A/N: Okay, I know it sounds really dorky, but every time I read an anonymous review, and the name that appears in the box reads "Anonymous", I can't help but smile. Alright, enough of my sad attempt at humor. For those of you who read my Tumblr posts, you know what chapter this is! For those of you who don't, what are you waiting for? Read it and get a sneak peak just like they did! I also want to those who have been submitting songs for the soundtrack. I've come across some awesome candidates, but I still need more! A wider selection always works better for me. So, please, keep the suggestions coming!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine, blah, blah, blah. The franchise belongs to JKR, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Enjoy!
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Déjà Vu's a Bitch
I usually don't care what day it is. But today is different. There's no avoiding glancing at the calendar, no turning a deaf ear to the buzz, no blocking out the memories. I know that sometime today I will break. It's unavoidable. I'm going to try and hide it, run away, anything to stop the images from coming back. It's never that easy, though, is it? People always get in the way-or, more commonly, don't get in the way when you want them to. Take this morning for example. I woke up, got ready, and Potter wasn't there. I know I should be relieved not to have him start something first thing in the morning. But this morning was the time when I needed the distraction the most. And he wasn't there. By the time I reached the great hall, I saw that he was already there, talking to Weasley about something.
As I passed by them, Potter met my eyes for only a moment before turning back to his conversation with Weasley. I scoffed to myself and took a seat at the far end of the table, choosing to work on my Charms essay rather than eat. I didn't feel like walking all the way back to my common room to finish, so I just sat there and wrote, never once looking back at the pair of boys who I knew, more than anyone else, would make this day even worse. There was a small part of me that knew my mind would start going into overdrive if I looked at them for long. Call it women's intuition, or whatever else you like, but I was sticking to it. I didn't want my whole day to be ruined. I would wait until dinner to let my frustrations out. Granted, my night would be horrible. But I could really care less.
I heard the lull of morning voices begin to stir something within me. And then there was Dumbledore, who stood up gracefully to announce tonight's feast. The first wave hit me.
I was sitting next to Harry, Ron, and Neville Longbottom today. They seemed to be the only ones that could stand my presence as of late. You would think a girl as lively as me would come as a relief. Apparently Witches and Wizards are very quiet people. I made a mental note of that when Lavender Brown told me to bugger off when I tried to inform them about the difference between being able to apperate and using floo powder.
The night previous, the four of us had encountered a three-headed dog at the end of the third floor corridor. You heard me right. Just like out of the Greek mythology books. It was terrifying to say the least, but we made it out okay. I seemed to be the only one that noticed that it was standing atop a trap door after we were safe. The others were too preoccupied with its heads to pay any mind to anything below. Honestly! They really needed to learn how to observe their surroundings more carefully if they expected to be great Wizards someday.
It was all Harry and Ron could talk about the next day, though. I pretended to not be interested as they came up with theories as to what could lie underneath, when really I was ecstatic that they actually listened to me for once.
"It's either really valuable or really dangerous," Ron supplied.
"Or both," Harry added.
Even though I was happy that they were talking about my theory, I wasn't on speaking terms with either. They had almost gotten us killed-or worse expelled. I wasn't about to go on and help them. Maybe when they asked.
The morning post arrived as usual. But what was curious, was that Harry had gotten a parcel dropped in front of him. He had never received one before, so it was an odd sight indeed. His expression was one of pure shock before he ripped open the letter that came attached. I didn't get to see what was written, as he handed it off to Ron with a gleeful expression. Whatever was in that package was enough to make him grin as wide as if it were Christmas.
Ron skimmed the letter quickly and mimicked the other boy's excitement. "A Nimbus Two Thousand!" He moaned enviously. "I've never even touched one."
But before I could make any comments, or really any inquiry about how he would come into possession of such an extravagant gift, especially since first years were not allowed brooms, the two boys were off. I watched them retreat with the package in a hurry, probably to unwrap the gift in private.
