A/N. Took me long enough, didn't it? Harry is giving me a lot of trouble. I have to thank the Hag for helping me out on this one.
Thank you for those replies about 'first love'. Each was unique and personal which means that unfortunately, some of you will not agree with how Harry will deal with his.
And to all the Canadian readers - Happy Gobble-Gobble!
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Chapter 20 - Pillars
Hermione tossed and turned in bed. She couldn't sleep. She was bothered by her failure to help mend her best friends' relationship. Convinced that Ginny would change her mind if Harry made the first move, her mission that evening was to get Harry to open lines of communication. She fell short in her task and upon analysis of where the plan went wrong she concluded that the whole thing fell apart the second Harry pointed out his difficulty in fulfilling such a seemingly reasonable request.
She's not you and I can't pretend that she is.
She laughed inwardly and felt warm in the face. Trust Harry to be so clueless so as to say something that would make her feel good and bad at the same time. It took her a few seconds to formulate a sensible response to that. Her unpreparedness was quite understandable. They never really talked of their friendship, at least not to each other. While it went through a lot of growing pains and was by no means perfect, it was indeed a unique one, one tested and strengthened by fire. It was heartening to hear that Harry thought it was one of a kind too but it made her feel bad, for Ginny for making her think she was missing out on something and for Harry for not knowing what to do about it.
Although neither blamed her she felt responsible for causing their rift and it made her want to help them even more. Really, if she wasn't around Ginny would have had no point of comparison. It was curious that in all these years Ginny never hinted at ever wanting what she and Harry had and it made her wonder what set Ginny off. Why was theirs suddenly not enough? Did something happen while she was away?
The more she thought about this the more uncomfortable she felt. It would be weird to ask Ginny or Harry and to ask would be unlocking a Pandora's Box she didn't want to open. In the scheme of things the answer to that didn't matter anyway. The fact still remained that Ginny wanted something from Harry that Harry couldn't provide at this time and at the moment she was at a loss about how to proceed. Does she continue to intervene or step back?
They're adults. Luna is right. The break will be good for Ginny. Actually it will be good for them both.
Ginny isn't going to find what's she's looking for.
Well, she may or she may not. If she doesn't, it'll help her accept that what they had was actually enough. And sometimes we don't know what we have until we don't have it anymore.
And it's good for Harry how?
Communication is a cornerstone in any worthwhile relationship and as hard as it is for him he'd have to learn to communicate better. If he doesn't this won't be the first time he'll have this problem.
I could just tell them and save them grief.
On the other hand it'll be more meaningful if they sort it out on their own.
Their own test of fire.
Exactly. If they survive and don't get burned too much.
After the internal discussion she decided to go against her helpful nature. It was best to stay out of this one. At peace with her choice Hermione finally fell asleep, her last thought was hope that Harry and Ginny were going to be okay...Harry especially.
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Harry was in bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. Ginny didn't want him back and he could only think that it meant she didn't love him anymore (or at least not as much as she used to). Foolish as it was, even when he began dating again, he continued to hope that their break up was temporary and that she would come to her senses. But even with Hermione's belief that Ginny would eventually change her mind, he felt that tonight the valley between them just became wider and there was very little left to hope for.
Things happen for a reason, he remembered what Luna said. Yes, they do, and this particular one was to make a perfectly happy person miserable.
Ginny was perfectly happy too, that is until she saw the imperfection in their 'perfect relationship'. Their friends certainly called it that a lot they believed it. It was hard not to. They were the couple fairy tales were based on; she, the young girl who had a crush on him, a 'damsel in distress' saved from mortal peril by her hero and he, the hero who finally clued in and they fell in love. They rarely argued, they rarely fought and they were supportive of each other. What else was there to ask for in a relationship? Did he mention they rarely fought?
That was surprising in that they were both somewhat short tempered. He guessed it was because they never really had important conflict between them to be short tempered about. They were compatible in that sense; they had the same views on many major things and they did not sweat the small stuff. And this one big thing that finally cropped up they failed to handle well…he failed to handle well.
One big thing...one that mattered...was it really just the one or was that the tip of the iceberg? He wondered when the fairy tale bubble burst for Ginny and when she realized he was not perfect, that what they had was not perfect. Or had she known all along but had been turning a blind eye to his shortcomings, tolerating them because she loved him and wanted their relationship to work?
It was unimaginable that Ginny was giving in to him all these years but then he didn't believe Hermione would downplay her accomplishments for Ron either (he still couldn't get over the fact that he didn't see that as it was happening). However, for a couple he and Ginny did agree with each other a lot and it was in striking contrast to Ron and Hermione who rarely did.
