battled with this Jekyl-Hyde demon, struggling mightily with hoping her happiness with another man one second and relieved that she never did find someone the next. He finally could see clearly why. As much as he wished her happiness with another man, what he wanted the most was for her to be happy not with anyone else but with him. It was selfish, unjustly possessive and wrong but it was liberating to freely think that now that it was okay to want it.
The flood of emotions that came with the admission woke up a multitude of repressed desires. Harry couldn't deny hope and possibility from creeping in. He loved her, still, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving her the way he did before.
He was getting a rare third chance and he could only think of coming up to her right then and there, and tell her how he felt, and tell her what he wanted. No matter how bad things got, she kept coming back into his life and was always there for him. It was reasonable to conclude that she still had feelings for him and unimaginable that she would deny him the chance to make it up to her.
Then he remembered what she told him the last time he tried doing something like that.
I don't want to be the other woman.
Technically that wouldn't be the case anymore but though on paper he had complete freedom to love her in every way he desired, to do so now would be unfair. His personal life was a mess, he wasn't sure if or when he could fix it. He couldn't drag her into it, not when he was uncertain if he could ever make her happy the way she deserved to be. Already he could hear the family blaming her for everything that went wrong in his marriage. Doing what he wanted to do would subject her to more of that.
And he could only think of one reason why she wanted him to believe she was still with Warren; she didn't want him getting any ideas either. It was obvious that she preferred how things were between them.
They watched Warren and Hermione finish. The bamboo poles were being removed and the master of ceremonies announced the return of the local village band. As Maria excused herself to talk with a half-bodied being, he took a big breath in and let it out. Harry couldn't stand thinking about it anymore. He had to talk to her.
He blocked out his previous musings and took one big step towards Hermione.
XXXXXXXXXX
The music shifted and the crowd began to disperse, leaving the older couples at the centre of the dance floor. Warren took her in his arms and swayed her to the soft, slow tune the local village band was playing for the 'oldies'.
Who else is gonna give you
A broken arrow
Who else is gonna give you
A bottle of rain
Hermione caught Gracie's brief unguarded reaction before the vampire disappeared in the crowd and felt obliged to point this out to Warren.
Dance with Gracie.
If you're worried about her being jealous, that's a bit too late now.
You are a horrible boyfriend.
I never give her any ideas that it's otherwise.
Seriously, Warren.
She'll get over it. One dance, for old times' sake.
There was something about how he thought it that caught her attention. His current silence concerned her; Warren was never at a loss for words.
Out of habit she navigated past his superficial mental barriers until she began hearing the white noise of his idle thoughts. Then a resistance, an image of several vault doors came to her.
Warren's mental locks were complicated but not entirely unbreakable. They used to make a game of it, to see who could break into the others' the fastest. But this wasn't a game. The locks were recent. He really wanted to keep her out of his inner mind.
Out of respect she decided to pull out and find out the old fashioned way.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"I've been thinking."
"About?"
"You not making it through this alive."
"Glad you're so positive."
"I'm saying this in spite of the protest I'm getting from every living cell in my body."
"Then maybe you shouldn't say it."
Undeterred by her lack of seriousness he replied, ""If Harry ever does the right thing by you, and I sense he will try, let him."
That was totally out of the blue. Warren meant every word and Hermione knew how hard that was for him to say. It was so unexpected she had no immediate response. Warren went on.
"The children are grown and will look for their own happiness. You've done enough to make them and everyone else happy You're entitled to yours."
What he just said finally sunk in. It was touching that Warren got past his anti-Harry core to even say it but she couldn't take it seriously. The idea that Harry would 'do the right thing by her' the way Warren implied he would was really a stretch. And besides, she wasn't unhappy.
Warren sensed her thoughts and was quickly back to normal, judging her harshly.
"What you have is the boredom of contentment."
"There's nothing wrong with contentment," she defended herself.
"There's something wrong with settling for 'not unhappy', especially when you don't have to."
"You're reading too much into this ring thing."
"I'm not and you sense it, otherwise you wouldn't be hiding behind me."
"Nothing has changed. And even if things have changed it doesn't mean anything. We've travelled that path many times before and we always end up in a bad spot. He knows not to ask it of me."
"Wishful thinking, are we? I'm just saying that when he does, don't screw it up."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You avoid happiness like the plague."
"I do not," she denied, mocking his ridiculous conclusion.
"You have this compulsion to make crazy illogical decisions based on making everyone happy at your expense."
She told him in jest to shut up already. Warren did. He pulled her closer, much too close even for close friends. She decided not to say anything. He asked for one dance. She could at least give him that for old times' sake.
XXXXXXXXXXX
It seemed to take Harry forever to get from where he was to where she was. And the longer he took the more attention he got from the local folks. It was understandably odd seeing a stranger, a foreigner at that, walking across the village. It was like having a spotlight on his head but it was too late to turn back.