A week later, it was all over school that Potter had gotten himself a place on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was the youngest Quidditch player on a house team in over a century! Quite an achievement, even considering my standards, for an event like that to take place. I vaguely remembered Professor McGonagall escorting him out of the courtyard during our first flying lesson after he had retrieved Neville's Remembrall. Later that day, I had overheard them talking about dueling Draco Malfoy afterhours and tried to convince them that it wasn't a very good idea at all. But, of course, they didn't listen to me and told me it was none of my business. The rest is history.
I stopped the memory abruptly. Shit. It was going to be harder than I thought to keep my past at bay. I gathered up my things and headed straight for Charms class, trying my best to ignore the scent of baking pumpkin that was ever so present in the hallways. Not an easy feat, let me tell you. Not when your favorite dessert of all time is pumpkin pie, and you knew that it was going to be on the table that night at the feast.
No, no! Not now. I needed to focus on my Charms work.
I arrived at the classroom and set my books down at a desk towards the front as usual. I took the time I had before class begun to read over my essay. We were asked to give our opinions on the expansion of the levitation charm, and I was a firm believer that if we had the will to make it possible, than we should. Who needed just one levitation charm? Wingardium Leviosa was useful, of course. But I had perfected it since first year when we were required to lift a single feather.
Oh crap.
I felt the nudging of the memory pick at my brain and I did my best to keep it at bay. But as my classmates began to take their seats around me, I was taken back to the day that changed my life. Six years ago exactly, two boys walked into Charms class side-by-side much as they were doing at this very moment. The only seats that were available were the two next to me and that was what did it. Déjà vu was a bitch.
Ron Weasley sat next to me today in Charms. It was a pleasant surprise, to be perfectly honest. I tried to ignore that it was the only seat left for grabs. Harry was next to Seamus Finnegan, the poor dear. That boy was horrid at spells and had a tendency of blowing things up. I wondered vaguely why Harry hadn't sat next to me. He didn't seem to find me as annoying as Ron, so it was only logical. But, I would take what I could get. Maybe I could prove to him that I could be useful as a friend and forget all the awful things he said to me. Maybe.
I acted as angry as he was when we were paired together for practicing a new levitating charm called Wingardium Leviosa. Professor Flitwick kept on reminding us to use the "swish and flick" method and practice the proper pronunciation so as not to end up with a buffalo on our chest. As we began our practice, Ron kept on waving his wand about as though he wanted to slice the feather in half.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" he shouted, waving his arms like a windmill.
"You're saying it wrong," I snapped in annoyance, all acting now gone from my demeanor. "It's Wing-gar-dium Levi-o-sa, make the `gar' nice and long."
"You do it, then, if you're so clever." Ron snarled.
I rolled up the sleeves on my gown and prepared to show him the right way to do it. Maybe, after seeing a proper demonstration, he would finally see that I was useful and stop acting like a brainless git. Maybe. I flicked my wand and said firmly, "Wingardium Leviosa!"
The feather in front of us rose off the desk and hovered about four feet above our heads as I kept my hand steady.
"Oh, well done!" cried Professor Flitwick, clapping, "Everyone see here, Miss Granger's done it!"
Ron made a sour face as I smiled at him smugly. He didn't talk to me the rest of the class. It seemed my method of proving myself proved to be unsuccessful once again. Looks like I was going to figure out something else. I saw great potential in these two boys, and I wasn't going to stop until I proved it to them.
I pulled back from the scene. Weasley was looking at me as though I was going mental. Potter, on the other side of him, shared a similar look.
"You alright?" He asked.
"Fine." I said coolly.
He left it alone at that and turned to our professor, who was just now walking up to his podium, ready to teach the class. He straightened out his robes, which seemed to be a bit crumpled, before he spoke up. "I trust all of you are finished with you essays?"
A few groans could be heard throughout the room, the two boys next to me included. I smirked in triumph as I readied my essay for him to collect.
"Now, now, I gave you plenty of time to work on them this week. I expect to have all of your essays in my hand as I walk by."
He walked around the room, collecting everyone's essays with a small smile. As he reached my desk, I handed him my essay without hesitation and he beamed. "Oh, I cannot wait to hear your opinion, Miss Granger. I'm expecting another 110."
