Disclaimer: I think that I would shoot myself if before writing a 700 page book.
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Song: "Rewind" by Stereophonics
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Chapter X: Promises & Plans
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It's your time
It's your day
It's never too late
To change lanes
How's your life?
How's your place?
Was it where you wanted
Your head to lay?
--
Quidditch Pitch
"Lily Billy, it's so nice of you to finally show up. I mean practice only started two hours ago, and let's not forget the fact it's over now. You truly are an amazing cheerleader; you know that?" Carter exclaimed as she walked onto the pitch.
"Well, you know me, I just love to be fashionably late, Carty-Poo," she teased him.
As Sirius watched the two friend's banter he couldn't help but reminisce about his conversation with James the night before.
--
But wait, you can breathe
You can see what I can see
Don't waste your time
You can't make back
--
"Just spit it out, James," Sirius said, laughing at his friend, unused to the idea of him being at a loss for words.
"Okay-- I'm in love with her."
"Wait-- what?!"
"Well, you see, during the summer I met Lily, and we sort of dated for about a month and a half- I mean, I didn't even know that she was a Black then, she told me that her last name was Evans," James said, avoiding Sirius's gaze as he told the story.
"Why would she do that?"
"Well, apparently she didn't want me to judge her by her last name. Anyway, at the end of the summer she finally admitted that she was a Black. When she told me I figured that she was the cousin that you had told me about so I ended things with her. I just… I feel like such a wanker; I mean I ignored everything that I knew about her. In the end I didn't break up with her because she lied to me so much as because I figured that you knew her and her character better then I did.
"Plus, I could never pick a girl over my best friend; but that didn't mean that I ever stopped loving her. Yet the thing that I didn't expect was that those feelings don't just go away, especially if it's the first girl that you ever fall in love with…I was an idiot, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, talk you into giving her a chance before… I was such an arse..."
Realization dawned upon Sirius, "You were the one that she was talking about when she told me that I was the reason that she lost someone she loved."
James smiled hesitantly, hopefully, "I hope… she's different from what you think Sirius, you never gave her a chance to show you what an amazing person she really is."
"I still can't believe that she is the amazing girlfriend that you had told me about… it's so unexpected."
"What can I say, she's amazing, and for some odd reason she gave me a chance... I didn't deserve her."
Sirius paused, trying to comprehend what had just happened, "So what now? Do you still want to be with her?"
"Doesn't matter, she wouldn't take me back even if I did, I betrayed her trust and that's everything to her, she doesn't give it to a lot of people, so it's worth more."
--
If you could rewind your time
Would you change your life?
Rewind your time
Would you change your life?
Do you like you?
Do you love your wife?
Or did you pick what
You're told was right?
--
"So, what are you doing for Christmas break? My parents are forcing me to come home, it sucks- I wanted to spend the holidays with you." Carter told her.
"You should spend time with your family, you're lucky to have people that love you that much. As for me, Remus asked me to come home with him."
"You guys are really close now…"
"He's been an amazing friend to me. It takes a lot to do everything that he did for me when he has a best mate that thinks I'm the Anti-Christ."
"OH! OH! I actually know that one! It's from the Bible, right?!"
"Nice, I see you've been brushing up on your Muggle Studies."
"I figured that if you know it then it can't be that hard," Lily smacked him upside the head in response, "You know that really hurt."
"Baby," she muttered.
"I am not; I just have a low threshold for pain! -- Anyway, back onto the subject of Remus," Carter said as he looped his arm through hers, leading her back to the castle.
"Oh yeah, I forgot that we were talking about that, I think you might get sidetracked a bit too often."
"Hush you, I have something really important to say," that statement caught Lily's attention, he was actually serious- an uncommon sight to say the least, and it was rather unsettling. "He's one of the most amazing people I've ever met and he's really nice, one of most amazing best blokes I've ever met-just-- just promise me that he won't take my place, I'm rather fond of the idea of being your best guy, you know."
She smiled him, "No one ever could, Carter. Remus is a great mate and I'd trust him with my life, but you're my best mate. I love you two for totally different things. You shouldn't ever worry about that, no one could ever replace you."
