A/N. Computer crashed last weekend - don't you just hate it when that happens?
Finally committing to what Ginny knew and when.
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Chapter 45 - Why Good People Lie
I am shaking as I get home. My chest feels heavy and solid, like there are stones inside it. It was easier last night, I had more conviction to follow through. But waking up this morning beside her realizing it would be the last time I would be holding her like that...I had to get out before my wavering resolve betrayed me and kept me from doing what I know in my heart is the decent thing to do.
In some ways it is just like making a decision to die only worse. At least with death you can't renege on your choice. There is a very thin line between preserving my sanity and sticking to my decision. It is so tempting to flip and do the selfish thing.
I think of the boys and I can't imagine choosing my happiness over theirs even if I can only influence a small part of their lives and even though I know what I do for them now may only be temporary. I think about Ginny, too, and how undeserving she is of what I am about to put her through.
Hermione asked me as we were drifting off to sleep last night if I would tell Ginny. I didn't know then if I would. It seemed pointless with it being over. I hear Ginny in the kitchen. As usual Hermione knew then what I realize just now. I cannot look at my wife and hide this for the rest of our lives.
Ginny is putting away dishes. They are banging against each other and the clanging echoes louder because she doesn't look up to say hello. And while I don't know my wife entirely I know her enough. She is seething inside. She knows.
I am relieved. Yes, I care that she's hurt but I was going to tell her anyway. I just didn't expect that to be now. I am not prepared for what is to come but I can't think how one can ever prepare for something like this anyway. Hermione's voice echoes in my head - 'The right answer is no.'
I stand beside her and help her with what she's doing. We say nothing for some time. I don't know how to begin.
"I'm sorry."
It is lame but they are the only truthful words that I can think of that will not hurt her more. She doesn't think of it that way.
"About what? About having an affair or about getting caught?"
Her voice is ice cold. She hasn't turned to face me. I don't bite at the obvious attempt to goad me into an argument.
"I'm sorry you're hurt."
"And you think that makes it all right!?"
"Let's talk about this."
"We are talking about this!"
"Calmly..."
She finally faces me and I receive the brunt of her pent up rage.
"Excuse me for not being calm! I trusted you! I trusted her! Here I was thinking you were helping her cope when in fact you were screwing each other behind my back! How long has this been going on?! How long have you two been laughing at me for being such an idiot?!!"
"Sit down..."
"I will not sit down! I will not sit down and take this! I didn't sign up for this!"
"Just sit down!"
At this point I am yelling harder and glaring more. And she does as I ask because I think I've scared her. I've never yelled at her like this, ever. I feel such an ass, a bigger one than I was before I came home. I sit down in front of her at the small round breakfast table. She is trembling from anger. She has all the right to be angry.
I consider telling her everything, the past, the why, the how, but that would mean admitting to her that I love Hermione more. It is tempting to test her love but really, I want to try to make things work out between us. There is no point unless I want her to hurt even more and leave me. Once again I think of Al and James.
"It happened about a month ago but it's over and we won't let it happen again," I say to her earnestly. "I want us to start anew. I want us to make this work. I know I am asking for a lot, but I'm hoping you'll give me another chance and forgive me for what I did."
Then she asked the question.
"Do you love her?"
"Don't do this."
"Just answer the question."
"We're talking about Hermione."
Ginny flinches as I mention her name. She asks again.
"Do you love her?"
Once again I remember what Hermione said last night, "When you tell her, she'll ask if you love me. The right answer is 'no'."
I respond to her question, "Yes, I do."
Ginny didn't expect that and it showed on her face. And for the first time in my life I have a better appreciation of why good people lie.
She then looks at me straight in the eye and says to me, "Then I don't know if I can forgive you."
"If you can't then you can't."
I resign myself to the possibility. What's done is done and I cannot go back and change what I did.
"I hope she was worth it," she says, heavy on sarcasm, "I didn't figure her for a traitor."
"It's not her fault," I defend Hermione.