I blushed, "I hope so, sir."
I heard Weasley scoff beside me and I turned to glare at him. I didn't bother telling him off, since it was his turn to hand in his essay. Or, should I say, not. I leaned back in my seat and prepared to watch the show.
"Mr. Weasley, where is your essay?"
"My owl ate it."
Strike one.
The class, myself included, let out a chuckle. Professor Flitwick ignored us and kept his eyes on Weasley pointedly, his face unwavering. "Your owl ate it? The last time I checked, Mr. Weasley, your owl couldn't digest a bobby pin."
Weasley smiled meekly while Flitwick kept his gaze hard. "Well you see, Harry and I havr Quidditch practice every night and we didn't have much time in between then and dinner and then bed… time…"
"And what about the weekend?"
Strike two.
"I have better things to do on the weekends than coursework." He said matter-of-factly.
"Perhaps you could make the time for detention, then? This Saturday, ten in the morning, my office."
Strike three and you're out.
A collective "Oooh" went through the class as Weasley's eyes bulged out of his sockets. "But Professor, there's a game that day!"
"You should have thought about that before you couldn't make the time to complete your essay."
And with that said, Flitwick made his way to Potter, who, unlike Weasley, handed in his essay on time. Interesting. Weasley was looking at him as though he had just dropped out of a spaceship with green skin and antennae.
"How did you finish your essay and not tell me?" He asked in a high-pitched voice.
Potter shrugged. "I use my time wisely, I guess, and don't spend all hours of the day sucking the tongue out of Padma Patil's mouth."
I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. What? His comments could be humorous when not directed at me. Like I said, I'm not an idiot. I know a good burn when I hear one. And believe you me, Weasley just got scorched, and by his supposed "best mate". This was going to be entertaining, I could tell.
"At least I don't spend my time hunched over a trashcan of discarded parchment like some obsessed drone."
Potter stiffened and looked briefly over at me, for reasons I didn't understand and didn't care to. He always kept himself locked in his bedroom whenever I checked, so why should I care what he does in there? I didn't want to know. Not really.
"Shut up, Ron."
"Ohhh hit a soft spot, did I?" He asked with a smirk.
"Shut up."
"Why does it matter?"
"Just leave it, Weasley, he obviously doesn't want to talk about it."
The two boy's necks snapped over to me. I hadn't meant to say it, but Potter looked like he was going to sink into the ground. The least I could do was throw him a line, even if he would never reciprocate the gesture.
"Eavesdropping, Granger?" Weasley spat. "Don't you have better things to do, like homework or something?"
"Oh that's rich, Weasley. I haven't heard that one before." I said in a bored tone.
"Well then why don't you just turn back to your desk and find your own friends to talk to. Oh, wait a minute…"
"Ron, leave it."
"You don't have any."
I didn't even register that Potter had spoken up as I ground my teeth together in frustration. I didn't speak up, though, which was probably my biggest mistake, because he kept on going.
"So head back to the library, or wherever it is that people like you go, and think about that the next time you try to butt in to another person's conversation. Know your place, Granger. It's with the books, not with the people."
I heard someone let out a breath, but I wasn't sure if it was me or Potter. "I'd rather be in the library than on the streets, which is where you'll end up if you don't put some effort into your schoolwork. Good luck being a bum."
I shoved the rest of my supplies into my book bag and made my way to the door for a swift exit.
"Where do you think you're going, Miss Granger?"
I turned back to Professor Flitwick for a brief moment. "Sorry Professor, lady problems."
I didn't stick by to see his reaction, though I already knew that he wouldn't come after me. No one would. It was like Weasley said, I was a friendless bookworm. He may be daft about most things, but he, along with Potter, are the only ones that could really know that I would remain friendless forever.
"It's no wonder no one can stand her." I heard Ron say as I started to approach him, wanting to apologize for the way I acted in class. I slowed my pace, though, as I registered to whom he was referring. "She's a nightmare, honestly."
I felt the hot sting of tears in my eyes and rushed to get past the two boys. I ended up bumping into Harry in my hurry. I could sense him looking at me and I tried to hide my tear stained face. It was of no avail as I kept my pace to get past them.