"Hello - hi - excuse me -"
He made his way through the crowd. Then he had to stop. Rose Weasley was in his path, arms across her chest, pink hair and all, and wearing her mother's familiar stern expression. She was not going to let him through and he knew better than to try.
"Rose."
"Uncle Harry."
Rose had the ability to make grown men cringed under her glare.
"Er - how are you?"
"I need to talk to you," she got to the point.
She led him out of the crowd, stopped where it was least crowded and where the music was the least audible. Then she waited for him. When he got to her she didn't give him a chance to speak. Rose, like Hermione at her age, preferred the blunt brutal honest approach. But even though he knew this he wasn't prepared for it.
"What are your intentions?" she asked pointedly.
Harry swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Intentions?"
Rose interrupted him.
"I know what you're doing. I don't want the synthesized, adult version you're crafting as I'm talking. It's none of my business but I want to know the truth. I want to know if your intentions are good enough for my Mum."
XXXXXXXXXXX
Warren pulled back as the song was winding down and said to her, "My time's up. Harry's come to claim you."
"Will you stop being so melodramatic? You're creeping me out," she scolded him until she felt Harry come up behind her.
They stopped dancing. Warren was telling her 'I told you so' in not so many words. She turned to face him..
Harry asked, "May I?"
Did he just ask her to dance with him?
"She's all yours," Warren replied for her with his usual annoying air of smugness.
Harry answered back calmly, "I wasn't asking you."
"But she was," Warren retorted, a blatant lie meant to annoy Harry, which didn't work, "I hope you know what you're doing."
Before Hermione could set the record straight Warren was gone, Harry was holding her hand and a new song was being played. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.
"Relax. I do know what I'm doing - in theory."
He had a peaceful smile on, the kind she hadn't seen on him in a long while. She smiled back and relaxed as he suggested. She put her other hand on his shoulder.
"Let me know when you need help," she offered.
"You mean 'if I need help'," he corrected, dipping her off to one side suddenly, his arm sliding smoothly down to her waist, supporting her so she wouldn't fall.
The move caught her off guard and she was momentarily speechless. He pulled her up effortlessly, satisfied at the reaction he got.
"I stand corrected," she said to him, returning the grin he was trying to hide with an attempt at hiding her own.
They danced, kind of. She was too distracted. He was in an unusual mood tonight.
"Are you okay?" she had to ask.
He indicated he was but she didn't believe him. Something wasn't quite right. He was loose, too loose. For someone who was having the week he was having he was either really coping well or on the brink of losing it. That worried her.
As she tried to figure what was bothering him she picked up a detail and shared it with him excitedly.
"I just realized. This is the first time we've ever danced."
"Sssh."
That made her chuckle.
"Did you just sssh me?" she protested jokingly.
"Sorry. This being our first I don't want to ruin it."
"By talking?"
"No. By -"
"Ow," she blurted out.
He just stepped on her foot.
"Sorry. I'm still working on dancing and talking at the same time," he apologized, embarrassed, "Are you okay?"
"I'll survive."
It was still hurting but she tried not to limp too much.
"Do you want to stop?"
And he almost stepped on her toes again. Harry swore to himself. It was kind of adorable.
"Talking yes. Dancing no."
Harry was fine with that. He took over, keeping his distance the entire time. He was a decent dancer and a good partner. Granted that he wasn't Warren (nobody was) she was completely at ease with him leading her. The silence between them was filled by the lyrics of the song the band was playing.
Now the pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made us have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near...
She felt Harry's eyes on her but he looked away just as she looked up. Her eyes flitted naturally to his hair and then his lips, before she decided that was wrong and focused them on a fixed point somewhere else.
Yeah I will love you baby, always
And I'll be there forever and a day, always...
The song was giving her inappropriate ideas so she figured it was best not to listen to it. But without that to distract her all she could think about was where his hands were. Their prolonged close proximity and contact brought up many uncomfortable memories. Whereas before she would have been able to quickly brush the thoughts aside, because of what Warren said earlier it was so difficult to do that now. Since their short lived affair Hermione was always aware of him, of how she was drawn to him physically, but until now it was awareness that she would never consider acting on again.
She swore in her head. This was exactly what she didn't want to deal with. Warren had read her right. A part of her wanted to be with Harry again but the possibility was terrifying. The mere possibility of getting there was terrifying. And this was all her without Harry suggesting anything.
Again she noticed the absence of the band around his finger and she couldn't decide whether to ask what happened or to ask if anything happened at all. There was comfort in not knowing but at the same time, she couldn't deny that she wanted to know.
What if his marriage was indeed over? What did that mean? What if he did try to do the 'right thing' for her as Warren suspected he would? That idea wasn't as preposterous now as it was earlier.
