Chapter Seventeen: The Darkest Hour
In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she's lookin' straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she's lookin' down at her feet
Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now
It's over
(Dry Your Eyes-The Streets)
Harry sat in a darkened hospital room. He couldn't stand the bright lights in the waiting room, nor the family and friends that were gathered there giving him pitying looks. Ron had been discrete with the bad news, telling them only about Hermione's attack not about losing…
the baby…
Harry sunk his head. The grief was terrible. His future shattered. His child gone. He was so lucky to have Hermione still.
"Harry," Ron stuck his head in the door. "She's awake."
Hermione looked so small and fragile lying in the hospital bed. She stared outside the window at the evening sky. It was overcast, it might rain soon.
"She was after you," Hermione said quietly. Harry sat on the bed and reached for her hand but she pulled it out of his grasp.
"Hermione," Harry whispered softly. She turned to look at him, her eyes showed no emotion.
"She wanted to punish you. She wanted to cause you pain by taking away someone you loved." She turned back to the window as tears filled her eyes. "She punished me instead," her voice broke.
"I'm so sorry, Hermione," Harry said quietly.
Hermione closed her eyes as the tears spilled down her cheeks. "Get out," she said so softly that Harry nearly missed it. "Get out."
"Hermione," Harry pleaded.
She raised her voice slightly. "Get out, Harry." He couldn't believe his ears. "Get out!" He stepped away from her, slowly. "I said get out! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!!!" She threw the pitcher of water, that was on the tray next to her, at him. It narrowly missed his head as he left the room, stunned and heartbroken. Feelings that quickly gave way to anger.
It took him only a minute to floo to the Ministry then race down the stairs to Headquarters. He drove through the aurors in his way as he burst into the holding room. Bellatrix sat on a chair at a table, a small smile on her face. He grabbed her by the robes and yanked her out of the chair, hurling her across the room.
"I warned you NEVER to harm a hair on her head," he threatened her.
"Harry, no!" Kingsley entered the room and pulled him away from her.
"I swear I will make you pay!" Harry called out behind him as Kingsley led him out of the room.
"Go ahead, Potter!" Bellatrix shrieked back. "Then no one will get to hear how I attacked her! How I tortured her!"
"Harry, don't do it!" Kingsley was struggling to hold Harry back as Tonks came in to help restrain him.
"Did you know that the little mudblood begged me? Actually got down on her knees and begged me to spare her life and the life of her unborn child?" Bellatrix sneered and cackled with laughter. "Spare the life of the Potter brat growing inside her?!"
Harry was blind with rage. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!! YOU FUCKING BITCH, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU BEG FOR DEATH!!"
Two more aurors fled into the room to restrain him and drag him out of the room. Kingsley managed to toss Harry into another room.
"I want her dead, Kingsley. I want her fucking dead," Harry's grief was overwhelming. Tonks sniffled as she knelt next to Harry.
"I'm so sorry," her voice cracked as tears fell. "I was supposed to protect her. I…I didn't…I'm so sorry." She stood up and walked to the other side of the room to wipe her tears.
"I've just signed the order. She'll be kissed first thing in the morning," Kingsley said quietly, laying a hand on Harry's shoulder.
"I want to be there. I want to see her die," Harry said softly.
"I understand."
Neville and Tobias burst into the room. "Sir, we've got a situation. We've just been given orders to transport LeStrange to Azkaban."
"She stays here, she's being kissed here," Kingsley ordered.
Neville spoke up. "The Kiss has been overturned. She has a pardon."
"A pardon from who?" he asked, anger rising in his voice.
"It came directly from Fudge. He is negotiating a deal with her. Information on the rest of the Death Eaters in exchange for a life sentence in Azkaban."
"What?!" Harry, Tonks and Kingsley stood in protest.
"He's sending his personal bodyguards down here to do it."
"You can't let him do this!" Tonks protested.
"She can't get away with this," Harry pleaded.
Kingsley sighed and rubbed his head. Neville and Tobias looked at each other then closed the door behind them.
"We can stall them," Tobias said.
"We can give you about five minutes, tops," Neville spoke, looking directly at Harry.
Kingsley sighed and didn't say anything for a long time, contemplating his next move. He then took out the Kiss order from his robes and set it afire with his wand. He looked at Tonks. "I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what happened on that train. Let's go to my office," he and Tonks left the room.
Harry, Neville and Tobias walked out into the hallway, back towards the holding room where Bellatrix sat.
"We'll give you the most time we can, Harry." Neville said then he reached out and pat Harry on the back. "I'm sorry."