"I think she heard you."
And I heard him today, as well. Although after all these years, he had learned face-to-face confrontation instead of talking behind someone's back. You know, even if it wasn't the right way to think about it, I preferred behind my back. Because when I found out about it that way, it wasn't during class, and I didn't force myself to leave the classroom to have a few minutes. But I couldn't do anything about it now, could I?
I let my feet carry me to a secluded place, not caring where it was. As long as I could be alone and let these stupid emotions pour out before next period. Stupid teenage need to cry at every small thing that sets them off…
Stopping suddenly, I looked up and felt my stomach drop as I recognized the familiar doorway. My feet would lead me here. I pushed my way in and peered around the familiar lavatory that I occupied six years ago. Now don't go and think that I return here every year as some weird therapeutic ritual. This happened to be the first time I returned to the scene of the crime since it took place. Don't believe me, that's your choice.
I walked around to the stalls and let my hand touch the one in which I spent most of my first Halloween at Hogwarts crying my eyes out because of what one boy said. I opened the swinging door and sucked in a large amount of breath. Look at me, getting all emotional about a toilet. Wow, I need help.
I felt my legs give out beneath me and knew that this was as good of a time as any to let the repressed memory out. The signs all pointed to it anyway. The incident in Charms, my feet leading me here; it was as if someone wanted me to let it out. Right here, right now. I closed my eyes and took myself back to a time I wish I could forget.
I don't know what lead me to the bathroom on the third floor. Perhaps because it was the closest place to be alone? I don't know. But whatever made me do it was a very bad decision to follow. Some girls in my class tried to help me, ask what was wrong, but all I wanted was to be left alone. No one seemed to bother me after that.
I was in the last toilet that aligned the wall, my head in my hands, letting the last of the tears wash over me. I knew that it must be close to dinner, because my stomach was rumbling with hunger. I couldn't ignore its calls for feeding for much longer unless I wanted to get sick. Remembering my mum's advice on always listening to your gut feeling (in this case my stomach feeling, ha ha), I leapt off the toilet and opened the door to let myself out. Maybe I would give that Weasley boy a piece of my mind. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Who cares what he thinks anyway?
I wiped the last bit of wet tears off my cheek with a bowed head, and walked a few steps towards the exit. Only, it wasn't a stone floor I was met with. I saw a giant foot in a sickly blue-green color blocking my way. I looked up slowly and saw the face of a troll looking down at me with a dumb expression. I felt my breath hitch as I sprinted past it to hide beneath a sink. Apparently, I frustrated it, and it knocked down the stall where I once stood with the huge club it held in its right hand. I felt the cold rush of fear wash over me. I was going to die.
The troll began knocking down sinks, looking for where I was hiding.
"Confuse it!" I heard a familiar voice shout.
I turned towards the noise and saw none other than Harry Potter and Ron Weasley standing in the doorway. Harry picked up a nearby water tap off the floor and threw it against the wall, trying to distract the beast so near to me.
The troll lowered its giant club down to the sink next to mine, causing a pipe to split and spray water all over my face. The two small boys lunged for the beast and it's overly large feet moved out of my vision. I crawled to another place of shelter and dug around for my wand. Nothing. I had left it in the common room. My life was now in the hands of two eleven-year-old males who hated my guts. Merlin help me.
"Oy, pea-brain!" yelled Ron from his place on the far side of the chamber. He threw a metal pipe at the troll and ended up hitting its shoulder. It didn't notice the pipe, but Ron's yell seemed to have more of an impact. It paused in its movement and turned towards Ron. Harry moved around it quickly towards me.
"Come on, run, run!" He yelled at me, trying to pull me toward the door. I couldn't move. I kept my back firmly pressed against the wall, my mouth open with terror. I don't know what kept me from going with Harry. I could only guess the sheer horror of being in the same room as a troll and how close it came to getting me.