His friends' relationship had been what they themselves called an imperfect one. To this date he didn't know exactly what it was that made them keep on coming back to each other for more of the same. Most of their friends deduced that it had to be Hermione's stubbornness that it took time for her to finally admit she had been wrong about Ron. He preferred thinking it was love and the desire to make it better as Ron said it was but looking back now maybe it was because just like him they had difficulty fully letting go.
Why didn't he know the answer to this? Why didn't he have better insight about what their relationship was like? Why did he accept Ron's side of things as de facto and why didn't he ask her?
As he thought about the answers to the questions he remembered that this wasn't the first time in recent memory that he was questioned about the depth of his knowledge of Hermione. It was the Hag who brought it up during one of their earliest meetings when she was assessing his training needs.
You have this young woman in your life. What's her name?
Ginny. Ginny Weasley.
Not her. Your other woman.
Other woman?
The brunette.
Do you mean Hermione? No, she's not...we're not...she's like a sister to me.
I guess you know this because you've had a sister before.
No but...
I completely understand. She is not as pleasing to the eye as the other one. Butt ugly.
No, she isn't ugly.
If you say so. Tell me about her.
She's one of my best friends. She's brilliant. She's an Auror too, one of the best ever to join the Ministry.
So she is. That's it? That's all you know about your best friend? I already knew that about her before you came.
What else do you want to know?
What else do you know about her? Tell me something that only you, a best friend of hers, would know.
I don't see how that's relevant to my being here.
We were discussing weaknesses to determine your training needs.
Hermione isn't a weakness. If anything she's a pillar of strength. I wouldn't be alive today if it weren't for her.
We all have pillars we rely on for support. I heard of how you brought the mighty Voldemort down so I shouldn't have to elucidate why you need to know who and what yours are. But pillars have pillars. If I were an enemy and desperate enough I'd find out what you should already know about yours.
Harry thought that the Hag was making much out of nothing. He would do anything to protect those he cared about the most even if they weren't his 'pillars'. But with that memory and his questions tonight he came upon another depressing conclusion. Apart from work and being his friend he knew so little about Hermione. There was much about her that he assumed. While he did have a good sense of what she would do given a particular situation and thought he understood the way she thought things through, he couldn't be sure that he was right. There was that private side to her that either she did not wish to share with him or she didn't because he never thought to ask.
Maybe he was over thinking this but he couldn't get over it. For the enormous support Hermione had given him all this time she did not get much in return. It felt to him that she didn't need him the way he needed her. Granted that Hermione was always very independent and was the type who would resolve personal problems on her own it was upsetting that, except for work stuff, she never shared her problems with him or asked for his help. Maybe Hermione didn't think him worthy or competent enough to consider confiding in?
Unintentional as it was her self-sufficient nature made him feel insecure about his place in her life and he now had a slightly better appreciation of how Ron felt and why. He wasn't sure if he was one of her pillars and he wanted to be one really badly. For all his talk about Hermione needing someone confident enough on their own he felt a bit embarrassed that he, one of her best friends, wasn't. And he supposedly understood her?
The more he measured himself as a friend the more miserably he flunked his evaluation. With the unsettling thought he willed himself to sleep, dozing off, resolved to do something about it. If only he knew where to start.
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"Say something," Dean commented as Hermione shifted the car up a gear.
It was the day after the incident at Knockturn Alley, They were on their way to their assignment and he had just told her what his and Luna's solution to working things out was. She didn't want to say anything that would spoil it for them and she was doing her best not to open her mouth until her filters were in place.
Dammit. She realized that the filters wouldn't be enough. She'd have to lie.
"Australia's really nice; at least my parents think so. It's a good idea. I wouldn't have thought of it myself," Hermione fibbed a half truth but Dean could not be fooled.
"Let me have it."
"What I think doesn't matter," she fended him off.
"Of course it does."
"You're not gonna like what I have to say."
"I know. I want to hear your gloomy thoughts anyway," she gave him a skeptical look but he insisted, "Honestly, I do. I need the reality check."
"And why does it have to come from me?" she whined.
"Because you care and deep down inside you're dying to say something," Dean put it simply and she couldn't deny the truth in what he said.
"Okay…fine. I think it's a terrible mistake. You shouldn't have offered," she stopped as Dean winced involuntarily, "Don't get me wrong, you know how I feel about you and Luna and I'm not saying that Luna is going to take advantage..."
Hermione turned the car into a quiet suburban neighborhood, keeping her eye on the unfamiliar road as she spoke and uncharacteristically losing nerve.
"Just get to the point."
"Your family is here. Your friends are here. Your job is here," she enumerated one after the other painfully, "Even if you do get into the Australian MLE, Luna's not even sure how long her project will be. Are you going to move again when it's over? And what if...what if..."
"Things don't work out?"
"Well, yes. People fall in and out of love all the time," Hermione tried to be gentle, "It's a romantic and sweet offer but if I were Luna I would have flat out rejected it."
"Why?"
"Your work is important to you."