It had been years since she last thought about happiness that way. She had that one chance to be that with Harry and in the time since it was giving that thought up that made her have contentment in her life. Reacquiring it would be a step back.
She didn't want to be at that crossroad again. She was fine with the way things were. And truthfully, as much she knew Harry wouldn't intentionally hurt her, getting burned a third time would tear her apart more than she got torn before. Surely Harry realized that they had no future as a couple, not now and not ever. Surely he cared enough not to ask that of her again.
Hermione found herself looking up and watching Harry again; to read him. They were just dancing, like old friends would. Once in a while he would look and smile at her at her but he kept his distance and seemed content with this casualness.
Rational thinking came to her. Granted that they had a few tender unguarded moments since she awoke from her injuries, it was understandable that he would feel guilty about not being around and overcompensate to try and make it up to her and Hugo. The initial shock about Hugo was over and there would be no more of that.
And Harry may have meant what he said when he told her he loved her, but that didn't count for much. Deep down she had always known that. She loved him too. Just because they did didn't guarantee happiness. Love had nothing to do with it.
That last conclusion calmed her down. Even if Ginny and Harry were indeed done (and that was a big if) there was absolutely no indication that Harry had such intentions. So really, in reality, she was terrified about something that in all probability would not happen and Warren's proclamation of Harry 'claiming her' wasn't worth all the emotional turmoil she just put herself through. She laughed at herself inwardly then scolded herself for letting Warren's advice get to her like that. Harry picked it up.
"What's so amusing?"
"Nothing I would ever admit," she surprised herself with her candor.
Harry let her off the hook this time. She was almost sure this whole ring thing was nothing but she couldn't just ask him about it. The last thing she needed was him thinking she was interested in the state of his marriage. Either way she had to take a break. There was only so much closeness she could take.
Finally, she said to him, "This is - strange."
"Unusual strange or creepy strange?"
Harry was always funny in an understated way.
"Strange in a we-really-need-to-talk kind of strange. It's been a long while since I've been this uncomfortable around you."
Maybe she shouldn't have admitted that but it was too late to take it back. Harry didn't seem troubled by it.
He replied, "Only if you reassure me the strange you're referring to isn't my dancing. I don't think I can take the criticism."
That made her laugh.
"I promise it isn't."
They let the song finish. She let go of him but he didn't. He was pulling her, seemingly intent on not losing her. They waded against the invading younger crowd who were responding to the invitation of the more upbeat song that followed. They got out of the developing mosh pit and he asked her where they could find a quiet place to talk.
XXXXXXXXXX
Hugo watched his Mum and father dance. He couldn't sort out how he felt about it.
"It's okay to be okay with it," Isa said to him quietly.
He took her words in and sighed. He couldn't deal with it right at that moment.. The band was finally shifting gears and playing something that was more to his liking.
"Do you want to dance?" he asked Isa.
Isa smiled.
"It's about time you asked."
XXXXXXXXXX
Al watched his father dance with Aunt Hermione and couldn't help feeling bad for his Mum. It wasn't so much that they were dancing but it was how his Dad talked to her and looked at her as they did. It was also how she looked at him.. It had been years since he saw them together and maybe he was too young to notice but it was almost as if his Dad was a different person when he was with her. He was more relaxed and even from where Al was he could see the glint in his father's eyes.
It was depressing to see it. The only times he had seen his Dad this happy was when they did something he was proud of. With Mum maybe he saw it in some of their earlier photographs but nothing resembling it in recent memory. And he hadn't seen his Mum this way with his Dad recently either.
He wanted to be angry but he couldn't justify it and felt even worse. He never thought that his parents were unhappy and maybe they weren't but he was old enough to know there was no forcing happiness on anyone.
Al couldn't watch them anymore. The more he did the more he felt okay about it and to be okay with it was betraying his Mum. He turned his attention to the group of beings he was sitting with and tried to follow the conversation. Marco was assigning which boy would ask which girl when the next song was played. That made him think about Isa.
There was almost zero probability that Isa would dance with him. She was avoiding him and she was good at it too. He had tried to approach her a couple of times but she seemed to have eyes at the back of her head. Both instances she was gone before he could reach her.
Actually, he just wanted to talk, to set the record straight, to tell her that what happened earlier wasn't as it appeared. He had just about given up. Really, he couldn't chase after her all night. And besides, what could he possibly say that would convince Isa he wasn't a jerk?
He tried to distract himself with the festivities but he couldn't keep his mind off of her. The brief time they chatted he found her to be the most unique girl he had ever talked with. She had this unusual sense of humour. She was open, honest, and genuine in every sense of the way.
She was so normal, she was beautiful and being near her stirred intense feelings within him he never felt with anyone else before.
