I'm Not Sorry
Harry stepped out of the fireplace and into the living room of Hermione's flat. He brushed the soot from his clothes and looked around the room for a sign of Hermione, seeing no sign of her he moved off to the kitchen. There was no sign of her there either. Harry then proceeded to the study; knowing Hermione she was hard at work on some proposal, that or she was reading. Harry walked to the study and pushed open the doors and found that his suspicions had indeed been correct Hermione was in the study, sitting on the couch immersed in a book. Her hair was pulled up in a loose ponytail; she was wearing a pair of rather form fitting jeans and a black and white t-shirt that bore the Vrasta Vultures logo on the front with the number eleven and the name Krum on the back. Harry grimaced; the shirt was undoubtedly a remnant from her relationship with Viktor. Harry shook his head in an effort to clear his jumbled thoughts; he refocused his attention on Hermione. She was sitting with her legs tucked underneath her body, she was balancing a rather large book somewhat precariously on her legs with one hand while the other distractedly stroked Crookshanks who purred appreciatively at his mistress' ministrations. Crookshanks looked up and stared at Harry for a second before jumping from his perch on the back of the couch and heading out the door past Harry, he seemed to understand that Harry and Hermione needed to chat in private. Harry watched the cat's retreating figure for several moments before taking a deep breath and speaking quite nervously.
"Hermione"
At the sound of her name Hermione jumped causing her book to tumble to the floor. She hadn't heard anyone come in; she turned and saw Harry staring at her.
"Harry how long have you been standing there…you did not apparate I would have heard you if you had…"
Harry replied.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to scare you…I only just got here…I used the floo"
Harry's words came out a bit measured and halting. Hermione nodded and stooped to retrieve her book she laid it on the couch carefully allowing herself time to regain her composure from the sudden shock of seeing Harry before she responded.
"Oh you didn't scare me…not really…I'm quite all right...what a surprise…wasn't expecting to see you today, would you like some tea, yes I should make tea, we should definitely have some tea"
Hermione was rambling nonsensically. She started towards the door presumably to go and put on a kettle. Harry took another deep breath and said.
"Hermione…we need to talk"
She froze mid-stride as Harry kept speaking.
"We need to talk about last night"
Hermione began wringing her hands as her gaze drifted to a spot on the floor and she spoke quietly.
"Last night…what about last night"
Harry frowned as he ran his hands through his bedraggled head of black curls.
"Playing daft doesn't become you Hermione…you know very well that I'm talking about that kiss"
Hermione raised her head; this was the absolute last thing she wanted to talk about. She was certain that the only reason Harry had kissed her so passionately was his very drunken state of mind. While he had not been as far gone as Ron she knew for a fact that he was far more inebriated than he was sober. A tiny voice in the back of her head posed the question `What was your excuse'. Hermione mentally reprimanded herself for her current train of thought now was not the time to rationalize her own behavior. The voice in her head hurriedly quipped `No need to ask why we already know how you feel about a certain green-eyed seeker'. SHUT IT…Hermione yelled at the cheeky voice singing in her head. She focused her attention on the matter at hand.
"Harry if you are worried about that in the least you have no reason to be"
Harry stared at her incredulously.
"What…you mean you're not upset with me for kissing you"
Hermione shook her head.
"Of course not why would I be angry with you…it was…it was just…we both had been drinking more than usual and we…it was nothing"
Hermione's voice trailed off and her cheeks flushed a vivid red. Harry was certain he'd caused more embarrassment by bringing up the subject than having said nothing at all and while the last thing he wanted to do was cause Hermione any undue discomfort he needed to clear the air at least enough to salvage their friendship. His voice held a decided note of uncertainty when he spoke.