Harry opened the door to the holding room. There were two aurors standing guard. They looked at one another.
"Didn't you say we needed to take a quick break?" one of them said to the other.
"Yeah, I've suddenly got to piss," the other replied.
They left the room leaving Harry alone with Bellatrix.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael Farrington sat and stared at the fire. The rain splattered hard against the house. Their funeral was today, pouring salt into his grieving wounds. How do even begin to heal from this? His thoughts were interrupted by a knocking at his door. He sighed wearily and got to his feet ready to greet another sympathizer. Ready to stand there and listen as they tell him how sorry they were and that time would heal all things.
He didn't expect to see this visitor.
He stood in the rain, his black robes soaked, his hair plastered to his head. The look of loss on his face mirrored his own.
"Mr. Potter," he said not hiding the surprise in his voice. "What are you doing here?"
"Keeping a promise," Harry replied, holding out his hand.
Michael held his out and Harry dropped a bundle in it. Puzzled, he unwrapped it revealing a wand. He looked up in surprise but Harry was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fudge was furious. How could Bellatrix LeStrange disappear like that? They had her in the building…secure, for crying out loud. He had been on his way down with his guards to take her to Azkaban. What happened in those five minutes?! None of the aurors said a thing, they were no help. Potter had something to do with this, he just knew it. But no one was talking.
Fudge had underestimated the loyalty the aurors had to Kingsley Shacklebolt and to Harry Potter. Willing to go far enough to cover up a crime. Neville and Tobias stalled the elevators by charming them to stop at every floor on their way down. The two aurors that were keeping watch returned a few minutes later to find the room cleaned and devoid of any body. They had asked Harry to stun them, to stage an attack. Shacklebolt and Tonks made their way back to the holding room five minutes later to see the stunned guards, awakening them and making sure Harry was well out of the building before they raised any alarms.
The sky was still grey with rain clouds the day of the funeral for the three aurors that were lost during the attack on the train. Harry looked across the caskets at Tonks who was crying softly. She was the only auror to survive the attack. He watched as Remus stood next to her, reaching out to hold her hand. Her near death experience had prodded his old professor to work up the courage to do something about the feelings he had for her. Hermione was to be released from the hospital today. Harry was going to head over there after the service to try and talk to her. She was still refusing to see him.
But when Harry arrived, he found that Hermione had already checked out. In a panic, he went to her parents' house. With relief, he found that she wasn't there. Next he went to their flat. Her father, Edward, met him at the door, walking out with a large box in his hand as Harry was walking in.
"What's going on?" Harry asked, confused.
Edward looked awkward, not knowing what to say as he looked over at his wife in the living room.
"We should get going," Jane said quietly as she walked out the front door.
"I'm sorry," Edward said apologetically before he followed his wife out the door.
With a feeling of dread, Harry walked over to Hermione's room. Peering in through the door, he saw her packing up a box.
"Hermione," he began as he stepped into her room. "What's going on?"
Hermione didn't look at him as she placed some more objects into a box. "I'm packing," she said matter-of-factly, as if he didn't understand the concept.
"I know what you're doing, but why are you doing this?" he moved next to her, reaching out but she turned away, retrieving more objects.
"I don't want this, Harry," she began but Harry interrupted her.
"Don't want what?"
"This," she said motioning around her. "Or this," she motioned between herself and Harry.
"What are you talking about, Hermione?" Harry asked with a firm voice.
"I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore," her voice was breaking.
"Hermione, don't do this. You're just upset, you're not thinking clearly."
"Believe me, this is the most clear I've ever probably thought in my life," she said with a slight edge in her voice.
"Hermione, I'm grieving too," Harry said. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say because Hermione slammed a ceramic figuring to the floor.
"Don't you dare tell me that you're grieving, too," Hermione said waspishly, her eyes brimmed with tears. "This is not your pity party. Don't you dare try and take this from me."
"I'm not trying to take anything from you. We both lost the baby," Harry shot back.
"No, I lost the baby! She wanted to hurt you! She went through me to get to you and I'm the one who had to suffer for it! My baby had to suffer for it!"
Guilt washed over Harry in waves. He shut his eyes, trying to mentally protect himself from Hermione's attack.
"Please don't leave. Don't leave me," he whispered, his heart breaking.
"I hate you," Hermione said scathingly. "I curse the day I ever met you!" Harry couldn't take anymore and he ran out of the flat.
