Disclaimer: I own nothing! But then again…I've got plausible Deniability
Summary: The students of Hogwarts to go see a psychiatrist! *Laughter* This will be fun!
A/N: Whoosah! I'm sorry everyone…I have to think of a lot of things to be wrong with Hermione, and then make it funny! I hope I did okay! And plus, I tried to make it longer…adding things on to make it seem as though they were using their full hour. So I added as much on as I could! Thanks to everyone who reviewed (Too lazy to do a thanks…but I have to baby-sit tomorrow so I don't know when I'll write more and post!!!) Thanks to my American Skank/Italian Slut for writing some Due dates for me so I'll really get things done on time! I love you girl!
I'm not crazy!
Hermione Granger stepped into the office, "What's bothering you dear?"
"Mid terms are coming up soon and…I'vw been thinking about this guy too much…"
"Who's the guy?"
"Harry Potter…You see Harry and I have been best friends for seven years! I think that if I told him how I really felt, he would probably feel weird around me! I had to lie to him and tell him that I spent the summer with Viktor Krum! To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that they like each other very much. I remember on the train ride here, Harry was asleep…While asleep he murmured about bludgers and noses…With the name Viktor Krum. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? WHAT WERE HIS PARENTS THINKING? WHO THE HELL SPELLS VICTOR WITH A K!? Even though it's the way it sounds, C can also make the sounds of a K! We learned this on what? Kindergarten!?"
'Likes a famous child…Gets angry over wrong spelling.'
"Do you wish to be an English teacher when you get older?"
Hermione nodded, "Yes…yes I do…are you Muggle Born?" Dr. Shitzu nodded.
"I specialize in psychology for wizards."
"Oh…right…"
"What sparks your interest in English?"
"Just the fact that I can help kids! Don't you hate it when someone's trying to tell a story and they use the words, 'Like and went.' Like this morning and breakfast for instance.
~*~ Flashback ~*~
Hermione walked into the Great Hall with Harry and Ron at her sides. They took a seat on one side of the table, across from Lavender and Ginny.
"Oh my god Ginny I like so love your hair!" Lavender shouted looking at them.
"Um thanks…"
"You won't believe what happened to me yesterday!"
Ginny sighed and looked over at the Slytherin table, "What happened?" She asked, not listening.
"I was talking to Padma the other day and she was like, "No the Spice girls are SO coming back you just wait." And then I told her, 'If the Spice Girls come back then Jennifer Lopez is getting married.' And she went, 'Gwennifer Lopes is getting married! To Ben Ufflek!' And so I was like, "uh-uh! J-Lo is a hoe!' And so she got all mad at me an-"
Lavender was interrupted by Hermione shouting, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! You need to go back to a basic learning school and learn correct English! You aren't 'like' you say! YOU DON'T GO! YOU WENT!" The Great Hall went quiet and all eyes were on Hermione, "What!? Never seen someone get upset before?" She sat down and took a began to drink from her goblet.
Lavender rolled her eyes and turned to face Ginny, "Well anyways she was like-" Hermione spit her pumpkin juice onto Ginny's face.
"DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR A WORD I SAID!?" Lavender stared at her, "HELLO!?"
"Erm…excuse me Hermione but I'm trying to tell a story!"
Hermione grumbled and walked out of the Great Hall.
~*~
"Do those people annoy you?" Dr. Shitzu asked as she wrote down, 'Frightened by famous pop singers.'
"Who?"
"The Spice Girls?"
Hermione stood up and shook her head, "Are you kidding me!? Out of that whole story is that the only thing you got?"
"No…I heard you talking…but anyways…do they annoy you?"
"Stop right now! Thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch! Hey you always on the run got to slow it down baby got to have some fun! Do-Do-Do-Do Da-Da-Da-Da Do-Do-Do stay with me forever."
"I'll take that as a…No?"
Hermione nodded and sat down, "Those glasses really don't suit you." Hermione told her, "They are almost as big as your face!"
Dr. Shitzu looked up and glared at Hermione, "If you don't mind, we are here to talk about you…not me."
"Hermione…Hermione…Hermione…Hermione." Hermione looked around the room.
"Did you hear that!?"
"Hear what?"
"The voice! It called my name!"
'Hears things…maybe a radio is in the small brain of hers.'
"No…I didn't."
"Ms. Granger…Ms. Granger…Ms. Granger."
"IT DID IT AGAIN!"
Dr. Shitzu sighed and looked at the student going berserk in front of her. "Maybe it's the damn pin you're wearing on your robe that's flashing red and pink signs everywhere!"
Hermione gasped, "My alarm clock! I minimized! And then it was supposed to go off every two hours! That's what it was this entire time..." She sighed and stood up again, "Well then, I think I'm going to go brag about Viktor to Harry…see if he gets angry enough to kiss me."
"Ms. Granger…I advise you take off that Pen-Alarm Clock."
"Who are you to tell me what to do!?" Hermione walked out the room, slamming the door.
~*~
Next up is Ron! And after Ron, there will be couples, and group sessions…And then that's it…unless I can come up with something else! Though the group sessions shall be fun! Talking about what you don't like about a person! MORE SINGING FROM HERMIONE IN THE GROUP SESSION. This weirded me out when I wrote a Spice Girls song down from memory…Tell me what you want, what you really, really want! Haha! I remember that song.
Ron shoved his hand away, "Don't you dare touc- WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT!" Ron stood up in the chair and his eyes widened.
"What…?" Dr. Lipshitz turned around and saw a tiny spider on the wall. "Oh, Mr. Weasley it's just a spider!"
"KILL IT! KILL THE DAMNED THING RIGHT NOW!"
Check out this chapters Nursery Rhyme/Girlie patty-cake song thing!
There's a place in France…where the naked ladies dance. There's a hole in the wall where the boys can see it all, there's a place on Mars where the women smoke cigars and the men wear bikini's and the boys drink Martini's every breath you take is enough to kill a snake, when the snake is dead, you put mustard on it's head, when the mustards dry you put diamonds in its eye, when the diamonds rot you….REVIEW!!!!!!!
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