Al sighed as he remembered their near-kiss. If only he had moved faster, taken a bit more initiative, not hesitated at all. Opportunity came and pretty soon it would be gone. After tonight she was going back to Canada and he was going to join his Mum at Shell Cottage. And that will be the end of that.
He looked over to where Isa was dancing with Hugo. His brother was so lucky to have Isa. How Al wished he was Hugo right now.
A crazy thought came to him. Isa probably wouldn't believe him no matter what he said but she would trust Hugo. It was inconceivable that his brother would trust him. And even if Hugo did, what possible reason could his brother have to help? He was desperate but was he that desperate?
Stumped, he sulked, then noticed Marco, Tomas and Juan with wide grins as they passed him a Red Thestral. What now?
"We realize we got you in trouble with Isa earlier so we're going to make it up to you," Marco declared enthusiastically as Juan handed him and Tomas bottles of the local brew.
"No, it's all right, really-" Al declined politely.
They didn't quite hear him.
"We've got it all planned."
"It's not necessary -"
"This will work!"
"I really appreciate - "
"Let's toast and drink!"
Juan clinked bottles with his and motioned him to drink up as Marco and Tomas did. The brew was strong, bitter, and tasted a bit funny but Al drank it bottoms up. Maybe if he got drunk they would get off his back and if not, he'd at least have the courage to blow them off. Or, better yet, the courage to confront Isa and tell her what he wanted to.
His face scrunched up as he swallowed the last of it. The boys were high fiving each other and laughing, never a good sign.
A sudden discomfort washed over him. He doubled over from the pain and staggered to a nearby tree behind them, retching when he got there. He felt like he was being squished in a smaller space. It went on for about five long seconds and when the ordeal was over, he realised too late.
He was Polyjuiced.
XXXXXXXXXX
Hermione conjured a handful of miniature flames to light their path as they walked up the hill. At some point earlier he finally let go of her hand. The music got less loud further up until they could barely hear it as they reached the peak. They started going down the other side of the slope.
Then they were at the beach. She took off her sandals when her feet touched sand, turned and saw him taking his shoes off too.
"We can leave them here," she told him, setting her footwear beside one of the nearby coconut trees, thinking they'd pick it up when they were finished talking. Harry did as she said and she explained, "Sorry, it's a small village and there's really nowhere private we can talk. You don't mind walking, do you?"
"Not at all."
They walked leisurely side by side. She was waiting for him to start while she figured out a way to ask about Ginny without really asking, but when the silence became awkward, decided to speak.
"How are you finding Pag-asa?"
She was such a coward when it came to Harry.
"Haven't really given it much thought," he was apologetic, "I've been preoccupied with other stuff."
Hermione nodded and this was followed by another stretch of awkward silence. She couldn't stand it.
"What happened at the Ministry? Did you get anything from...?"
He cut her off, "We'll talk shop later, if that's all right with you."
It would be so much easier if all they had to talk about was work.
"What do you want to talk about?"
That was kind of lame. Wasn't she the one who told him they needed to talk? Thankfully Harry did not point that out.
"Hugo."
"Okay."
"I don't know how to do this," Harry admitted.
"Let me help," she offered, knowing how difficult it was for him, "Joint custody, we split summers, Christmas or New Year alternating each year, same with March break. He and his friends usually stay over at the IMAN during Canadian Thanksgiving."
"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind."
His response surprised her and got on the defensive, "Well, that's my best offer."
Harry laughed, quickly disspelling her worst fears, "No, I mean I really haven't thought that far down the road."
"Sorry. I've been prepared for this conversation -almost too prepared. That was embarrassing."
They had a chuckle.
"While we're on that it seems reasonable. I'll take it," he said.
Hermione was relieved and told him, "Here I was worried you'd be angry and insist on him living with you to make up for me keeping him to myself all these years."
"You're right. I should insist on that," he was pulling her leg.
"You wouldn't dare, Potter."
They both had smiles on their faces as they strode along the beach, the waters gently brushing up against their ankles where her conjured light continued to flicker. The quarter moon was up and there was enough skylight that off the shore she could see the silhouette of the adjacent island. He had his hands in his pockets and without a thought she hooked her arm around his.
"It's been hard for him ever since I told hm who he really is," she shared, "I told him you didn't know but for a long time he blamed you. He was angry at you for me and he was angry at you for Lily, Al and James."
"I would be too if I were him. He should be angry at me for not being there for him."
Then she felt Harry's heart sink when he realized why that wasn't the case. Hugo didn't think he needed Harry to be in his life.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, wishing she could tell him that Hugo would come around for sure. She couldn't put that pressure on Hugo. She added, "That was my fault."
She heard Harry sigh, the kind he usually let out before saying something really difficult. She could feel the heaviness in his heart. She knew his question before he asked it.
