See the first five Chapters for my self-proclaimed lack of owning various things.
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~ His and Her Circumstances ~
By: Oy! Angelina
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In the weeks approaching Halloween, the school was a buzz with rumors about what was going on with some of the most popular faces at Hogwarts.
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As far as gossip was concerned…
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James Potter was jokingly referred to as the new ghost of Hogwarts since he seemed to all but vanish unless he was eating, at class, or practicing Quidditch. On the rare occasions he was spotted out on the grounds, Arabella Figg was certain to be present and rather cozy with James. Most of the school was filling in the blanks of James's frequent absences and they were often randy and sensationalized guesses. For the most part, everyone seemed to approve of the coupling as James was known to be witty and outgoing so it only made sense that he'd get along well with an attractive girl who was known to be quirky all her own.
If you were to ask Arabella, she would insist that nothing so tawdry was going on with James behind closed doors (though some felt she was merely trying to guard both their reputations) but she was wildly fond of him. If you were to asked James . . .
. . . Well good luck finding James to ask him.
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While James was busy fending off the relentless advances of Arabella, Lily Evans was the subject of the remaining gossip. As they were both Gryffindors and had virtually the same schedules, Sirius Black and Lily often headed from one destination to another in each other's presence. Lily seemed fond of Sirius and had only nice things to say about him when he was mentioned in conversation, but refrained from indicating they were anything more than friends.
For his part, Sirius took any opportunity that crossed his path to make it known how special Lily seemed to be to him. Half the girls were swooning over the compliments they quoted Sirius to have said to Lily and the other half was completely envious that it wasn't them being paid all these attentions to by one of the most popular and attractive men at Hogwarts.
"If there were ever a Witch and a Wizard made for one another, it's those two!"
"It's like the fairytales me mum used to tell about kindly princesses and handsome knights!"
"Hold on! I thought she was with James?"
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As far as James was concerned . . .
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. . . Most of the school could up and go to Hell!
James felt like a cornered animal most of his waking hours as Arabella had this impressive knack for finding him wherever he happened to be. James had taken almost exclusively to getting about Hogwarts by means of the tunnels and passageways outlined on the Marauder's Map. Although it was a round about means of doing things, James was more than willing to handle a little inconvenience if it meant being able to duck out of being caught alone with Arabella. James had yet to master being direct with women and there was something about the aggressive type that helped complicate things greatly. Usually he was reduced to grinning and stammering while Arabella did all the talking and managed to work in bit of affectionate (but by no means indecent) petting or so. To avoid such public displays just begging to be perverted with rumors, James spent all his free time in his room and ventured out only when absolutely necessary.
Aware of how much time Lily and Sirius had been spending together, James two weeks spent in hiding came to an abrupt end as he realized that he couldn't effectively keep Lily from falling for his best friend if he wasn't there to do something about it. Not wanting things to get out of hand with Arabella (or Lily and Sirius), James took his persistent pursuer aside in an effort to explain things as best he could. James told Arabella that he was fond of her as a friend but didn't really think of her as much beyond that.
James had expected her to cry or scream or even hex him but he hadn't expected her to smile and laugh.
"Your friends warned me you'd be like this!" Arabella scolded adoringly as she began to list her information off on fingers. "Sirius Black reckoned that the only reason you haven't settled down yet is because you needed a girl as hardheaded as you! He told me you'd probably fancy the sort of girl who could hold her own with you so as you wouldn't have to worry about coming off as pushy or offensive and the like."
Great, now it will be impossible to get her to let up. James thought. James hated that his best friend knew him so well, as James did admire certain resilience in a woman, and made a mental note to kill Padfoot for knowing too much.
"Peter Pettigrew thought you were the sensitive type underneath it all and shy away from commitment unless you're certain of the person." Arabella continued. "Which, for your information James, it's not as though I've taken to calling myself "Arabella Potter" or anything of the like! I'm just looking to talk and get to know you better is all! I haven't even insisted on so much as a kiss from you!"
James sighed as he recognized that Arabella had been fairly reasonable (although a little unremitting) all things considering and felt guilty for trying to avoid her. He was also both impressed and inconvenienced at Peter's insights. Wormtail was right; James found intimate attachments to other people a complicated process. While he was more than friendly with practically everyone, James noticed that there were but a few that he shared any sort of genuine rapport with. For his part in contributing to Arabella's relentlessness, James had half a mind to strangle Peter.
"Remus Lupin didn't have as much to say on the matter." Arabella concluded. "He merely said that if you weren't truly interested in a wonderful person like myself that the only fair thing you could do by me is be completely honest as to why that is."
