Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter 33: Truth and Tears

Lily burst into the common room, desperately trying to choke back the sobs that threatened to overtake her. Sirius looked up groggily from his nearly empty bottle of firewhiskey, his focus suddenly becoming much clearer when he saw the tears pouring down Lily's face.

"What happened?" he demanded of her. He was at her side in seconds, gently taking her arm and guiding her to the sofa. He quickly kicked the bottle under the sofa, but Lily, in her distress and to Sirius' great relief, had not noticed it.

"James asked me to marry him," Lily sobbed quietly. I knew it.

"So, explain to me why that's a bad thing," Sirius said softly.

"I can't marry him."

"Do you love him?"

Lily sniffled and nodded. Sirius reached into his pocket and found a crumpled tissue which he handed to Lily. She dabbed at her red, watery eyes and gave a small hiccup.

"And you know he loves you?" Sirius continued. Lily nodded again.

"Then what's wrong?"

Lily stifled a sob. "I'm not good enough for him," she cried.

"That's ridiculous," Sirius scoffed. "You're perfect." Whoops. He had spoken before he thought, and the silence that fell was a thick one. He was afraid to look Lily in the eye.

"No I'm not," she whispered. "Lucius. . ."

A chill crept into Sirius' blood. Lucius. That slimy, skuzzy, sleazy scumbag was a part of this. He should have known they hadn't fully escaped the cloud of malice Malfoy spread.

"Lucius what?" It was not Sirius who spoke, but Lily appeared not to notice this and buried her face in Sirius' tissue. Sirius met James' eyes as he stood in the doorway, but James shook his head at Sirius, meaning `let Lily finish.' Sirius nodded and returned his attention to the redhead now sobbing on his shoulder.

"Lucius what?" Sirius repeated softly. He put his arm around her, knowing it was all right.

"Lucius ruined me." It was barely loud enough to be a whisper, yet it rang through the room and tore up everything in its path. Sirius met James' eyes again as the meaning of Lily's words sank in and they realized exactly what Lucius had done to her that day so long ago. James crossed to Lily and sank to his knees before her, resting his hands on hers.

"Listen to me," he said firmly. "Lucius did not ruin you. Sirius was right, you are perfect." Good Lord, how long was he there? Sirius thought to himself.

"I loved you before," James continued, "and I love you now and there is not a being on this earth who can take that away from us. Do you understand me?" Lily gave a small squeak and nodded, sniffling as she did.

"I want to spend my life with you," James said. Sirius could see James' heart playing for everything at this moment and he desperately wanted to leave but knew he needed to stay. Life sucked sometimes, but bugger if he wasn't going to be here for his friends. He had wallowed long enough.

"Don't let Lucius Malfoy make you a victim forever," James whispered. "Live, Lily. It's the best revenge you will ever have. If you live, no matter for how long, you triumph."

Lily broke down into sobs and buried her face in James' chest. He wrapped his arms around her and settled himself on the couch next to her, gently rocking her back and forth. Sirius found himself wrapping his arms around them both and resting his head on Lily's back, rocking with them, letting Lily finally cry.

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Autumn heard noises coming from the common room. Stupid. . . leave the door open. . . grumbling to herself, she threw off the bedcovers and crossed to the door, ready to slam it shut and crawl back into bed. The sobs she heard stopped her, though, and she listened for a moment before she realized that it was Lily she heard crying and it was not the happy sobs of a newly engaged woman but the cry of a despairing soul. Sobs coming from her best friend.

Autumn fled down the stairs, still clutching her fairy doll. She stopped at the foot of the staircase and looked in surprise on the scene before her: James, Lily and Sirius together, the boys holding Lily as she cried her heart out on James' shoulder.

She didn't care about the reason, she just knew that Lily needed her friends. Autumn crossed over to the trio, leaned over the back of the sofa and put one arm around Sirius and the other around James, grasping Lily's hand as it rested on James' back. She rested her head against Lily's head, humming a nameless tune as she rocked with her friends. My sweet Lily. Come hell or high water, we're here. Be not afraid.

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Peter was up to something again, that was for certain. Spike crouched a few feet behind the small boy, glad for the darkness of the night. The half moon did not give off much glow tonight; its light was muted, dimmed somehow. It worked just fine for Spike.

He'd been hiding here for over an hour now, as Peter sat on a low garden wall and munched on a bag of Every Flavor Beans he'd brought. What is he waiting for? Spike thought impatiently. He'd never known Peter to sit still for this long, so he knew it was something of the utmost importance.

Spike shivered in the cold and wished he'd thought to bring a cloak with him on his little nighttime adventure, but no matter. Peter seemed cold as well; despite the cloak he wore, Peter kept rubbing his arm. No, it wasn't cold. . . On closer observation, Spike saw the boys face and he realized that Peter was in pain. That's interesting. . . He hunched closer to the ground and hugged himself, seeping all the warmth he could into his bones, and waited.

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As Lily's tears had slowed, she began talking in fits and spurts, revealing the details of Lucius' attack. Autumn, James and Sirius had not said a word, the had just listened as she spoke into James' shoulder, her voice staying soft yet becoming stronger as she went on. The more Lily talked, the more relaxed she became, yet the more Lily talked, the more tense her three companions became.

By the look in her eyes, Autumn was planning murder in her head and the boys were much farther along than that. But no one said a word as Lily finally ended her story and closed her eyes, letting the fabric of James' shirt soak up the last of her slow tears.

There was silence for a long time after Lily had finished speaking; the four friends just held onto each other, each silently offering their comfort and companionship. Lily, my love. I'll kill him for you. Sirius finally lifted his head slightly from Lily's hair to look at her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing deep and even. She was asleep. He spent a moment lovingly going over the details of her face, and knew James was the luckiest guy in the world, and he, Sirius, needed to let go. He could love her forever, and it wouldn't make the slightet difference anymore. If I can't have her love me, I'll at least have her be my friend. It was time to let the past go; if Lily could release it at last, so could he.

Sirius nodded to James, who looked down upon the face of his sleeping beauty and smiled sadly. Sirius and Autumn disentangled themselves as James lay Lily down on the sofa. He softly kissed her cheek and brushed her hair away from her face as she slept. Autumn reached down and placed her fairy doll in Lily's arms as Sirius conjured a blanket with his wand and draped it over Lily.

"I say we bleed him like a stuck pig," Autumn said harshly.

"Not enough pain involved," James replied.

"Let's just leave it for now," Sirius said quietly. James and Autumn looked at him strangely.

"When did you become the voice of reason?" Autumn asked.

"Remus isn't here, somebody has to do it," Sirius shrugged.

"Hey," James asked, "where is Moony anyway?"

A/N: Yes, I am aware of just how incredibly short this is! BUT!!!!! I plan on having the next part up in about 30 minutes or less or your money back! [/spaz moment] See, I reworked the next chapter. It's all Remus/Calista stuff, but it was split in two, with this section in between it, and I never liked it that way. OK, enough talking. Must update. It's all action from here on out kids! No more slow parts. From here on, we fly.

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