Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well, and thanks for being so patient. This is only about 1/3 of a normal chapter. Bascially, I found some time this week to get something together, and I figured you as readers would rather have a little now than waiting longer for the whole chapter. Work has been crazy, my computer is now broken (IÕm at work now), so IÕm going to update piece by piece when I can.
Thanks for your patience! Please remember this part is short, but there will be more to come. IÕm going to
continue!
Liz21
~*~
Chapter Fifteen, part 1
When Ginny woke up in the morning, she held her breath as she opened her eyes, but was relieved to see that Draco was still asleep. In fact, he may have never noticed that she snuck into his bed the night before. Because now that it was daylight, and the nightmare of learning the truth of his love É no, his obsession É had dulled slightly, it gave Ginny time to think rationally. But if Draco had seen her there and assumed that her being there was a good response, well, then he found have to wait till she figured that out herself.
Because even though it seemed like a great idea the night before to share a bed with the man that she was apparently in love with at one point, there was still that part of Ginny that knew not to trust Draco, no matter what he said or showed up. He claims that she loved him back at Hogwarts, but she had clear memories of how horrible was then. And even if, somehow, something had changed between them, that did not explain his actions for after they were É together. That he had admitted to the murder of Harry and Hermione, and that he had known her family would die. That he was and still is a Death Eater, and a supporter of the one man who turned the whole world from good to evil overnight. Ginny didnÕt think any amount of memories could change the person she saw now, in the bed next to her. If Draco had taken away her memories, then they were gone forever. But this moment, the Draco she knew right then, was in her mind now.
And it was too easy to only look at the negatives, to be pessimistic instead of accepting something that seems so impossible. No one likes change, but to be asked to accept something so unlikely that she couldnÕt even fanthom it without losing a sense of herself É that is where she got stuck. Ginny wanted to believe that Draco had shown enough kindness to her by now to believe that he wasnÕt pure evil like she once thought, at least not to her. But did that change now? Is that how she saw him before? Because the only way she could imagine having feelings for Draco was to give up her own heart and sense of goodness herself. Does being nice to one person excuse the hatred towards all the rest? Ginny rested her hand over her heart, and tried to figure out where, deep down in there, she was able to find room to love a man who only hated others? How could she throw away a lifetime of values and beliefs for one man?
Now it wasnÕt a matter of questioning if they were in love before the war. It was trying to figure out what had went wrong to led to such a point. It had to be wrong, Ginny thought, because Draco had, and always will be, someone who went against everything she believed in.
Was it the sex? GinnyÕs checks flushed at the dream she had the night before, and of her own memories of being with him in the manor. There was no denying the surge she felt when she was with him; the way he looked at her that made her feel he would do anything for her, that she was incomplete control of him. Even when she was in school, she remembered girls always saying how sexy he was, and through she hated him, she wasnÕt exactly blind, either. Though she never saw him sexy - that would be admitting that she wanted him, which as a Weasley she would do no such thing. But she couldnÕt help but notice how his eyes always looked darker than most boys his age, or that his lips were almost pink and pouty like a girls, or if he had just taken that gel out, he may not look half bad É
Ginny shook her head as she felt her body grow warm; thinking of Draco in that way is probably what got her into trouble in the first place. It certainly explained her current situation, with or without the memories. Because how many times had she been with him since she was in the manor? How many times had she fantasized about him, and was able to look past who he really was because of how he made her feel physically? Was sex how it started, and somewhere along the way her na•ve mind confused it with love?
Ginny slowly sat up and frowned at DracoÕs back, thankful she couldnÕt see his face. She was somewhere between wanting to hit or kiss him to get her frustration out, and the latter just made her more frustrated. Maybe what she felt for him now was how it began when she was younger. Maybe it was a rebellious stage, and she only wanted Draco because she wasnÕt supposed to have him. She curled her legs up and rested her head on her knees as she concentrated harder. She could think of hundreds of times that Ron, Hermione, and Harry annoyed her at school, always leaving her out and making her feel worthless. Was it ever so bad that she sought revenge by literally sleeping with the enemy?
