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Chapter Thirteen
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Luna and Hermione became a lot closer after that evening and Luna stopped by a few times every week. They would just talk for hours, and Hermione had started to really enjoy Luna's entertaining stories. It helped Hermione keep her mind on other things for a while. They would eat far too unhealthy pastries and sometimes they would drink wine, swapping stories from their day to day life. Luna would listen patiently to Hermione' stories about how she had seen Harry from a far in training, and she would tell Luna how Harry had changed assignments at the training so he wouldn't be in her group. Hermione had only seen him a few times since the incident in class.
Just as she started to think life was getting safer and more Harry free she had her closest Harry encounter yet. It had been two months since their break-up. Hermione had been to many dinners at The Burrow, Harry had of course not been there. She missed him desperately but she would only admit it to Luna. Hermione had decided to make a spontaneous trip to Ron and Ginny's flat, she knew Ron was home alone so she brought food and a muggle movie - Ron was very fascinated by them. She knocked quickly and then let herself in.
"Ron, it's me. I brought food from the greasy steakhouse you like so much, and I got us a few movies so you can choose which one you like," she yelled out as she rambled through the bag. She walked towards the living room without looking up.
"Are you in the mood for a lazy ev-" Hermione stopped talking as she looked up and saw two pairs of eyes looking at her, one pair was the greenest eyes she had ever seen in her life. The eyes she had looked into so many times before.
"Oh, Hermione!" Ron stood up quickly and it was obvious that he was lost for words.
"Hi," Harry said. His heart started beating quickly as he saw her. She looked so beautiful but the look on her face as she saw him was killing him.
"I-I'll just go." She started to turn.
"No, Hermione wait," Ron said, but she carefully put the bags on the floor and left the flat. She held her breath until she had exited the building, not really knowing why.
She was proud of herself for not crying.
See, it's getting better! she told herself. You're going to be fine.
When she returned home she started making dinner for herself and soon there was a knock on her door. She knew Ron would show up, desperate to explain. The truth was that she wasn't mad at him at all, Harry was his best friend after all. The true surprise came when she opened the front door and found Harry there instead of Ron.
"Harry," she wasn't prepared for this. She had practiced being strong when she met him in the corridors at training, not like this. She was in her sweats with her hair in a messy ponytail. Her t-shirt was stained with tomato sauce from her cooking.
"Please let me in."
She didn't know why but she obeyed. Harry walked straight into the living room and sat down in the same armchair he always chose. He looked around, it looked almost the same. The only difference was that the boxes were gone. Hermione stood in the door between the hall and living room.
"What do you want?" she asked and he shrugged.
"I want to see you."
"Well, you can't."
"I miss you," Harry looked at her and she could see true sorrow in his eyes. She walked over and sat down on the sofa.
"It doesn't matter, Harry, everything is ruined."
"I know, I ruined it," he whispered. Hermione didn't answer, there was obviously no need to attack or kick Harry, he was already as low as he could get.
"I just miss you so much," he said again and put his head in his hands.
"What are you doing here, Harry?" she asked again.
"I don't know what to do, Hermione," he looked up and now there was true desperation in him, "I can't live like this! I am miserable. I still can't accept what I did and I hate myself for it everyday. I hate myself for hurting you and I hate myself for hurting myself by my actions. I miss you every single minute and… I just want to hold you and smell you."
Quickly he was on his feet and moved over to the sofa. He kneeled on the floor in front of her and they were close. Hermione froze, she couldn't move. Harry was so close to her, if she reached out she could touch his face. She wanted to touch it!
Harry looked at her lips and then gently caressed her cheek with his hand.
"Harry…" she whispered and closed her eyes.
"Do you miss me to?" She swallowed hard and didn't answer. "I can't live without you, Hermione," he leaned forwards and put his forehead against hers. She breathed fast and opened her eyes, looking into his eyes. They still felt like home and for just a moment the world stopped again and the only two people in the world were her and Harry. Nothing had happened and things were as they had been between them. But fantasies and frozen moments can't last, and soon she snapped back to reality. She jerked her head back and pushed his hand away.