"She's more important."
"What if she becomes famous for her work while you've been dragged all over the world never having the opportunity to become more than a beat Auror?" she asked too honestly.
LDR was a better option; breaking it off even. Sometimes she wished she had a more cheerful outlook.
"I can't see that happening," Dean replied.
Of course he wouldn't. He shouldn't. She had experienced the three S's before. Love does make one short-sighted, selfless and stupid in a good way. Those were part of what made it exhilarating and fun…until one day you come to your senses and it suddenly hits you, 'what were you thinking?'
Do you think Dean's ready for that reality check?
Note to self…never get yourself and your cynicism into this predicament ever again, especially when you're not in a 'happy place'.
"It might not...I hope it doesn't...I'm almost sure it won't," she backpedalled awkwardly, already feeling guilty about putting the pessimistic seed in his mind, "I'm just saying the worse that can happen is that it'll wear you out and while you are a wonderful human being it'll be tough to hold off resentment."
He shrugged, "It was either me or her. I couldn't let her. And we care too much about each other we have to give it a try. It's a risk but what do we have to lose?"
Dean seemed to know what he was signing up for and thankfully, her negative forecast did not dampen his spirits. She admired him for his courage to take the huge leap. And this was why he was in a loving relationship and she wasn't.
"You're absolutely right," she was surprised by how much she agreed with him, "And what do I know? I'm not an expert. My own personal life would be in a much better shape if I were and by going against my opinion you're probably ahead of the game already."
"True," he laughed at her self depreciating comment.
Dean would know that as knowledgeable as she was about many things she would be the first to admit not knowing how to make a relationship work. Of course that didn't stop her from force of habit and sharing her opinion anyway. But if someone wanted to know how to make one not work, she had plenty of experience. He thanked her for her candidness and they slipped into silence.
Hermione used the break to focus on their case at hand; Morpheus Gaunt and how to catch him. Gaunt was an obvious alias, not uncommon since the five years following Voldemort's death. Every dark wizard or witch wannabe wanted to be a Gaunt or a Riddle, thinking the name would give them a leg up in the business. 'Morpheus Gaunt' first came into existence with his first official criminal act…the murder of a Hit Wizard for no apparent reason other than to announce his arrival. The instant notoriety was duly noted but he killed another member of the MLE just for good measure.
Like most 'Gaunts' Morpheus claimed he was related to Voldemort by blood. He made an example of the first wizard who scoffed at his declaration and nobody made the same mistake of calling him a liar again. There was no proof that Morfin, Voldemort's uncle, ever sired a child or proof that he didn't. Why anyone would choose to lie that the moron was his grandfather was beyond her. Personally, if she was going to make something up and had to make a choice she would have chosen to be a direct Voldermort descendant. That kind of made her wonder if Morpheus Gaunt's claim was actually true.
Aside from the murders, there wasn't much on Gaunt's rap sheet until the Wasabi Hut incident. He was marking Knockturn Alley as his territory and she was certain whatever Harry's case was about it was something big. She was anxiously waiting to hear from him about his meeting with Kingsley.
Deep in thought she was surprised to notice that she was pulling up in front of the Muggle home of Mrs. Griselda Gilson. Dean took out a Galleon, flipped it up in the air and caught it.
"Your call," he told her.
"Being," she selected.
Her partner slapped the coin on the back of his hand and showed her. It landed wizard side up. Fudge…she always chose being and always lost.
They got off the car and walked up the path to the entrance. Dean was about to lift the heavy brass knocker when the door swung open and they were immediately ushered in by a teary eyed diminutive lady.
Mrs. Gilson was about fifty but looked older because she was tense and had not slept in a while. Her son, Hubert, had been missing for five days and they were there to tell her that they had found him. The young seventeen year old wizard was one of those who died at Knockturn Alley yesterday. It took all night for Forensics to sort the scene out and release the bodies just this morning.
Hermione told her what happened. It was painful to watch the single mother lose herself at the news of the loss of her one and only child. This part of the job was what she hated the most; most of them did. And the hardest part was not to forget to ask the right questions after, no matter how tough it would be for the loved one to answer. They needed to find out how Hubert got mixed up with Gaunt.
With his mother's permission they searched Hubert's room. From what they gathered from his Mum and from his typical teenage boy quarters Hubert was spoiled and led a carefree life. He wasn't in school. He didn't have work. He liked to party.
By early afternoon they had visited four other families and there was a definite pattern. The young men didn't know each other but with the exception of one they all led busy night-lifes. They were both ruminating silently on the information they had as the drove back to the Ministry when she was hit by a thought that couldn't wait.
"Let's start with the odd man out."
"Okay," Dean took his notes out, "Derek Shylock, twenty, recent graduate of Advanced Potions at the Brewers Higher School of Magical Learning, part time job at St. Mungo's. Says here he was a former Hogwarts student who transferred out after first year. That can't be right."
