Chapter VIII: Angelina
Song: Angelina by the Bravery
--
Oh Angelina
You are the sun and the moon
Every song I ever sang, I stole it from you
I knew that nothing could tear us apart, I never even gave it a second thought
I was so sure and I was wrong, Now every single thing I ever had is gone
--
20 July 1980
He was the one to retract his hand at hearing that confession-he couldn't help it, not when she told him that.
Cor, he'd asked himself a thousand times now since he'd first pressed that ruddy stop button how had they
gotten here? But this-this was worse than any of that confusion, frustration, or desperation. This was affirmation
of the fact that there was a limit-that some things really are irreversible.
The majority of his experience with Lily had been a great show of extremes ranging from various flamboyant, as she liked to call it when teasing him, displays of affection-which, sadly, included pulling on her braids during third year-and outrageous head butting of their tempers.
She was the one girl that ever made him feel so alive. Cor, even arguing with her was a rush. He was never one for yelling, much unlike her, but when they got into the moment she pushed him to the limits, often almost forcing him to break his cool stance and just scream at her-or wring her neck, it really depended on which was easier.
But that-the idea that he might have broken her… it was just so wrong.
"It's not possible," he muttered, letting out a low, guttural growl after voicing those thought despite himself.
"What do you mean?" she asked, as she toyed with the chain of her pendant while keeping her gaze resolutely fixed on the ceiling of the pattern of the lift's flooring-it was really bothering her that she couldn't figure out exactly what material they used, after staring at it for so long the oddest things began to bother her.
"Us-falling apart, it's not possible. It can always be fixed, I genuinely believe that."
She let out a breath of a laugh as she noted the irony of the whole situation, figures that the end would be when he'd actually want to fight. "So did I James-but you have got to let go of that naivety at some point or another."
He shrugged-simply, resolutely telling her "I can't."
"You learn to James, I did," she assured him in a condescending manner that really made him consider wringing her neck-or just tying her to a bed and shagging her senseless until she forgot about that silly little idea of hers. Honestly, leaving him?
That does not happen with Lily and James Potter; it's just simply unacceptable for them.
"I know you don't believe me James, but it's true," she said in that all-knowing way of hers, at least in regards to him.
He let out a frustrated sigh as he ran an aggravated hand through his hair, pulling on his tie-any excuse to mangle at something just to resist that urge to strangle her, or, better yet, himself for ever having let her come up with that silly notion. "And how can you know that?"
"Experience."
Fuck, he thought to himself upon hearing that answer.
--
Oh Angelina
I learned my lesson this time
I took you for granted for so long And now I just wanna die
Every thing I ever got, I never even gave it a second thought
I was so sure, I was so sure - Now there's only one thing I know for sure
--
18 October 1979
You'd left the house early that day-leaving a note saying that you had to because of some staff meeting that you had to attend to, but, the night before; you promised me that you'd be home early so I didn't think much of it. It wasn't all too unusual with you anyway.
I took the day off from St. Mungo's that day-had a mate of mine covering for me-so that I could get everything ready for us. After all that we'd gone through lately I really thought that we could use that-a chance to find each other again, really talk maybe.
Cor, I even tried to prepare dinner-not that I actually ended up serving it, given that, naturally, it was a horrible attempt that merely produced a burnt catastrophe of a duck l'orange.
But, hey, it's the thought that counts, right?
Anyway, ultimately, I ended up picking up some Italian food, for you, and some Greek as well, for me. I put it all up in our bedroom where a mate of mine had set up a mini-theatre of sorts for us. I just… I wanted for us to finally be able to relax. Have the perfect calm setting where we could really be comfortable together.
It was all finished by four-exactly when you had promised to come home-but I knew that you probably wouldn't be back until five or so, so I didn't think much of it when you had yet to return. I just took out "The Wizard of Oz" and started watching it-not even allowing myself to indulge in the slightest bit of food, a feat in itself, for fear of it ruining my appetite.
I just wanted it all to be perfect.
6.50
I finished watching the film, but you still weren't home. I decided to just watch some "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" to distract myself; keep my mind off the fact.
8.40
My dinner was finished-as was the majority of the manicotti from yours-and I was starting "Carrie" when an owl started tapping on the window. And while I know that I shouldn't have been so surprised by the fact, I couldn't help it; I had hoped that this night would be different. Despite it all I had still held onto that naïve, infallible hope that you'd be there, but that crushing penultimate moment where that bloody owl arrived-well that one almost killed me.
It was a short little thing that you couldn't even call a letter really, and that fact just hurt me all the more.
Sorry love, can't make it home tonight.
Last minute problem with a newspaper that
I really need to take care of.
Forgive me?
I had never missed your messy, little, slanted, illegible chicken scratch more than I did then at that moment. It was so obvious that you had had your secretary write as you dictated, and that almost hurt me as much as the fact that you had left me for work. Again. And on our anniversary of all nights.
What's worse, however-the salt on the wound, so to speak-was the gift that came with it. It was this ungodly necklace, rubies and diamonds galore, that was the most catastrophically ostentatious shite that I'd ever had the displeasure to lay my eyes upon.
You'd forgotten our anniversary.
You'd sent your secretary to buy and "I'm sorry" gift without even realizing what it was that you actually should be apologizing for.
It was all so wrong.
10.50
I was numbly making my way through "The Shining"-a movie that I'd never been able to watch on my own before, and only really even bought for your sake. It's odd, though, how when heartbroken nothing can get to you-not even a film that usually has you in tears from over what a state of fear it puts you in.
Odd, really.
--
Nothing here is set in stone
Nothing's ever set in stone
Everything I have some day will fall apart and fade away
Nothing here is ever set in stone
--
20 July 1980
"Oh bloody hell Lils, I had no idea," he admitted with a groan. "I honestly don't even remember what the bloody hell it is that I had to attend to!"
She nodded. "I know, and that's the worst part about it James," she said, turning her head away from any vantage point where he could see her face as she quickly wiped away a stray tear that was about to make it's way down her face.
She couldn't let herself do that-not anymore, she'd promised herself that she was done crying.
"It did get better for a while," she admitted. "Your birthday came two months later and you and I spent those amazing three weeks off by going to the Bahamas, and everything was great for a while, you know? I mean… the underlying problems were still there, but it was better than it had been in a while and I'd learned to live with that-I even let myself hope again after that-I actually let myself think that maybe all wasn't lost."
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