A/N: I'm afraid I have some bad news. This week I'm heading off to New York for a few days and won't be back until Sunday morning. I really hope I have time to write whilst I'm there, but you never know. I just thought I should give you a heads up. In other less depressing news, I totally forgot to mention the two readers who guessed where my inspiration for the HHR bathroom scene came from! The two winners were an Anonymous reviewer, so they know who they are, and Celia. Congrats, guys! For those who were pulling their hair out in agony, the answer was my favorite TV show Skins - Season 2, Episode 2. Great job guys! Another shout out goes to my beta, Vincent. Without him, this chapter wouldn't have had the killer ending and hilarious comparisons between males and blocks of ice. Yeah, just get on reading already so you can see :]
Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine. I'm not even British! Although, I can do a killer impersonation with my talent for accents.
Enjoy!
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Good Morning Sunshine, the Earth Says "Hello"
"Joe?"
"Yes, Joe."
"That's a stupid name."
I grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at him. He caught it with a wide grin and I scowled, folding my arms across my chest like a child who had just gotten their sweets taken away. He chuckled and threw the pillow back at me. It landed in my lap and I placed my hands atop it, looking at him pointedly.
He gave in sooner than I thought. "Alright, I'm sorry."
I arched an eyebrow. "Giving up so easily?"
He shrugged meekly. "The more time I spend on his name, the less information I get out of you."
"And who said anything about you getting information out of me?"
"The stars."
I snorted.
"And what's so funny about that?" He asked incredulously.
I remained silent and shook my head, pressing my lips together to keep from laughing. The more I could keep him distracted, the less I had to divulge. Joe was supposed to be my secret, but he wouldn't be for very long if I told Harry anything more. The only problem was that he had a huge advantage over me since my head was still spinning. I wasn't even sure why I had begun this conversation in the first place, but here I was. I guess that in a way, this whole thing had started because of my guilty conscience for betraying Joe. I knew it wasn't official or anything, but it still felt like I was cheating. It wouldn't make sense in any other way I put it. It was one of those things you can't feel unless you experience it for yourself. The only thing I could compare it to was school at the moment, and we all know how well those analogies go for me, so I'm not going to bother.
I sunk deeper into the chair and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying my best to remain silent. It wasn't a hard feat, but there was a tugging feeling in my gut that told me to talk to Harry, to help him understand. Now, I have absolutely no idea where this notion came from, but I didn't like it. The trust I'd had for him had been seriously dented in the last five minutes, and I didn't feel like testing the grounds again anytime soon. I would just remain silent, and, if it came down to it, would give him a clipped version of events.
He smacked his lips together. "Fine, if that's how you want it. Now I'm turning on full interrogation mode. Who is this Joe person, really? Do I know him?"
I shrugged, knowing I was telling the truth. If I didn't know who Joe was, I'm pretty sure Harry wouldn't, either. Unless he was a Seer or something, in which case, I would most likely jump on him for answers.
"Does he go to Hogwarts, or is he one of those foreign guys with an accent and sex appeal that girls just can't resist?"
I held back a smile at his comment. "He goes here."
"What house is he in?"
I bit my lip, trying to think of a quick remark that wouldn't raise suspicion. It's not as easy as it sounds with no anger to fuel my retorts. A few weeks ago, I would've thought of something to say as quickly as a niffler could sniff out a galleon. But now…
"Are you looking to hunt him down or something, what's with all the questions?"
He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Just curious, that's all. I'll stick with the bare minimum of information from now on. What do you feel for this Joe guy, is he your boyfriend?"
I shook my head lightly. "Not really, I don't think."
"What does that mean, exactly? How could you not know if he's your boyfriend?"
"Well we haven't really talked about it. I don't even know how he feels about me, and I'm pretty sure my feelings are just as much of a mystery to him. The only thing I'm sure of is that I…" I trailed off, wondering if I should say it.
"You what?" Harry asked quietly.
