FOREWORDS:
As always I'd like to thank those of you to take the time to offer feedback. If I could request one thing, it would be that if you do review please, please, please put some comments into it. As nice as it is to get the occasional review that says ::thumbs up:: it doesn't really tell me anything about my writing or your opinion of it. That and it gets rather annoying when I receive about a dozen of these.
So again, if you want to review, that's wonderful and thank you, but please make it worth the time it take for you to type it and me to read it.
* * *
~ Last Certain Breaths ~
By: Oy! Angelina
* * *
"Something's going on with the Slytherins." Sirius Black decided as he and the other Gryffindor 6th Years lounged near the shore of the Hogwarts lake.
It was Friday afternoon, the day before all the students were expected to head home for spring holiday. Procrastinating on packing since the afternoon was too lovely to waste organizing luggage, Sirius and his friends soaked in the welcoming early spring air under the shade of a tree. A sentiment shared by a few other students who mimicked their actions.
"Something's always going on with the Slytherins." Remus noted unimpressively. "More so, you're always suspicious of them."
"With good cause!" Sirius exclaimed defensively.
"Well Sirius isn't being his usual paranoid prat-like self on this, I've noticed it to." James interjected from his reclined position on the grass
"Thanks, Mate!" Sirius stood up and patted James on the abdomen roughly, causing his friend to grunt, before climbing into the tree they were lounging under.
"Yeah they've been a little off all week." Arabella nodded while teasing her kitten Bast with her a dandelion. "I think they're ignoring Tudor and Lestrange."
"You sure those two aren't just ignoring everyone else?" Peter challenged. "They're really snobby and self-involved."
"If that was the reason then everyone in Slytherin would be ignoring everyone else." Gwen decided while French-braiding Lily's long hair for the bored amusement of it.
"Wonder what yeh have teh do teh get hated in Slytherin." Cassidy stretched.
"It's not really our concern." Millicent shrugged from behind her book. "Not like we're friends with Tudor or Lestrange and we certainly aren't in Slytherin."
"Millicent Meek, you're such a proper and sensible girl." Sirius hooked his legs over a thick branch in the tree and dangled like a smirking bat.
Millicent blushed slightly.
"Thank you, Sirius." She mumbled.
"Probably why yeh don't flirt with her like all the others." Cassidy guessed.
"You don't hit on girls like Millie; you court them." Sirius reported. "Anything else is vulgar and an insult to their character. My daddy taught me that."
"What did your mummy teach you then?" James prompted.
"Hit on everything that moves no less than twice!" Sirius chuckled with the blood rushing to his head. "As you can see it's a major conflict of interests."
"I don't believe I've heard of anyone's mother instructing them to sow their wild oats." Lily laughed, wondering what it would be like to meet Mrs. Black in person at Sirius's party.
"Sirius is Madeline Black's little prince." James informed, all too aware of Sirius's usual home life.
"Only son and baby of the family, Sirius could blow up a wing of their home and Mrs. Black will go one about what a perfect son she has." Peter snorted. "Wish MY mum would take a page from that book!"
"Yeah, Mrs. Black is convinced that girls only hit on her charming and handsome son while he does nothing to instigate it whatsoever." Remus chuckled at the lunacy of the statement.
"I'm a victim of my own raw, sexual charisma." Sirius sighed tragically.
"You're going to be a victim of massive trauma to your head once you fall on it." Arabella nodded to Sirius's precarious position. "Of course it's probably big enough to save your skin."
Giving himself a bit of momentum, Sirius swung off the branch and landed on his feet in a deft dismount. The girls offered a mild applause for his spry feat as the boys rolled their eyes. Only took Sirius five years to nail the maneuver as, before late 5th Year, Sirius never quite managed his landings as he would have liked.
"It was much more entertaining when he'd fall on his arse." James decided.
"Look, Millie, a bunny!" Sirius pointed off, causing Millicent and a few of the other girls' heads to jerk in the opposite direction as he performed an obscene gesture for James's benefit.
Not seeing any bunny, the girls turned back to Sirius who shrugged.
"Perhaps it was just a fuzzy 1st Year." Sirius started to walk off towards the castle.
"Where are you off to?" James demanded.
"Wander around the castle a bit before I take to packing." Sirius said listlessly. "Maybe do my Mum proud, I don't know. See you back at the tower."
"It's so nice that Sirius will be going home to have his ego further stroked." Lily joked.
"Not if Acontiae is there." Peter grinned knowingly.
"Did you talk to your parents about me seeing you over break?" James turned to face Lily, hopeful in her response.
"Yes, I did." Lily smiled. "They said they'd love to have you over for dinner at some point."
"Great!" James beamed. "So I'll get to see the Muggle world close up? Last time I did that I was with my parents. I remember it being really different. Sort of quaint. I'll finally be able to apply all those conversation topics we're always going on about in Muggle Studies!"
"Yeah, be sure to discuss the sexual revolution they have going on there, James." Remus encouraged jokingly. "Parents love to talk about that sort of thing with their daughter's boyfriend."
"Shouldn't you be in an empty classroom getting detention or something, Remus?" James teased back.
Arabella shot James a pointed look.
"You know you're technically making fun of me too here." Arabella informed.
"Not at all, Arabella!" James insisted. "I blame Remus entirely for his ungentlemanly regard of you. It's always the man's fault in these sorts of things, poor impulse control and the like. Sirius Black is our working spokesman."
Remus kicked some dirt onto James's robes with the heel of his foot in response to his accusations.
"See if you're going to carry on like this, I might not be able to have you over." Lily laughed at her boyfriend.
"You know I'm always on my best behavior for you." James smiled as he took Lily's hand.
"That's a bloody lie if I ever heard one!" Lily declared.
