AN: I love your reviews, keep `em coming. I also enjoy your theories about what will happen… my fingers are itching… I want to write back to some of you, because some are right
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Chapter Twelve
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Hermione called in sick for the following week as well, she couldn't bear going to training and seeing Harry already. No one had seen him in two weeks, well Lavender might have, but Hermione didn't want to think about that.
She started spending the evenings out in the flat with Ron and Ginny, and every morning she and Ron would go for a walk before he went to practice. She still cried sometimes when Ron wasn't home, it happened when she would allow herself to drift back to the past. She usually ended up in the house where she had spent Christmas with Harry; those days had been the best days of her life.
Ginny peeked in through the door. "Ron bought Chinese," she said and disappeared.
Hermione sat down in the living room and took a glass of wine from Ron. They started talking about everyday things, anything to avoid talking about Harry or anything concerning him.
"I saw Lavender today," Ginny suddenly said and there was a long silence. Hermione sat down her food on the table.
"And?" she asked.
"Nothing to tell really, she asked how you were." Hermione's insides started boiling.
"What the hell does she care about that? She should have thought about that before she got naked with my boyf..- with Harry!" Hermione raised her voice. Ron nodded, agreeing.
"Well things happen, she just wanted to know," Ginny continued, "I mean, didn't you ever think about me after you and Harry got together?" Hermione looked completely taken aback.
"What? You and Harry were together years ago; there was nothing between you and him, Ginny. I believe the situation was somewhat different between Harry and me, we were moving in together for God's sake." Ginny rolled her eyes and Ron quickly got in the middle of the conversation.
"Look, ladies, let's just talk about something else!"
"All I'm saying is that karma can be a bitch," Ginny added calmly.
"Shut the hell up, Ginny!" Ron said angrily. Hermione couldn't believe her ears, so Ginny thought that she deserved this?
"I can't believe what I'm hearing. I thought you were my friend, Ginny, but good to know." Hermione stood up.
"Wait, Hermione," Ron followed her, "where are you going?"
"I'm going home," and within minutes she had left their flat.
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The fight with Ginny was exactly what Hermione had needed; it gave her a kick to stop feeling sorry for herself. She was a survivor; she was a Gryffindor for heaven's sake. It was time to pull herself together and start living again. One step at a time, one breath at a time and eventually the knife stuck in her chest might disappear.
It wasn't easy returning back to her flat, seeing all the packed boxes ready to move into Harry's flat. She took her time while unpacking them; she cleared a box where she started packing down her memories of Harry. Cards, dried flowers, photos and everything that reminded her of their time together. She knew she should throw them out but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Those things were connected to Harry, and as much as she hated herself for it, she still loved him more than anything.
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She dreaded her first day back at training; she knew she might run into him at any point. She thanked her lucky stars that they had decided to keep their relationship a secret there, no one knew, so no one would ask questions. As her third class had passed there was still no sight of him, and Hermione kept wishing she wouldn't run into him. At the same time she wanted to see him more than anything, just a glance would be enough. She didn't have to wait long.
As she was sitting in the canteen on her third day back, finishing lunch, she could feel his presence. She looked up from her plate and saw Harry walking across the canteen. Everything moved in slow-motion and Hermione followed his every move. He must have felt her stare because he turned and looked at her; he stopped walking, but quickly found his composure and looked away. Hermione dropped her fork, she couldn't eat another bite. She didn't see him for the rest of the week.
At night Hermione laid and wondered if Lavender's stomach had started to grow, she counted the weeks on her fingers, she must be about five weeks pregnant so it wouldn't be showing. Had Lavender moved into Harry's apartment? Or were they going to get a house together closer to the wedding? When was the wedding? Would it be a big wedding or just small? Hermione had to take a sleeping draught, it was the only way for her to get her rest.
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Hermione was running the obstacle course again, pushing herself harder and harder. She still had trouble climbing the high wall without magic but she kept on pushing. She jumped off it and landed hard in the mud. Mary was next to her, she leant Hermione a hand to help her up out of the mud. They started jogging next to each other. Hermione saw Harry and Cian approach Hermione's physical trainer and she watched him closely as she ran. He hadn't seen her yet and she was quite far away. Just the sight of him made her heart flutter. They were getting closer to them by the second and Hermione dreaded meeting his eyes as he would see her. Mary and her ran past and just as she did Harry looked up, their eyes met and Hermione quickly looked forwards.