But Ginny presses on, "She reminded you, didn't she? I should have known she would try to get you back."
I lose myself as it dawns on me that she knows about the past. We are yelling at each other again.
"You knew! Why didn't you say anything?!"
"I did! I asked you and we asked everybody, including her! She never spoke up! She wasn't interested in getting you back then! She had given you up but she couldn't stick to her decision! She couldn't get her marriage to work so she chose to muck things up for us too...!"
Her continuous attack on Hermione wakes something dark within me, "Don't talk about her that way!"
"I will talk about the backstabbing bitch anyway I want!"
"She didn't want this!"
"The hell she didn't! Why else would she do it? Since when has she let things just happen to her?! This was her choice! It was her choice to be the victim in this and she deserved whatever she got!"
And the next thing I know the room is unrecognizable and she is unconscious on the kitchen floor. I rush her to St. Mungo's.
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I drop off Rosie at daycare and drag myself to work. This should be easy. It's not that I haven't lost him before.
I keep myself busy throughout the day. It is his birthday; I haven't greeted him. I scribble a note and grab the present from my desk's bottom drawer. It is an Invisibility Cloak I bought from a St.Petersburg rare magical antiquities shop during my most recent visit.
He started collecting unusual cloaks years ago. I got him a Mayan one last year and an Inuit one the year before and I've joked with him that it's all he's getting from me every time his birthday comes around. Part of it is me feeling guilty about 'borrowing' his but the other part of it is that eventually I plan on returning it. I do intend to give it back to him and when I give it back hopefully it wouldn't look too suspicious that I found it.
I walk it over to his desk and leave it. Odd that he still hasn't come in.
"If you're looking for Harry I heard he's at St. Mungo's," said a concerned Barry Greengrass.
"What happened?"
"Not sure. He had to bring Ginny in."
I get to St. Mungo's and find Death loitering in the emergency treatment area. There are Weasleys all over the place. Al and James are with their grandmother.
Ginny is on the gurney in one of the rooms. Harry is right beside her as pale as a ghost. The Healers are milling around them like busy bees. I lose myself under the cloak and speak to Death in private.
"What happened?"
"I don't know exactly," Death shrugs and answers in Its lazy apathetic way, "I was here to pick up a soul, at first thinking it would finally be poor Phil's wife. Then I was drawn down here. Looks like the baby will beat her to it. Husband said they were having a row then his wife suddenly passed out. He saw blood and took her here immediately."
The Healers are telling Harry that there is bleeding inside and that unless it stopped soon they would have to take the baby out or he would lose them both. He didn't even know she was pregnant.
"If you so wish, I could take the mother instead," Death suggests to me.
I can't wait to be rid of It totally but it seems there was this reason to hang on to the wand for a little bit longer. My mind is racing as fast as my heart is. Losing another child would be devastating for Harry and losing Ginny under the circumstances would alter him for life.
I leave and go up two storeys to where Millie, the wife of a free elf who was cursed by her former master, has been hopelessly bed bound and vegetative for the last ten years. Phil, her husband had spoken to me a few times and asked me to tell Death to take her so that she would pass and not suffer anymore. I find Phil at her bedside and tell him it's time to say goodbye. He is grateful and while he does I slip back under Harry's cloak to find Death. I have no qualms telling It to take Millie's last breath. It's been a while but playing God is easy once you've crossed the line before. It shouldn't be this easy to take someone's life and is the reason I must give it up.
Death welcomes her soul. Millie is happy she is finally gone and Phil can go on with his life. She asks me to tell him she didn't suffer. I tell her I will. Death mumbles something about not taking my opportunity to be happy with Harry. I ignore It and go back to where Harry and Ginny are. She wakes up. The Healers are ecstatic that their intervention worked. In a short while both mum and baby are stable and they leave.
A relieved Harry apologizes to Ginny. She knows now that we had an affair. I deduce that he told her earlier, the reason for their row. She is still hurt. She hates me. She tells him London is not big enough for the both of us.