Ginny let out a small groan of frustration and squeezed her eyes shut. The worst part was no matter how much she racked her brain, she would never know the answer. Draco had taken that away from her, and whenever she tried to get it back, all she got was a headache.
ÒI told you not to think about it.Ó
Ginny let out a yelp and nearly fell off the bed at DracoÕs voice. She balanced herself as her eyes darted over to him, who was now rolled over and watching her with É was that a smirk on his face? Ginny scowled at him, feeling her frustration jump off of her and attack him. Did he really find humor in something she found so confusing and life altering?
ÒGet away from me,Ó Ginny said. Her hands itched to hit him until she knocked some of his own memories out.
Draco raised his eyebrows at her and then rolled over to his side. His grin widened. ÒGet away from you?Ó he asked as he rested his head on his elbow. ÒI believe youÕre the one in my bed, Weasley.Ó
Ginny was too startled at his relaxed, cocky, well É Malfoy-attitude, to reply. The night before he was on his knees, comforting her as she cried. She could see the hurt in his face for her finding out like she did, and the fear that she would deny him after everything he went through. And she knew right then, at the aching feeling she felt, that that was why she was relieved to wake up this morning and not have him staring into her eyes. Because if she saw once more what she saw the night before, how could she deny everything and all her crazed thoughts? She had seen that look before in RonÕs eyes with Hermione, in her parents. And though Harry had done it as well, nothing had ever stirred in her like it did last night. When Harry looked at her with all this love, she felt guilt. When Draco did it, telling her how though she may not remember but that they loved each other, she wanted to believe him. No matter how much it scared her.
Draco dropped his smirk as his eyes widened. He raised himself from his elbow and reached out his hand towards her. ÒGin-Ó
Ginny stumbled out of the bed and away from his touch. ÒYou are such a liar,Ó Ginny spat, hating herself that her body was trembling. Had she really believed him, that he loved her? Despite all of her questions and denial, was there that hope for love after the war deep down? She looked down at herself, and shame flashed through her at seeing herself in just her underwear.
ÒNo, wait,Ó Draco yelled as he pushed himself out of his bed, but she was already running for the door. She just reached it when the door slammed shut and locked by itself.
Ginny whipped around and saw Draco pointing his wand at her, with his chest heaving. Fear clawed at her chest, but confusing settled in when Draco lowered his wand and put it down on the bed.
ÒDonÕt look at me like that, GinnyÓ Draco said. ÒI just wanted to talk to you before you go hide yourself somewhere for a week.Ó
Ginny narrowed her eyes at him. ÒSo now itÕs Ginny? Not done messing with my head, Malfoy?Ó
Draco just sighed and put his hand over his face. ÒIt slipped,Ó he said, with his eyes closed. He removed his hand, and to GinnyÕs surprise, he looked guilty. ÒYou have no idea how much effort and concentration IÕve put into not slipping up around you, but IÕm sure you caught me a few times.Ó
Ginny frowned. ÒI donÕt understand-Ó
ÒWe used to still talk to each other like that,Ó Draco said. ÒYou know, like we would if we were around other people. We would have our moments of just being us, but it was actually your idea to have me still act like an arse so I didnÕt Ôlose my touch.ÕÓ
Ginny tried to imagine Draco ever loosing his touch at being a horrible person. ÒSo when you mean slipping,Ó she said, Ò you mean like when you knew what Muggle card game I liked to play.Ó
Draco nodded his head. ÒYou made me play it once. It was horribly boring.Ó
Ginny felt her lip twitch into smile, but forced it still. ÒAnd how do I know you havenÕt gathered all this information from obsessive stalking? Because despite what youÕve been telling me, you are obsessed, you know.Ó
DracoÔs face fell, and Ginny knew she had spoken too much of the truth. Before she could take it back, Draco marched over to her, leaving her very aware that with her back against the door, she had no where to go. She could only brace herself as Draco stopped inches in front of her.
ÒBecause of this,Ó Draco said as he titled her chin up with his hand and pressed his lips onto hers.
The ÕthisÕ was the gasp that escaped from her mouth at his kiss, and the rush of warmth in her body - not fear. It was her bodyÕs immediate reaction to attach herself to the man in front of her, and to never let go. It was her heart overruling her head, because kissing him just felt right, despite what her head thought.