"Yes but its far simpler matter if we all just believe in the lie." James pointed out as he leaned back and rested his head in Lily's lap. She simply rolled her green eyes and patted him on the head.
* * *
It was the faint hum of a string melody that lured Sirius towards the North tower of Hogwarts castle. He ascended into it until he reached the conservatory and spied Winifred Wilkes seated with a cello positioned in front of her. Her eyes were closed and her expression was so serene that Sirius might have thought she was asleep if she hadn't been working the bow over the strings to purposefully.
Not wanting to interrupt her but uncomfortable with the idea of just staring at Wilkes, Sirius debated his options as he continued to listen to her play a particularly mournful piece of music.
Wilkes was an odd girl, the least qualification for this being her thin-blooded relation to Severus Snape. She was always sort of quiet, content to be a voyeur of the world around her as she kept a constantly amused look on her face. Of all the Slytherins in their Year, Sirius found Wilkes to be the least offensive and most elusive. Sirius felt like he knew the other Slytherin's personalities and motivations pretty well, he had to so as not to be caught off-guard by them. Wilkes gave Sirius little to go on in general, aside from her attachment to Snape and aloof air.
Whether the case, her music suggested something sad resided in Wilkes.
"Who taught you to play?" Sirius finally decided to speak.
Winifred stopped in mid note and turned towards the doorway where Sirius was standing. Surprise betrayed her usually detached expression upon seeing him there.
Sirius didn't think he ever saw Wilkes caught by surprise before.
"Severus's Mother." Wilkes replied resuming her usual composure.
"Does Snape play too?" Sirius strolled into the room.
"Looking for something new to taunt him with?" Wilkes inquired.
"Depends on how bad he is at it." Sirius smirked.
"Severus appreciates music, however doesn't perform." Wilkes answered. "Why are you up here?"
"Should I be somewhere else?" Sirius asked.
"Not to my knowledge." Wilkes confessed.
"Mine either." Sirius sympathized. "Come up here often?"
"Typically only for Divinations, but I felt bored so I decided to amuse myself." Wilkes explained.
"Story of my life." Sirius nodded.
"Yes, well your stories traditionally shape up to be cautionary tales don't they?" Wilkes smiled.
Sirius chuckled.
"Mine is one a many misadventure." Sirius agreed.
"Why are you speaking with me?" Wilkes raised an eyebrow. "You have to know you shouldn't be."
Sirius's eyebrow and the corner of his mouth raised slightly. What was it about being forbidden to do something that made it all the more appealing?
"May I ask why you and I aren't on speaking terms?" Sirius pressed the subject.
"Because my cousin hates you." Winifred specified.
"Yeah, that sounds like Tybalt." Sirius recalled a different conversation, with a different person, in the same conservatory. Winifred glanced over at Sirius quizzically, prompting him to shrug. "Muggle reference."
Winifred nodded as she resumed playing the cello. Casually making his way over to the piano, Sirius couldn't help but notice that, for someone who shouldn't be talking to him Winifred wasn't putting in much of an effort to ignore him either.
"So is that the only reason I shouldn't be talking to you? Because of things between me and Snape?" Sirius demanded.
"I didn't suspect you'd have any reason to." Wilkes replied. "Unless you're just looking to antagonize Severus through me."
"Trust me; I don't need to go through you to antagonize Snape. I'd be worried about my creativity on the subject if I did." Sirius informed.
Sirius sat himself in front of the piano and began to play along with Wilkes's music. He wasn't certain of the piece she was playing but didn't find it all that hard to find the melody of the cello with the keys. Wilkes appeared slightly impressed by his finesse with a piano but didn't comment on his playing.
"I have to ask, why did you help me out in the Potions brawl with Avery?" Sirius spoke aloud thoughtfully. "Not that I a) don't appreciate it or b) couldn't have handled it on my own but it just didn't seem very much like -"
"A thing for a Slytherin to do?" Wilkes guessed.
"Actually, I was just going to say it didn't seem like you." Sirius corrected.
"And what would you know about me?" Wilkes prompted.
"Nothing actually. I mean, I know SOME things, but not a whole lot." Sirius went on. "You're pretty good about keeping to yourself and out of my hair."
"Which you should have trimmed up, by the way." Wilkes decided.
"Nah, I'm going for a casual appeal. It's all I have against James's boy-next door image and Remus's rugged good-looks." Sirius smirked. "Now Snape is a man who could use some helpful hints about hair care! Maybe he could get a brooding sophisticate thing going with a bit of clean up."
Wilkes shook her head a smiled slightly.
"You still haven't answered my question." Sirius observed.
"I thought you'd be familiar with the concept of behaving 'coy' Black." Wilkes mused.
"We can get off topic in a minute, why did you help me?" Sirius wouldn't let up.
"It sounds like you're expecting a certain reason." Wilkes noted.
"I don't know what to expect from you, Wilkes." Sirius admitted.
"I was cross at Regius for something he said to me earlier." Wilkes justified. "I wanted an excuse to hex him and that happened to be a convenient opportunity."
"I would have also accepted 'because you were devilishly handsome' but I suppose that's a fair reason." Sirius joked.
"Are you flirting with me or yourself?" Wilkes questioned.
"I'm fully capable of multi-tasking, Luv." Sirius quipped on.
"Well, seeing as you only have a chance with one of us I figured you might not want to spread yourself too thin if you can help it." Wilkes coolly stated as she stopped playing her cello and set it off to the side.
Sirius removed his hands from the keys and placed them in his pockets as he rose from his bench.
This was a lot more entertaining than packing.
"Out of curiosity, why don't I have a shot with you?" Sirius smirked broadly. "Furthermore, what makes you think you even have a shot with me?"
