Disclaimer: You fill this in. You know that I don't own anything :) Remember this is solely for the purpose of being fun! A lot of the concepts I ridicule are concepts included in my own sixth year fic.
TITLE: Harry Potter and the Green Flame Torch (Even Though JKR Has Confirmed This Will NOT Be the Title of the Sixth Book, It Is Accepted As the Rightful Title)…NO! The title is now…Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! Dun dun dun! Now that I've read this story which is rather ridiculous, I will also parody HBP every now and then, along with the normal continuous parody of H/Hr fanfics! Enjoy!
Chapter Eight---Harry and the Broomstick
HARRY: Man, I'm waking up again! This is amazing! It's like this author has no skills!
(Wait for it…)
RON: Yeah, like that would ever be the case!
HARRY: So how's it going Ron? You still doin' Sarah?
RON: Yeah, man. God, she is hot! I love her. I mean you'd think only untalented fanfic authors would make random, sudden romances like the one I had with Sarah. Good thing the best-selling author in the world doesn't do that!
(Wait for it…)
HARRY: You love her?
RON: Metaphorically speaking.
HARRY: Uh-huh.
RON: Whatever. Let's go to breakfast.
HARRY: Okay let's go.
(They go down to breakfast where Hermione is sitting, looking as hot as ever, her nose buried in a book. You can see her pink bra straps.)
HARRY: Da-amn! Kill me now, God, because I just am about the happiest I'll ever be!
HERMIONE: Sure you are.
HARRY: That's true. I'd rather be doing you right now. But unfortunately, you're not that type of girl.
HERMIONE: (coyly) Am I?
HARRY: Come on, Hermione, please let's just go to the Room of Requirement.
HERMIONE: You're such a pervert. Later.
HARRY: Like today?
HERMIONE: Like no.
HARRY: Damn you.
HERMIONE: Whatever.
(Hermione walks away…Ginny comes in. Suddenly a monster leaps up in Harry's chest.)
HARRY: Rawrrrr!!!! Who is this foxy cat?
GINNY: It's me…you know, the independent woman!
HARRY: (sidling alongside her) You won't be so independent when you come with me, young lady!
GINNY: I thought you liked Hermione!
HARRY: Unfortunately, five books of buildup doesn't mean anything to some people...(he coughs)…so I can inexplicably fall in love with you when there is no basis for it! It makes perfect sense doesn't it?
GINNY: About as much sense as Ron falling for Hermione.
HARRY: Luckily, Ron's still doing crazy things with Sarah. I suppose it's only a matter of time, though…hopefully, I'll get my act together soon.
GINNY: Only someone who's being very hormonal would put you with me all of a sudden.
HORMONAL JKR: What?
HARRY: Yeah, well, maybe you're right…I do love Hermione after all! She's the wind beneath my wings! I love her like I love the moon!
GINNY: You love the moon?
HARRY: Sure it's romantic, right?
GINNY: Sure.
HARRY: Now, excuse me, I have to go work out so I can be the buff, muscular man of every girl author/reader's dreams.
GINNY: Don't forget to spike your hair and get rid of your glasses! Or did you already do that?
HARRY: I don't remember because I'm too lazy to go back and read whether I did! After all, it's been several months since I last was moving around in this story.
(Ginny nods and Harry walks away back to his dormitory. He sees his broomstick lying around)
HARRY: Damn…that thing is so long…and hard…and woody. It makes me feel all…tingly.
(Harry begins to imagine Hermione riding the broomstick)
HERMIONE: Oh Harry! Yes! YES! OH GOD! OH YES!!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
HARRY: Man is the broomstick sexual symbolism the most overused cliché in all fanfics? Or would the wand go ahead of it?
HERMIONE: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(Harry yawns and stops fantasizing)
HARRY: Man, this is a short chapter and it's still early morning. But I guess it's okay…after all, I don't want to rush into anything like some books have been!
HORMONAL JKR: What?!
***
Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it…I'll definitely be posting with more regularity.
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