Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author's note: - Apologizing in advance for spelling and grammar mistakes.

Disclaimer: - I don't own Harry Potter and anyone or anything related.

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Have I Ruined It Completely?

Hermione had last seen Harry almost three months back. She had been avoiding him since the night their friendship was ruined. It was her fault after all, which led to such circumstances.

Why did the hell she kiss him? Fine, she was drunk, but that was no excuse for what she did. She should not have gotten drunk in the first place, but then, she didn't know that her drink was spiked. It was all Ron's fault that she was drunk and kissed Harry. She hadn't seen Ron either since the night of get-together as he was on a trip with his team.

She had controlled her feelings for her best friend for last several years, then why she had to go ahead and do what she should not have done at all.

Now because of Ron's stupidity and loss of her self-control, everything was messed up; a friendship of ten years was completely ruined, probably beyond repair.

Even though she was afraid that Harry was angry with her because she had kissed him and he would never speak to her ever again, there was another reason for her to remember that night. She remembered that night not just, because she had kissed Harry for the first time, letting go of all her inhibitions, but also because Harry had kissed her back.

Despite being a bad drinker, Hermione still remembered that night vividly. After all, it was a night never meant to be forgotten, at least not for her.

Hermione blinked once and gave a sad smile to Harry, and before Harry could realize what was happening, Hermione pressed her lips against his lips.

She could feel her hands moving on their own accord and wrapping them around Harry's neck. She was feeling intoxicated, not because of the spiked drinks, but because of the kiss she was sharing with her best friend, her unrequited love.

Maybe `sharing' was not the right word, as he was not kissing her back, a fact, which took some time for Hermione to realize due to her drunken state.

She realized that Harry was not moving at all. He hadn't kissed her back, but then he hadn't pushed her away either. Maybe he was also drunk, so he didn't know what was happening. But that means she was taking advantage of her best friend.

Hermione thought about pulling back. However, she was unable to turn that thought into action, when she felt Harry's hand moving on her back, pulling her closer and his lips moving against hers, slowly, tenderly.

At that moment, the logical part of Hermione's brain had shut down itself, and the part, which had suppressed her feelings for her best friend for last several years, took over her mind, heart, and body.

Only thing she could feel was Harry kissing her, his lips claiming hers as his own.

They continued kissing each other right there on the street outside the pub, unaware if anyone was looking at them.

Suddenly Hermione felt as though if her body had been forced through a very tight rubber tube. As soon as the sensation of being squeezed lifted over her senses, Hermione gasped and stumbled backwards from Harry. She tried to catch her breath and looked at Harry. Love and lust overrode her senses, looking at Harry's intense eyes trained upon her.

Hermione didn't even bother looking around where she was. She just without thinking for another second flung herself at Harry, crushing his lips with her own. Nothing mattered except the man who was kissing her right now. No logics, no explanations, and no guilt trips, nothing was there on Hermione's mind except the delicious pleasure coursing through her body and warmth settling into her heart.

For that one precious moment, she wanted to let herself think that Harry loved her back and that's why he was kissing her back, and not because he was not in a right state of mind.

That particular though struck Hermione hard. Despite the lingering effects of alcohol, Hermione could think a little clearly. She realized that Harry was probably kissing her back thinking about Ginny. Even though he was not as drunk as she was, still there was a possibility that his mind was fogged by the alcohol he already had in his system. And the whole kissing situation was making his thoughts out of control. What if he was kissing her under the delusion that he was kissing Ginny?

This thought fractured something inside her as she pulled back from Harry, looking at him with clouded eyes. She was still in his arms, her face just inches away from his.

Her head was spinning and her legs were turning weak. Harry tightened his grip on her before her legs gave up.

Hermione rested her head on his firm chest, and closed her eyes. She felt safe in his arms, like nothing could hurt her, not even herself.

Then unintentionally, and unwillingly those three words escaped her mouth that she remembered to be her last words of that night.

"I love you." She said and then everything was black and all she could remember was rigid body of her best friend, who was still holding her in his arms as her mind slipped into nothingness.

Next morning when she got up, she found herself at her apartment and in her bedroom. Her head was throbbing badly, and she felt like throwing up. She quickly made her way to the bathroom and after emptying whatever her stomach was holding from the previous night, she came back to her room and laid down on her bed.

Then she remembered what had happened last night. She was finding it very difficult to breath. She staggered out of the room hoping that Harry would be in the kitchen preparing breakfast for her, like he had done so many times before. But he was not there in her apartment. She was all alone.