I looked up at him and saw his face contort into one of curiosity. I had never really said my feelings for Joe out loud before, and Harry seemed more than willing to listen to them. I took a deep intake of breath and let out the three words that summed up how much he meant to me: "I love him."
An unreadable look passed over his features. He remained silent and I felt the overwhelming urge to explain myself. Before I could stop, the words came out in a flurry.
"He's probably the one guy in the entire school-hell, maybe in this entire world, that likes me for me. He's smart, funny, and an all around a good person. Plus, he can make me laugh with only a few words, which is impressive. And he-oh Merlin, I'm sorry, I'm totally deflating your ego, aren't I?"
He looked at me with the same unreadable face and shook his head. "It's quite the opposite, actually. You-you said that you don't know how he feels about you. How does that work?"
"He's never told me. Granted, I've never told him anything either, but that's just how I am. He's told me small things, hints I guess you could call them. But never the three words I want to hear. It's like he's beating around the bush. We both are. Too afraid to say anything, but wanting more than anything to speak. That's guys for you, though. Never saying their feelings for you straightforward and making you think more than necessary, giving you cryptic messages that only a puzzle master could decipher."
"That's not entirely true. Some guys do."
"Yes, well, Joe's not one of those guys, I guess." I said sadly. "If he only knew that the one thing I wanted from him was to hear his feelings, I'm sure things would be different."
He nodded. "Indeed they would."
There was a pregnant silence after that, and I knew that somewhere along the way I had made Harry uncomfortable. He was only human, after all. A male human at that.
"I'm sorry that you had to hear all of my girly feelings, Harry."
He chuckled. "It's alright, I'll live."
"You asked for it."
"That I did."
I looked over at the window and saw that the sun was setting behind the forbidden forest, making a beautiful blend of orange, pink, purple, and yellow colors in the sky. I gazed at the colors for a moment and let my mind go blank. It felt nice to have told someone my feelings. He didn't know of our entire situation yet, but he was the first person I confessed my feelings to. It felt nice to have told someone, and I knew that he wouldn't tell anyone. I may not fully trust him, but I do enough to know that he has some common sense in that thick skull of his.
As if he read my mind, Harry spoke up in a firm voice. "I won't tell anyone."
I nodded, still looking at the window. "I know you won't, because if you do, I might have to kill you."
He started laughing and my neck snapped over to him. "I'm serious!"
"I know." He said wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. "That's what's so funny."
I took the abused pillow we had been throwing at each other and chucked it back at him. He was too busy laughing that he didn't notice I threw it until it hit him square in the face. He immediately stopped laughing and I saw his face scrunch up in pain for a moment.
"Oh Harry, I'm sorry! I did it again." I rushed over to make sure that I didn't cause his stitches to bleed again.
"It's fine, Hermione. I'm alright."
I was already on the couch beside him and grabbed his chin to tilt his head every which way, making sure I didn't cause any damage. He appeared to be fine and I released him before the atmosphere changed again. We didn't want a repeat of that, did we?
Oh you know you do.
I shook the annoying voice out of my head and tried to bring up another conversation. "What I find interesting, is how you managed to get to the hospital wing. Surely St. Mungo's would have been a better place to treat your injuries."
"That's what I thought, but I don't really know anything. I think I heard Molly say something about not wanting the media to catch wind that I had gotten hurt or something like that."
I nodded. "Well that would make sense. I could just see the headlines now, Harry Potter Defeated by a Thorn Bush, How the Hero is Coping with His Latest Conqueror."
He smiled. "That would be an interesting outcome. Next thing you know, I'd be getting a lawyer and suing the bush for sexual harassment."
"The bush would win, obviously, because you'd be too busy talking up a nearby fruit tree."
"Hey, it's not my fault that she had a nice pair of melons."
"Melons don't grow on trees, Harry."
"Really? Well she's got some serious explaining to do, then."
"They could have just as easily been apples."
"Bullshit."
