Unofficial Portkey Archive

Mr. & Mrs. Evans by i found nemo
EPUB MOBI HTML Text

Mr. & Mrs. Evans

i found nemo

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Mr. & Mrs. Evans

The Prologue

"Okay, I'll go first," offered Harry Evans, sitting relaxed in a dark leather seat, complete with his Armani pinstriped blazer over a plain white button down and black slacks, one leg thrown carelessly over the other, "Let me just say that we really don't need to be here." The therapist across from him cocked his head in bewilderment. "See, we've been married five years-"

"-six."

Hermione Jane Evans was sitting in another dark leather chair next to her husband. Her soft lips were formed into a faux smile of welcoming, one long slim leg folded lady like over the other, fingers threaded through each other and one perfectly shaped eyebrow raised at his false introduction.

"Five, six years," continued Harry ignoring her, "and, this is like a check up for us." The therapist, Dr. Kindleman, across from them continued to look confused. Harry ran a hand through his hair in frustration, knowing he wasn't getting through with the daft muggle. "Um, you know a chance to poke around the bush... maybe trim some leaves... replace a tree or two."

Hermione threw a heated glance at her husband, motioning for him to stop with his muggle terminology.

"Very well then, let's harvest some crops." replied Dr. Kindleman with a smirk. Both Harry and Hermione smiled innocently at him. "Now, on a scale from one to ten, how happy are you as a couple?"

"Eight." came the automatic response from Hermione, giving him a confident nod.

"Wait, ten being perfectly happy, and one being totally miserable? Or-" Hermione sighed to relax herself as Harry went on to stutter and shake his head completely baffled. Dr. Kindleman again looked puzzled between the two.

"Just respond instinctively."

"Okay," Harry caught Hermione's eye and nodded, "Ready?"

"Ready."

"Eight."

The therapist began scribbling something down on a piece of paper. Once he finished he looked up and smiled, "Okay, how often do you engage in sex?" Harry choked on the sip of water he was drinking and thumped his fist on his chest.

Hermione, ignoring her husband's struggle twiddled her thumbs obsessively in her lap, "I don't understand the question."

"Yeah, I'm lost, is this a one-to-ten thing?" asked Harry again brushing his hand through his mop of messy black hair.

"Like is one very little or is one something because... I mean tech-technically speaking the... zero... zero would be nothing." Hermione's thumbs were going haywire on her lap.

"That's right. And if we don't know what one is- what's ten?" he replied cheekily with an uneasy laugh, tapping a hand to his thigh to pass over the awkwardness.

"Yes, because ten, you know," Hermione started gesturing with her hands as she continued to look completely perturbed by the question, "You know constant-"

"Unrelenting-"

"N-not stopping for like, I mean... just-"

"No food-"

"Right, no showering... I mean, that-that's not healthy hygiene-"

"Sort of like Sirius for example," finished Harry giving Hermione his award winning lopsided grin.

Dr. Kindleman cleared his throat professionally, "It's not a one-to-ten scenario, it's just a basic question; How often do you have sex?"

Neither answered. Hermione only exhaled and continued to sit in her seat with her hands clamped tightly together and her eyebrows furrowed at the man in front of her.

After a long pause with both completely silent the doctor took a deep breath, "Okay, how about this week?" Hermione showed her anxiety at the question by twirling her emerald cut diamond wedding ring hastily around her finger.

"Including the weekend?" asked Harry meekly.

"How many times have you had sex in the past seven days?"

"Nosey little bugger, aren't ya?" Harry was rapidly growing frustrated at the man in his lush comfortable arm chair. Hermione sent him a side look, which seemed to calm him down... a bit.

"Okay, let's move on," said Dr. Kindleman realising that they weren't about to answer the sex question anytime soon, "Describe how you first met."

"It was in France," replied Hermione liking a question that she could answer quickly.

"Nice, five years ago," nodded Harry a relaxed smile forming on his features.

"Six." Harry's smile dropped. He sent an annoyed glance at Hermione sitting harmlessly in her chair, looking absolutely gorgeous as she continued to look at Dr. Kindleman.

"Right, five, six years ago."

Alright well that's the start. Originally I had this done as a L/J story (which did get a great response), but I kind of liked the H/HR version more… and now instead of creating new characters I get to put JKR's in roles that follows this plot line.

Please leave a review on your way out. This is one of like four more pending stories I have and I really appreciate the criticism you have for me.

Ooh, and anyone up to beta? I have like three more chapters written and I might need some help once the story progresses…

Thanks again!

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hi,

Sorry this is just an author's note. I just wanted to clear some stuff up for the few of you out their that left your concerns in your reviews that this will be exactly like M&MS.

I'm sorry to scare you but it won't be- honestly the prologue is the only part that I think is pretty identical. Of course, it's going to follow the same plot line; and a lot of the major events will be the same but there's no denying that there will be changes.

The parts that I really wanted to capture though is the fact that they are having marriage problems, that they are getting a bit bored with each other in their domesticated life because really they're top assassins (not even really; they don't kill all the time), also the fact that they have been set up to kill each other, and then of course they get together.

So I'm sorry to scare a few of you- and the few of you that were kind of counting on it to be the same you can leave a review telling me a certain scene that you would like to see written since this is written for you.

Thanks again,

Oliver