When she came back to her room, she found a note on her nightstand beside her bed, which she hadn't noticed earlier.

`See you later.' Only those three words were written across it. Nothing else was written on it and now Hermione had no idea what was going through Harry's mind when he wrote that note.

Since then Hermione had spend many nights crying in her bed.

At first, she didn't have the courage to face him. She felt ashamed of her action. She had not only kissed him, but confessed her love for him as well. The one most protected secret of her life was revealed and she had no idea what to do now.

As the days passed, Hermione just convinced herself that Harry had only kissed her back because he was thinking about Ginny and hadn't realized that he was kissing his best friend.

This thought made her feel more miserable than anything had ever before. She just wanted to kill herself for taking advantage of Harry during his vulnerable state.

While Hermione didn't contact Harry, Harry didn't made any effort to contact her in return, which made Hermione feel down in the dumps.

So after agonizing herself for few weeks, Hermione decided to apologize to Harry for her out of line behavior. She was missing him a lot.

She wrote an apology letter to Harry, hoping that he would forgive her. However, that letter was still hidden in the chest of the desk in her office at the Ministry; she just couldn't bring herself to send that letter to Harry.

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"Hermione, are you alright?" Annie asked worriedly. She was Hermione's friend and personal secretary. She was a petite blonde-haired woman with light brown eyes.

"Huh? Oh yes, I am alright." Hermione said, mustering a small smile to appease the worries of her friend.

However, looking at Annie, it didn't seem like she believed her words.

Hermione was in her office at the Ministry, trying to concentrate on her work. However, she was feeling very tired and was finding it very difficult not to think about Harry.

Harry was back to his Auror training as his suspension period was over.

"Fine, nothing is right in my life right now." Hermione finally gave in. She desperately needed to talk to someone and Annie was perfect candidate for this. She was three years older than Hermione and had recently joined the Ministry as Hermione's personal secretary. But Hermione knew her before she had joined the Ministry and they had been sharing a strong friendship for last two years. Annie was a very good listener and knew about Hermione's feelings for Harry.

"So what happened?" Annie asked.

"I kissed Harry." Hermione grumbled.

Annie looked surprised and elated. "Finally," She said grinning widely.

Hermione snorted at her reaction. "I was drunk. I kissed him and confessed my love for him. It happened around three months back and I haven't seen him since then." She said feeling sad.

Annie looked confused. "Why not?" She asked.

"Annie, Harry loves Ginny. And then I go ahead and kiss him. Do you really think he would want to see me after that?" Hermione asked as tears welled up in her eyes, "I have completely ruined my friendship with him."

Then Hermione told her what happened the night she had kissed Harry and how she had found herself alone in her bed next morning.

Annie pulled Hermione out of her chair and held her in her arms as she cried her heart out.

"I…I don't know what to do. What will I do if he decides that he doesn't want me as his friend anymore?" Hermione asked pulling back from her friend.

Annie wiped away tears from Hermione's face.

"Hermione, Harry will not break his friendship with you just because you kissed him. You are too much important to him. I have seen it whenever he comes here to meet you." Annie said in a soothing voice, conjuring a glass of water for Hermione. Hermione drank the water greedily.

Annie checked her watch and spoke.

"You know, it's time to close the office. Why don't you go and see Harry, and talk to him. He would also be about to leave for his home. Both of you can go together." She said encouragingly.

"No, I can't do that. What if he asks me to leave him alone?" Hermione said, dejected.

"Well, you won't know about it, until you go and see him." Annie snapped.

"Now just go and talk to him, and I won't take no for an answer." Annie said as Hermione opened her mouth to protest. She started pushing Hermione towards the door.

"Ok. Ok. I am going. There's no need for you to throw me out of my office." Hermione said steadying herself. Annie just laughed at her.

Hermione packed her things in her office bag, left the office, and reluctantly moved towards the lift. At that moment, she didn't want to meet Harry. She had no idea what would she say to him.

When she arrived at the Auror's department, it looked like Aurors were working frantically on something important. They all were busy and everyone was looking very serious. It didn't look like anyone of them was planning to leave. However, Harry was nowhere to be seen.

Hermione turned to leave, but as soon as a young Auror trainee noticed her, he came rushing towards her.

"Hello Ms. Granger," Dennis Creevey said calling Hermione from behind.

Hermione turned around to see who it was.

"Oh, hello, Dennis, and please call me Hermione." Hermione replied with a kind smile.

Dennis just nodded and smiled timidly.