He didn't return to it for several days. He didn't want the pain of seeing Hermione's things packed away, her room empty. He was deeply wounded by Hermione's verbal attack, not to mention the guilt he had for once again, placing his loved ones in danger. The price for this time had been high, maybe too high. Save Ron, no one knew about Hermione's pregnancy, and Harry didn't feel like being around Ron either. He opted to grieve for his lost child, alone by himself.
It was nearly three weeks before he would have another run in with Hermione. She wasn't at training, she had been given some time off to heal from her injuries. Ron and Harry decided to move out of the flat, they all needed to move on. Ron was going to move in with Luna, he was building a place in the burrow since they both wanted to be close to their families. Harry was going to move in with his godfather, Sirius had a sort of giddy excitement about this, although he wished it was under better circumstances. Harry had no idea where Hermione was going to stay. Ginny and Ron were pretty tight lipped about it since Harry had a pained look on his face whenever her name was mentioned. Harry had walked into the nearly empty flat to pick up the last of his boxes when he realized he wasn't alone.
Hermione was there too.
On the middle of the floor sat a new box, his name written on it in Hermione's neat handwriting. He could hear her moving around in her room. Curious, Harry walked over to the box and looked inside it.
For the past few weeks, Hermione had been staying at her parent's house. Moping around, showering once in awhile and crying all the time. She cried about her lost baby, cried at the memory of Bellatrix's torture, cried about the dull ache in her abdomen, but she mostly cried about Harry.
The hurt was still so raw. She blamed Harry for the longest time, lashing out at him, saying horrible things to him. She had read about this one time. The stages of grief, lashing out at your loved ones was one of them. Oh, the horrible things she said to him. But she avoided him, she didn't want to see him as it would bring on a slew of conflicting and confusing feelings. Seeing him would bring back the shame of what she had told him, at the same time the hurt of the memory of her lost child, but most of all the pain of loss. Loss of what they were, what they had and what they could've been. It hurt, it really, really hurt.
She had gone to the flat to get the rest of her belongings. Ron had told her they were going to sell the place, split the profit three ways. Hermione agreed this was best. She had gone to the flat this afternoon thinking that Harry would be busy away at training. A small flutter of panic welled within her when she realized that she had been mistaken. She could recognize those footfalls anywhere. He had apparently noticed the box and was walking towards her.
"There's a box in there with my name on it," Harry walked into the room. His voice was painful to hear and she didn't dare look up at him.
"Yes, I know," she answered.
"It's filled with pictures and things. Our pictures and things."
Hermione didn't answer.
"Why are you giving them to me?" Harry asked. His voice had an edge to it.
"I don't want them," she said plainly.
"Well, I don't want them either."
Hermione looked up at him. "I don't care what you do with them," she said impatiently. "Throw them out for all I care." She looked down and continued packing away her things.
Harry stood there for a moment, then she heard him walk away then walk back. Hermione looked up as Harry reentered the room, carrying the box in his arms.
"You know what?" Harry overturned the box, spilling the contents all over the floor. "Since you can pack up everything we were into a stupid little box and give it all away, you fucking throw it out." He tossed the empty box aside then stormed out of the flat, slamming the door. Hermione looked down at everything and sank her head into her hands, crying.
*****************************
Hermione returned to training three months later. Harry, Neville and the others in her class had only a year left, she was only a few months behind them. She was now training with a new class. It made the awkward moments easier, she didn't really see Harry although she did have pleasant conversation with Neville and a few others in her old class. For his part, Harry politely avoided Hermione. The hurt between them was still a little tender.
Hermione had eventually moved out of her parent's place and moved in with Ginny. Luna had decided to move in with Ron, leaving a vacancy for Hermione to fill. Ron came over once in awhile to keep company with Hermione, but the trio was never together. Wedding plans were in full swing, Luna had enlisted Ginny and Hermione as bridesmaids, dressing them up in whatever gaudy monstrosities that bridesmaids dresses were. Ginny personally felt that Luna was doing it on purpose. Of course no one is supposed to be more beautiful than the bride, but for crying out loud, did her bridesmaids have to look like trolls?
It was one sunny Saturday afternoon that Hermione's life took another twist. Ginny and she had been walking down a busy London street, taking in the beautiful day when Hermione heard her name across the street. She held her hand up to her face, shielding her eyes to see who had called her name.
"Oliver!" she called out in surprise.
Oliver Wood waved to her from across the street, then jogged across to greet her, timing himself carefully as he crossed the street.
"Hermione, how are you? Long time no see," he said smiling down at her. "You look great!"