Wilkes stood up and folded her arms across her chest as the stared at Sirius with an amused expression. Sirius wasn't entirely sure if the Slytherin girl was internally laughing at or with him. She turned on her heel, tossing her layers of dark brunette hair behind her as she walked out of the room.
Sirius strode along after her until he was walking at her side.
"You're making a bad habit of not answering my simple questions." Sirius pointed out.
"Fine then." Wilkes relented. "Firstly, you don't have any prospects with me because you're the knut a dozen sort of boy who thinks he's the gods' gift to women because he's cuter than average and fully aware of it. Lastly, I know I have a shot with you because EVERY attractive and arguably eligible girl in this school has a shot with you."
Sirius wasn't certain of whether he should be offended or amused by the banter.
"So you think I'm cute?" Sirius opted for the later.
Wilkes appeared as though she were stifling a laugh behind her lips.
"I'm not blind, Black." Wilkes reminded. "Of course, I'm not foolish either which is why I'm ending this conversation."
"Hey, it was just getting good." Sirius protested softly, meeting her dark eyes with his pale ones.
"Because it was about you?" Wilkes wagered.
"Exactly." Sirius grinned as he noticed he and Wilkes had arrived at a fork in the corridor with one route leading to Gryffindor Tower and the other to the Slytherin dormitories in the dungeons. Wilkes turned to face Sirius as a polite gesture before bidding her farewell.
"I should talk with you more often, Wilkes." Sirius determined. "I like a girl who can hold up a decent conversation."
"I didn't know you were becoming so selective all of a sudden." Wilkes cocked her head to the side. "You won't be able to make your weekly quota if you keep putting on stipulations like this."
"See this isn't really fair." Sirius pulled his hand out of his pocket to wag a chiding finger at Wilkes. "You think you know enough about me to come up with all these colorful comments on my character but I don't know enough about you to bite back."
"Not really my problem is it." Wilkes shrugged.
"I reckon I'll just have to keep talking to you until I find out enough to be on equal footing." Sirius shrugged back.
"That's not a good idea." Wilkes's smile flickered and faded.
"You'll forgive me for not being discouraged since I was never really big on those anyway." Sirius grinned.
"The body of my House would throw a large celebration if you met some horrible end, Black, with Severus stringing up the decorations. And it's not as though Gryffindors see that far past the colors of silver and green." Wilkes frowned. "Be practical and don't push your luck before you make trouble for the both of us."
Sirius smiled and nodded as he listened to Wilkes words.
"I think you know enough about me to know Slytherin don't scare me off." Sirius stated. "And I might not know worlds about you, Miss Wilkes, but I know one thing: You do what you want and don't give a damn what people think about you. See you around then."
With that, Sirius turned on his heel and headed off towards his House dormitories. After walking for a few moments with only his thoughts for company Sirius found himself in front of the Fat Lady Portrait.
"Willow-Bound." Sirius spoke, amused with Lily's sense of humor for making up passwords.
The Portrait entrance swung open.
"Out of interest, what is it you're grinning so goofily about." The Fat Lady inquired.
"Just debating how far I'm willing to go to make a short point." Sirius reported.
"My guess is pretty far with you, Sirius."
Sirius laughed as he stepped into the Gryffindor commons.
* * *
"So what's the going punishment for getting caught snogging in the Castle?" James asked Remus as they attempted to stuff their carrying trunks in an orderly manner in their dorm. Peter was procrastinating on the task by offering to fetch them some sweets from the kitchen and Sirius had yet to meander on in leaving James and Remus more than enough privacy to chat.
"I had to write out 'I will not publicly display my affections for Arabella Figg' 600 times by quill. One hundred for every Year we were and, therefore, should have known better. Arabella had the same, but with my name." Remus shook his head.
"Bloody hell that's tedious." James breathed sympathetically.
"Yeah, the worst part was the lecture of Professor Heilsing's utter disappointment in me." Remus groaned before becoming slightly crossed. "She spared Arabella it, which makes me a bit upset because it implies she expects this sort of thing from her and Arabella's not that kind of girl."
"I can sort of see where Heilsing's coming from." James confessed, clarifying quickly under Remus's harsh look. "Not to say anything against Arabella, mind you, but I just didn't expect you hear about you in some empty class with a girl."
"Probably would have agreed with you about six months ago." Remus admitted. "It's different with Arabella though. She's so extroverted it's infectious. I don't think that girl has a single thought in her head that she doesn't vocalize or act upon."
"So I take it things are going well between you two?" James grinned, happy for his friend.
"Phenomenally so." Remus nodded, grinning as well. "Now that Arabella knows exactly what I am, I don't have to be the least bit guarded with her. I don't have to constantly wonder if I'm taking advantage of the situation or misleading her into something she might regret. Arabella's with me for the best and the worst of whatever that happens to be so anything that happens between us. . . I guess I don't have to worry and wonder if it's right anymore than the average chap."
"So then you're thinking about. . . possibly. . ." James purposefully trailed off as he gaped at his friend.
Remus got slightly red and shifted a bit. Checking to make sure that Sirius Black wasn't about to burst straight into the room to make an awkward conversation even more awkward, Remus mimicked James's usual twitch and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sixteen James. . . the thought's crossed my mind." Remus laughed nervously. "But acting on it is an entirely different scenario altogether. I'm just happy to be with Arabella and I'm not particularly demanding on how we spend that time. And since I don't need to wonder how famously the two of you are getting along, I could probably ask the same question of you and Lily."
Remus grinned like a prat as he threw James's own inquiry back at him.
"We haven't really discussed anything like that yet." James explained, sitting on his bed. "We'll be having our three month anniversary soon and that's about the longest relationship either of us has been in. I'm kind of forced to play it all by ear and I'm desperately terrified that I'll do something astonishingly stupid to ruin everything."
