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H/Hr Fics: A Parody by Jack Ryan
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H/Hr Fics: A Parody

Jack Ryan

DISCLAIMER: You know this is JKR's stuff, not mine.

Well, I suppose many of you may have read JKR's interview by now. I, like many of you, am very disappointed by it and her laughing at us. So I have responded by writing another chapter of this! Hehe…I will definitely be taking digs at the interview, do not fear! And H/Hr will not die as long as those who remain are still loyal. :)

TITLE: HARRY POTTER and the HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (Even though there will probably be no Half-Blood Prince stuff in this book at all anyway)

CHAPTER TEN: DELUSIONAL!

HARRY: Man, I'm so tired. It feels like it's night, but it's only lunch time. I must be getting delusional again. But is it really so delusional? Night/day---what's the difference? If you look at from a different perspective, maybe it's night. After all, it's night somewhere in the world.

HERMIONE: Well, you know, Harry, looking at things from a different perspective is delusional…Everyone knows that!

HARRY: Oh yeah, right. I forgot.

HERMIONE: So what are we gonna do today, Harry? You want to spend some quality time together?

HARRY: (hopefully) Like flying lessons or something?

HERMIONE: God, not again.

HARRY: Come on, please…pretty please!

HERMIONE: No way. I was thinking that actually maybe I should spend a lot more time with Ron. That would probably be a huge clue that I really like you.

HARRY: Huh?

HERMIONE: Well, doesn't it make perfect sense? Only someone really delusional would think that me enjoying spending time with you means that I might have feelings for you!

HARRY: I don't get it.

HERMIONE: That's okay, Harry. Just be glad you're not getting hit with an anvil! C'mon, let's go to lunch.

(Harry shakes his head, confused, but follows Hermione down to the Great Hall)

RON: Hey mate.

HARRY: Hey Ron. How's the relationship with Sarah going?

RON: Yeah, I just found out that my immature relationship with her actually improves my maturity and might make me worthy of Hermione?

HARRY: No way, she's mine!

RON: What about Ginny?

HARRY: Monster or no monster, that's nothing compared to the BEAST that I feel when I look at Hermione. (This will remain a H/Hr fic, parody or not, ship attack or not…*sob*)

RON: Okay, whatever. I think I'm gonna go make myself a little more "mature" by fooling around some more with Sarah.

HARRY: Room of Requirement?

RON: Hey, I'm mature now!

HARRY: Righto.

(Ron leaves)

HERMIONE: Harry, why aren't you eating?! Can't you ever do anything right?

HARRY: What the…?

HERMIONE: I'm morphing into HBP!Insane! Hermione.

HARRY: No…stay the way you were before. I like you better that way.

HERMIONE: You do?

HARRY: Who wouldn't?

HERMIONE: Well, JKR didn't think Ron would…

HARRY: Forget Ron.

HERMIONE: Should I?

(Move closer)

HARRY: Yes.

(Their lips touch and they kiss sweetly and gently, despite the fact that Harry's hands are getting sticky from a spilled glass of pumpkin juice gradually spreading over his fingers. He runs a sticky hand through her hair)

(Yes, I know this is a parody but H/Hr snogging is never a bad thing! Especially in these dark times…I promise you I will return to the parody.

HERMIONE: Wow…

HARRY: That was amazing…it seemed almost like a illusion.

HUFFLEPUFF NAMED EMERSON: Delusional! You're just delusional!

HERMIONE: (breathily) No, we're not.

EMERSON: Yes you are! Hahahahahahaha!

JKR: Hahahahahaha!

HARRY: Shut up, I want to kiss Hermione.

(He kisses Hermione again and Emerson and JKR fall silent.)

HERMIONE: (sigh) You are so wonderful, Harry…

HARRY: Does that mean you'll take flying lessons with me?

HERMIONE: NO!

HARRY: (pleading) C'mon, `Mione, why not? Please…it'll be fun. I promise. And there won't be any symbolism either as long as we don't ride on a hippogriff.

HERMIONE: Don't you know, symbolism and reading between the lines don't matter anymore! You're just supposed to go for the obvious stuff. Duh.

HARRY: Whatever…I just wanna kiss you.

HERMIONE: You're sweet.

HARRY: I know.

HERMIONE: Not that romantic…but I'll take it.

(Harry kisses Hermione again…)

HARRY: Now we just have to wait for our inevitable breakup over a dumb reason as happens in all H/Hr fics. And then after that we'll get back together. That'll be a good day!

EMERSON: Delusional!

HARRY AND HERMIONE AND ALL H/HR SHIPPING FANS: We don't care!

*~*~*~*

Author's Note: Yes, most of us that was just repeated digs at JKR but I had to do that. Just for my sake. Hope you liked it anyway.


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