Chapter 9: Looking for Sirius
--- HOGWARTS, 7th YEAR--
"What do you want?" Remus spat. Calista's colorless eyes flicked up and down his body once
before answering.
"Look," she began, "I hate your friends."
"You dragged me here just to tell me that?" Remus asked coldly.
"Let me finish! However, you aren't so bad . . . for a Gryffindor."
Remus blinked in surprise, but before he could say anything, Calista continued.
"I don't want to see you upset, so listen carefully. If you want things to stay as they are with your friends,
get Black and Evans to come clean to Potter before Severus tells him what he saw. That's all."
Calista was gone before Remus could ask her anything else. He stared at the spot where she had been, thinking hard
about what she had meant by that. Black and Evans . . . it came to Remus what must have happened. Oh God,
that's why Lily was upset. . and why Sirius wasn't there . . . damn! Remus turned and ran back the way he
came. He had to find James before Severus did.
*********
James walked across the grounds toward the Shrieking Shack, thinking Sirius might be in there. It was very odd
Sirius hadn't shown up for dinner. James wasn't panicking yet, however.
"Hey, James!" Autumn hailed James from the entrance hall doorway and ran to him. She caught up to James and
he gave her a moment to catch her breath.
"So, where's he at?" James asked after Autumn had stopped clutching her ribs.
"No idea," Autumn replied. James cocked an eyebrow at her in surprise.
"Come again?"
"That's what I came to tell you. No one can find him, not Remus or Lily or Spike 'n me. He's nowhere,
man." Autumn's face was tense. She and Spike had never failed to find anyone before. James ran a hand thru his
messy hair and thought for a moment, trying to squelch the panic rising inside him.
"All right, then . . . just tell everyone . . . have everyone go back to the common room. I have one more place to
check then I'll meet you all there."
"You're the boss, mate." Autumn gave James a mock salute, placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder
momentarily, and then ran off. He watched her go, then turned and hurried his pace toward the Whomping Willow. He was
now extremely worried. Sirius had never disappeared like this before. He prayed his best friend was all right.
***********
Sirius wasn't in the Shrieking Shack. He wasn't in the South Tower, or the Great Hall. He hadn't snuck into
Hogsmeade; he wasn't in the room behind that mirror on the fourth floor. And he hadn't gone back to the
hospital wing.
He was deep in the bowels of the Forbidden Forest, farther in than he or any of the Marauders had ever been before. The
atmosphere was dense and thick, the air itself heavy. If he had noticed his surroundings, he would have felt as if the
air was trying to push him into the ground. The trees groaned and creaked in the wind and there was a fine mist hanging
about the ground.
"Padfoot, I think I'm in love with her". . . . . . . . . . . ." Don't leave." "I
have to." . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lily in his arms. . . . . . . . . . "You should really be
nicer to her, Sirius. She's not that bad." "Yes she is Remus!" . . . Lily in front of the fire . . .
. . . . running around with James and Remus and Peter, Marauders for 7 years now. . . . . . . . .all those dreams. . .
.
It was official. Sirius was a slime ball. Not only had he had fallen in love with the one person his best friend in the
world loved, he had kissed her TWICE! Sirius was lost. He loved Lily, but James was his brother. Did he fight for the
girl, or stick with his friend? Would Lily even want him if he did try to win her over? Would James even stay his
friend if he knew what Sirius had done and how he felt? . . . . . . If Lily loved him back, did it matter?
*************
Remus ran frantically into the common room. Peter, Sara, Lily, Spike were already gathered around the fire. He looked
frantically for James but didn't see him.
"James isn't here yet Remus." Sara answered his unspoken question. "Come sit and try to relax. Maybe
James and/or Autumn found Sirius and they're bringing him back now." Sara patted to empty space next to her,
but there was no way Remus was sitting down now. He grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her to her feet. Ignoring her
protests, he pulled her upstairs into the boy's dorm room.
Remus slammed the door shut, locked it, and turned to Lily.
"What happened with you and Sirius," he demanded. Lily looked absolutely stunned.
"How did you--what're you, psychic now or something?!"
Remus shook his head. "Whatever happened, Snape knows and he's going to find James. Lily, we have to find him
first!"
Lily was too surprised to say anything at first. She stared at Remus, her mind spinning a hundred miles an hour as she
tried to think.
"How did you . . .?" Lily's voice was weak. Her eyes spelled out her guilt as Remus stared her down.
"Calista. Never mind-" he held up his hand as Lily opened her mouth to speak - "I'm assuming you and
Sirius kissed? Don't speak; just shake your head yes or no." Lily nodded. "Well,'' Remus
continued, "Snape saw you and now he's off to spill the beans to James. He knows that if James hears it from
someone else, especially Snape, before he hears it from you, it'll kill him. It's what Snape wants. We have to
find James. Come on."
Remus grabbed Lily's hand and once again pulled her behind him, this time back downstairs.
"What is going on?!" Sara exclaimed as they passed. Remus shook his head at her as he and Lily headed for the
door. Just then, Autumn stepped thru the portrait hole.
"What's the word, mockingbird?" Spike asked his twin.
"James aid wait for him here," she shrugged. Remus let out a growl of frustration and turned away from
everyone. Autumn crossed to him and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Hey, Remus, everything's going to be all right," she said in a soothing voice. "Just try not to
worry. I'm sure nothing's wrong."
Remus just looked at Lily, the worry evident in his brown eyes. Her emerald ones stared back, just as afraid.
***************
James emerged from the Whomping Willow thoroughly frustrated. Sirius hadn't been there. He brushed the dirt off his
arms and ran his fingers thru his hair again. He headed back toward his common room.
Maybe Remus found him after all. Or Lily did. . . Just thinking Lily's name made him walk faster. He still
couldn't believe how things had turned out between them. James had never been in love before, but if this was love
then it was better than anything he'd ever heard or read about. Being with Lily was like finding that part of
himself he'd been missing his whole life but hadn't known it. Lily fulfilled him. He hated being apart from her
and couldn't get enough of her when they were together.
Lily hadn't said "I love you" yet, but it didn't matter. He could wait to hear it. After all,
he'd waited for seven years for Lily Ann Evans to notice him the way he noticed her. He was happy. James
wouldn't push her to say it because there was that terrifying fear she would be saying it just to appease him.
What if she never says it at all? a nagging voice in his head whispered. James shoved it back down, not
wanting to dwell on that. She'd say it. He knew she would. She had to. Lily had become his everything.
The nagging vice wasn't done yet. And if she finds someone better?
James froze with his hand on the handle of the great oak doors leading inside the castle. His blood chilled and his
insides curdled. Now that he finally experienced life with Lily, he didn't want to imagine a world without her.
James took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. The very thought of Lily with someone else, holding someone
else's hand and kissing someone else's lips made him broil with rage. He would die.
It hasn't happened, the rational part of his brain told him. Why fret over things that will never come
to pass? James sighed and pulled open the doors. All hail rationality, he thought. He walked past the
Great Hall and headed toward Gryffindor Tower.
A still scaly-faced Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows and blocked James' way.
"Potter. We need to talk."