"I marvel at your ability to over think things, James." Remus shook his head as he resumed packing. "Go with your good instincts on this; if it doesn't feel right don't follow through."
"Well that's what I did Christmas." James said thoughtfully.
"Christmas? What happened then?" Remus asked.
"Oh." James wagered he might have said too much on the subject. "Well, nothing. Nothing regrettable at least."
Remus developed a knowing expression as he could take a guess.
"I reckon you'll do fine by Lily on this James." Remus assured with a smile.
The conversation came to a halt as Sirius entered the room with a goofy, self-satisfied expression painted across his face. Remus and James had to assume there was some cause for it as they turned their attentions onto their mutual friend.
"He's got the same expression a cat has when it catches hold of a mouse!" Remus observed with a laugh. "Okay, what did you do now Sirius?"
"Nothing!" Sirius insisted still grinning manically. "Why am I always up to something?"
"Because you're always up to something." James obviously stated, before turning to Remus. "Okay, does that look like a 'I just pulled a mad stunt that's going to have McGonagall bellowing for me in 30 seconds' smirk or a 'I was just snogging some attractive peer of mine that will only contribute more to the wildly fabricated rumors of my prowess with women' smirk?"
"I have to pick just one?" Remus whined.
"You really do assume the worst of me at this point don't you?' Sirius noted, still smiling as he dragged his trunk onto his bed and readied packing it. "Ah, my clever lads."
"You're not going to crow on about this?" James said skeptically.
"Nothing to crow on about." Sirius shrugged. "I just talked with Wilkes for a bit."
Remus and James caught one another's deliberate glances.
"What?" Sirius caught them too.
"Just talked?" Remus repeated.
"Yup." Sirius nodded. "I am capable of just speaking to a girl, you realize."
"Still, maybe it's not a good idea to chit-chat with Snape's cousin. He gets really weird about Wilkes." James advised. "Like you get with your sisters. You said so yourself that it would be pretty slimy of you to get at Snape though his cousin."
"Relax!" Sirius insisted with a laugh. "Bloody hell, you act like I'm picking out the names for our children."
Pulling open his draws, Sirius shot a look over at Remus.
"What DO you think of the names Castor and Pollux if I have boys?"
More exchanged glances. Sirius rolled his eyes and faced his friends.
"You know, this reminds me of a story." Sirius mused to his friends. "It starts out something like 'Once upon a time, Moony and Prongs could TAKE A JOKE!'"
"Are you kidding though?" James demanded. "Wasn't it 4th Year that you were interested in her a bit, before you found out she was Snape's cousin that is?"
"You remember the most inane details about my life, James." Sirius shook his head as he resumed packing. "Wilkes seems like the hard sort to thaw out. That and her game playing would probably just have me chasing my tail if I even considered it. That's not even bringing into conversation that she's a Slytherin AND Snape's cousin, ensuring there would be hell to catch for it! The fruit doesn't get anymore forbidden than Winifred Wilkes."
Remus and James returned to their packing, sharing a similar awareness of their friend and his attitudes towards an indomitable challenge. Like a child, the more you told Sirius he couldn't have something the more he wanted it. And the more obstacles you threw out in his path, the harder he tried to overcome them.
It was a gallant and stupid quality of Sirius Black.
* * *
"Memory Charms."
Aaron Lestrange slammed the lid of his trunk shut so he could look at his girlfriend, presently sprawled out at the head of his bed.
"Pardon?" Aaron questioned as he waved his wand to levitate it over by the rest of his belongings to return home with him.
"Memory Charms." Mary Tudor's throaty voice repeated. "That's how we could have gotten away with ruining Evans and Potter. I was too committed to them being humiliated. I think I could have lived with knowing I shagged Evans perfect little boyfriend for her even if she didn't."
Aaron wasn't entirely sure he could have lived with that.
Potter touching Mary.
Aaron felt like killing the scruffy haired git at the mere thought of it.
"So are we going to try for it again with a slight revision?" Aaron inquired as he joined Mary on the bed.
The beauty of being ostracized by the rest of Slytherin was it left more time for him and Mary to be alone. He crept over to her in a predatory fashion, running his hand through Mary's straight black locks and loving the feeling of them pouring between his fingers. She propped herself up a bit on one arm to bring her face closer to his. Mary smiled.
It was a gentle smile that only Aaron ever saw.
He liked knowing that.
"No." Mary decided.
"Good." Aaron murmured as he started to slowly kiss Mary's neck in teasing motions of his mouth. He bit into her flesh a bit, hoping to leave an obvious mark to know Mary was taken. He was sure to linger close to her ears so she could hear him. "The thought of being with Evans . . . it turned my stomach."
"People are always going on about how pretty she is." Mary stated in a husky voice as she closed her eyes. "Are you saying you don't subscribe to that?"
"No." Aaron sneered a bit against her mouth as he started to kiss her. "That repulsive Muggle look of hers. How could I desire THAT over you?"
"Then why were you willing to go through with it?" Mary wondered as she pushed her hands through Aaron's dark wavy hair, disturbing its traditionally perfectly groomed state.
"Because I love you." Aaron reasoned. "And I'd do anything you asked me to."
"I love you too." Mary whispered back. "That's why you don't have to touch that disgusting Mudblood to strangle her."
"I imagine we're not giving up on putting those self-righteous Gryffindors in there place are we?" Aaron affirmed as he eased Mary back onto the bed and positioned himself over her, tracing his fingers along the buttons down the front of her blouse.
"Don't worry, Aaron." Mary smiled reassuringly as she moved her hands over his face. "The only future Potter and Evans have together is if they share the same urn."