"Hermione I'm really sorry, I overstepped the bounds of our friendship and I should've been more careful…I hope you can find a way to forgive me"
Hermione's expression turned thoughtful. What had Harry meant by he should have been more careful. Hermione looked up at Harry watching him closely; he was standing there running his hands through his hair staring at the floor. He only did that when he was nervous. As she regarded him more closely she realized that he actually thought that she would truly be angry with him, that he had done some irreparable harm to their friendship. She had to admit there was a sense of uneasiness between them now. They had been in the same room for a full ten minutes and neither of them had laughed or smiled; they hadn't even greeted each other with their customary hug and kiss on the cheek. Hermione decided that this newfound awkwardness between them was making matters worse. Hermione walked over to where Harry was standing grabbed him by the hand and pulled him into her arms.
As Hermione wrapped her arms around him Harry released a breath he hadn't been aware that he was holding. He slipped his arms around her waist and held her to him breathing in her well-known scent of lavender, chamomile and vanilla. Hermione leaned back in Harry's arms and smiled up at him.
"Stop worrying, I am not upset with you, we'll consider it a gift, how many witches out there can say they were kissed by the Celebrated Harry Potter for their birthday"
Harry nodded glumly and gave a forlorn little smile. He knew he should be pleased; Hermione wasn't upset, she thought that he'd been pissed out of his mind and that had been the reason he'd kissed her. Their twelve-year friendship was in no jeopardy whatsoever but instead of that fact making him feel relieved it irked the hell out of him. How could she not know that he'd kissed her because he wanted to? Like he wanted to now, like he always wanted to! "Because you daft git she doesn't feel anything for you other than friendship". Harry closed his eyes silently belittling himself for his own stupidity.
Hermione studied Harry's face intently, what was he so upset about, why was he acting so strangely. She couldn't stand to see him upset; she'd never been able to stand the thought of his being the least bit hurt or angry for any reason especially if it was within her power to stop it. Hermione reached up and caressed his cheek and softly called his name.
"Harry"
He opened his eyes but kept them firmly fixed on a spot on the floor.
Hermione placed her other hand on Harry's other cheek and raised his gaze to hers. She saw doubt in his eyes.
"It's really all right Harry, really, you have nothing to apologize for, it was nothing more than…"
Before she could finish her sentence Harry's words cut her off.
"I'm not sorry"
Hermione's brow furrowed at his words. Harry rushed on before his courage failed him.
"What I mean to say is that I'm sorry if I made things awkward between us, you're my best friend and I'd never do anything to ruin that but…this isn't the way I'd have chosen for you to find out…not sure if given the choice I'd have ever said anything…but I'm not sorry that I kissed you"
Hermione was stunned. She hadn't expected this at all. Her mind drifted back to Harry's earlier words…he had said that he should have been more careful…what exactly had he meant by that. She directed her attention back to Harry. He had released her from the embrace they'd been in seconds before and walked over to the window. He was staring out at the evening sky a bewildered expression on his face. Hermione gave voice to the myriad of questions running through her mind.
"Harry what do you mean you're not sorry that you kissed me"
Harry turned around and stared at Hermione; she looked so beautiful standing there. In that instant he made up his mind, it was now or never. He was Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived he'd faced horrors worse than most people could imagine, telling his best friend of twelve years that his feelings for her were more than mere friendship should be a walk in the park compared to what he'd been through. Summoning all the Gryffindor courage he had Harry spoke.
"I mean that I kissed you because I wanted to not because I was on some bloody bender but because I've wanted to kiss you all of my adult life and a good bit of my childhood as well…I mean that I kissed you because you're the most stunning woman I've ever seen and because a bloke would have to be an impossibly daft git to have walked around for seven years and never have told you that his feelings run much deeper than friendship where you are concerned"
Hermione was utterly gobsmacked, of all the things that she had expected to hear the one thing she hadn't expected, the one thing that if she were honest she had always hoped he one say, was exactly what he had said. Harry stared at Hermione skeptical as to whether or not he'd done the right thing by telling her how he felt. Apprehensively he called her name.