Just when Ginny was allowing herself to relax, Draco pulled away, leaving her catching her breath as he put himself a foot away from her. ÒWhat are you-Ó
ÒI canÕt force you to accept everything,Ó Draco said as he shook his head. Ginny watched in a daze as he ran his hands through his hair and pulling hard enough to cause pain. ÒYouÕre not ready. No matter how much I want it.Ó
He didnÕt give her time to respond before he practically ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Ginny stared at the door with her mouth wide open. Had he seriously just walked away from her when things were just staring to feel right? She was frozen in place as she registered the look on pain and frustration on DracoÕs face, but not with her É with himself.
Ginny thought back to the night before and remembered how fragile he had looked, how Draco Malfoy felt defeated and terrified of losing everything he had worked up to that point with her. That while her thoughts went round and round, he was silently sitting by and just hoping that she wouldnÕt reject him completely. Because at this moment he was holding everything that those two had once shared. Ginny tried to imagine how horrible it would feel for anyone to have all the love of a relationship, and have the other person now remember a thing. And to take that and apply it to Draco just deepened it.
When Ginny heard the shower turn on, she turned away, defeated, and was going to leave the room when she stopped herself. She knew that if she left now, there would never be a better time to force herself to accept everything. That if she didnÕt move now while her body was still reacting to DracoÕs kiss, than eventually her mind would win and possibly leave her insane with denial and doubt.
And before she could let such a thing happen, she was stripping out of her bra and underwear as she almost ran over to the door, worried that she would chicken out. Not even allowing herself to take a deep breath, Ginny opened the bathroom door where a gush of steam blew into her face. She quietly walked in and closed the door, worried that before she could even step in, Draco would tell her to leave.
When the steam cleared, Ginny was able to see Draco through the clear shower door. He was leaning against the far wall with the water beating on his back, with his head down and his back to her. Though Ginny knew he didnÕt hear her, she tiptoed to the large shower, now suddenly scared that she was really doing this. Not until she closed the shower door behind her did Draco look up with surprise, his eyes widened as he saw her naked before him. ÒGin?Ó
There was a breath of silence before Ginny whispered, ÒIÕm ready.Ó
It only took Draco long enough to turn around and face her before her words settled in. He stepped towards her, and though Ginny could see the fear and doubt in him, he gently cupped her face between his hands. He took a good look into her eyes, then bent down and kissed her.
Something rushed through Ginny, and it was beyond the warmth and passion she felt at his touch. She wrapped her arms around DracoÕs neck, trying to cling onto him as he continued to kiss her. And then in one move, Draco moved his hands from her face and wrapped them around her thighs, lifting her up to him. He never took his eyes off her as he gently backed her into the wet shower wall and as Ginny wrapped her legs around him and was situated, he stopped.
ÒI love you,Ó he said. And before she could react, he slid into her with one smooth motion.
They both cried out at the feeling and paused for a second. Ginny didnÕt know why, but it felt so much different from all the other times. Maybe now itÕs because she knew the truth, and it was no more guessing about Draco. It was only on her end now.
As Draco slowly pulled out and thrusted back in, Ginny could only cry out and hold onto his shoulders for support. Draco leaned in and grabbed at her lips for a kiss in between each thrust that was so hard her back was scooted up the slick wall, but he always held her close. Her hands moved from his shoulders to his hair where she dug her hands in so deep, Draco hissed and responded with moving even faster, each stroke hitting her so deep she thought she was going to pass out. Just before she almost did, an explosion erupted inside her, and Ginny let out a scream so loud that it echoed in the bathroom.
Draco followed shortly after, leaving him moaning heavily into her ear where he nestled his head as his body still jerked. It was awhile before he moved, and though her legs were sore, she didnÕt want him to let go. Draco gently slid out of her and settled her on her feet, making sure she was able to stand.
Draco was silent as he washed her, and Ginny appreciated it. There were no more words that could be said by him, and he didnÕt expect any from her. But as they went back to bed despite it being light out, and they nestled in the blankets with Ginny curled into Draco, she wondered if there would ever be a day where she would have a response to those three words.