Mary could make the most morbid pillow talk so completely stimulating for Aaron as he leaned in to desperately kiss her.
Passion and plotting.
Aaron knew this was the perfect relationship for him. The perfect woman for him.
"We'll have to wait until Severus's eye is off us." Aaron warned as he and Mary continued their foreplay.
"Severus should watch his own back." Mary hissed half in pleasure, half in anger. "No one usurps me like that. His and Winifred's little coup has just offered Potter and Evans a momentary reprieve."
Aaron moved his eyes to Mary's as he continued to run his hands over the length of her frame.
"That will require something very clever." Aaron mused. "They're not like Potter and Evans, ignorant of their own shadows. Winifred treats people like pieces of wizard's chess, putting them into position so they can have it out for her amusement and Severus notices EVERYTHING. It was so obnoxious rooming with him for five years."
"That bitch Winifred." Mary glowered. Aaron could feel her tensing beneath him, but it was only partially attributed to anger. "She thinks her precious cousin will keep protecting her, that pathetic little tag along."
Mary was unintentionally starting to take her frustrations out on Aaron as he nails raked his flesh.
Aaron didn't entirely mind.
"She probably loves him, you know." Aaron breathed. "Maybe it's mutual. You can never tell with Severus. There might be something there to work with, to turn them on one another."
"All you have to do is wind Winifred up and let her go." Mary giggled between her own thoughts and what Aaron was presently doing to her. "She hates her darling Severus paying attention to something other than her. We just need to find something Severus cares about, make him want it more than anything in the world, and then make Winifred threatened by it. She'll make him miserable and he'll hate her forever for doing so. Then they'll both be sad and disjointed."
"We can't break them though." Aaron cautioned, feeling suddenly burdened by his shirt. "Severus still has certain obligations to our Lord and Winifred's useful leverage against the scowling prat."
"And, in spite of every inane thing Severus picks up on, he doesn't even know it." Mary grinned.
"That Winifred would follow him into Hell just to be in his shadow?" Aaron smiled back. "No he doesn't."
Taking hold of Aaron's limp tie, Mary dragged his face closer to her own. Her expression became even more suggestive than it already was.
"I don't feel like talking anymore."
Aaron obliged by kissing Mary again.
* * *
Lily wrapped gently on the door to the 6th Year girls' bedroom before entering. Only Cassidy Kinkade was present as the dark-skinned girl worked with her luggage.
"I was just about to see if you all wanted to head to supper." Lily announced.
"Well yeh missed the boat." Cassidy reported. "Gwen, Millie, and Arabella ran off with the boys ahead of us."
"Nice to know where I stand with James!" Lily huffed at her boyfriend's failure to invite her along.
Cassidy just laughed.
"Yer pathetic, Lily." Cassidy decided. "Yer relationship with James is so perfect yeh have teh invent problems as yeh go along. The boy's probably just trying teh keep up his strength so he can keep snogging ye or whatever yer up teh by now."
Lily felt very awkward on the subject of James with Cassidy. Her imagination had been fevered and relentless with each new clue and mystery to arise regarding Cassidy and James's past. Lily shifted her weight to her other foot as she stepped closer to Cassidy almost tentatively.
"If I could ask something." Lily meekly began, catching Cassidy's attention. "What went on with you and James? Not the generalities that you said in front of the other girls, but what happened while you saw each other and why did you break up?"
Cassidy eyed Lily, showing that she had not expected to be having this conversation. Groaning, Cassidy stomped her foot.
"I told him he shouldn't have let this fester, but that wanker doesn't listen teh anything other than his own voice!" Cassidy fumed to herself, before calming down and addressing Lily. "Why didn't yeh go teh James on this?"
"I tried; a couple of times." Lily explained. "Either I can't get the words out as I'd like to or he just dodges the issue. I figured there was no harm if I tried talking about it with you. After all, you were a part of it."
Cassidy sighed as she glanced toward the bedroom door. Removing her wand, Cassidy waved it a couple of times to place a locking and silencing charm on it. Lily offered an expectant look to Cassidy as she returned her wand to her robes. A knot began tugging at her stomach as Lily knew that Cassidy wouldn't be taking so many precautions unless there really was some big secret to all this.
"I don't much fancy anyone listening in on my conversations and Gwen has the habit of popping up when I don't expect her teh." Cassidy rationalized. "That's how this whole thing started with me, yeh, and James and it really shouldn't have ever gotten out like that."
"But it is. And it keeps bothering me when I don't want or expect it to." Lily replied. "It's not that I think that anything is still going on with you and James, that's not what I'm suggesting at all. But I still find myself getting jealous because I don't know. I don't know what happened between the two of you."
"Why is it any of yer business?" Cassidy shrugged. She didn't sound like she was offended, simply curious by Lily's preoccupation with the subject.
"It's not, that's why I feel horrible." Lily adverted her eyes. "I know what went on with you and James has nothing to do with James and I now but it's like I'm not sure of where I stand with him in relation to you."
"He's gone daft with love fer yeh." Cassidy informed with a smirk. "Not that he wasn't pretty daft teh begin with. . ."
Lily had to smile.
"So you're saying it shouldn't matter." Lily nodded.
"But it does." Cassidy observed sympathetically. "So yeh might as well ask me whatever it is on yer mind."
"Did you and James ever. . ." Lily felt her words trail off reluctantly. It was hard for her to finish the sentence. She had no idea how Cassidy would react. She had no idea what Cassidy's answer would be.
But Lily had to know.
"Did you and James ever sleep together?"
It looked like, for just a moment, Cassidy stopped breathing.