"Come on, you're losing speed," Mary told her.
"I'm sorry, I just- I'm just tired." Hermione sat down on the ground once they had passed a corner where Harry couldn't see them.
"Come on, Hermione, you'll lose time!"
"Go ahead; I just need a few minutes." Mary shrugged and then continued running.
Hermione put her head between her knees; she just couldn't catch her breath. Her heart was beating quickly and she felt like she was going to be sick any minute. Would it always be like this when he saw him? She sat for a few more moments before she started running again.
The class after that was Defensive Spells and, to her horror, Harry and Cian would partake in the whole class. They sat next to each other on chairs at the front of the class and Hermione forced herself to look at anything but him. She was afraid that if she met his eyes she would start weeping.
The professor was now demonstrating standing positions for the best ways to block unforgivable curses. He soon directed the class to rise and start doing the same. Hermione and Mary moved to the back off the classroom. Harry and Cian walked around, giving the pupils directions. Hermione felt him getting closer behind her as she and Mary pretended to cast curses in return.
"Em, you need to have your other leg further…" Harry started but stopped as Hermione hissed at him.
"Don't talk to me!" Harry was taken aback by the harshness of her words. Mary couldn't hear them but looked impatient, she wanted tips as well.
"Look Hermione, you need to learn how to do these spells right so you can defend-"
"I'd rather be struck by a curse than speak to you!" she whirled around.
"Hermione…"
"Please, Harry, I can't bear it!" Harry saw that her eyes were tearing up and understood that she was pleading for him to walk by.
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It was Saturday afternoon and Hermione was at home sorting through her flat, she had taken to doing this quite often. She would rearrange her cupboards, or sort her closet - anything to keep her busy. She refused to meet her friends during the weekends and evenings, even though she knew Harry wouldn't be there. She was slightly surprised when Luna stopped by, it wasn't a usual occurrence.
"Hi, Luna," Hermione said shocked as she opened the door. Luna just gave her a sweet smile. "Come on in." Luna walked right into the living room and sat down.
"What…?"
"I figured you needed to talk to someone," Luna said in her dreamy voice.
"Did Ron tell you to come?"
"No," she shook her head, "I just felt like you wanted to talk to someone who wasn't so involved in the whole situation."
Hermione sat down on the sofa, maybe Luna was right, maybe it would help to talk about it with someone other than Ron, and especially to a girl.
"I don't really know what to say, to tell you the truth. I hate Harry!"
"I don't think you do," Luna said and tilted her head.
"No, maybe I don't. But I should! I wish I did. I wish I could see Harry like I saw Draco Malfoy in school, like the lowest of the low. But I just can't. At night I still dream about him, and it's like nothing happened between us. I dream about… well the things we used to do. I've actually stopped taking the sleeping draught that hinders dreams. I want the dreams!" Hermione felt ashamed to tell someone about that. Luna nodded and looked at Hermione's hands, she was squeezing them tightly together and her hands were turning white.
"Harry's not supposed to be with Lavender…he should be with me," Hermione whispered.
"Yes, I believe he should as well," Luna agreed. "I can't quite understand how this happened." Hermione looked at Luna and really appreciated her words, she knew they were true. Luna never lied.
"I've always seen Harry as good as perfect, you know. And now this has happened and I hate him for making me see him in this new way. He said all those wonderful things to me and now it feels like he was lying about all of it. He promised me a future and then he spat at it. Do you understand what I mean?" Luna nodded again
"But Harry isn't perfect, Hermione, he made a mistake."
"Yeah, you can say that again."
"It's a shame he and Lavender are getting married." The knife in Hermione's chest felt like it was being pushed in deeper.
"Sometimes, "Hermione hesitated, "sometimes I wish I would have gotten pregnant, than he would have married me."
"He would still have been with Lavender, though," Luna said carefully.
"I know." Tears welled over and spilt down her cheeks.
"You will get through this, Hermione."
"I'm trying, I really am. I try to take it one day at a time, I'm fighting to survive, but I just feel like it gets harder by the day. I know I'm silly, we only had a few months together…" she wiped her tears.
"You had years together, your souls have always been lovers even though you just recently became so in real life. You are soul mates." Hermione started crying loudly.
"I thought you were here to make me feel better," she smiled through her tears.
"No one can make you feel better; I came so you could talk to someone."
"Thank you," Hermione said and went over and gave Luna a hug.
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