Disclaimer: I own nothing! But then again…I've got plausible Deniability
Summary: The students of Hogwarts to go see a psychiatrist! *Laughter* This will be fun!
A/N: Please read, and review! I'm sorry if this chapters lacking funny! I think it's longer than normal! Don't you? *Yay* And if you could…check out my other fic, "The Dragons Egg." Unless of course you read it on FF.NET (267 reviews! *Is so happy*) but what's the harm in reviewing again?
I'm not crazy!
(January 4)
Dr. Lipshitz and Dr. Shitzu stood in the middle of a small group of people, "Hello everybody. We would like to welcome you to the first group session."
"Why in the bloody hell did you drag me here, Virginia?"
Ginny turned to glare at her new boyfriend, "Just shut up and pay attention."
"What are we supposed to be doing?" Pansy asked, examining her fingernails closely.
"I'm glad you asked that Ms. Parkinson." Dr. Lipshitz smiled at everyone, "Today we have selected a few songs for you to listen to, and if at any time, one of you gets angry, let us know."
"What kind of songs?"
"Just…songs we picked out." Dr. Shitzu smiled at Harry.
Harry looked at Hermione who was staring back at him, "Hullo 'Mione."
"You say that as if we haven't talked in the last few minutes."
Harry shrugged, "Everyone has a problem with me these days."
Hermione rolled her eyes and looked at the psychiatrists. "Alright, this is the first song. Remember; if anyone is uncomfortable…please let us know."
Dr. Lipshitz pressed a button on some Muggle contraption he had set up. A group of kids' voices filled the air.
"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout." Ron looked around at everyone, nervously. "Down came the rain and washed the spider out." Ron grinned, "Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again."
"How come no one killed it?" He asked when Dr. Lipshitz stopped the tape.
"Because, Ronald, no one was there to. This was a spider in his home."
"And now, for the next song."
"I went down to the beach and saw Kiki she was like, 'Uhhh.' And I'm like, 'Whatever.' And then this chick comes up to me. She's all like, 'Hey aren't you that dude?' I'm like, 'Yeh whatever.'"
Hermione closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten, 'Don't have an outburst Hermione, don't!' She said to herself.
"So later I'm at the pool hall and this girl comes up and she's like, 'Ahh.' I'm like, 'Yeh, whatever."
"What is this nonsense?" Hermione stood up, "A song with improper grammar!? No wonder Lavender talks that way! She must think it's cool."
The song continued to play, "And its 3 A.M I'm on the corner wearing my leather and this dude comes up. He's like, 'Hey punk!' I'm like, 'Yeh whatever.'"
"Dr. Lipshitz, aren't we supposed to stop it now?" Dr. Shitzu looked at him.
"No…she didn't ask us to." They grinned at each other and looked over at the young girl who was turning red.
"Then I'm throwing dice in the alley and Officer Leroy comes up he's like, 'Hey I thought I told you…' And I'm like, 'Yeh whatever!' Then up comes Zafro. I'm like, 'Yo Zafro, What's up?' He's like, 'Dog!' I'm like, 'That's cool."
Dr. Lipshitz stopped the tape. "Hermione…are you alright."
"Am I alright?" She glared at him, "I think I just need some alone time." She stood up and walked into a corner and began calming herself down.
"Can we hurry and get this over with! I have things to do." Draco complained.
"Like what?" Ginny asked, "With whom?"
"You of course." He kissed her on the cheek when Ron wasn't looking.
"Listen up everybody! Listen up! We have one more song and after that we will discuss the problems we have with one another so maybe, just maybe everyone can be friends." Ron snorted as he looked at Draco.
"You are relating to a psychopath. Your role model is in therapy! You must be real far gone. You're relating to a psychopath!"
Luna's head snapped up and she looked around the room, 'Is this one for me?' She wondered.
"Noah's elephants are leaving the ark in eights. During the upside of my manic depressive state. Crickets sing in three part hamony."
"What's wrong with crickets!?" Draco shouted.
"Nothing Mr. Malfoy…nothing at all."
"I try to walk away. I choke and I stumble. I'm flying back so listen close when I mumble, that you are so good at keeping me company." Luna placed a hand over her ears, "You must be a psycho too. Love is butter won't you be my bread. That's what I said. Psychotic. Psychosis. My manic depressive state is great. On the upside. It's the love side."
"Well that was certainly rude! Gilderoy Lockhart is not psychotic! He will be back teaching very soon! You just wait and see!" Luna was now standing, "He's only visiting St. Mungo's! I even asked him in fan mail! He writes me back!"
Everyone stared at her, "Okay…Ms. Lovegood please…take a seat."