Staring hard at Lily, Cassidy appeared to be debating what her reaction should be. Turning away from Lily slightly. Cassidy covered her mouth with her hand. Lily watched her, uncertain if Cassidy was stunned silent, preparing to launch into some lengthy explanation, or if she was about just start crying.
Lily hadn't expected Cassidy to start laughing.
Let alone quite so hard.
To the point of tears.
Now Lily felt even more uncomfortable by the situation as she stood with a doubled over Cassidy Kinkade who was howling with laugher, evidently at the thought of sleeping with James. Lily wasn't sure if the scenario of Cassidy and James's relationship provoked the fits of laughter or just the thought of sleeping to James altogether.
Regardless, Lily was taking this as a "no" to her question.
"Sorry 'bout that!" Cassidy gasped out as she attempted to straighten herself up, still grinning. "No, no, no! Potter and I never did ANYTHING like that. Seriously Lily, it was only a bit of snogging and nothing past it."
"Then what's the big secret!" Lily demanded exasperatedly. "Why are you off whispering together about what you should or should not tell me? Why can't I get a straight answer? What is James hiding about all this?"
"Just something he and I have in common." Cassidy's expression started to sober with the conversation.
"Which is?" Lily led in.
"That we both like girls." Cassidy finished.
Lily paused as the significance of those words stuck her like a wave against the sand. Cassidy appeared to be studying her reaction for any violent change. Lily wasn't entirely sure what show she was offering to the taller girl, but she was relatively certain there was a fair amount of shock on her face. Lily couldn't quite peg which was making her uncomfortable: the notion of it or the sudden awareness of it.
"So you're. . . I mean." Lily fought for words.
"Lesbian? Yeah." Cassidy nodded a bit awkwardly.
"I had no clue." Lily confessed numbly.
"That's kind of the idea." Cassidy reassured. "James knows, and my family, but other than that I just don't bring it up one way or another."
Lily recognized this as true. She had never heard Cassidy mention any interest in being attracted to anyone in all her years of knowing her and was always quick to duck out of the conversation when it was brought up. Suddenly, Lily's mind begin recalling the past six years with Cassidy, wondering if she had ever said or done anything that might have been insensitive to Cassidy's lifestyle ignorantly.
"How long have you been . . . when did you know? " Lily asked finding her sentences to be growing more stupid sounding by the moment.
It was no consolation that Cassidy didn't seem to know how to answer this question.
"I reckon always." Cassidy attempted. Lily kept her eyes on Cassidy to show that her friend had her full attention as Cassidy struggled to go on.
"When we started the get around the age, 3rd. . . 4th Year, and yeh, Arabella, and Gwen would sit around giggling about boys I just realized that I didn't know what yeh were talking about. I wasn't like Millie where I was being bashful about it, I just wasn't worried about what boys were thinking of about me or whether they wanted teh kiss me or something. I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. What threw me fer a loop was when Sirius started making sense teh me."
"Sirius?" Lily questioned.
"Yeah, Black would chatter on about some pretty or charming girl and I found myself agreeing whole-heartedly with him. And it wasn't like I was just acknowledging it like the obvious, I was FEELING it. I didn't know how teh think about that because . . . well, I thought girls were supposed teh go with boys. That's what everyone else was talking about, anyway."
"Why didn't you ever mention it to us?" Lily felt a bit hurt by this. Partially because it sounded like Cassidy didn't trust her or the other girls to understand or accept her and partially because she couldn't be there for her friend when Cassidy had needed her support.
"I though. . . I thought I was just abnormal." Cassidy said quietly. "I never said this but the Sorting Hat was considering putting me in Slytherin back in 1st Year. I never knew why it thought I should be there. Then, when we were a bit older and those rumors would go around about the things Slytherins do behind closed doors, I thought that's what the hat meant. That it knew there was something wrong with me and wanted teh put me where I belonged with the rest of the deviants."
Lily frowned as she stepped closer to Cassidy.
"There's nothing wrong with you."
Lily recognized she truly meant that.
"Well, fer a while I thought there was." Cassidy reported glumly.
It was unnatural to see Cassidy so vulnerable as she did that moment.
"Is that why you kissed James?" Lily was starting to make sense of it all. "To fit in?"
"Yeah." Cassidy sighed.
"I wasn't trying teh use him or anything. I did like Potter. Funny, smart, looked out fer people. I felt everything fer him except fer some kind of physical attraction, thought maybe I wasn't trying hard enough and if I just gave James a chance then maybe I would be like all the other girls and happy teh run about with all the other boys. He seemed teh like me so one day after practice we were talking and we ended up snogging a bit until Gwen caught us."
"After I got done making Gwen promise teh keep her mouth shut, I realized that kissing James . . . it didn't feel like I thought it would. It was like I was just going through the motions and they really didn't mean anything. So I told James it was a mistake and it couldn't happen again, hoping that would be the end of it."
Lily had to chuckle at Cassidy sincerely believing James Potter, the master of persistence, would just drop anything.
Cassidy started to laugh as well.
"I know; I was naïve." Cassidy grinned. "Potter, the prat he was, started dogging me everywhere I went, wanting teh know what was wrong. He was trying teh figure if it was because he was my team Captain or if I was just embarrassed because of Gwen catching us in the act. After a week of this, I finally just fessed-up that it had nothing teh do with him and explained my situation. James took it well and has spent the past year being about as supportive on it as he could. He's always been grand about helping teh keep it a secret. Discouraging guys who are interested in me and stopping rumors as he heard them, that sort of thing."
Lily felt herself smiling inwardly and outwardly at James's understanding and how great of friend he had been to Cassidy without anyone ever knowing it. It explained why they got along so well and seemed so close all the time. They shared a secret and that sort of thing builds a deep bond in a friendship.