His voice broke the soothing sound of waves, "Last night, at Grimmauld, when I said I understood why you didn't tell me about him, you told me I was wrong to think that. I know it happened a long time ago and maybe the 'why' doesn't really matter anymore but I'd like to know anyway."
He stopped walking, turned to face her and took both her hands into his. She owed him the truth. She looked into his eyes and saw he was eagerly waiting for her answer.
"You would have left them," she got to the point, "I couldn't let you do that, not after seeing you agonize over the possibility the first time around. I didn't tell you, not because I didn't trust you to do what you thought was best for me and for Hugo, but because I knew you would."
"Would it have been so wrong if I did that?
"As I recall the choice wasn't really between right or wrong but between them or us."
"Maybe, but it was still my choice to make."
"I know."
"It would have been nice if you let me."
"I wasn't very nice. I can't change what I did, Harry."
"I know."
As remorseful as she was about hurting him she figured he didn't want to hear her say 'sorry' again. She stepped away from him and signalled for them to walk again.
Once he was beside her she admitted, "I did it for Hugo. I took the choice away from you so I could make a choice for him. I didn't want that life for him. I didn't want him growing up being blamed for ruining your family. I didn't want that life for us."
Harry nodded, "I remember. You did say you didn't want to be the other woman."
"I could have never given you what Ginny could."
"What exactly was that?"
"A normal family life."
"Well, you're right. That she gave me."
There was something more to that last remark that he was holding back but Hermione felt like he genuinely understood.
She opened up to him, "Do you know what's frustrating?"
"What?"
"When I did it I was sure I was doing the right thing. and I probably would chose to do the same thing all over again, but ever since I told him there have been many times when I've wondered whether I chose right."
Harry didn't say anything. It meant a lot to her that he didn't blame her or tell her what she should have done.
After some time he asked her another question, "'How long did you figure you would keep him a secret?"
"That went from forever to sometimes thinking I should have told you about him the moment I found out I was pregnant. When I had him I had every intention of leaving London and disappearing with him and Rosie."
"Disappear where?"
"Where no one would know us, where no one would care, where you wouldn't find us. I would be horrible to Ron, to you, to my Mum and to them but at least they were too young and wouldn't know any better."
"Why didn't you?"
"I realized that I couldn't do it. I couldn't just disappear. I couldn't take Rosie and I couldn't abandon her. So I let Hugo grow up as someone else's son instead"
She started tearing up, thinking about the many challenging days she had with Hugo recently. Harry edged closer to her and took her hand in his.
"I'm worried about him. I'm worried he won't ever see the good in you because of what I did. I'm worried he won't ever see how wonderful magic is because he doesn't want to be in the magical world."
He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. It may not seem like he appreciates magic but I've seen him use it. He'll realize soon enough that he needs magic to be true to himself. And about not seeing the good in me," Harry seemed embarrassed, "At least you know he's not easily impressionable. I think that's a good thing."
Hermione shook her head to tell him she knew he was just saying that to make her feel better.
"When you left us at Grimmauld I took him to Godric's Hollow and I told him about his sister. I told him about what happened to us, about you losing your memory, then regaining it."
"And?"
"It's a lot for a thirteen year old to process."
"It's a lot for me to process," he joshed.
She took her hand away from him to tuck away the non-existent stray strand of hair behind her ear. She continued, hoping he wouldn't notice how often she did that.
"I think for the first time he felt like his existence was not the accidental result of some irresponsible, lust-filled garish, affair."
That brought a smile to Harry's face.
"What's so amusing?" she had to ask.
"I remember it being lust-filled."
"Fine, I do too but it was never gaudy."
He patronized her, "It was very tasteful. But maybe you should have reassured him that his existence wasn't so much an accidental result of us being irresponsible but a gross failure of spell execution."
"I didn't think it appropriate to go into much detail about that with Hugo but thank you very much for pointing it out."
"I'm glad you flubbed the spell."
Did he really have to say that?
"It annoys me that I seem to have that problem only with you."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"You can take it however you like."
Hermione missed this Harry. She missed talking to him like this but she should really try and not flirt with him. She could sense the ease with which they were talking about intimate things that they hadn't in years for good reason. She had to steer their conversation back to safer ground.
She said to him, "Hugo may have said and done things he shouldn't have but he's a good kid, Harry."
That seemed to work. He got semi-serious again.
He nodded and said, "I saw you two dancing. He takes care of you."
"He does. He can be sweet when he puts his mind to it."
"I remember him so differently when he was nine. What's he like nowadays?"
"In many ways he's a typical 13-year-old boy."
"What's he into?"
"Sports and girls," she answered, trying not to express her disapproval of his interest in both.
"Which sports?"
"Hockey, skiing, football in the summer. Mostly Muggle."
"Does he have a girlfriend?"