"I just don't want to lose you, Lils. You're my favorite girl and I was never one for sharing."
"You're always so scared of that happening, I don't get why you're so overprotective," Lily said, intending to tease him, but Carter didn't take it that way.
"Well what can I do, Lily?" he asked her with a bit of impatience in his tone that caught Lily off guard because it was such an abrupt change in mood in the conversation. "I mean first there's the fact that you gladly stand up to your father, regardless of the fact that he's a total psycho that almost killed you on numerous occasions. Then there's he fact that you haven't told me why you've been so out of it lately. I mean you're a girl for Merlin's sake, you should love to talk about your feelings, but lately you've been even more of a closed book than you usually are. Then there is the added bonus that I feel more and more like a girl every day because I actually want to talk about your feelings," Carter whined, giving off the impression of a petulant five year old.
Lily laughed at the absurdity of the picture when Carter began pouting, "I love you, and the only reason that I didn't talk about it was because I didn't want to bore you."
"Stop worrying about me! I'm scared when you don't talk; it's dangerous. I'm always so fearful that you might be in trouble and don't want to bother me with it Just talk to me, Lils."
"Deal. Now, since we leave for break in two days how about we make the most of our time left together and sneak out to Hogsmeade and hang out- just the two of us."
"No parents?"
"I said just the two of us, didn't I?"
"Then what are we waiting for? Move those legs, girl!"
--
Dream and be
What you feel
Don't you compromise
What you wanna be
'Cause change is okay
What's the point in staying the same
Regrets, forget what's dead and gone
--
Sirius watched the two walk away before his attention back to his best mates.
"So what are you doing for break, Remus?" James asked.
"Lils is coming home with me."
At first James seemed surprised by the development, taking a minute to process what he had just been told before quickly recovered by asking, "You know, my parents were planning on visiting my aunt this week and my cheeks are still a bit sore from all the pinching that they had to endure this summer, so do you mind if I come over as well?"
Remus looked at him, the cocked eyebrow a sure sign that he didn't fall for James's lie. "You do realize that getting her back will be harder than that, don't you?"
"Well, it's worth a try."
Sirius sat there staring at the lake, taking in everything, all of that had bothered him and confused him, just trying to make sense of it. He turned to them, interrupting their continuing argument over how hard it would be for Lily to let go of what had happened between her and James. "I want to come," he said, voice so resolute that it startled them both.
"You do realize that Lily will be there, don't you?" Remus asked him.
"That's why I want to come- I fucked up, it's time for me to take the next step, work for it. It's going to be hard, but I want to, I think you and James are right, she's worth the effort."
"Just so I know, what brought on this sudden epiphany?" Remus asked.
"Lily called him on all his shit last night," James told him.
"You talked him into talking to Lily and you didn't tell me?" Remus asked James.
"She thinks he's a wanker, so I didn't think it was that big of a deal,' James said.
"Oy, I'm right here you know," Sirius said. "Listen, James can tell you the story, I don't feel like rehashing it, kind of hurt my ego, but before I go, just tell me, can I come or not?"
"You're not really asking me that are you?" Remus asked him.
Sirius smiled, "Thanks mate, I'll see you two later."
"So what happened?" Remus asked as soon as Sirius was out of earshot.
--
If you could rewind your time
Would you change your life?
Rewind your time
Would you change your life?
--
Next morning
7th year girl's dormitory:
Lillian,
I have been informed of what you did to Peter Pettigrew.
Meet me at nine o'clock to discuss it.
-your father
As she read the note, unbeknownst to her Carter was reading it over her shoulder as well. When Lily took the note and pocketed it after reading it Carter took it as a sign for the worst, grabbing her by the arm and turning her to face him, "Lily, please tell me that you won't go," he begged. "I can't see you get hurt again."
"Carter, what are you doing here?" she asked him, confused by his sudden appearance.
"Lils don't try to deviate from the topic. I can't lose my Lily Billy to that wanker, please don't go," Carter pleaded.