"Uh, thank you. So do you!" she was still recovering from the slight shock of seeing him. She reintroduced Ginny and the three of them started in pleasant conversation. Catching up, discussing current events, gossiping.
"Well, it was really great seeing you again, Hermione," Oliver said as the conversation began to wind down.
"Yes, you too," Hermione answered.
Oliver scratched his head awkwardly. "I…guess I'll see you around some time."
"I guess so," she smiled.
"Okay. Take care, then." He looked to Ginny and gave a polite nod. "Ginny."
"Bye, Oliver," Ginny waved at him and he turned and walked away.
"Ow! What was that for?" Hermione hissed at Ginny as she nudged her in the ribs.
"I guess so?" she mimicked Hermione rolling her eyes then she suddenly straightened up. Oliver had stopped walking, turned around and headed back to Hermione.
"Uh…I was wondering if…," he stammered, "well…I mean, would you…like to have dinner…with me…tomorrow night? Iunderstandcompletelyifyourbusyandwellofcourseyourbusybutifyouweren't."
"She'd loved to," Ginny spoke up to put him out of his misery.
"Huh?" he asked, a little disbelieving.
Ginny threw Hermione an exasperated look. "Uh, yes. I'd love to," Hermione echoed.
"Okay then. Great!" Oliver had a look of relief on his face.
********************************
Dinner turned out to be a pleasant affair. Hermione hadn't laughed in so long, it was like welcoming a breath of fresh air. Oliver was a complete gentleman the entire night, he even gave a polite handshake at the end of their date. One date turned into another, then another and then another. Hermione was finding a sort of odd peace in her life when she was with Oliver. It was nice to not have to look over your shoulder to see if a dark wizard was lurking in the shadows. Of course, the peace wouldn't last long.
"You're seeing Oliver?!"
Hermione sighed and opened the door to her flat. "Hello, Harry. Nice to see you, too."
Harry had found out about this news by a slip of the tongue. He and Ron had been at a Quidditch match when Harry asked if he would come to Hogwarts with him that weekend to visit Dumbledore.
"Can't," Ron said absentmindedly, his concentration clearly on the game, "Luna and I have a group date with Hermione and Oliver."
Harry sat up in his seat. "What?" he asked calmly.
Ron sat absolutely motionless. "Fuck," he swore softly to himself.
"I take it Ron told you?" she asked Harry.
"On accident. When were you going to tell me?" Harry accused.
"I didn't think it was any of your business. And for the record, I'd like to point out that it isn't," she said pointedly.
"How long have you been seeing each other?" Harry ignored her last comment.
Hermione sighed, rubbing her temples. "About a month."
"A month? A little quick on the rebound aren't you?"
"Harry, that isn't fair. He's not a rebound. I happen to like his company very much."
Harry did some calculations in his head then a horrified look came over his face. "You're not sleeping with him, are you?"
"Oh my God!" Hermione threw her hands up in the air.
"Well are you?"
"Harry, get out!" she pointed towards the door.
"I just want to know!"
"Harry!"
"What?" she was shoving him out the door. "Just tell me!"
"No! I'm not sleeping with him. We haven't slept together, yet." She shoved him out of the door and slammed it in his face.
"So…she said yet. Does that mean that she's planning to?"
Neville hit his head on his locker door in frustration. "Harry, you really need to stop dwelling on this." They were changing in the locker room after another long day of training.
Harry thought his life was already in ruins, but with this news, whatever remains he had were scooped into a blender. And Hermione was hitting the frappe button.
"You really need to move on, mate. What about that girl Annie? She's kinda cute, why don't you ask her on a date."
Harry sighed and sat down. "I can't. I just don't know what she sees in him, Nev. He's really not that great. What does he have that…"
"…you don't?" Neville finished for him. He looked down at his friend who looked so lost. "Maybe this really is just a small fling. But I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. I mean, how serious can they get?
Hermione and Oliver moved in together three months later.
************************************
Hermione was quietly reading a book, cuddled up on the sofa next to Oliver who gave a soft sigh.
"Okay," Hermione closed her book and put it away. "That's the tenth sigh tonight. Talk to me, Oliver, and don't say it's nothing. I know you have something on your mind."
He looked at Hermione, trying to piece together what he wanted to say. "Some American scouts have been watching us all week. And, well, I've been given an offer. A very lucrative offer from a team called the New England Rebels."
Hermione's stomach dropped. "Did you take it?" she asked softly after a moment.