Next thing we knew, the two of us were on the floor laughing. Over fruit. What exactly had I gotten myself into?
Within a few minutes, Harry and I had rolled closer to one another. We were both on our stomachs and facing the warmth of the fire. This silence was a comfortable one. It was just us, staring at the flames. If I didn't know any better, I'd think we were avoiding something. No, of course we weren't. We were just relaxing by the fire, that was all.
"I should clean myself up." He said, breaking the silence. "I think I've been in the same clothes for three days."
"Well, you do smell."
He gave me a sour look and stood up, brushing invisible lint from his pants and shirt. "I don't get why they didn't change me when I was unconscious."
"Maybe they were afraid they'd be disappointed." I shot a meaningful look towards his mid-area and saw his face begin to flush.
"Are you insinuating that I'm not well developed or something? Because I'll have you know that-"
"Relax, Harry. I meant that the tattoo on your chest would turn out to be just a rumor."
His face turned a deeper shade of red. "Liar"
"You will never know."
He stuck his tongue out at me childishly and turned to head up to his room. I watched him go and rolled my eyes. He could really be a smartass sometimes, but then again, so could I. But something about that conversation struck me as odd. Throughout the whole time I was ranting about Joe, he never seemed to get glassy eyed or lose interest like so many males seemed to do nowadays. In fact, he was almost studying the way that I talked about him. Maybe he wanted to pick up some pointers or something? But that seemed highly unlikely. He got girls to fawn over him by breathing.
So what was it?
You know what it is.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do. You heard what he said. He wanted to kiss you, but wasn't expecting anything. He wants you, you moron!
That's bollocks.
Is it?
Yes.
You just don't ever want to be happy, do you?
That's not true!
Then what's holding you back from accepting that there are guys out there that want to be with you?
For one, he's Harry, and he promised not to do anything.
Promises, schmomises. They don't mean much anymore, especially since he's a hot-blooded teenage male who couldn't control his urges if he was a block of ice.
That's beside the point.
Au contraire, mon amie, it couldn't be closer to the point. Just listen to-
If you say "listen to your heart" I'm going to scream.
Fine, I won't say it, but that's exactly what you should do.
But Joe…
Isn't taking the initiative, is he? So until he does, you shouldn't feel guilty about liking Harry.
But I don't!
You just keep telling yourself that.
I groaned and rolled over onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Sometimes I wish I didn't have such a smartass for a conscience, one who made me think. It could really be a pain in the rear end. All it ever did was make me think even more than I needed too. You would think someone as organized and collected as me would have her head clear as well. Funny joke.
The room began to grow darker as the sunset sunk deeper into the confines of the forest. The candles and firelight were the only source of illumination. Their reflections on the walls made me feel as if I was inside a stone oven, being cooked to medium-rare for someone to devour for their dinner. Who was the cannibal in question? Fate. It was eating me whole.
Ew, okay this analogy is getting too gruesome to think about. Maybe I should head to bed early and put this day behind me for now.
I think that's the best idea you've had all day.
Shut up.
I sat up and stretched out my back by knotting my hands together and reaching upward. I felt a pleasant stretch of muscle and crack of joints and rose onto my feet. As I passed the bathroom, I heard the shower going and tried my best not to think of Harry and how undressed he was in there.
Too late. Damn.
Since I was already in my pajamas, I collapsed onto my bed as soon as I waved the door closed. I wasn't tired, but there was no other way I could think of to clear my head. Seriously, I really needed to save up some money for that Pensieve.
~*~
It was a sleepless night.
For the majority of the evening, I starred at the walls and tried to make pictures out of the swirly design, thinking that it would bore me to sleep to no avail. I tried counting sheep and thinking about falling asleep as well. Those didn't help either. I had stayed up all night studying before, but nothing compared to how this morning greeted me. It was like the sun was mocking me by shining extra bright through my windows.
"Good morning, sunshine!" It peeped. "The Earth says `hello'!"