"No, and I'm glad he doesn't yet but I'm afraid his friend Spencer influences him too much on the matter of girls. He really needs a proper role model. You've met Spencer," she said with a tone of resignation.
"Yes I have."
"Spencer thinks he's God's gift to women."
"Does he really?"
"His uncle is worse. Isa is lovely, though."
"And quite brilliant. She reminds me of you at her age, only much more sociable and less abrasive."
"Gee, thanks."
"Hugo took me to the IMAN. It's impressive."
"How do you mean?"
"For one it's like the size of a not so small village."
Hermione didn't intend it to be that. She wished it was smaller.
She explained, "We have difficulty keeping our numbers down. Our wait lists for non-magicals and beings is atrocious. It's one of the reasons why we need another campus."
Harry understood, "It's not surprising. I've seen what Isa and Spencer are capable of. It's truly amazing what the IMAN has given them. In case I haven't said it before, I'm proud of you."
Harry meant it and his recognition made her feel great.
"I'm glad you approve."
"Hugo told me he wants to be a doctor."
"Did he?" she replied tersely, the matter of Hugo's ambition was a very sensitive point to her at the moment.
"He said you weren't supportive."
She sighed and tried to calm herself down.
"He wants to work like a common Muggle. I'm sorry but he has the gift of magic. I am not letting him do that."
"He won't. You worry too much."
"What boy knows exactly what he wants to be at thirteen?"
Harry rebutted, "Precisely why you shouldn't worry."
"He's serious about it."
"I'm sure he is. But he enjoys doing magic. He won't last one day without a wand doing Muggle work," Harry reassured her, "We should probaby worry more about what Hugo thinks about this prophecy and Malvado. He thinks he's the one. Now that worries me."
Harry had a good point.
Hermione agreed, "That worries me too."
"I suppose you don't think he is the one."
"Harry!"
"Sorry. I couldn't resist," Harry admitted, Hermione could just hex him, "So he isn't. Do you think he's capable of irrationally going after Malvado on his own?"
"I wouldn't put it past him. He is half yours."
The comment brought a curious expression to Harry's face.
"What is it?"
"It was just odd hearing you say he's half mine," Harry confessed, "How about talking some sense into him?"
"I did but he does this thing where he lulls you into thinking that he listens but he actually doesn't."
"Am I supposed to feel guilt when you say that? I'm asking because I do."
Hermione really wished he wouldn't say amusing things like that.
She pressed on, "So I'm not sure if he actually listens but then again even when he doesn't, in spite of poor judgment, he manages to get out of whatever trouble he gets into."
"I'm noticing a theme here," Harry commented. "Does he at least have common sense?"
"Yes, most times, except when he feels strongly about something then he stubbornly will hold on to that idea no matter what."
"That he gets from you."
She nodded regretfully, "Unfortunately."
"I'm starting to feel sorry for him," Harry was taking all of this in stride, "Did we not give him anything at all that will work to his advantage?"
"He is a natural. And brilliant at magic when he applies himself to it."
Harry grew quiet. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him deep in thought and wondered. Then, sensing her query, he shared it.
"Half yours, half mine."
Hermione saw, heard and felt his emotions burst through. Pride, joy, relief. She liked very much how that sounded coming from him.
Half yours, half mine.
They continued to walk. They were quite far from where they started out and Hermione suggested that they head back. Harry had no objections. They turned around and walked the same pace they did before.
After some time Harry spoke, sharing a frustration that was probably brewing in him for a while, "I was so stupid not to question that he was Ron's."
She countered with her own, "I was so stupid to accept Ron's offer to be his father."
"That must have been hard. What exactly did you tell him?"
Great. This was going to be fun.
"That Hugo's father was a stranger I met at a bar."
"How could he fall for that?" was Harry's unfiltered reaction.
"Excuse me?"
"You're not the type."
"You don't think I've ever done it."
It was a bit insulting and she felt challenged, and stupidly so once she fully realized what they were talking about.
Harry was way ahead of her, "I know you've never done it and will never do it, not with a complete stranger."
"Okay."
"Okay what? Am I right?"
"I don't think that's any of your business."
"I am right," he concluded correctly. "Ron really cares about you. I can't see him doing that for anyone else."
"I know. I feel guilty now. I said some mean things to him that were uncalled for."
"I heard some of the stuff he said to you. He was mean."
She made it clear to Harry, "I deserved it. He was right to be angry at me."
"He did try to hex me right after he read your letter."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Predictable. Wait, has it been three days?"
"He um- set a reminder on his timeteller."
"What did he do to you?" Hermione suddenly became worried.
"Nothing, really. I'm fine."
"Did he hurt you?"
"Hardly at all. He was very apologetic that he had to do something to get his timeteller to shut up."