"Carter," she smiled, "I love you, that's why-"
"Well I know that, how couldn't you?" she had to laugh at how conceited he was when he said that. "But just don't say it Lily-not for that. Don't say what I think you're about to say-- don't try to use the `love' card in order to get me to let you go because I won't, not this time, and if you find a way to I swear I'm done with you, Lils, no joke this time."
Lily smiled up at him, "If you listened to begin with you wouldn't have wasted your breath because you would know that I'm not going because I love you and don't want to disappoint you. Your opinion is one of the only ones that matter now. I don't care what they say about me anymore-- I'm letting go for good this time."
"Really? Merlin, I didn't expect you to actually concede."
"Well I did, now leave! I have to pack and you'll just distract me," she told him, laughing as she pushed him out the door.
"Touchy, touchy. You need to learn some manners Black," he teased her as she slammed the door in his face
--
Half an hour later
7th year girl's dormitory:
When Remus walked into her dormitory all she could do was laugh, "I'm rather popular today, first Carter and now you. I was just finishing with packing my things, any chance you want to help me?" she asked as she turned around to put things in her bag so she back was now facing him.
"Sure," he told her before grabbing some dress robes from her closet, "You'll definitely need your dress robes for the balls that my parents will throw-- Listen, there's something that I have to tell you."
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just don't want you to be surprised" he said, wincing as he imagined her reaction to what he was about to tell her.
"What is there to be surprised about?"
"James and Sirius are coming."
"Oh-ugh, well don't worry, I promise that I won't spoil your holidays by fighting with Sirius."
"Actually, oddly enough, I'm not worried about you and Sirius. I know that you can handle yourself with him, it's someone else that I'm worried about."
She sighed deeply before putting down the clothing that was in her hand and turned around so that her back was no longer facing him. She seated herself next to him on her bed, "so I guess he told you," she said quietly.
"A while ago, he told me the entire story."
"Honestly, I never expected him to." At Remus' questioning look she elaborated, "I thought he was too embarrassed by our relationship."
"Do you still love him?"
"I don't know, that's a hard question to answer," Lily sighed. "I guess that a part of me always will. I mean I just can't help it, you never really get over a first love, it's all so new and it always holds a special place in your heart because it's so memorable…Then of course, I am also extremely disappointed in him."
"Why disappointed?"
"Because he didn't trust his past with me over Sirius' words. I mean, I know that Sirius is his best mate and all, but honestly, how many words did he ever say to me before I came to this school?"
"Lils, you have to understand that we didn't know that he had heard that from the family; we thought that everything he said was from personal experience with you."
"Oh," Lily said, biting her lip at hearing the admission, deciding over whether or not that should make her reconsider everything she had said about James (and his overall wanker-ness) or not.
"Not monosyllabic at all, are you now?" he teased her.
She cracked a small smile before saying, "I realize that I was wrong to lie to him for so long, and I know that's part of the reason as to why he couldn't trust me... Plus, it pretty much supported everything that Sirius had ever told him about me being a liar, but it still hurts. It still hurts to know that he couldn't rely on just our history together in order to make his decision about us. I wish that my word was enough… that our relationship had meant more to him than that."
"Don't- don't say that Lils. You mean so much more to him then you could possibly understand. It's like you said before, loyalty is everything to James, and he was just being loyal to his best mate. It doesn't mean that he doesn't regret it."
"Thanks, but sadly that doesn't help much in curing a broken heart."
"But a nice Christmas with a friend and a guilty cousin should," he told her with a smile, hugging her to him.
"Guilty?" Lily asked, and he could feel the small smile forming on her lips.
"Unbelievably."
"Well, that's unexpected."
"You're telling me."
If Jesus rode in on a camel today
With your cross on his shoulder
Time to take you away
Have you done all you wanted?
Are you happy and warm?
Do you miss someone special
You don't see anymore?
Have you blood on your hands?
Do you dream of white sands?
Can you sleep well at night?
Have you done all you can?
The place I was born in
Stays crooked and straight
I see innocent blue eyes
Go blind everyday
Rewind your time
Would you change your life
Today?
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