James could groan aloud as he marveled at Remus's ability to guilt trip him from afar. Beginning to suspect that not all of his friends were as ignorant of his attraction to Lily Evans as he had assumed, James was tempted to talk to Remus and get his perspective on the matter but knew already what Moony would advise him to do. Since Remus had done what he could to not lead Arabella on without betraying his friend, James decided Moony would be spared the bloody reckoning that awaited their other friends.
"Some friends I have." James slumped against the wall. Arabella offered a lopsided grin as she joined him.
"I think they have your best intentions at heart." Arabella shrugged.
"The funny thing about that, Arabella is you're right." James said in a depressed tone.
"So, what about it then, James?" Arabella pressed. "You have any decent reason as to why we can't hang about?"
James ran his wand hand through his hair and gazed over at Arabella.
"Actually…I do."
"Oh." Arabella replied quietly. She paused expectantly for him to continue.
"I'm sort of interested in this other girl." James whispered as though he had just confessed a horrible secret. Arabella nodded silently without looking at him.
"Who?" Arabella sounded like a sad little owl when she spoke that single word and it broke James heart a little to see the traditionally vivacious Arabella Figg so downtrodden.
"I…I'm not at liberty to say." James shifted his gaze.
Arabella seemed to be nodding to this as well.
"So is this the same girl you were with that first night back." Arabella asked. "I mean, that's just something I heard."
"Um, that's a complicated sort of question..." James muttered.
"I'm sorry; it's really not my business." Arabella apologized. She looked up, as though a thought had just suddenly come to strike her. "But where has she been then all this month?"
"Pardon?" James's thoughts weren't connecting.
"I mean, I've been anything but subtle about my intentions for you, James." Arabella observed with something of a blush. "What does she have to say to all that?"
"Oh, well…she doesn't really know how I feel about her." James deflated. He wondered how Lily did feel about all this. Whatever it was, it certainly hadn't broken the surface of her exterior. Of course, James had been holding up in his room a lot lately.
"So, you can't see me because you fancy a girl, whose identity you can't divulge to me, that doesn't even KNOW that you fancy her?" Arabella verbalized.
James suddenly appreciated just how lame his reasoning sounded.
"Um…yeah." James agreed uncomfortably. Arabella sighed as she pushed herself off the wall to face James with a gentle smile.
"Are you making this all up for my benefit?" Arabella demanded. James was tempted to stare at her as though she were mad for believing the complicated affairs of his life was nothing more than a ruse, but then he realized just how absurd it all happened to sound once he was done.
"No!" James insisted adamantly. "Arabella, I swear every last word I have uttered has been nothing but the pathetic truth of my life. I can't be with you because I'm completely infatuated with a girl whom I'm not entirely certain takes notice of my existence outside of passing!"
Arabella started to laugh and James felt as though he could cry.
"James, look, I believe you, okay?" Arabella offered. "I'll do what I can to back off a bit . . ."
James sighed appreciatively and prepared to profusely thank Arabella for being so understanding until she continued.
". . .but don't expect me to give up! I mean, unless you're planning on making anything official with this mystery girl whom might not even be interested in you, I see no reason as to why I should abandon you all together." Arabella smirked. "If things between you and your crush get serious, do let me know. Otherwise, I'll see you around."
With a small wave, Arabella trotted off and James couldn't help but wonder if it was possible to arrange for a death curse to be cast upon him in the near future.
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As far as Lily was concerned . . .
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. . . The whole school needed to invest in a life.
As though Lily didn't have enough on her mind without worrying about what new rumor was in circulation at the moment. Lily used her studies and duties as a Prefect to get lost in her own life. She had spent much of her free time in between with Sirius Black since James Potter was more rare to come across than a phoenix as of late. Guessing that Sirius was a bit lonely, Lily didn't mind keeping him company but over the past couple of weeks sensed a pattern in Sirius's intentions. Lily would be lying if she pretended to not be flattered that Sirius Black had his eye on her, but she wasn't sure if she returned the same sentiment. This provided no small source of guilt to Lily as she didn't want to lead Sirius on but wasn't sure if there was anything to truly prevent her from pursuing what he was so clearly inviting.
Lily caught herself secretly hoping that James might give her some sort of reason to resist the charms of his best friend, but he appeared to be getting along FAMOUSLY with Arabella. However, in the defense of James, he seemed more than a bit awkward whenever she caught Arabella purring up against him like a cat. The nasty part of Lily wanted to believe that the only reason James was upset was because he couldn't toy with her emotions as effectively if she knew he and Arabella were an item. Of course, Lily was pretty certain that James was sincerely distraught by Arabella's advances and simply didn't know how to handle the lively blonde.