"Where's Harry, Dennis?" Hermione asked.

Dennis looked at the Aurors behind him, and taking Hermione's hand, he led her out of the department and in the empty hallway.

"A team of Aurors has been sent on a mission. Harry wasn't on the team, but he insisted to go with them." Dennis said, "Sorry, I can't tell you anything else about the mission. It's classified."

"It's alright, Dennis and thank you." Hermione replied a little distractedly.

Then she left the Ministry.

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It was 10 PM. Hermione was feeling anxious, pacing back and forth in the living room of her apartment. Harry had gone onto a mission. And like Dennis mentioned, it was a top-secret mission, so definitely it was bound to be dangerous as well.

She knew once Harry's training would be over, he would have to go on such missions on regular basis. Being a trainee, he was rarely sent on highly dangerous missions and it was one of those rare times. But why had he insisted to go with them. She just couldn't comprehend what really compelled Harry to do this. She couldn't help but worry about him.

She was just so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize that somebody had rung the doorbell. When the doorbell was pressed for the second time, Hermione pulled out of her thoughts. She walked towards the front door and saw through the peephole.

She immediately opened the door. Harry Potter was standing on other side of the door.

He was looking very tired and pale. His eyes were blood-shot and lines of distress were visible on his face. He looked like he was going to fall apart almost immediately.

Without saying anything, Hermione grabbed his hand, pulled him inside, and closed the door.

Harry said nothing, just stared at Hermione with haunted eyes.

All of a sudden, Harry hugged Hermione, clinging to her tightly. Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry and led him towards the couch.

As Harry sat on the couch, he pulled Hermione on his lap, hugging her tightly, burying his head between her neck and shoulder.

Hermione didn't ask anything as she felt his body trembling in her arms. She just held him to her, trying to comfort him as best as she could.

Hermione didn't know how long they sat there just like that. Her heart broke looking at Harry's suffering.

Harry had stopped trembling, but didn't let her go. He just held her securely as though if she was the most essential element for his survival, which was probably true, not that Harry knew that.

After what felt like ages, Harry pulled back and took a deep breath. Looking at his face, Hermione knew he was ready to tell what was bothering him. She guessed it had something to do with the mission.

"Nevi…Neville is in St. Mungo. He was injured badly during the mission." Harry answered the unasked question, "He was hit with the curse, aimed for me."

Hermione was shocked at this. Of course, Harry would be distraught at this. Neville was after all a very good friend of trio.

"Oh Harry," Hermione said in a soft voice kissing his forehead.

"It was all my fault." Harry continued looking into Hermione's eyes, "I wasn't careful enough, or else Neville would have been safe." He took a deep breath.

He told Hermione that some of the old death eaters including Dolohov, Avery, Alecto and Amycus Carrow, Jugson and Mulciber were sighted in Bristol. They had managed to evade the capture after Voldemort fell during the final battle at Hogwarts and had been laying low for last couple of years. MLE's secret informers had found out about their location in Bristol and then a team was sent to capture them.

For last one year those death eaters were training some young pureblood witches and wizards, who still believed in pureblood supremacy, gathered from across the Europe.

When mission was over and almost everyone was captured, Harry hadn't realized that Mulciber was about to attack him from behind, Neville moved Harry just in time, and instead of Harry, he was hit with some unknown spell.

"Neville was bleeding profusely and was convulsing due to horrible pain, and now he is in coma. Healers at St. Mungo managed to stop the bleeding and shaking, to some extent, but they are unable to identify the spell he was hit with." Harry said, hiccupping.

"I…I don't know what to do Hermione. People I care about, they always get in the harm's way because of me." He said looking helpless, "If it hadn't been for me, Mum, dad, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Dumbledore, they all would have been alive right now. I wish I was never born."

"Harry!" Hermione said in a shocked voice.

"Don't you dare say that, ever again." She said angrily.

Harry just stared at Hermione, looking vulnerable. Hermione closed her eyes for a second, trying to control her urge to shout at her best friend.

She needed to be strong for Harry. She needed to make him see that he was wrong, that all those people gave away their lives because they loved him and that they would have never done it differently, have they been given the choice to change the past.

Hermione cupped Harry's face with both her hands, lightly wiping away the tears with her thumbs.

"Harry, first thing, it's not your fault that Neville was hit with that curse. He chose to save you. It was his choice. And all those people you mentioned, they died to save you, because they loved you. They all made a choice, just like you decided to give up your life during the final battle, so that everyone else could live."