I make my exit. I cannot bear to hear what else he has to say to her or her to him. I am not supposed to be there anyway.
By nightfall it is all over the news. The Potters are expecting their third child and Ginny has announced her retirement from Professional Quidditch for good to become a full-time wife and Mum.
Britain is happy for them. I am too. I guess that's why I'm crying as I'm turning off the news. I call my Mum, my refuge, to see if she minds her girls staying with her for a couple of days. She doesn't.
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It was early morning in London. Ginny barely slept. She just got off the phone with Ron who spent the night at the Auror office. They had not heard back from Harry since he checked in to tell them that he had Hugo and that they were tracking a lead.
Ginny sensed that something was not right. The Head Auror of Great Britain decided to follow a lead without using the vast resources available to him. Ron reassured her that this behavior wasn't totally off character for Harry while in the field but she could not calm down. What was taking so long? If something bad happened to the boy…
She felt bad for Hugo. If he were hers she would have stood up for him and told everybody ages ago that he was Harry Potter's son. Hugo wouldn't have turned out this way. What Hermione did, as selfless as her motives were, was so wrong.
And it was just as wrong for Hermione to let Harry stay married to her. Hermione should have fought for him. When she found out from her one-time team mate and erstwhile friend, Druhilda, that she had a missing memory she immediately figured out who Harry had almost married. It was so obvious and explained why Hermione had been distant those months after.
Ginny almost called it all off. If she could go back in time she would have called it off, even after Hermione had given her blessing and although the Healers said there was no hope for Harry to regain his lost memory. Ginny gave Hermione every opportunity to stand up for herself, half-expected her to say something before and during the official wedding but when she didn't Ginny could only conclude that she had given up on Harry. At that time Harry was happy with her and she found no point in bringing it up again. You do unthinkable things when you're in love
Things were fine for a long time. Hermione had moved on with Ron. They started families and they were all happy; or so Ginny wanted to believe. Actually, she wasn't paying attention. It was a time when she wanted to have everything, the husband, the children, the career, the works. She was blinded by a singlemindedness that she would get it all. It came crashing down when Hermione separated from Ron and came back to London.
Harry began spending time with Hermione. Initially Ginny thought nothing of it. Hermione was separating from the father of her daughter and she needed a friend. Whatever gut feeling Ginny had about the possibility of Hermione trying to get Harry back was quickly quelled by logic, confidence and trust. Harry loved her; they had Al and James, he would never. And neither would Hermione. They were the two most trustworthy people she knew.
What she didn't notice was how much more distant Harry was and how much they had grown apart. She was too busy and too tired trying to have it all, too focused on getting her name on the Quidditch Cup. Her rare chance at immortality was within reach and she wanted it so much she even risked her daughter's life, hiding her pregnancy from Harry and from everyone else so her could stay on the team. In the end in her quest to have everything she didn't get everything. She almost lost Lily, the team didn't win the cup and she lost Harry's undivided love.
It was the morning of his 27th birthday and she remembered it like it was yesterday. She recalled the frustration of waiting for him to come home the night before, the anxiety of not being able to get a hold of him, the fight against the urge to go where she knew she would find him. For most of her life she had been fearless but not that night. That night she was afraid to face the truth.
Instead she waited for the morning to summon the courage to confront him knowing what doing so could mean. The smell of Hermione on him as he walked into the kitchen floor was like a slap on her face and there was no doubt in her mind about what happened.
He apologized but no apology ever could make up for what he did. Words just didn't cut it. At that moment she didn't even know if she could ever forgive him.
And she could have let him go. It was very tempting to exact revenge that way, to take from him his children, what he had given up his mistress for, and she was feeling very vindictive. However, she didn't because he asked for another chance and because, although he wasn't perfect in her eyes anymore, she loved him still. One does unimaginable things for love.
It had been a while since she thought about their affair. Time had somewhat dulled down how she felt about their betraying her trust and with it an acceptance that Harry loved another woman more than he would love her. It took years for her to realize that truth.That was the hardest thing to live with, knowing that he chose to stay in their marriage not because he loved her more but because he made a vow he couldn't break.