"You are getting married to another woman, Harry," she said coldly.
"I know." He stood up and walked over to the wall and slammed his fist into the wall.
Hermione jumped up.
"Don't Harry!" she grabbed his arm as he pulled it back to hit the wall again. He spun around and grabbed her shoulders. He pulled her closer and smashed his lips into hers. It was a hungry and desperate kiss, full of passion and despair. He turned her around and pressed her against the wall. Hermione couldn't stop herself; she wanted Harry in a way that almost felt unnatural. Harry pressed himself hard against her, he felt like he needed just one moment. One moment with her, one moment when his heart wouldn't hurt so damn much. When he was with Hermione he felt happy, his heart felt content and his soul smiled. She ran a hand through his hair but then pushed him away again.
"You should leave." He looked intently at her.
"Yeah."
"I mean it Harry."
"I know," he answered sadly and started walking towards the door.
Just as he was leaving he turned around and said: "It will always be you Hermione, you'll always be the one I'll love." Hermione suddenly got angry.
"Damn it Harry, what gives you the right to come here and say something like that? I am doing my best to get over you, do you realize how many steps backwards this is?"
"I die without you…" he whispered so lightly that Hermione almost didn't hear what he was saying. She closed the door behind him. She could hear Harry leaning against the door; Hermione knew he had his head pressed against it. She let her hand gently touch the door, wishing her hand was touching Harry's warm skin.
---
Classes went fairly well the following week. Hermione saw Harry a few times, but he was gentle enough to avoid looking at her, and he didn't try to speak to her. She had chosen the seat closest to the window, she felt it helped her a great deal while Harry was giving lectures to stare out of the window and dream that she was somewhere else. Harry was at the moment giving a lecture about battle in war. Hermione felt like she didn't even need to be there. She almost knew as well as Harry what had happened in the war. She had fought next to him, side by side. She had bled with him, she had bled for him - and in a way she still was bleeding. Harry suddenly caught her attention.
"The hardest thing when you are fighting your enemy is when you have people around you that you care about. Your friends, your family, and the one you love…" he went quiet a moment and Hermione looked up at him. He still didn't meet her eyes.
"One has to focus on the danger, but still try not to think about the danger the people around you are in. Naturally you have to watch others backs, but if you are constantly thinking `my brother might die,' you wont be able to fight - and that will get you and you brother killed. We lost many good people in the war, and we must always remember how bravely they fought, and that they fought for us…" He was interrupted as the door to the classroom opened. One of the receptionists at the front desk was there.
"Sorry, Mr. Potter, didn't mean to interrupt you. It's just that your girlfriend is here and she says you have a doctor's appointment in twenty minutes." Hermione swallowed hard, she couldn't look away.
Harry's eyes immediately darted towards her and for a second they looked intensely at each other. "Damn, I forgot." Harry mumbled and started gathering up his things. "You can have the rest of the afternoon off!"
His eyes found Hermione's again and she couldn't look away. It was real; Harry was going to the doctor to check on his baby. His baby with someone else. She could see the pleading look on his face, and for a moment she thought Harry was about to walk over to her desk. She quickly broke their eye contact and started packing down her things. When she looked up, he was gone.
---
"Hermione, I have to ask you something." Ron was trying to pick the prawns out of their Chinese food.
"What?" Hermione had her mouth full of fried rice. They were sitting on the living room floor with many boxes of food in front of them. Two days had passed since the incident in the classroom.
"Ehm… well, I don't really…"
"Just spit it out. Is it something about Harry or what?" she sounded annoyed.
"Well, you know, it's my mum and dad's wedding anniversary soon, and well, they are throwing this huge party at the Burrow." Hermione knew what was coming.