Bite me.
By the time I made it down to the great hall, my mood hadn't improved in the slightest. There were only a few early birds up at this time and I tried to ignore their morning peppiness. Usually, I would be just like them, basking in the wonder of a new day. Not today. Not when I had no rest whatsoever and no source of caffeine in my system.
I took a seat nearest to the mug of coffee and filled my goblet to the brim with the one elixir that would make my day a tiny bit more bearable. I didn't bother putting in my usual two pounds of cream and sugar. I didn't have time. I needed coffee and I needed it now. So I drank it black. The minute the bitter taste reached my tongue, I spit it straight out. Looks like my desperation for a wake-up call overrode my better judgment once again.
I grabbed a napkin from a small stack and wiped the residue from around and inside my mouth. It's a good thing no one paid attention to me, or else I would get some very odd looks. It wasn't everyday a girl wiped her tongue with a cloth napkin. As my mum would say, "It just wasn't ladylike."
"Well, that's attractive."
I nearly choked on the napkin when I heard his voice. He was looking at me with a small smile and I removed the napkin before I spoke. I might've been tired, but I wasn't stupid.
"Wasn't exactly what I was going for, but I'll take what I can get."
"Such positive thinking so early in the morning."
"What can I say, I'm an optimist."
I looked around the table for some cream and sugar and snatched both when they came into my view. Little did I know that it was Harry holding them out in front of me. I nearly pulled him across the table. He looked at me oddly and I bit my lip shyly, filling my coffee with the heavenly mix.
"Rough night?" He asked carefully.
I nodded. "You have no idea."
I had the feeling he was going to say something else to make me feel better, like his night had been the same, but he remained silent and began to fill his plate. I didn't mind, though. I didn't want sympathy. It was my own fault that I couldn't fall asleep. Or, more specifically, what was on my mind. Usually whatever is on a person's mind just ends up playing out in their dreams, but I guess that instead of going with the norm, my body felt the need to sleep deprive me as punishment. Punishment for what, I don't know.
Harry kept his eyes focused on his breakfast for most of the morning. Usually, we would be talking by now, but maybe he sensed that today wasn't one of those days. Thank Merlin for that. Maybe when the coffee kicked in, I would feel more chatty. Or not. You never know.
"All right, Harry?"
Both mine and Harry's heads turned up to see the grinning face of Colin Creevey, the sixth year photo man who had been a part of Harry's fan club since he was sorted into Gryffindor. He was a nice enough boy, but was a little too peppy to hang around with for too long. His younger brother, Dennis, was nowhere to be seen. They were usually attached at the hip, always following one another around outside of class and trying to document every aspect of their time at Hogwarts. It's quite cute if you think about it.
"Hey, Colin."
I saw Colin reach into his bag and pull out a flyer of some sort, filled with moving pictures and bright colors. He handed it over to Harry and he took it cautiously, scanning it over quickly.
"Me and my brother are planning a `Welcome Back' Party the first day back from break. Since the ball is only for those in the pen-pal program, we figured it would only be fair to hold a party of our own."
"Are you asking for my permission or something, Colin?"
The younger boy shrugged. "I guess. You are the Head Boy and everything."
Harry nodded slowly. "Right. Well, Hermione, what do you think? Should we allow them to crowd up the common room with butterbeer and pounding music?"
"I suppose." I said timidly. "I mean, it is only fair."
"Thanks guys, I hope to see you there!" Colin exclaimed, literally jumping with excitement. He began to walk away, but turned around for a moment and looked at me. "You know, you're not as much of a bitch as people say you are."
My mouth dropped, but Colin didn't seem to notice. He turned on his heel and exited the hall with a bounce in his step. I continued starring with my mouth on the floor. I felt someone poke my shoulder, but didn't pay any mind.
"He… what… people think I'm a…?"
"Er, yeah."
I unclenched my jaw and turned back to Harry. "Why?"