Ginny had no regrets about staying with him. She had her family and while it was never the same with Harry since, she couldn't imagine being wife to anyone else. That had always been her problem.
She got up and dressed and made her way down the hall, magically checking each of her children's rooms. She wasn't usually this paranoid when they were home. The Pitch was the safest place on earth next to Gringotts and Hogwarts, Harry made sure of that. But with what happened to Hermione and the business about the Master of the wand and of Death she had to be vigilant.
Lily was still in bed. And James too, as she expected. Al wasn't in his room but he was an early riser. She went downstairs and did a quick search and that was when she became concerned.
She found Anne with the twins in the kitchen.
"Has Al been down?"
Ron's wife replied, "Haven't seen Al yet or Rosie for that matter. She's usually up at this time. Is she with Lily?"
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Hugo joined his father and his Aunt Jessie at the foot of his Mum's bed. They were arguing about Warren.
"You're assuming Hermione told him everything," Aunt Jessie was sceptical, "She obviously didn't tell him where the cloak is."
"What are you saying? That he may not be lying?"
"I don't know if he is or he isn't. He could very well be. I'm just saying that as much as we know what an ass..." she glanced at Hugo somewhat warily and changed her negative tone, "We know how Warren can be and we know he and Hermione had a connection that was difficult for us to understand but the fact that Hermione didn't tell him where the cloak is makes me wonder just how much she trusted him about the Hallows and what she led him to believe. Lying or not I feel he has Hermione's best interest at heart. He is serious about the dangers of Malvado finding out Hermione is alive."
"Is it safe to move her?" the Auror asked impatiently, ignoring her last remark about Warren.
"I think so, but…"
"She can't stay here, not if I'm not around!"
"Where are you going to take her?"
"Grimmauld," his father replied and glanced at him.
Hugo took his cue. He had just talked the Elfin guards into allowing them to take his Mum. He hoped his father would agree to what he had worked out with the beings.
"The Elfin locals have agreed. They want to come with us."
Immediately his father was unreceptive, "They could be spies."
"No. They are loyal. They owe my Mum their existence and are magically bound to serve her to her death," Hugo tried to be convincing, and when the Auror continued to hesitate, added, "If you want us to go peacefully this is not a choice. They insist."
After a few seconds the Auror relented, "Very well. Let me get a team together..."
"That won't be necessary. They will help us move her."
His father was still unsure but Hugo met his questioning gaze with reassurance. Yes, Hugo was sure about this. He actually felt more secure that the local elves were coming and that his Mum wouldn't be left at Grimmauld without their protection. He trusted them more than he trusted his father's Aurors.
"Warren won't be happy when he finds out we're gone," Aunt Jessie cautioned.
"I'll apologize," his father replied with sarcasm, and just like him, Hugo couldn't care less how Warren felt, "Let's do this."
The older Potter talked to the nuns, thanked them for their hospitality and easily persuaded them to let his Mum go. Perhaps Hugo should have mentioned to him that using magic on servants of God usually came back to bite in a big way but knowing his father wasn't religious he kept it to himself.
His Mum looked like she was in deep sleep. The Head Auror lifted her easily and cradled her in his arms. With the help of the elves, they broke through Warren's protective wards and got to Grimmauld via a newly programmed Portkey.
The move was done swiftly and without a hitch. The ability of the elves to easily go through magical barriers of the hospital made that possible. But as far as Hugo could tell Warren had not been alerted to their departure and that made him anxious. This was so unlike Warren to let them go.
Standing just inside the foyer at number twelve Grimmauld, Hugo felt an instant dislike of the place. It was the first time Hugo had been there. His Mum had talked about it fleetingly, how his father had sold it to her when she needed a place. It was around the time they fell in love, or at least when his mother realized she was in love. Hugo figured that out from how she didn't talk much about it.