"Hermione…"
She looked up at him and silently closed the distance between them. He steeled himself for the inevitable. It was clear his feelings were not returned and she intended to let him down easy. His little confession would no doubt make things even more difficult between the two of them. Bloody hell, he'd made a complete mess of everything…all right he'd been in worst scrapes than this…what to do…what to do…he could pretend that it was all a joke…no she would never believe that…come on think…he could let things play out and wait a few days and tell her he'd been hit by a bludger and had gone round saying crazy things to his friends. Of course then he'd have to tell Ron and Ginny and the twins something idiotic too…easier to really get hit by a bludger then he could pretend he never even remembered the entire day. He'd been hit by bludgers before…once more wouldn't kill him.
"HARRY"
Hermione's voice snapped his attention back to the present…this was going to hurt. Again he braced himself for the worst.
Hermione stared at him for a mere second before reaching up and running her hands through his thick ebony curls and then pulling his face down to hers she pressed her lips against his. Harry was in shock, what in the name of Merlin was she playing at. Hermione ran her tongue alone Harry's lips seductively entreating him to join in as a full participant in the kiss, unable to resist her any longer Harry greedily entwined her tongue with his own intent on snogging her senseless. He wrapped his arms around her slender form and deepened their connection. Hermione pressed herself fully against him as she ran her hands across his broad shoulders. Harry moaned as his hands roamed her voluptuous curves. The kiss seemed to last an age before they finally broke apart. Somehow during the heat of the moment they'd gone from standing to leaning against the wall. Hermione's hair hung down her back free from its earlier condition, her lips were swollen and her erratic breathing emphasized the aroused state she was in. Harry's hair was even messier than usual, several of the buttons on his shirt had been undone and his heavy breathing coupled with the rather strained front of his trousers gave no illusions about the state he was in. He let go of Hermione, took a seat on the window ledge and drug a hand through his hair as he posed his question to her.
"What the bloody hell was that"
Hermione smiled.
"It's called a kiss Harry"
"Damn it all, I know that Hermione what I don't know is why you did it"
Hermione smiled again.
"You really are impossibly daft aren't you"
Harry scowled as Hermione came and stood directly in front of him, wrapped her arms around his neck and stared him straight in the eye as she whispered.
"I kissed you for the same reason you kissed me, because I wanted to, because I've wanted to kiss you like that since forever it seems. I just could not believe it remotely possible that you would feel the same way about me"
Harry wrapped his arms about her waist and smiled.
"Seems I'm not alone in my daftness"
"Apparently not"
Smiling broadly he said.
"Well I supposed we could continue on…being daft I mean…it's worked all these years"
Hermione nodded.
"Yes we could…but I rather like kissing you and I suspect that now that I have had a taste of you it will be quite hard to go back to our previous daft and snogless state of affairs"
Harry leaned in closer to Hermione and began lightly kissing her neck as he spoke.
"You are a touch addictive yourself love"
Hermione held him tighter as Harry's kisses and caresses intensified. After a few moments he set her away from him and spoke a serious note to his voice.
"Hermione I don't want to make a mess of things with you"
Hermione raised an eyebrow and asked in reply.
"What do you mean"
Harry elaborated.
"Its different with you…we've been friends most of our lives…and…and I don't want to do anything that'll take that away from me…I'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all…I couldn't bear it if you weren't in my life…that's why I never told you I had these feelings…I didn't want to loose you"
Hermione gently caressed his cheek.
"Harry I'm not going anywhere…no matter what happens with these feelings we have I'll always be there for you as a friend I will not allow anything to change that"
She sweetly kissed his forehead.
Harry ginned then posed another question.
"You busy tomorrow night"
Hermione shook her head.
"No"
Harry smiled.
"Good…I'll pick you up at seven"
"Pick me up at seven, what for"
"I was thinking dinner and maybe we could catch a film or something"
Hermione stared at Harry in amazement.
"Harry if you want to ask me out on a date it may be helpful to actually ask me and not assume I'll just drop everything to spend the evening with you"
Harry chuckled to himself as he nodded his head and raised a hand to signify his having heard her rather stern reprimand. He set her away from him and made a dramatic bow and inquired.
"Hermione would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night"
Hermione smiled and dropped into an elegant curtsy as she retorted with.
"I would love too"
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