Oliver looked up at her. "No, I wanted to talk to you first." Hermione looked at him questioningly and he continued, holding her hands in his. "We can start a new life together. You and I. I know it seems really soon for us, but I love you and I know you love me. I want to make you happy, Hermione. I want to give you a new beginning. Us a new beginning."
"I don't know what to say, Oliver. I…" she stammered.
"You don't have to say anything at all. Just…think it over, okay?"
She gave him her answer a week later.
***********************************
She was giving Neville a small hug goodbye when Harry grabbed her upper arm and led them to an empty room.
"Harry, what are you doing?" she asked as he released her.
"Kingsley just informed me that you are quitting the program," Harry's eyes blazed with anger. "Is it true?"
Hermione paused a moment before answering. "Yes."
"Damn it, Hermione! Why? You only have a year left!"
"I don't want it anymore."
"Don't want it anymore?" Harry said incredulously. "What happened to the person who stayed up all night to help me through the Triwizard Tournament, who started the DA, who would spend all day in the library researching spells that would one day save our lives?"
Hermione closed her eyes. "I can't do it anymore, Harry. I don't want it anymore. Oliver has signed a deal with the New England Rebels, a Quidditch team from…"
"America, yeah, I know. But what does that have to do with you?"
Hermione looked right at him. "I'm going with him, Harry," she said softly. "I'm moving to America."
Harry looked as if he'd been punched in the stomach, in a way he had. He stood in front of Hermione, close.
"Do you love him?" he asked her.
"What?" she said softly.
"Do you love him? Do you really love him?" he asked quietly.
Hermione looked at him.
"Yes, Harry. I do. I really do." Deep inside, Hermione felt a small twinge of…something.
"You're definitely not the person I used to know," Harry said softly.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Hermione said fiercely. That small twinge disappeared real quick.
"The Hermione I used to know wouldn't run away with her tail between her legs."
"I'm not running away. I'm moving on."
"You're leaving your friends behind, your family. Admit it, Hermione, you're turning your back on everyone here."
Hermione looked away and shook her head in disbelief.
"You are such a coward," Harry's voice dripped with venom. He left Hermione standing there, alone in the hallway.
*************************************
Three months later, they decided to call it a truce for one day, to celebrate in their friends' happiness. Luna looked absolutely radiant, everything a bride should be on her wedding day. Ron cleaned up pretty well in a tux, too. Ginny was her maid of honor, dressed in a pale blue dress that seemed to accentuate her very fit body. Hermione also wore a pale blue dress, different from Ginny's but also made her look very stunning. Much to Harry's dismay, of course. He had a small twinge of sorrow as he watched her walk down the aisle. He tore his eyes of her and looked at his date, Annie, in the pews, giving her a small wink. He knew that Hermione was bringing Oliver to the wedding and he scrambled to find his own date. He finally asked Annie, one of the receptionists that worked at Auror headquarters. She was a petite blond who kind of reminded him of Fleur.
The reception was held outside at Lovegood Manor, it was beautiful weather and everyone was enjoying it while they could. Fall would be upon them soon, then winter. Hermione would be leaving at the end of December. Harry tried his hardest not to dwell on that this day but with the feelings of joy, love and hope that come with weddings, it was proving most difficult.
He watched her dancing on the dance floor with Andre, Bill and Fleur's one year old boy (she was pregnant with another child). He watched as she held the small child in her arms as he giggled and laughed at her. The image pained Harry, more than anyone could know. He watched as Oliver approached the two of them, taking Andre from her arms and holding him up in the air, the three of them laughing and smiling.
Then it dawned on Harry.
The thing Oliver could give her that he couldn't.
Peace.
A chance at a new beginning, a new life.
"Could I have your attention, please?" Oliver's amplified voice yanked Harry from his thoughts. "I wanted to thank Ron and Luna for allowing me to share their special day with them. Ron, she is absolutely beautiful. You have been an absolute help with me recently with the trade to the Rebels and I thank you so much." Everyone smiled and clapped politely. Harry rolled his eyes. "Weddings bring about the possibilities of the future, the miracle of love and the promise of happiness. I can only hope that I am as happy as you are Ron on my own wedding day." A hush fell over the crowd and Harry watched with absolute horror as he dropped down on one knee in front of Hermione, holding out a small velvet box. Hermione's hand went to her mouth in shock. "Hermione Jane Granger, would you do the honor of making me the second most happiest man today? Will you marry me?"
Harry got up from where he was sitting and walked toward the bar. He picked up a full bottle of Firewhiskey and walked away from the reception. He didn't need to hear her answer, he could hear the cheers and whistles behind him as he walked away.
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