"Hufflepuff in Romilda Vane's year," she tried to remind him, "He was slightly overweight, dark hair, rarely spoke."
"The one who stayed at Hogwarts over Christmas because his entire family had the dragon pox?"
"He's the one," Hermione replied then continued from her memory of the parent interview, "So Derek remained quiet and timid, with few close friends and no steady girl. He still lived with his parents, called three days ago to tell his folks he was going out with 'work friends' and that he would be late coming home."
Dean added, "That was the third time in two weeks. Parents were ecstatic he was coming out of his shell until he didn't come home at all. Work friends deny being out with him."
"He lied."
"Assuming co-workers had no reason to," Dean played devil's advocate.
"The St. Mungo staff will check out okay," Hermione was almost sure of it, "If you were Derek, why would you lie about something like that?"
Dean paused, "Didn't want my folks to worry."
"Why would they? They were supportive of you being more outgoing."
"Either I wasn't really going out or I was going out with someone they wouldn't approve of."
"Or someplace. Looking at the broader picture, the rest of our vics liked to party. According to a recent poll by the Magical Facebook 92% of wizards aged 17 to 25 want to attend the party of parties at least once in their lives," Hermione concluded.
"You think our boy Derek went to a Vamp Camp?"
Relatively new and somewhat underground, Vamp Camps were late night gatherings held in clandestine locations because of the not so legal activities of those in attendance. It attracted young professionals who wanted to have a good time, the kind of entertainment that included loud music, lots of alcohol, designer potions, and back rooms where couples could go and have sex with each other or with strangers. They were called Vamp Camps or Vampire Parties because they started exclusively as such and the potential danger of rogue vampires in attendance was part of its allure. Nowadays they were well attended by wizards and witches.
"As did the four others," she answered, "Maybe that's where Gaunt met them."
"What makes you think Gaunt goes to Vamp Parties?"
"The woman with him at the Wasabi."
She didn't have to elaborate. Dean picked up what she meant.
"Pale, in shades and the preference for raw steak? A bit of a stretch, don't you think? She could be merely sleep-deprived, sun-starved or sick. You're grasping at straws."
"Straws were all I had. At first I thought she-werewolf but she looked too docile."
"You already know she's a vampire," he realized.
After working with her for so long he knew how she operated. It was time to confess.
"I um...happened to be browsing through the old voluntary werewolf and vampire registries this morning as I was reviewing a cold case and um... may have recognized her."
Dean was amused. They weren't supposed to be actively working Wasabi. It annoyed her that Gates said it was off limits and she had to do something to address her need for information.
"I'm sure it wasn't a violation of the MOO."
"Of course not…technically," she replied; she made sure it wouldn't be.
"And?"
"She's a turnblood, goes by the name of Corpuscula, last address unknown. It's a long shot but we have pictures of her," she tried to curb her enthusiasm, "We have pictures of Gaunt…the vampire community in London is small. If we just showed them..."
"Absolutely not!" Dean began shaking his head.
He needed a bit of convincing just as she thought.
"The sun's still out. We're just going to ask her if she recognizes either of..."
Dean interrupted, "N-O, no. You knew about her this morning! You knew you were going to ask me this, didn't you?!"
"Yes but I wasn't gonna insist if you said 'no'. As it stands now, things are a bit different…"
"I swore I'd never talk to that vamp, ever."
"But Bloody Mary's a sweetheart..."
The vampire informer of his really was a darling, one who would do anything for him but only for him.
"Easy for you to say. She didn't expose her fangs near your neck the last time," Dean replied anxiously, white and getting whiter by the second at the memory of his near transformation.
The incident in her mind wasn't as bad as Dean thought it was. She tried not to laugh at the sight of a panicky Dean.
"So she fancies you but she did swear she'd have better impulse control next time. Come on, you know she'll talk only to you."
"The answer's still no."
"One conversation."
He snorted, "I know you. No matter what she says you'll want to see for yourself and I'll end up going to a Vamp party with her and Merlin only knows how many other blood thirsty vampires."
"It's not like you're going alone," she reasoned, "If need be I'll be around to Stun her off you and Petrify her like the last time."
"Forget it," he reiterated.
"Please. Just ask her if she's seen them around."
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No and that's final," her partner said firmly.
Nine hours later, she and Dean were in an unmarked van in a concealed alley a couple of blocks down from where Bloody Mary said an exclusive Vamp Camp was about to take place.
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A/N. So Hermione is still in denial, Harry is clueless/confused and Dean has taken a leap and will move to Australia for Luna.
More about Gaunt in the next.
I'm still unhappy about how Harry is thinking but he has a mind of his own. I'm hoping this mission to become a pillar in Hermione's life will help. As always, your comments and ideas are welcome.