"Pansy wants to know if we can get this over with soon because she has places to go, people to see."
"Stuff it, whore." Pansy stood up and glared at Ginny.
"What did you call Pansy?"
"Nothing, take a seat, try not to break the chair with your bulbous arse."
"Have you been checking Parkinson out?" Ginny glared at Draco before rolling her eyes.
"Pansy thinks you should stop talking like…now."
"Has Pansy ever heard of the words I or me?" Hermione asked, returning to her seat.
"Children, Children please! Pay attention!" Dr. Lipshitz clapped his hands together, "There seems to be a lot of tension in the room."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Harry slouched down in his seat (A/N: Yes, yes, I know barely anyone is in character, please…just stop reading if you don't like it…it's fan fiction, and this is comedy).
"Today, we will pick on person to go around the room and say something they dislike about everyone. Today, Ms. Virginia Weasley will start off, Virginia if you would please come to the center of the circle, and start with whom ever you would like."
Ginny grinned and walked to the center. "Alright, I would like to start of with…Harry Potter." She grinned evilly at him, "First of all Stinky Potter, it's called a tooth brush, there is spinach that has been there since last week at lunch!"
"You all know what happened to my tooth brush! So please, just drop this, it's getting old!" He stood up and was in Ginny's face. "And how can I stop the problem if you don't tell me what it smells like."
Ginny put a hand under her nose, "It smells like ten pounds of get back!" She pushed him away from her and smelled the fresh air, "Ah, where was I? Yes, Her-My-Own-Ninny. What is it that you do when you wake up in the morning? Curly your hair, pluck those damn caterpillars, do something!"
"Caterpillars!?"
"Unibrow." Hermione gasped in shock, "Oh please, how could you have missed it?" She turned her attention to her, much loved, brother, "Ronald…"
"Did somebody say, Mc Donald's!?" Out of nowhere Crabbe and Goyle where in the room.
"What? No!" Ginny shook her head, "Can I finish anything in here without being interrupted?"
"Please do continue." Dr. Shitzu made a motion with her hands.
"Luna, one out of every nine people is a nerd. You look around the room…and if you don't see one…you're it. I know you're my best friend and all it's just…get a life!" Ginny turned to face Pansy, "Where to begin…oh yes how about the Quidditch match?"
~*~ Flashback ~*~
Blaise Zabini threw the quaffle into the middle hoop, earning ten points for Slytherin. The Slytherins led Ravenclaw 70 to 40. Pansy and some of her Slytherin whore friends were on the Slytherin bleachers standing up in short, skimpy skirts.
Pansy smiled and blew a kiss up at Draco, he shuddered. She frowned before smiling again, showing off crooked teeth, "Totally! For sure! I just got a manicure! The sun, I swear! Is bleaching up my gorgeous hair! 22, 64! I don't know the bloody score! Go Team! Fight, Fight! Gee I hope I look alright."
~*~ End Of Flashback ~*~
"Are you mocking me? That cheer took a lot of hard work to come up with!"
Ginny rolled her eyes, "Malfoy…what happened to you're hair? It looks as though someone pissed on you're head…My friend said got stung by a Jelly Fish…That in turn would be the only reason for someone to pee on you're head. Unless of course it's some Malfoy ritual…Is that how you're initiated into the group of Death Eaters?"
Draco glared at her, "Shut up, Weasley, if you know what's good for you."
"Alright kids, that is enough for this session! Please come back in a week, feel free to bring you're friends!"
"This was a bloody waist of time." Draco stood up and walked out of the room, everyone else following.
~*~
Please, when you are done reading this, look at this link! It's the funniest thing in the world and I think it goes great with this fic! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/endofworld.html He, tell me what you think! And I think that's it for now…Happy Belated New Year! I'm sorry that it's taken so long for me to update this, and I know this chapter is probably really stupid, I just…I don't know what to do with it anymore…*Gah* Ideas…anyone?
First song is just a nursery rhyme. Second is 'My United States of Whatever.' By Liam Lynch. Third is 'Relating to a Psychopath' by Macy Gray. (AH!)
Ms. Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell. *Ding, Ding* Ms. Susie went to heaven. The steamboat went to hell-o operator; please give me a number nine. And if you disconnect me, I'll chop of your behind the 'fridgerator there laid a peace of glass! Ms. Suzie sat upon it, and broke her little ass-k me no more questions! Tell me no more lies! The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their flies are in the meadow, the bee's are in their hives! Ms. Suzie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, Dark, Dark, Dark! Darker than the ocean, darker than the sea, darker than the underwear my mommy puts on me! My mother is Godzilla, my father is King Kong. My sister is the one who is asking for reviews!
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