Still, it wasn't right for Cassidy to suffer in silence like this while everyone else was out and pursuing relationships.
"Why are you keeping it a secret still?" Lily wondered gently. "I don't think it would be that big of a deal too many people. You could probably at least tell people in our House. Everyone loves and admires you Cassidy."
"No, I don't want people teh know." Cassidy insisted in a sharp, almost scared pitch. "It's not that I'm ashamed anymore, Lily, but, well yeh go teh school here too! Some people are bothered by this sort of thing, even people in Gryffindor. I don't need a bunch of girls whispering about me behind my back or running out of a bathroom every time I step in. I don't need stupid guys making dumb comments teh me. I don't need Slytherin hissing and constricting around that part of my life."
"I don't think you're being fair." Lily stated. "You don't know how people will react until you give them a chance to."
"I'm out of here in a year, Lily." Cassidy glanced at her. "After that, I can live the life I want. Right now, I'm fine with being Cassidy Kinkade: Gryffindor Beater who can pummel most blokes and looks out fer the little guys like Gwen. That's all Hogwarts need teh know about me."
"But what if there are other students like you?" Lily pressed. "Some girls or boys who are confused or scared to be themselves, whatever that might mean. Not everyone's as independent as you, Cassidy. If someone strong and confident that people looked up to can be herself other people might be find that same courage."
"Well, maybe I'm not brave like that." Cassidy's tone was soft and sad.
"I think you are." Lily smiled as she placed a reassuring hand on Cassidy's shoulder. "I think that's why you're a Gryffindor."
Lily believed that. Secrecy and reservation was more common to the Slytherin while Gryffindors were proud to be who they were. And while Cassidy's ambition and rough humor were the same qualities most Slytherin had, the ability to hold her head high along the road less traveled was what made her a Gryffindor in the end.
Even if she did so in silence.
"I won't mention it to anyone if you don't want me to." Lily promised.
Cassidy smiled and sighed in relief.
"Thanks Lily." Cassidy patted her on the back. "Yeh know though, yer saying the exact same thing James has been saying since he found out. It's just . . it's easier to say that sort of thing when yeh don't have to live with the repercussions of it."
"Well, James and I would be there for you . . . for what it's worth." Lily reminded.
"It's worth lots." Cassidy assured.
Cassidy's entire demeanor softened a bit. As though she had been trapped in a small place for a long time and just found a little bit more room to work with. Lily wanted to do everything she could be there for Cassidy, as a friend.
"Since you can't really talk about it with anyone else and you had to listen to the rest of us go one about boys for ages, is there anyone you are interested in? That you think might be interested back?" Lily sheepishly asked in a show a support.
Cassidy blushed slightly. She hadn't ever been asked about who she was interest in as far as girls were concerned. Thinking about it for a moment, Cassidy almost said something before forcing a scowl.
"Sod off, Evans, just because I like girls doesn't mean I need to chatter on like one."
"I'll leave you to finish packing then." Lily smiled and nodded at her "tough" friend.
"I'll see yeh when yeh get back from supper." Cassidy promised as Lily left.
Once alone, Cassidy attempted to contain her excitement and anxiety over Lily knowing now too. Maybe she and James were right. Maybe Cassidy wasn't being fair to herself, fair to other people. Maybe a lot of people would understand. Maybe she wasn't alone, maybe she was just lonely.
Maybe the person who sent her those roses on Valentine's was lonely too.
* * *
It seemed that everyone had forgotten how busy the platform of 9 and ¾ could be when the Hogwarts Express pulled into the Kings Cross station on Saturday. The Gryffindor 6th Years left the train in a huddle that quickly dispersed a soon as people started spying their awaiting parents.
Mrs. Pettigrew tugged Peter off almost as soon as he stepped onto the platform forcing him to should a hurried goodbye to his friends and a promise to see them later on in the break. Gwen, Cassidy, and Millicent found their parents not long after and exchanged farewells, wishing one another a good holiday.
Watching Arabella push a trolley full of cats in their carriers, James was grateful for only having Wifflesnip to look after as he saw Arabella drag Remus off, ambushing him with an introduction to her Wizard father who shared his daughter's fair-features. Her mother, a Muggle, wasn't present since too much magic made her a little uncomfortable but was interested in having Remus over sometimes during the holiday to meet him.
As soon as he caught sight of Celestine, Sirius bolted over to his middle sister and pulled her into a hug and off her feet. Celestine was short and sturdily built like their mother, though she kept her black hair relatively short so as not to encourage any of the animals she breed to take a hold of it. She accepted the embrace graciously, evidently amused by her exuberant, younger brother. Remembering his manners, Sirius brought Celestine over to his remaining friends.
"Hullo James!" Celestine greeted warmly, before turning her attentions onto the redhead whose hand he was holding. "And whom might this be?"
"Lily Evans." Lily introduced herself.
"You're Jimmy's girl I take it?" Celestine grinned the same mischievous look Sirius was known to dawn. James winced at the nickname but let it slide since only Celestine and Mrs. Black ever took to calling him by it and they did so only with the most affection. "Well isn't that just smashing news! Aurora mentioned something of it a while back. It's good to see my honorary younger brother with a steady girl."
A thoughtful expression struck Celestine as though the words had jogged some sudden memory.
"Oh bloody hell that reminds me." Celestine muttered turning to her younger brother. "Mum and Dad will NOT stop harping on the lot of us for being single still so please tell me you have a girlfriend like James."
"Nope." Sirius shook his head smiling.
"Great, now we have to listen to Mum moan about her poor, unloved baby and Dad accuse you of being a womanizing failed product of a stable home." Celestine sighed.
"I'm inclined to take Mr. Black's side on this." James grinned, prompting Sirius to give him a good shove.