Harry opened his mouth to protest and Hermione put a finger on his lips to silence him. "You know I am right." She whispered, removing her finger from his lips.

They were so close that Hermione could feel his warm breath on her lips, but she didn't dare to look away from his eyes, which now didn't look haunted, but a shade of depression was still prevailing.

She had this overwhelming urge to do something, anything, to take away pain from Harry's eyes. She wanted him to forget all his suffering even if just for a second.

She wanted to do something reckless, something she had never done before, something that would make Harry stop thinking about everyone else in the world, except her.

Hermione focused back on Harry, who was looking at her with an unreadable look on his face. His eyes had turned into dark shade of green, almost black.

Suddenly Hermione realized how reckless she could be. She crushed her lips to Harry's, and to her surprise, Harry kissed her back immediately as though if he was just waiting for this to happen.

Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry's neck as he shifted her slightly so that she was straddling him. She felt his fingers on her lower back as his hand slipped inside her pajama top.

Her blood was boiling with an intense desire, something she had never felt before. She was feeling an aching emptiness inside her and wanted Harry to fill that empty space. She didn't know what it was, but she could sense something building up inside her, begging for a release. She felt Harry's lips moving to her neck, making her head fall back, giving him access to her exposed skin.

With a loud moan, Hermione pulled back from Harry and looked in his lust-filled eyes. "I want you." She whispered throatily.

Harry didn't say anything, he just pulled Hermione back into a passionate kiss. Without breaking their kiss, he stood up from the couch lifting Hermione along with him. Hermione immediately wrapped her legs around his waist.

As Harry moved them towards Hermione's bedroom, their kisses grew more passionate. Once inside the room, Harry closed the door with his leg and walking to the bed, he gently put Hermione down on the bed in a sitting position.

He sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Hermione with eyes clouded with passion. Hermione shivered in anticipation as Harry grabbed her from the back of her neck and pulled her closer to him. He stared into her eyes, giving her time to pull back, and when she didn't pull back, he kissed her with such passion that she almost forgot where she was. Soon their clothes were lying on the floor, with Harry lying on top of Hermione in the bed.

Then, they started their journey to the paradise of everlasting pleasure they were going to remember for the rest of their lives.

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Hermione woke up with a contented smile on her face as she reached out for Harry, who was sleeping next to her last night, only to find an empty space.

Hermione immediately brought herself into sitting position, covering her naked body with coverlet and looked around frantically. But she was alone in the room. She checked her alarm clock, which showed 5:30 AM.

"Harry," She called out. However, there was no response. Hermione wrapped the coverlet around her and got out of the bed. She walked towards the bathroom to check if Harry was there, but it was empty. Fear was settling into her heart. She put on her clothes from the last night and walked out of the room. After searching around in her apartment, she realized that Harry was not there.

She didn't know what to do. She was feeling vulnerable and was finding it very difficult to stand on her own. She just looked around hoping that Harry was hiding in some corner under his invisibility cloak and was just teasing her.

Hermione wrapped her arms around her body and waited for Harry to make an appearance. But as time ticked away, Hermione was feeling more and more scared. She knew it was a hopeless waiting.

Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe Harry had left her alone, especially after what happened last night. She just walked back to her room and threw herself on her bed. Her whole body started shaking as she cried silently, remembering the last night.

She didn't know how long she cried, but by the time tears stopped surging in her eyes, she was completely drained, both emotionally and physically.

After some time she pulled herself out of the bed. She took a quick shower, got ready and left for the Ministry.

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"Hey Hermione, this came for you." Annie said entering into the office with a small white envelope in her hand, "A Ministry owl dropped it on my desk." She said handing over the envelope to Hermione.

It was close to lunchtime and Hermione had been working in her office incessantly ever since she had entered in her office that morning.

Looking at her depressed and unpleasant mood, Annie stayed away from asking her any question. She wanted to help her friend, but probably time was not right.

"Thanks," Hermione said, deadpanned, as she took the letter from Annie.

Annie just stared at Hermione as she read the letter, and in a blink of an eye, everything changed. The girl, who was looking dejected since the morning, was now sporting a wide smile on her face, with a dreamy look in her eyes.

She didn't know what was written in the letter that brought this sudden change in her friend's mood. But Hermione knew what brought this unexpected change in her demeanor. After all the letter read:

Lunch - 1:30 PM. I'll pick you up from your office. It's a date.

And she could recognize that writing anywhere in the world.

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Author's note: - Please REVIEW and tell me what you think of this chapter.

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