A/N. There was no mincing of words about how most of you felt about Ginny. I should have expected that more than I did - I'm so clueless:blush:
Anyway - the italics are a continuation of the past - totally skippable. It's Harry, answering why he stayed and Hermione, early on in her Hugo pregnancy. I always hope for understanding or tolerance from the readers but I appreciate honest thoughts. And I am more prepared for the zingers this time.
Then the present - I had fun writing this bit.
And to all my fellow Canadians - Happy Canada Day!
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Chapter 46 - A Second Chance
It is late in the day and I am on my way back to her room. Ginny was resting and I left her bedside to take a walk. I needed to think; I needed some time away to go through what just happened.
I almost killed her. I almost killed her and our baby. It scares me that I could be capable of something like that. I've apologized to her but no matter how much I do it isn't enough. She has tried to make me feel better. She said she had a part in it too, that it wouldn't have happened had I not been provoked. But provoked or not it was not right. Only Ginny's insistence that it was an accident and that we both caused it have kept a formal inquiry from taking place.
I walk in on her and she is up. She is alone, crying. I haven't seen her cry like this in a very long time. The second she notices she stops I think because she's too proud to let me see how much I've hurt her. I sit on the chair beside her bed and look into her eyes. They are hurt, sad, angry and conflicted. I expect they will be the kind I'll be seeing a lot of.
"We have to talk," I say simply.
"Yes, we have to," she agrees, "Can I start?"
Her voice wavers and there is uncertainty within her. This isn't comfortable and she isn't sure. I don't know why she even asks me if she can.
"Okay."
"You must think I'm horrible."
Her voice breaks and she is almost whispering the words. She looks down at her lap because she is ashamed and can't look at me.
"Don't sa..."
"Please, let me finish. If I don't get this out now I will never be able to," she pleads. I nod and she continues, "I'm horrible. I was thinking about what happened, what I did, what I said, and I just realized I'm a horrible person.
"When Druhilda told me what happened I planned on telling you right away. It was um... very hard. I couldn't. I kept telling myself that I'd do it the next day and then the next and then the next. It got harder with each passing day and then I just gave up trying. I knew I would never be able to. I was so afraid to lose you. I eventually sold myself this lie that you're better off not knowing, that we were happy, that the past didn't matter, that everyone had moved on and there was no point.
"I didn't think you'd ever remember so when you said you did I totally lost it. I concluded that it must have been her, that she wanted you back so she told you, because it was something I would have done if it were me.
"When you walked into the kitchen this morning...the smell of her on you...I felt...I feel humiliated and I said things that I shouldn't have. I don't even know what she went through, I didn't want to know and what I said about Herm...her I could have easily said about me. I'm the backstabbing bitch and I made the bed I'm lying on."
She blinks away tears from her eyes and brushes them off her face. It is an apology, as close to one as she will ever make. I feel sorry for her, for how she's feeling, for how she is admitting her wrong.
I say what I believe, "I don't think you're a horrible person. We all make mistakes."
"And we live with the consequences of our mistakes," she retorts.
She is too hard on herself and I want to reassure her. I reach for her.
"No, please," she abruptly snatches her hand away, "Don't touch me, not right now."
I'm confused. I don't understand. I suspect why she doesn't want me to touch her but I don't know what she wants to happen. Does she want me to leave? Does she want me to stay?
She continues, "I broke your trust."
"So did I."
"I did it first."
"It doesn't matter," I argue.
"Yes, it does," she argues back.
We are going nowhere so I finally ask, "What are you saying?"
She gets to the point.
"Why are you still here, Harry? Why aren't you running away from me knowing I've turned into this selfish hag?"
I've been asking myself the same question though not in her exact words. While she was resting the memory of our conversation washed over me like a sobering cold shower. Never in my life could I have thought she could be this full of herself and proud.
I should still be angry that I'm not with Hermione because of her, but surprisingly I'm not. On any other day and under any other circumstance I would tear her apart for keeping the truth from me. On any other day it would be easy to walk away from her. My own guilt and my recognition my own shortcomings keep me from walking out the door.
I have known Ginny almost all my life. Being part of a huge family she grew up fighting for what she wanted all the time and for most of her life she usually got what she wanted. I see why she couldn't tell me. She was afraid to lose me and she did what she did because she loves me. It may not be how I want her to care about me but it is what it is.
To hide the truth was wrong and selfish and she admits to it and as huge as it was I find I can't judge her based on her one mistake. She isn't a bad person just because once she did something wrong. I've had my own blunders and the conscious one I made is as terrible if not worse than the one she did. Neither of us are perfect and if I can't forgive her then I don't have the right to ask for forgiveness, much less deserve it.
