Chapter III: Every Word Is a Knife in My Ear
Song: Every Word Is a Knife in My Ear by the Bravery
--
Every word from your mouth is a knife in my ear
Every thought in your head is like poison to hear
Like a snake in a suit spitting into the air
With a tongue like a needle and we're shot full of fear
White picket teeth and a big red alert
The life of the party and we pulled up our skirt
It's like poison
It's like poison
--
20 July 1980
James groaned as the two sat, quietly staring at the lift's ceiling. It really was a rather pathetic sight. "We can't just let it be a mute point-"
"Moot, James, moot," she corrected him with a small smile.
He groaned, "Oh fuck it. I was never good at remembering those ruddy muggle sayings."
She let out a chuckle, despite herself, at his aggravation over it. "It's okay; I always did appreciate the effort that you put into immersing yourself in muggle culture."
He shrugged, "It was a part of you. And it felt like the right thing to do, even if I never fully achieved my goal."
"If it's any consolation, you did to a certain extent," she offered.
He snorted, "Now you're just being nice."
She giggled, "Okay, so maybe that was a bit of a stretch seeing as you actually said mute point just now."
"I'm never going to live that one down, am I?"
She shook her head, "Afraid not, love."
He laughed as he turned to fully look at her. Moving his hand slowly towards her own, before finally allowing himself to grasp it, his nimble fingers immediately making work of lacing themselves with her own.
The act, however, was short-lived as she immediately drew her hand away from his- something that took them both by surprise as she'd never been one to pull away from him. It was so automatic, a thoughtless action that, to Lily's great shock, felt almost natural-innate.
"I'm sorry… I just can't," she muttered, turning her head so she wouldn't have to be under his piercing gaze. The one that always seemed to strip her of everything, leave her feeling so utterly naked, as if she had no secrets.
"How did it get to this Lils? You saw us just now; it was just like old times-"
"No," she firmly interrupted him. "No, it wasn't James. It was fake, it wasn't just like before because the truth is that we don't even know each other anymore. No matter how much we may pose or pretend that we do, we don`t."
"That's not true," he adamantly argued.
She sighed, "How is it that we always end up fighting like this?"
"You're asking for a divorce! Of course I'm going to put up an argument," he deadpanned. He stared at her dumbly, and was slightly shaken by the fact that she had asked such an obvious question. "Surely you didn't expect me to just take that lying down?"
She just shrugged.
"Lily-"
"Don't-don't Lily me, James. You know how I hate it," she told him in a pained voice.
"And I hate how you brush me off, but we don't always get what we want, do we now?"
"Oh you always manage to turn everything on me, don't you?!"
He rolled his eyes, "Don't be stupid Lily, that wasn't even my intention this time."
"Operative words being this time," she noted, poking at his chest to further emphasize her point, even though she knew he hated it. He had a surprisingly low threshold for pain-one that he made a note of never apologizing for but, instead, prided himself on.
"Don't do that," he whined. "You know I hate it when you do."
"Why do you think I did it?" she challenged, huffing slightly at the extent of his idiocy.
"Do you have your period because, really-"
"James!" she hissed, slapping him upside the head.
"Well what am I supposed to think when you're acting all pissy like this?"
She rolled her eyes, biting back a smile at his words-somehow there was something undeniably charming about him even when he was acting like a total arse.
They sat in silence. It was neither comfortable, nor uncomfortable, but an awkward medium between the two; leaving both Lily and James more confused as to what the next step should be. There was something foreign about the mood that left them ill at ease as they each tried, very gauchely so, to try to make a step towards escaping that daunting silence.
Luckily for Lily, James made the first move.
"When did things change?" he asked in a soft whisper that she strained to hear.
"You know, I've asked myself that a lot over the past few months-trying to pin point the exact day, but I just can't seem to ever come up with an answer," she admitted with a wry, pained smile.
"Then what was the catalyst? I just-I need to know where it all began, at least have some semblance of an idea. I need to know what went wrong so that I can fix it."
She sent him a pained look, unable to wince at hearing his words. "James… you can't just fix everything, some things are beyond repair."
"I won't believe that, it can't be true-not for us Lils," he stubbornly told her.
She couldn't help but curse the fact that the thing that had always attracted her to him, his undying diligence and loyalty, was what was screwing her over now.
"If I have to sit here," he continued, "and have you tell me that you want out, then I'm going to get some answers as to what started all this."
She nodded slowly. "It's hard though… To just revisit the past like that. That's a lot of pain being unearthed."
"Maybe that's what I need to hear> Besides I'd take a gander at the fact that being left without any answers is a hell of a lot worse of a fate."
She nodded.
--
Every word from your mouth is a knife in my ear
Every thought in your head is like poison to hear
A fool is a devil and a devil's a fool
With a fork-tongue needle and you got us all fooled
A monkey doing tricks and we couldn't resist
If this isn't evil then I don't know what is
It's like poison
It's like poison
--
21 December 1977
"James don't let it get to you," I told you as I sat behind you, my legs encircling your own as I comfortingly rubbed your shoulders. I was desperately trying to ease away the tension-both within you and the physical one from the strain you had been constantly putting upon yourself lately.
"How am I not supposed to Lily?! Look at this," you growled as you threw a slew of old newspapers onto the bed.
"They don't know what they're talking about, take my word for it."
"But they do. Regardless of the fact that they're just some bloody gossip magazines or pointless articles written by some half-ass writers, I can't deny that it's true. Everything about it is spot on-"
"No it's not, you're not just some idiotic CEO," I protested. "You didn't just step into your father's position and do nothing."
"What have I done Lily? I haven't made any real changes to the firm, just a few things with marketing or product dispersal. They have a point when they call me a useless, overly paid head."
I sighed, stopping my movements on you, and instead using my hands to rub at my face. Maybe I could rub away the frustration I was having with you at the moment. "What do you want me to tell you, James? Obviously you won't believe a word of what I'm saying so why don't you just tell me what you want to hear, you stubborn arse!"
You paused for a second, that movement-or lack thereof-scared me. I didn't know what to expect. I was so scared that I had hurt you, or offended you, especially with everything that you were going through.
"I-I've been considering branching out into the muggle world. Maybe opening new branches to expand on communications there," you timidly admitted, as if afraid that maybe I would tell you that it was the stupidest idea ever.
Your faith in me was so overwhelming by the way.
I could tell that it took you by surprise when I let out a small chuckle. "That's a great idea James! I really think you should go for it. That'd really help show them what idiots they are," I assured you, comfortingly squeezing your shoulder to show you that I really was behind you on this venture.
"So-so you really think it's a good plan."
"No, I think it's great, James. There's no other company out there that's affiliated with both the muggle and wizarding world. So who better to be a first one than a communications one?"
You raised a hand slowly, almost shyly, and placed it atop of mine, which was rested on your shoulder, squeezing it in thanks.
--
Every word from your mouth is a knife in my ear
every thought in your head is like poison to hear
every word from your mouth is a knife in my ear
--
20 July 1980
"I was so scared that you'd tell me off, or call me an idiot," James admitted.
Lily giggled lightly, shyly covering her mouth with her hand. "I know, I could tell that you were practically shaking with trepidation. It was rather pathetic to see that from the great James Potter, you know."
He chuckled, and he cocked his head to the side a bit. "But why did you chose that memory? It seemed like a rather happy one to me."
"Yeah, it was, it should have been, but what it's associated with isn't quite as happy," she dimly admitted.
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