Wishing she could be mad about the sordid state of her life, Lily felt she only had herself to blame in the end. She had, after all, practically insisted that Arabella make a play for James, as unwitting as her support may have been. It wasn't Arabella's fault if she had the forthright nature to follow the brilliant advice of her friend and Prefect, so why hadn't Lily acted on it herself?
"Because, in the end, I don't really know James." Lily admitted silently as she patrolled the halls with her Prefect badge out in plain view.
It was close to lights out for the evening and she wanted to be sure that all the Gryffindors in her charge were on their ways back to the dormitory if they weren't there already. She had shooed a younger member of the House by the name of Bill Weasley off not five minutes before and figured there was at least another straggler or two about. Until she crossed paths with them, she was left with her own roundabout thoughts.
Beginning to think she had overestimated James's capacity to manipulate people and he was, in fact, just a prat who was completely ignorant of how senseless he could be, Lily wondered where that left things between them now. They had barely exchanged any dialogue since their trip to Hogsmeade and it was never amounted to anything important since Sirius or Arabella would shortly wonder in and break up the conversation. Lily just figured the only reason they bothered trying to speak at all was to make to make sure the other still knew they were alive and about, in some fashion.
"It simply wouldn't be proper for me to fight it out with Arabella since I'm not sure I even want James." Lily's mind worked. "She probably knows more about the boy by now than I do."
What did she know about James?
Lily didn't have much of an opportunity to explore that question as the turned a corner of a corridor and into Severus Snape. Thrown off balance, Lily felt herself stumble slightly until Snape caught her upper arm to steady her.
"Thanks." Lily sighed.
"You should be more careful." Snape advised rather than criticized.
"Wasn't really expecting to run into anyone . . . let alone literally." Lily explained as she adjusted her robes. "Sorry by the way."
"I believe I'll manage." Snape dryly replied. "Shall we walk together for a bit?"
"That would be nice." Lily sighed gratefully. She wouldn't be forced to ponder her previous line of thought about James with Snape around since he only bothered to mention his rival in brief and insulting increments.
"I haven't seen much of you outside of Potions." Snape observed. It was true that she had been keeping herself pretty busy when Sirius wasn't. Lily couldn't be sure if this was Snape's means of indicating he'd somewhat missed her company or if he was simply flexing his ever astute perception.
"It's not intentional. I've just been rather preoccupied lately." Lily assured.
"As I've heard." Snape nodded aloofly.
"So our Houses will be playing against each other in only a couple weeks then." Lily referred to the first Quidditch match of the year. Lily knew Quidditch was one of the precious few things Snape was sincerely fond of, especially when it was a Slytherin victory over the Gryffindors.
"I feel as though my team may have the advantage this time around." Snape commented with a smug grin. "After all, OUR Chasers are only concerned with pursuing a quaffle."
"I'll have you know our Mr. Potter is all business once he steps onto the pitch." Lily defended the Gryffindors against Snape's innuendo.
"I suppose we'll see how well placed your faith is then, come November." Snape attempted to sound indifferent, but Lily knew he was anything but.
Still, Lily actually enjoyed some of the time she spent with Snape. He was an available source of intelligent conversation and his wit kept her constantly on her toes. Surviving an afternoon with Severus Snape made dealing with the usual banter of James, Sirius, and their other friends relatively tame.
"It's good to talk like this. You know, I think you're the only person who hasn't bothered to ask about Sirius and I." Lily noticed appreciatively.
"Mine is not one of the many lives that revolves around yours, Evans." Snape informed. Lily cringed at this. She immediately regretted bringing it up as she realized Snape probably had little desire to hear about the affairs of her social life. Snape observed her sudden silences and decided to clarify himself. "That is to say, it's not my place to pry."
"Don't ask, don't tell, then." Lily agreed.
"I have little to say on the matter is all." Snape rationalized.
"What DO you have to say?" Lily asked meekly which provoked a quizzical expression from Snape. She was tired of a bunch of giggling girls telling her to jump at Sirius and her constant preoccupation with James was wearing at her as well. "I just wanted to ask someone who knows me, that's all."
Snape sighed at this and stopped walking in the hall for a moment. He evidently wasn't comfortable with being placed on the spot like this. Lily doubted she'd get anything less than the usual venom Snape spewed at the mention of Sirius or his other friends but she needed to hear something different from what she had been listening to for half the month. Pondering his response, Snape's black eyes shot at her decisively.