So we come to this, faced by the fact that our lives and our children's lives hang on a precarious balance dependent on the answer to the question of why I am still here. It is not as complicated once I strip away the reasons why I shouldn't and accept the reasons why I should.
My voice quivers as I answer, "I'm here because this is where I should be. You may not think so right now but I do love you. You're my wife and I made a vow to have a life with you, to love you, for better or for worse. I did sign up for this and for a moment I forgot about that. It's been rough the past year but I have hope that we can make this better. It would be hard to live with not giving us a second chance."
She pauses and thinks for a moment, no doubt dissecting every word of why I remain by her side. I realized tonight that I do love Ginny, differently from how I love Hermione, but I care about her a lot. I will always feel about her this way because of who she is in my life. I hope she won't ask me who I love more because really it doesn't matter. And I don't think I can lie. It is already a lot to ask her to stay with me knowing she isn't the only one. I wonder now if it is unfair to ask her to stay.
"Harder than not being with the one you want to be with?" she questions.
"This is where I want to be," I say to her firmly and add, "But I can't fix this by myself. You have to be in on it. You have to want to be here too."
She is trying not to cry again as she honestly admits, "I still don't know if I can forgive you."
"All I ask is for you to try."
"And what if she decides she wants you back?"
This is where Ginny has it all wrong. She assumes Hermione thinks like her. I can't tell her that Hermione, all this time, didn't ever say she wanted me back. Had she said it I would have done the unimaginable for her. It was me who had a hard time letting go.
But I sense that all she wants is some reassurance that what happened with Hermione won't repeat itself. That I can give her. As hurtful as saying the truth is out loud I tell her what she needs to hear.
"She won't. I promise you, it won't happen again."
I have every intention of keeping that promise. We talk some more, about James, Al and the baby we are about to have. We talk about stuff we haven't been able to because we were too busy. Then later that night she makes a big decision and announces it on the telly. It was a difficult one to arrive at but she is giving up her career for us, for her family. If that isn't a commitment to make things work out between us then nothing is.
For the first time in a month I can see light and I can breathe freely. It is as fresh a start as any and I consider myself lucky. At that moment I think of Hermione and I remember how she looked at me years ago that day I married Ginny for the second time. I remember what she said then and the full meaning of it just now hits me.
"I'm happy for you."
Knowing that is both painful and reassuring. That is how she loves me. I wish Ginny would love me the same way but she loves me differently, just as I love her differently, and it is beyond me to change that.
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I've been sick for a couple of days. I've been throwing up even though I haven't been able to hold anything down. I'm pregnant with Harry's baby.
I found out last week. I was late so I bought a couple of pregnancy tests from the local Muggle pharmacy. When those were positive I did the next most logical thing; I disguised myself and walked into a Muggle clinic under an alias to get confirmation. It's not exactly normal behaviour but I have my reasons.
Apparently I am eight weeks on the way. I got pregnant that night before his birthday. Just my luck. I sleep with him twice and the one time I used the idiot proof contraceptive spell it failed me yet again. It seems like that's a problem only when I'm with him.
I think I've been throwing up not so much because I'm pregnant but because of the stress from the decision I have to make. What do I do? Abortion is, without a doubt, out of the question. I thought about adoption briefly and couldn't get past the idea of strangers raising our child. It was settled pretty quickly that I would keep him or her. I just don't know what to tell him...or if to tell him at all.
This is hard. I think of Trish, already judged and ostracized as a baby for merely existing, and my Dad was a mere mortal. I remember how I felt about my half-sister, how I hated her and how I would have hated my Dad more had my Mum not been by his side through all of it. I can't even begin to think what this would do to Rosie.
I don't want that for my children, I don't want that for his children and I don't want that for him. And as hard as I tried I couldn't think how telling him and letting everyone know we had an affair and had a child could be good for anyone.
I'm sick and tired of thinking about what to do. I keep going around in circles and coming to that same point. The world can't know and that means he can't know. He can't go through this again, not now, not when he's trying so hard to make his marriage better. But he's going to hate me...if he finds out...which he will...then the world will know and all of what I don't want to happen will happen anyway.
At least the later that day comes the better the chances are that our children will have happy childhoods. That has to be worth doing this for.
"Mummy? Mummy?" I hear Rosie call out in near darkness.
I walk over to her crib and pick her up. We are both crying. She needs a hug. I need one too.
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Harry appeared inside the vampire's restaurant with Hugo. Outside, the entire building, including the neighbouring Muggle stores, was cordoned off by yellow tape as a crowd of locals looked on from behind the lines. There were SAMP everywhere dressed as Muggle law enforcement officers and an investigation was taking place. He approached the man in charge, the short, stocky, bald guy who was also investigating Hermione's supposed murder.