"They want to invite Harry," Ron continued.
"And Lavender." Hermione finished for him. He nodded apologetically.
"I'm sorry, Hermione. They won't if you tell them no. It's just…you know that Harry is part of the family. And Lavender kind of, well she is part of the deal now, isn't she."
"It was just a matter of time," Hermione said quietly. Her eyes started to fill up slightly and Ron frowned. He grabbed her arm and yanked her to him so she almost fell into his shoulder. She closed her eyes and managed to hold her tears back. Ron leaned his head against the top of her head.
"You'll be okay; I'll be your date!" Ron almost sounded a bit hopeful.
"No, that's okay Ron. I'll ask someone from school. That'll be easier." He nodded and gave her a small smile.
---
The day before the anniversary party, Luna and Hermione were in Hermione's apartment making small gift bags for the party. They had promised Mrs. Weasley they'd take care of that.
"So how are we feeling about tomorrow?" Luna asked and tried to sound normal.
"Nervous as hell," Hermione admitted. Luna nodded but didn't answer.
"I don't want any surprises," Hermione continued, "So what's the story? They're living together now, right?"
Luna took a moment before she answered. "Yes." Hermione handled the gift baskets a bit rougher.
"Sounds normal, I mean they are getting married and all. Are they engaged yet?"
Luna shook her head, "Not that I know about."
"I bet Lavender looks great with her big belly." Hermione said more to herself than to Luna.
"Well, I haven't seen her in a long time, but I doubt her belly is that big, it's just been five months."
The words hit Hermione, five months… had she really been without Harry for that long? In a way it felt like time went so slow, but the next moment she felt like Harry had been in her bed yesterday.
"Look Hermione, you are bringing William - he's really cute, you have a beautiful dress. You will, as Ginny would say; out-shine Lavender and make Harry eat his heart out."
"It doesn't matter, Luna, he is still getting married to someone else. He still cheated on me."
---
Harry came home from work late. He walked into the kitchen and saw dinner on the stove. Lavender was in the living room watching a muggle soap-opera. She quickly got up as she heard him in the kitchen.
"You're home," she smiled at him.
"Yeah, just got in," he answered politely.
"Great, I'm making shepherd's pie."
He nodded. "I'll just go and freshen up."
Lavender nodded and started setting the table. Harry splashed his face with cold water, he hated coming home. He hated the polite charade he kept up with Lavender. He hated his life. He looked into his reflection. This is your own fault! He walked back into the kitchen and found Lavender waiting for him at the table. She smiled politely.
"Sorry, you didn't have to wait for me."
"Of course I'll wait for you, Harry," she answered and poured him some water. Harry took a bite of her food.
"It's good," he mumbled.
"Thanks. So how was your day?" she asked.
"Oh, you know, same as always. Yours?"
"I went shopping, I bought some great things for the baby."
"Great." Harry put some more pie in his mouth as he glanced at the shopping bags in the corner. Lavender had full access to his vault now, and there was nothing she loved more than shopping.
"So, I'm really looking forward to the party tomorrow," she said.
"Yeah, should be good fun. Just, well…you know."
"What?"
"It might be awkward. We're not people's favourites right now." Lavender put her hand on Harry's.
"Oh please, it's been five months. They need to get over it." Harry yanked it back.
"They're right to think we're bastards!" he hissed.
"Harry!"
"Sorry," he drank some more water. He finished dinner quickly.
"Thanks, dinner was great," he said as he started clearing the table.
"I was thinking about starting to make my bedroom into a nursery." Harry froze what he was doing.
"So maybe it's time I move into your room," she looked cautiously at him. "It's just a mater of time anyway, Harry." He turned and looked at her. She was smiling sweetly at him.
"No."
"But, Harry-"
"No." He turned and walked back to his room. He knew he was rude but he didn't care. He didn't want Lavender in his room, and he certainly didn't want her in his bed.
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