"Superficially, everything about you and Black makes sense. Attractive, popular, adept at magic." Snape seemed to loath admitting this, Lily guessed because he was actually complimenting Sirius. "However, you asked for the opinion of someone how knows you, Evans."
Lily held her breath as she waited for Snape's real response on the subject.
"I suggest you seek your own council then." Snape flatly recommended. "You're the only person here or anywhere that has the faintest idea of what's right for you."
"That's it?" Lily couldn't help but sound surprised. "You know, for a man who's rarely at a loss for telling people how to better conduct themselves . . ."
"Is that what you were hoping for, Evans?" Snape stepped forward, looming over Lily in an almost intimidating manner. "That I would TELL you what to do?"
Was that true? Had Lily just wanted someone to come along, tell her the right path to walk so she could wash her hands of the entire matter without a second thought. Lily bit her lip.
"No." Lily decided. Snape nodded taking a step back.
"Never give ANYONE the power to control you, Evans." Snape warned. "Especially if your only reason is because you are either too indecisive or too lazy to manage your own affairs."
Lily paused with her mouth slightly agape, poised to argue against this point but merely exhaled instead.
"I know, thank you Severus." Lily replied. "You're so incredibly right I feel stupid that we even had to have this conversation."
"There a harder lessons to learn with more dire consequences." Snape assured. "I trust you'll live through this one long enough to make our next Prefect meeting?"
"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow." Lily produced a smile. "Good night, Severus."
"Farewell, Evans." Snape nodded as they parted down opposite halls.
Lily headed back toward the Gryffindor dormitories, deciding that she wouldn't close herself off to either Sirius or James.
"No one says I have to commit to either right this moment." Lily realized. "I shouldn't stop socializing with Sirius simply because James confuses me and I should find out more about James before I give Sirius any sort of answer. As long as I make that clear I'm not being unfair to either I think."
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Lily entered into the common room, relieved that everyone had seemed to go off to bed without her having to threaten someone with her wand. Making her way up the stairs, Lily became aware of a presence watching her. She glanced up the landing to see James Potter perched on the edge of a step peering down. She didn't know if he had been waiting for her, but a part of her was happy to see him.
"Rough night?" James inquired, barely shifting from the position he seemed to be comfortable in.
"Not so bad." Lily shrugged. "Where have you been hiding yourself lately?"
"Mostly my room." James confided before coyly adding. "Few other places I can't let the Prefects get wind of."
Lily smiled slightly to herself at this.
"That's what I'll always be too you, won't I?" Lily asked without any resentment. "The opposition?"
"Yes . . . in many ways . . ." James threw a sad smile at her. " . . . and no for many more."
In truth, Lily and James themselves had become the biggest obstacles in their own relationship and until they figured that out for themselves, they were stuck on a stalemate. James slowly pulled himself onto his feet before looking down at Lily once more.
"What does that mean?" Lily pressed.
"It means . . . " James chose his words. " . . . That I don't think you'll EVER know what you are to me."
James started up the stairs before casting one last glance Lily's way, this time his smile was one of solace.
"Don't worry . . . I doubt I'll ever really know either. Night."
Lily heard the door to the boys' dormitories close. Sighing, she walked over to her own bedroom and entered, all the while wondering to herself how such a bizarre little exchange could offer so much hope to her life.
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Oddly enough, I had intended this chapter to be something completely different but I'm kind of glad it ended up being like this. I've been throwing a lot of plot about and I think this will offer a better picture of what's going on in the minds of Lily, James, and all their friends, admires, and *ahem * Snape.
As always, a fond shout out to all the phenomenally supportive reviewers I've somehow managed to attract. Look for parties, heart to hearts, and something to think about in the next chapter hm?
As for the name of the title, I borrowed it from a great anime series by the same name that is probably the epitome of romantic story telling and isn't completely unlike the effect I was going for in mine. I don't plan on making a habit of naming all my chapters after various other works but for the past couple times around it happened to fit.
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Perfect
By: The Smashing Pumpkins
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And I've knownWe're just like old friendsWe just can't pretendThat lovers make amendsWe are reasons so unrealWe can't help but feelThat something has been lost But pleaseYou know you're just like meNext time I promise we'll be perfectPerfectPerfect Strangers down the lineLovers out of timeMemories unwindSo far, I still know who you areBut now I wonder who I wasAngel, you know it's not the endWe'll always be good friendsThe letters have been sent on So pleaseYou always were so freeYou'll see, I promise we'll be perfectPerfect Strangers when we meetStrangers on the streetLovers walk asleep PerfectYou know this has to beWe always were so freeWe promised that we'd bePerfectPerfect