"Bomber, is it?" he greeted.
The SAMP man grunted. He was in a foul mood.
"Auror Potter. This can't be coincidence."
Harry's phone was ringing. He ignored it as a more pressing matter was at hand.
"I am looking for my son and my niece."
"Your son and your niece," the wizard repeated, as body bags were being taken away from the scene, "They were here but not anymore."
Harry knew that already. That was why he came here. He glanced over to Hugo, concerned belatedly that the scene was too much for a thirteen-year-old to see and found himself staring at Teddy's face. Hugo had transformed himself to the young Auror. His son shook off his query, Hugo's voice echoing in his head.
"Not now."
Distracted somewhat Harry asked the SAMP another question, "What happened?"
"You tell me. There is evidence that you were here earlier. Three dead, two seriously wounded, all Malvado's henchmen. Were you part of this?"
He had enough of the man's unwelcome tone, "What are you suggesting?"
"Why didn't you tell me you knew Hermione Granger and Jean Peverell are one and the same?! I can help you with what you are trying to do if you tell me what you know. Witnesses say Malvado's men were very interested in the boy. Why is that?"
"I don't know," Harry answered, thinking about Hugo disguised as Ted. He definitely knows, "Did you ask the locals?"
"They're tight-lipped. They are scared to talk about Jean Peverell or Hermione Granger or about her son who you now say is also your son. Aren't you married to someone else?"
He was about to correct the wizard about which son he was looking for but Hugo interrupted, "That's none of your fucking business."
"And who are you, Puto?" Bomber asked.
"This is one of my men, Ted Lupin."
"Fuck. An underling. Well, Auror Potter, my department's patience wears thin. There is talk that Malvado is about to make a big move. Everybody is jumpy because it could mean the end of the world as we know it. If Malvado wanted your son, chances are he already has him. He may be de..."
The wizard was choking and Harry couldn't care less. Hugo's firm tug on his arm brought him back to reality.
As Bomber coughed to get air into his lungs, Harry snatched his phone angrily and finally ended the incessant ringing.
"What?!"
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Minutes earlier, halfway across the globe, Dennis Creevey was in the DOM offices in the MoM in London. He just put through a phone call to the Head DOM from an unusual caller and Cristo Maximus was looking more anxious than usual.
Through the glass window Dennis could see an animated Head Unspeakable in full view. Whoever it was he was speaking with was getting an earful. It was a pity that the offices were swept for bugs too often there was no way he could eavesdrop that way. And he wished he learned to lip-read.
Dennis stepped into the loo, took out his phone and dialled a number. He had to report to Harry that some wizard named Boris Dovalov from St. Petersburg was ruffling Max's feathers.
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Around the same time Neville Longbottom was hurriedly making his way down the path towards the main Hogwarts gates. He had his Muggle phone in hand and was waving it in the air from side to side. That morning, Neville nervously broke into the Charms Professor quarters while Professor Hullseye was attending to the magical mayhem pranksters had just unleashed in the Dungeons. He found Flitwick's chest with the POTH labelled handle exactly where he remembered it was.
Fully intending to use spells to remove it from the room, he was surprised to find the latch open. Neville lifted the lid. The chest was bare. He groaned inwardly realizing that somebody beat him to whatever it was that was in it.
Hullseye? Maybe. But the Charms Professor would have said something or told someone. Neville would have to ask questions discreetly.
As he closed the lid it shut harder than he intended. He cringed at the sound echoing throughout the room. Then...
Clink.
Something fell inside the chest. He opened it again, this time slowly and with more caution. At the bottom of it, where there was nothing just moments ago, was a small, pale yellow circular object. He picked it up gingerly and rested it in the palm of his hand. It was a Snitch; a very old Snitch.
He quickly put it into his pocket and left Professor Hullseye's quarters. He needed to tell Harry right away. Dammit, where is that phone signal?!
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Miles away at Grimmauld, Ted Lupin was still in shock as the CFO explained to him what had transpired in the past few hours. Hermione was alive.
His instructions from his godfather were to protect Grimmauld and the people in it. It was simple and understandable enough. He looked over to the elfin guards who were eyeing him with suspicion. He nodded at one of them. The elf ignored it. Ted sensed mistrust. Great. He was supposed to work with them.
Then something alerted the elves. Their wands were off their holsters in a split second. Someone was attempting to get through the wards. It was an unkempt man, tall, thin and with a grey beard. He looked very much like a guy who lived on the streets.
"That's Gummy!" Jessie exclaimed excitedly and when Ted didn't understand she added, "Gummy! Saul Gumonhisshoe! He's supposed to be POTH!"
Ted was about to let Gummy in when he was stopped by one of the elves.
"We're looking for him," Teddy reasoned.