"If you're not going to tell me I'm going to have to talk to him and that will be very ugly!" she threatened. "He shouldn't have! What you did had nothing to do with him!"
"Actually it kind of did, his ex-wife and his sister," Harry defended Ron, "It was a Stunner. And he held back, a lot. I'm perfectly fine as you can see."
Her eyes narrowed, not completely believing hm. She was going to discuss it with Ron anyway.
"It doesn't matter anymore," Harry tried to convince her, "He's over it and he said he's setting all that aside because of what you said in your letter; that he had to, for Hugo."
"He said that?" she was skeptical.
"He usually does listen to you, eventually."
"Or he knows exactly what to say so I won't stay mad at him."
"That too," Harry conceded, "He means it. He really cares about Hugo and Rosie. And he has always been there for you."
"You're right," she replied, then admitted with frustration, "Only Ron can make me feel guilty, grateful and angry all at the same time."
"That's Ron; the ultimate test of one's emotional range," Harry pointed out.
They laughed. That was so true. They continued to grin about that for a while until silence grew again.
Then Harry said casually, "Ginny told me she was with you when he was born."
"Did I ever tell you that you married a lunatic?"
She didn't mean for it to be a joke but they laughed about that too. Hermione was almost sure Harry started it and while it wasn't that funny they found it hilarious perhaps because there was a bit of truth in it just like there was a bit of truth in what he said about Ron.
After that wave of inappropriate response Hermione brushed off the tears of laughter and attempted to say something serious, "That time was difficult for her. We were both crazy then."
"Yeah. I'm still trying to decide who was more mental. I kind of lost it when she told me she knew about Hugo all this time."
"You shouldn't have. I told her not to tell you."
"She did say you asked her not to and that it wasn't her secret to tell. She also said she told you to tell me about Hugo."
Ginny was covering her ass as usual but Hermione wasn't going to say that.
Instead she told him, "That she did, many times. How is she?"
"She's okay," then another pause.
Moving on…
"James and Lily?"
"James felt bad about not being able to help at the Pitch and Lily, well, she isn't talking much, at least not to me."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Hermione said to him.
"Ginny said Lily needs time."
"She's right. Lily will come around when she's older and realize things aren't always black and white."
"When do you figure that will be?" he asked.
"Let me see," Hermione just went with the first answer that came to mind, "She's thirteen now and taking into account normal psychosexual development you're looking at six point four years plus or minus two."
"That long?" he was not pleased.
"Well, the sooner she falls completely in love with a man the sooner she'll understand what crazy things people do for love."
"Fall in love, my Lily? I am so not ready for that," then Harry shared his true worry, "What if you're wrong? What if Lily never forgives me?"
Hermione felt even more for him and tried to sat something reassuring, "Never is such a long time, Harry. You're going to live over a hundred years and her the same. She's bound to forgive you at some point. And if it doesn't come then it doesn't and we all have to accept it and live with it."
Harry listened, though it was clear he didn't like the reality check she just gave him.
"I spoke with Al," he said, "He's taking it better than I thought."
"Al's somewhat distracted."
"What do you mean?"
She told him about Isa. That made Harry smile.
"That will get the others off his back. Particularly Rosie, which reminds me. She asked me what my intentions with you were."
"She did not!" Hermione groaned.
"I thought it was actually nice that she was also looking out for you."
"You shouldn't have dignified it with an answer."
"Had to, she wouldn't let me talk to you until I proved to her I had only your best interests at heart."
"What exactly did you tell her?"
"That I had your best intentions at heart."
He left it at that. They had just about covered all the important people in their lives and they had come to this. At some point she knew they had to talk about them. As she weighed the pros and cons of opening up their past Harry did it for them.
Harry said, "I want to say something I hope you don't take it the wrong way."
"I promise I won't."
"Whenever I look back at what I did to you and to Ginny I always felt regret. Not the part about loving you and not the part about regaining my memory. The part I regret the most was that I hurt you and I made you into someone you had no wish become.
"Having that month with you was selfish really. It was all for me, so I could prove to you that it was you who I loved. I thought we could go back in time and pick up from where we left off. It took me forever to accept that I couldn't leave them for us. And in the end my choice didn't prove what my heart knows is true.
"It was wrong but I don't feel as bad about it as I did before. I think it's because for a long time I concluded nothing good ever came out of it. Well something good did. It used to be the darkest moment in my life but now think of it as the one of the brightest. And because of Hugo I don't regret it anymore."
"I'm glad," she replied, tears pooling in her eyes as she thought of Hugo. He wouldn't appreciate this now but when he was older he would, "Thank you for telling me."
She never thought of their short lived affair the way he described it and while she didn't understood how she could have taken what he just said the wrong way.
"Did you regret it?"