Thinking about Grimmauld always left him with this distasteful emotion. As far as he knew his Mum still owned it but like most things that connected her to the head Auror, Grimmauld was relegated to the background, suspended in that moment in time, too painful to keep looking at but too precious to get rid of. It was kind of like how he thought his Mum felt about his father and how she must have felt about him when he was born, though his Mum would probably deny that.
He followed his father and Aunt Jessie up the flight of stairs and as he did he could not help but notice how well kept and clean the place was. The elfin guards were talking quietly amongst themselves about it too. The Auror seemed to not think this odd.
"Does somebody live here?" it was his Aunt Jessie who finally asked.
"No," his father replied as they walked up, "Someone looks after it."
That someone wasn't here at the moment. Hugo wondered who it was and how his father came to know. All that became unimportant as he watched the Auror take his Mum into the first room on their right. The curtains were pulled back and light from the rising sun just peeping over the horizon filtered in. The room looked worn, the paint old and chipped in some places, but there was something about it that touched him; something unexplainable, magical maybe. It was like their being there made it come to life.
Aunt Jessie removed the protective covering from the bed and from the furniture, conjured sheets and pillows, and they both watched his father set his Mum down gently. He adjusted her pillow, drew the sheets up to cover her and brushed off the strand of hair that had fallen on her face. As much as Hugo wanted to believe this was only for show his father clearly cared about his Mum a lot.
Just then a silver horse burst through the French windows. It was a Patronus.
Aunt Ginny's urgent voice spoke, "Al is missing. Rosie too. They went after Hugo. Find them. Bring them back."
With the message delivered the Patronus disappeared. Hugo looked over to his father who had just sent his Patronus to reply. He was on the phone and talking hurriedly, asking questions. Hugo could tell it who it was because he could hear his Dad's voice spill out from the phone receiver.
"I have to go back.," he told Aunt Jessie, "Hugo will come with me. Let me know as soon as she wakes up"
The Auror also spoke to the guards, "I mean no disrespect but I've sent for two men to come here and help."
"We understand," one of the elves replied.
"Ron Weasley and Ted Lupin. They are family. Can you make sure they go through the wards?"
"Grudy will. And when the caretaker comes?"
"She can be trusted too."
His father modified the Portkey they used and in no time they were back inside Gracie's restaurant.
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Earlier…
Al and Rosie followed Warren and the vampire, Gracie, through a series of dark tunnels. His heart had not stopped pounding against his chest since he made the decision to go down there. His instinct told him not to but he did not trust this wizard Gates and he could not let Rosie go by herself.
Although Gates had not said it specifically, Al assumed that he was taking them to where his Dad and Hugo were. Al's worry increased five-fold when they arrived at what looked like a run-down hospital. They were in a large room, empty bed in the middle and Gates was talking with a nun. His Dad and Hugo were nowhere in sight.
"Something's wrong," he hissed solely for his cousin to hear.
Rosie agreed, "Let's ask him."
"We shouldn't have to. Let's wait what he has to say. I don't trust him and you shouldn't either."
The warning made Rosie frown. At least she didn't protest his lack of trust.
"Well," Gates said to the pale faced woman as they approached, "This is unexpected."
"What do we do now?" Gracie answered anxiously.
"I know where she is," Gates replied pensively, "The place is secure enough and access will not be a problem."
She?
"And them?" Gracie motioned to them as if they weren't there.
The wizard without hesitation turned to Rosie and explained in this calm, soothing voice, "Hugo and his Dad have gone back home. You're both free to go back to London. But I could really use your help to catch Malvado."
The vampire tried not to look so puzzled but Al caught her reaction in time. Whatever Gates was up to it was no good and his heart sank as he heard Rosie reply without hesitation.
"Malvado has to pay for what he did. I'm in."
"Thank you, Rosie," Gates responded, "And Al, you're welcome to stay too."
Al wanted to talk some sense into Rosie but instead, and oddly so, he said he would.
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A/N. That's Ginny. So why did Harry stay with her?