"Some humans we cannot trust," came a stoic reply from the elder elf.
"But his life could be in danger and he might be able to help," Jessie countered with some frustration.
The Elfin leader stood her ground, "Enter he cannot unless Ron Weasley he is. And I would test Grudy not."
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Meanwhile Ron was at the Ministry Auror Office fresh from a meeting with Trussell and the other Aurors. There was another murder overnight. Jurnuk, the most vocal goblin leader in Britain and a spokesperson for goblins around the world, was attacked by a pack of werewolves.
Trussell didn't think it was related to the other killings and Ron was inclined to agree but he could not totally rule out the possibility. He had to look into it himself. He had not worked with Harry's team at all and at this point he didn't know who to trust. It was odd too that the former Head Auror Hosiah Humptail was at the proceedings. That didn't feel right. Something was about to go down and he had to warn Harry.
Admittedly it was hard to concentrate. His mind was all over the place. Ron was worried about Rosie even though Harry was on it and promised he would find her. He would talk to Harry about finding her himself as soon as he got to Grimmauld. All that business about going there was confusing but the way Harry sounded on the phone it was something not to be discussed. Harry's cryptic message that Jessie would be there to explain said it all.
He was on his way there now. As he got to the lifts something shook. He ignored it, thinking he was just imagining it. Then it happened again. This time, the disturbance was followed by sirens. There was a security breach in the Ministry.
It could be anything. He drew his wand out and immediately Disapparated to the location - the morgue. Ron stepped over a lab technician who was out cold on the floor. On his left there were a couple of unconscious MLE who were likely the first to respond to the call.
He scanned the area and barely finished when he came face to face with the intruder. His jaw dropped. Standing in the center of the room was the remains of his ex-wife, or what was left of her, freshly thawed out from a nearby freezer where she had been since Jessie examined her yesterday. She had a wand in hand and had it pointed straight at him.
"Hermione, wait a...!"
She fired. He blocked it then took cover behind one of the freezers. He ducked as another shot zinged past his left ear. What the fuck?!
"Let me go!" she commanded.
"I know it's difficult to see...um...what with your eyes gouged out of their sockets but it's me...Ro..."
Ron cringed. A curse pulverized a significant portion of the wall behind him.
"Let me go!"
Go? Where?
"Honey, are you sure you want to be seen in public like this? Perhaps you should reconsider."
Others had arrived and earned some of Hermione's attention. Shit! What the fuck was he supposed to do? Kill his already dead ex-wife again?
And like many times in his Auror career when faced with a difficult situation he asked himself the question - what would Harry do?
That was easy. Harry would lunge at her and sacrifice himself if only to keep her from killing someone else.
Okay. Definitely not doing that.
Ron - think...for once in your life, think!
One...she's doesn't look like her...
Two...it's been a full minute and she's not arguing with you...
Three...she's hurting innocent people...
All of which means she's not the Hermione you know...fuck it.
He stood up and fired a burst of offensive curses that Hermione parried off easily. He now had her full and undivided attention.
As they stared each other down in the open Ron thought to himself. Hermione had always been a much better dueller than he was and he wouldn't be able to kill her even if he tried. Beads of cold sweat trickled down his forehead. If he survived this, Anne would surely give him hell for being so stupid.
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At the Pitch, Ginny paced. Anne was trying to tell her things would be fine. Harry would find Al and Rosie and bring them back. It was not that she didn't trust Harry but she wanted to go out there herself and look for Al. She hated feeling so helpless and not being able to do anything.
The wards sounded off. There was someone at the main gates but the camera pointed at the spot to identify callers was aimed somewhere else. The bell was ringing and she answered.
"Who is it?"
"Hi Princess. I didn't think you answered your own door. Is the butelf away?"
Her pulsed quickened. Only one person spoke to her that way.
"I wouldn't bother sounding the alarm if I were you," Gates said just as she was about to do the very thing. "I have to tell Harry your security sucks. I come in peace. Let me in. I read on the Magical Homemaker you just redecorated. I want to see what you've done with the place."
"You're a wanted criminal. If you think I will let you in..."
"Oh yes, you will," came his smug reply. Al's and Rosie's faces came into focus on the screen, "I believe one of these brats is yours."
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A/N. I don't write Ron a lot because I don't like to but he can be so much fun to write :lol: Warren is just a hoot.
Was Harry and Ginny's second chance believable?
There's always that question of why stay with Ginny when he doesn't love her. I can't think that he doesn't if he decided to try with her again. Or maybe he doesn't and as one of you said - we sometimes believe what we want to believe. I leave that to your imagination :)
And Ginny...some of you already mentioned how you pity her. Many hate her to the core. Was her sacrifice too little too late?