"Well, you don't really talk to anyone, so you kinda give off the impression that you're, you know, stuck up and stuff."
"And by `and stuff' you mean bitchy?"
"Apparently."
I pursed my lips and averted my eyes, unconsciously making the conversation even more awkward than it needed to be. "Did you think I was?"
"It doesn't matter what I thought." He said nonchalantly. "That's all in the past."
"Did you ever tell people what you thought of me? Is that why no one ever bothered to talk to me?" There was a pause from his end and I tiled my head up to see him looking around gauchely. "Harry?"
"Like I said," He replied softly. "It doesn't matter."
I scoffed. "Of course it matters!"
"I thought we were moving past this. I messed up a few years back, end of story."
I gave him a look that could only be compared with the stink eye. "Yeah, I thought so, too."
"Hermione…"
I pushed my plate aside and took a last gulp of my coffee.
"Hermione, please don't go."
I ignored him and swung my feet over the bench, stomping out of the hall. I tried my best to leave graciously, but with the way my day was going, that wasn't an option. I thought I had gotten over the past, too, but I guess facing it up front is a completely different story. Especially when you're sitting next to one of the people that made it happen. I didn't want to be bitter, but it was hard not to be when you couldn't outrun your past. I really wish this morning had an upside, because right now it was going down the shitter.
I didn't know where I was heading until I showed up in front of Marie's portrait.
"What's the matter, poppet?" She asked in concern.
"Nothing."
I could hear the shaking anger and sadness in my voice, and I knew that she could as well. She gave me a pitying look and said softly, "There's no use lying, I can see all."
"What, were you painted by a physic?"
"I see your wit hasn't left you in your moment of distress."
"It's a gift."
She sighed in that feminine way that only people with knowledge beyond their years could pull off. It made me want to piss myself. "How did you like your dress?"
"My dress? What are you-how did you know that I got a dress?"
"I know all."
"That mysterious `I know everything' persona isn't all that intriguing anymore, Marie. Tell me how you know about the dress."
"I let the delivery guy in, of course." She said matter-of-factly.
My stomach began to clench. "So… so it was a guy?"
She nodded, her powdered hair bobbing atop her head. "Yes."
"What-what did he look like?"
"You and I both know that if I told you that, you wouldn't forgive yourself."
I let out a frustrated breath out my nose. "Yes, I suppose you're right."
"Now off you pop, precious. I think I heard an owl inside that you might need to take a look at. Oh, I hope they didn't make a mess."
"An owl?"
She nodded delicately. "If any other animal made that sort of noise I would be concerned."
I smiled for the first time that morning, and it felt great. Finally, my morning was looking up. I thanked Marie and recited the password, closing the portrait carefully behind me before I sprinted across the common room and up the stairs. It was a wonder I didn't trip. But somehow I reached my room and saw Hedwig perched atop my favorite chair. She was looking at me with beady eyes and I grinned when I realized that it was real-my morning wasn't entirely shit anymore. The world makes sense again!
Before I tore open the letter that was lying on one of the heavy plush chair arms, I dug into my trunk for a treat. I tossed it over to her and she caught it in midair. The normal thing to do would be to stare in wonder at how graceful she looked catching that snack, and I probably would have, if I wasn't so set on reading Joe's letter. I wanted to improve my day. So sue me.
His familiar neat handwriting sent my heart a flutter with happiness. Cheesy, but true. I opened the letter with unprecedented speed as I sat down in my chair, reading it as if it was the cure to some rare kidney disease.
Dear Anonymous,
I hope my advice worked for you. In this vast world we live in, we can always use another friend. Let's just hope he doesn't screw it up. In other news, though, I feel like I need to share something with you. Call it a sudden urge or whatever, but I just need to get it out there and in the open. We haven't really shared our emotions with each other very often, so I think it's my duty to begin with the sappiness. Well here goes nothing: I'm in love.
Love,
Joe Bloggs
My world ground to a stop.
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