The shouts seemed to be driving the troll berserk. It roared and started toward Ron, who was the closest to it and had no means of escape. I saw Harry leave my side and release the cloth of my robe. He then did something both very brave and very stupid. He ran to the troll and jumped atop it, fastening his arms around its neck from behind. The beast didn't notice Harry's act until his wand, which had been in his hand as he jumped, plunged into its nose.
I flinched as the troll twisted and flailed its club, howling with pain. Harry was hanging on for dear life and my heart went out for him. If I wasn't so petrified, I would have tried to help. But all I could do was stay out of the way. If the two of them succeeded, it wouldn't be a triumph if I was dead. I sunk to the floor and tried my best to shield myself.
I saw Ron pull out his wand and wondered vaguely what he was going to do. We hadn't covered spells strong enough to affect a giant troll yetl. He waved his wand in a very familiar motion-one that we had covered that very same day. "Wingardium Leviosa!"
The club flew out of the troll's hand suddenly and rose up above its head. The spell didn't last for long, as the club turned over and dropped onto its owners head with a sickening crack. The troll swayed on the spot and fell flat on its face with a thud that made the whole room tremble with its weight. Harry got to his feet shaking and out of breath. I watched him to make sure he was alright before looking at Ron, who still had his wand raised and was staring at the unconscious troll.
I spoke up first, wanting to both break the tension and ask a very important question. "Is it - dead?"
"I don't think so," Harry answered me. "I think it's just been knocked out."
He bent down and pulled his wand out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue. I made a face of disgust as he wiped it on the troll's trousers.
"Urgh - troll boogers."
"What did I do?"
We both turned to Ron, who was looking over at us with wide eyes. His gaze flickered once again to the comatose beast and Harry looked at him hesitantly. "Well, you knocked out a troll."
"With a spell I helped you with." I said proudly.
Ron looked at me and his demeanor quickly changed. "Yeah, but it wasn't you who knocked the troll out, was it? It was me."
"I didn't say I-"
"No, you were too busy hiding up against the wall, not doing anything as Harry and I saved your butt. You could be dead right now if it wasn't for us."
His words stung, but I kept a clean face. "I know. And I wanted to thank you for coming to find me."
"You're wel-"
"You're lucky we didn't leave you to rot. If it wasn't for Harry remembering you were in here, you'd be as good as dead."
I looked over at Harry and he smiled meekly at me, looking slightly embarrassed. I felt something warm rise up in my chest as I returned his smile.
"What this sounds like to me is a set-up."
"Excuse me?" I asked, aghast.
"Yeah, you hid out in the bathroom until we came to help you. We're the only ones who've been talking to you these past few weeks, right? You've been trying to make nice with us, hoping we'd be your friends. I didn't think you'd go as far as trying to kill us, though."
"Ron, she didn't let the troll in." Harry said.
He waved his hand about, "Regardless of the coincidence, it's still too convenient. I knew you were desperate for friends, but Merlin, you didn't have to go this far. The things people do to be Harry Potter's confidant, I tell you."
My mouth was wide open, trying to form words but unable for some reason. I looked at the red-headed boy as he chuckled to himself. Harry was silent as well as he looked at his friend, until he let Ron's words sink in.
"What do you mean, Ron?"
"Isn't it obvious? She wants to be friends with the great Harry Potter for the glory. Think about it, she's a bookworm with no sense of where she's going, and no hope for real friends, her last resort, trying to make nice with Harry Potter and his best mate. If she can't make any other friends, why not shoot for the jackpot and go down in history? She'd be Harry Potter's clever friend."
"That's ridiculous!" I shouted at him. I looked over at Harry, "You can't believe what's coming out of his mouth."
He looked over at Ron and then back at me. Ron let out another mocking laugh, "Come on, Harry, think about it. You didn't even know you were famous until you came here. Everyone wants to know you, to be your friend, what makes Granger here any different? You remember on the train. She knew more about you than you did! All the evidence points to it, you just need to think about it a bit harder, use your noggin. People want to use you, Harry. You know they do."
I scoffed at Ron and turned to see Harry in deep thought. I felt my blood turn cool. "Harry… Harry you can't believe him! I don't want to be your friend for the glory or any of that other rubbish. I read, that's not a crime last time I checked. It's not my fault that you happen to be the most famous wizard in a century and secured a place in every book of Wizarding history published today."