"You mean sleeping with you while you were married to someone else? I enjoyed it thoroughly actually, while we were doing it," she was being silly on purpose, "I never needed proof Harry though I understand why you wanted to prove it. To this day I still believe you did the right thing."
Harry nodded, not so much agreeing with her but acknowledging what she said.
He told her, "After everything that's happened between us Hugo was the last thing I expected. It's like poetic justice."
She had a somewhat different perspective, "Some days it seemed more like fate was having a really bad day and taking it out on us."
"I see how you could think that."
"It's going to get ugly before it gets better," she reminded him.
"Maybe, but it'll be fine," Harry said optimistically.
They were getting close to the path back to the village, close enough that they could hear music from the other side of hill. Then Harry stopped walking. She felt his eyes on her, drawing her in, and she found herself in front of him, looking up.
"Happy birthday," he said quietly, seriously, not in the tone one would associate with the greeting.
She looked into his green eyes and felt the conflict within him. It was similar to how he felt that night when he told her that he was chosing to stay with his family, like he didn't want to but he had to.
"Thank you," she replied, trying to reassure him as she did.
"I feel bad. I didn't get a chance to get you anything."
"Don't worry about it."
About that and the other stuff he couldn't do. Hermione was relieved that he wasn't going to ask, but acknowledged how that also rubbed her old scar the wrong way.
"That reminds me," Harry dug into his breast pocket and took out a shiny object. "This belongs to you."
She looked down and in the centre of his palm was her locket, the words on it prominent and clear. Jessie had mentioned Harry had it. She wanted it back but considering what that locket meant, she couldn't just ask for it. She needed to know that Harry still wanted her to have it. It was a comfort that Harry did.
"I was looking for that."
"Let me."
He stepped closer and leaned over to attach the clasps of the chain behind her neck. As he did, his fingers brushed lightly against her skin and sent tingling down her spine. It didn't help that his face was so close and that she could smell his cologne. It was taking Harry a long time that she was sure he was finished. She cleared her throat slightly.
"Do you need help with that?"
"No," he replied, his breath falling on her hair. He took half a step back so that they were now facing each other, his eyes holding hers, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Okay."
"Have you worn it all this time?"
"Since I got it," she candidly replied, swallowing the lump in her throat after.
"Why?"
"You did give it to me to wear, didn't you?"
He nodded slightly, a smirk on his face, "I just never figured you actually would."
"Honestly, I couldn't let a perfectly good locket go to waste," she thought to lighten the moment between them.
He found that amusing and it only encouraged him to ask more pointy questions.
"Why did you want me to think Warren was still in your life?"
"Because I didn't want you to start feeling sorry for me. That and a host of other things I'd rather you didn't make me admit right now."
"Do I still make you uncomfortable?"
"Pretty much."
"Do you want me to stop?"
"I don't think it's all you but I'd rather it did stop."
There was something in the moment that prevented her from lying to him. They were going down this slippery road together and like her he wasn't sure if that was the way to go.
He sighed, and said her, "Tell me what to do."
It was a plea. His eyes read her face and fell on her lips, waiting for an answer. His desire was transparent; he wanted to kiss her.
Hermione wanted him to kiss her so she could kiss him back. Not a second after she thought that thought she found herself looking into his eyes and letting him in, fully and completely, the way she had never let anyone in but him.
She gave in to her emotions and let them lead her. Any discomfort she felt with Harry's proximity went away. It was okay to feel this way about him. It was okay to let him know that she loved him still like he was showing her he loved her still.
His lips touched hers. It was tender, delicate, cautious as if he didn't want to hurt her. She kissed back the same way, their mouths caressed each others with the familiarity of old lovers and the uncertainty of old friends feeling each other out.
He pulled her closer while she brought her arms around his neck, tilting her head to meet his need to deepen their kiss. Her lips parted on his request. She felt his control slipping away, hers too as she swooned in the pleasure of his mouth having its way with hers. It was more passionate than their last but more importantly, it sprang of hope instead of the bottomless despair it had back then.
This was not an impulse for him. He was sure about this and he could live with this choice. And because he could, she could.
She pressed herself against him and let him hold her closer even more. Her fingers got lost in his hair while the hungry beast gnawing in the bottom of her gut grew bigger and bolder with each moment. She matched his arduous kissing with like passion, sharing with him the limited breaths they took in between, neither wanting to be the one to pull back first.
Finally they did, reluctantly. The emotions they had just set free left them so overwhelmed they had tears in their eyes. They rested their foreheads against each other as they recovered. She was on her toes. Harry had pulled her up and was holding her against him. His heart was pounding as hard and as fast as hers and it didn't seem he had any intention of letting her go.
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A/N. {sigh of relief}
Would love some feedback…am dying to hear how I did with this one.
And just wanted to share that I thought DH was just lovely (most of it was). Can't wait for the summer.