"So what are your, Aura's, and Acontiae's excuses then?" Sirius demanded.
"Well Acontiae's too picky evidently; I'm tragically overlooked by vastly stupid men, and Aurora must be sabotaging her own happiness because she's not marrying Malfoy. I'd rather see her alone and free than that git's trophy but tell that to Mum, she loves him." Celestine rolled her eyes at their parent's logic. Sirius put his arm around Celestine and nodded sympathetically.
Although Sirius and Aurora probably maintained the most intimate relationship of his siblings, he and Celestine got along well as both had a light-hearted nature that took after their mother and could agree most of the time on matters concerning the family. It was part of Celestine's function as the middle child; peacekeeping and uncanny awareness of her surroundings.
"Well, we should be off for supper at the house." Celestine became conscious off the time, before turning to Lily and James. "You're more than welcome to join us naturally."
"Oh thank you, but my parents should be popping up any moment." Lily declined politely.
"Yeah and I just caught sight of Frank who's waving me down over there." James nodded off into the crowd. "But we'll see you in a couple weeks at the bash."
"Great to hear!" Celestine beamed. "Well, you both enjoy your holiday until Sirius can make sure to commandeer it."
"See you both later!" Sirius gave Lily and James each a quick hug as he went off with his sister and left the couple to themselves.
"So, this is it for a while then?" Lily noted sadly, causing James to nod.
"Just send an Owl for when you want me to come over." James replied feeling himself miss Lily already. "I love you."
"I love you." Lily returned as her eyes drifted off to the side. "And there's my family. I suppose we should just say our goodbyes here."
James leaned in to give Lily a cordial kiss since he didn't want Frank or the Evans to watch him maul their daughter as he would have preferred with this farewell gesture. Reluctantly breaking hands, James and Lilly walked off into opposite directions.
James couldn't look back, knowing it would probably kill him even more if he did.
"Hullo Frank." James greeted half-heartedly in spite of his better efforts.
Frank Longbottom smiled with a sympathetic expression.
"Nothing like that first stint apart, eh?" Frank sighed as he put a friendly arm around James.
"You'll forgive me if I curl into the lonely void Lily's absence has left and die every so often won't you?" James asked.
"Absolutely!" Frank said cheerfully. "Though I believe Alice had plans to fill it with all her homemade sweets once I got you home."
"That will work too." James perked up a bit.
* * *
"Are you looking for someone in particular?" Winifred inquired, catching Severus's observation of Black and the short, dark-haired woman with him as they started to move off the platform.
"No." Severus lied.
He had anticipated it would be Aurora who would receive Black, considering how fond she was of her thick and obnoxious sibling. Instead, Black was heading off with one of his other sisters from the looks of it. Severus suddenly became aware of an odd sensation attributed to this revelation.
Disappointment?
Severus didn't have an opportunity to further examine this possibility as he caught sight of Black tossing a wave and a wink in Winifred's direction. Winifred motioned to wave back, but Severus caught her hand in the air and tugged her after him; scowling at Black whom simply shrugged indifferently.
"Why was he waving to you?" Severus demanded, keeping one eye on his cousin and another searching for his Mother whom they expected to collect them up.
"Who knows?" Winifred guessed with a smile suggesting she might have a better idea than she was letting on.
"I suspect you might." Severus accused.
Winifred shrugged and grinned coyly as she stole a glance at Sirius Black before he turned the corner off the platform.
"Apparently I have a problem with answering simple questions.
* * *
* * * * * *
* * *
So we finally know what's up with Cassidy, probably lost a reader or too but if someone's not comfortable with a homosexual character in Pensieve then I'm not going to force them to read it. It's a shame though if there are. I was thinking of a friend of mine as I was writing Cassidy and I always get upset when I think about how people can not like a wonderful person just because of what they do behind closed doors.
Lots of Sirius in this chapter which is nice because he's such a fun character (not a whole lot of Lily and James action but I'll make up for it next week). I wonder what you guys will think of him talking with Winifred. I wonder what Snape will think of Sirius talking with Winifred. ~_~
Well, for the rest of you (hopefully not a brave few) who are sticking it out with me, I'll see you in a week where we have James meeting the Evans family and the return of Aurora Black (for those of you who missed the raven-haired OC)
* * *
Sweetness
By: Jimmy Eat World
* * *
If you're listening? whoaaaa
Sing it back whoaaaa
String from your tether unwinds
(String from your tether unwinds) whoaaaa whoaaa
Up and outward to bind
(Up and outward to bind) whoaaaa whoaaaa
I was spinning free whoaaaa
With a little sweet and simple numbing me
Are you listening? whoaaaa
Sing it back whoaaaa
So tell me what do I need
(Tell me what do I need) whoaaaa whoaaaa
When words lose their meaning
(When words lose their meaning) whoaaaa whoaaaa
I was spinning free whoaaaa
With a little sweet and simple numbing me
Yeah, stumble 'til you crawl whoaaaa
Sinking into sweet uncertainty
oooooo ooooo oooooo ooooo ooooo )--4 times alone
oooooo ooooo oooooo ooooo ooooo )--4 times with ahhh's underneath
ahhhhh ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhh ahhhh
Are you listening?
Are you listening?
If you're listening whoaaa
If you're listening
Are you listening?
Sing it back whoaaaa
If you're listening
Are you listening?
And I'm still running away
(I'm still running away) whoaaaa
I won't play your hide and seek game
(Your hide and seek game) whoaaaa
I was spinning free whoaaaa
With a little sweet and simple numbing me
What a dizzy dance whoaaaa
The sweetness will not be concerned with me
No, the sweetness will not be concerned with me
No, the sweetness will not be concerned with meeeee (hold note)