He looked at me sadly. "Hermione I-Ron's right. I don't really know who I can trust right now. But I-"
"See!" Ron shouted. "He doesn't want to be your friend. So just leave us alone, bookworm."
He then walked over to Harry and grasped his shoulder. He looked very uncomfortable as he turned back at me, looking as though he wanted to say something. He seemed to have decided against it as Ron maneuvered him to the door. I heard their hushed voices echo throughout the room as they departed, but they were gone within a few seconds.
I couldn't believe the lies coming out of his mouth! All I wanted to do was make a few friends. It didn't matter if one of them happened to be Harry Potter. He could be Jack the Ripper for all I cared! Sure, it would have been great to be friends with him, but apparently they thought differently. They saw how I noticed what that three-headed dog was standing on! I could have helped them figure it out. We could have gone on an adventure-acquired a nickname like The Golden Trio, or something equally as cheesy.
But I guess it didn't matter now.
Maybe Harry would see sense. Maybe Ron would realize he was wrong and they would come back and apologize. Yeah, that's it. All this would be just a big misunderstanding.
A sudden slamming and loud footsteps made me look up. I hadn't realized how much of a racket we had made. Of course someone downstairs must have heard the crashes and the troll's roars. A moment later, Professor McGonagall had come bursting into the room, closely followed by Snape and Quirrell. Quirrell took one look at the troll lying on the ground and let out a whimper, sitting quickly down on a toilet and clutching his heart.
Snape bent over the troll, examining it, probably checking to see if it was dead. Professor McGonagall looked over at me, still on the floor, with a red face. I had never seen her look so angry. Her lips were white from pressing them together so hard. Any thoughts I had of getting off easy were quickly wiped from my mind.
"What on Earth were you thinking of?" she said with a cold fury in her voice. "You were lucky you weren't killed. Why aren't you in your dormitory?"
Snape looked over at me, just now noticing my presence in the room. His gaze made me feel uncomfortable. I shifted my eyes to Professor McGonagall and licked my lips. There was a small part of me that wanted to blame this whole thing on Ron and Harry, but I knew better. I would be the bigger person here.
"I went looking for the troll because I - I thought I could deal with it on my own - you know, because I've read all about them."
She stared at me with a shocked look on her face. "Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own?"
I hung my head low and apologized.
"Twenty points will be taken from Gryffindor for this," she said sternly. "I'm very disappointed in you. If you're not hurt at all, you'd better get off to Gryffindor tower. Students are finishing the feast in their houses."
I left quickly, before she changed her mind and gave me detention as well. As I continued to Gryffindor tower, I had to keep repeating to myself that things would get better. Harry and Ron would realize their wrongs and come back with apologies galore. Yes, this would all work out in the end.
I had tears running down my cheeks by now. Things didn't work out in the end, not in the least. The next day, Potter and Weasley gave me the silent treatment. The day after that, they started teasing me. Potter was the worst, though. I thought Ron had been bad in the bathroom, but it was nothing compared to what he said to me. He never spoke to me often, but when he did, it cut me deep. He called me names I dare not repeat, for fear of making this day even worse. I had eventually become numb to both his and Weasley's comments, and they had backed off some as the years passed.
At the end of first year, Potter ended up in the hospital wing. Rumors circulated all around about how he ended up in there, but I didn't pay any mind. My theory was that he and Ron had gone in search of what was through that trap door, and I stuck to that. Whatever was beyond it, I didn't know, and I didn't care to. It was all in the past, and that's what got me here, leaning against this cubicle.
I sniffed and rubbed my wet eyes. There, it was over with. I relived the worst night of my life, and now I had the rest of the day in front of me. No matter how much I tried to run, there was no avoiding it, no forgetting. It happened. I was alone, with only a faceless pen-pal for company. At least this day couldn't get any worse.
I didn't hear the footsteps nearing me, only his voice made me look up. "Hermione?"
I gasped and looked up into a pair of green eyes. Hello, irony.
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