Chapter Nine: I Want You To Want Me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
(Why Can't I - Liz Phair)
Hogwarts: Seventh year
Hermione opened her eyes to the streaming sunlight that fell across her bed. It was late in the morning, she had slept in for the first time she could remember. She had spent all night retelling and analyzing the events of last night. She touched her fingers to her lips, smiling to herself before getting up and getting ready for a brand new day.
It was a chaste kiss on the lips at first before he made the first move to deepen it. She couldn't believe it. She kissed and was kissed by Oliver Wood. She sighed at the memory of his eyes and oh, his smile. She had to admit to herself that she was smitten, acting silly and behaving like the girls she used to roll her eyes at and chastise.
She opened the door to leave her room and found her friend standing in front of her.
"Harry! What are you doing here?" she asked her green eyed friend.
"Well, you didn't come down to breakfast, I was a little worried," he answered.
"Oh, that's so sweet. Can you believe that I actually slept in?" she said as she stepped out of the door. "I had such an unbelievable night."
"Yeah, I know," he said softly then immediately brightened his tone. "Hey, did you want to come to the kitchens with me? I'm sure Dobby can make you something for breakfast?"
"That sounds like a great idea," Hermione agreed. Harry opened the portrait for them both.
"So…," Harry began. "You and Oliver, huh?"
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.
"Whole school is talking about it. News travels fast around here, you know that." They walked side by side to the kitchens.
"Wow, I guess I shouldn't be surprised."
"Some people saw you last night, on the Quidditch pitch," Harry said slowly. He turned to look at Hermione who was suddenly blushing.
"Did he kiss you?" he asked.
Hermione looked away. "It feels so awkward talking to you about this."
"Why? We're friends aren't we?"
Hermione turned to look at him. Harry's expression was unreadable. "Yes…of course we are."
There was suddenly an uncomfortable silence as they continued on their way to the kitchen. When they arrived, Dobby was most cordial in making something for "Harry Potter's Herminy". Hermione suddenly felt awkward eating in front of Harry, well not eating exactly, she just couldn't get the knots out of her stomach.
"To be honest, I never thought you went for the Quidditch guys. I mean, look at Viktor," Harry said.
"Funny, huh? I guess things change," Hermione replied.
"Do they?" Harry asked quietly.
Hermione just looked at him. Again, Harry's face was very guarded.
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She sat with Ginny in the stands. Gryffindor was playing Ravenclaw today.
"I swear you are the most popular girl today," Ginny was saying to her. "I mean everyone's talking about you and Oliver. Oh, he's so dreamy."
Hermione watched Harry in the sky. "Yes, I suppose so."
Ginny looked at her friend. "Boy, you are a far cry from where you were yesterday."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean yesterday, you were on cloud nine, nothing could wipe that smile off your face."
"I don't know. It's all just so new." Hermione watched as Harry made a spectacular dive to avoid a bludger. She couldn't help but feel a little sad somehow. She felt as if she was closing the book on a particular part of her life. Was she sure she wanted to do that?
"I heard Harry broke up with Hannah last night," Ginny interrupted her thoughts.
"Really?" Hermione said dryly. It was no surprise to her, Harry didn't seem to stay with one person for too long.
"Yeah he broke up with her on the Quidditch pitch. She's pretty pissed off about it," Ginny continued.
Hermione looked at her. Last night on the pitch? Did Harry see her and Oliver? She looked up in the sky at her friend zooming around. Part of her was glad that he had seen her with Oliver, but part of her was a little bothered by that. Suddenly Harry dived toward the ground, pulling up at the last second triumphantly holding the snitch in his fist securing another Gryffindor victory. Hermione nearly screamed herself hoarse, cheering him on.
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"I still don't see it," Ron was saying as he squinted up at the tree. Hermione sighed.
"It's by that big knobbly branch," she said as she pointed up.
It was a light grey sky outside for the Gryffindors and Slytherins as they attended their Care of Magical Creatures class. Harry, Hermione and Ron stood at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, glancing up into the trees to study Tree Pixies.
"Okay, I think I see it. Nope. That's a leaf," Ron sighed.
"Hogsmeade weekend is coming up for Halloween," Harry said as he rolled his head. He was getting a crick in his neck from staring up in the trees.
"Luna asked if I would go with her," Ron said sullenly. Hermione clicked her tongue.
"I hope you were a gentleman and let her down nicely."
"Actually," Ron said, blushing. "I told her I would go."
Both Harry and Hermione looked at him.
"Oh, wait! Is that it by the knot that looks like an upside down question mark?" Ron was still looking up in the tree.
"No that's a twig," Harry corrected. "Good on you, Ron!"
"Maybe you'll actually have a good time. She is quite nice, you know," Hermione added.
"Well, I'm bringing along some insurance just in case. I told her we were going with you two," Ron smiled.
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and shrugged.
"Sure."
"Fine."
"Oh wait! There it is! It's sleeping under that big leaf, its leg is dangling down!" Ron said excitedly.
"That's right!" Hermione affirmed.
"Sometimes you're just looking too hard before you realize what you were looking for was in front of you all along," Harry said.
Hermione turned and looked at him, he turned to look down at Hermione and gave her a small smile before returning his gaze to the treetops. Despite the crispness in the air, she felt her face get very warm.
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Harry and Hermione were in the greenhouse putting away pots and sweeping up the soil and fertilizer from the floor. Harry was unusually quiet.
"It was an awkward class wasn't it?" Hermione asked with trepidation.
"Hmm? I'm sorry…what?" Harry asked distracted.
"I said it was an awkward class," Hermione said a bit more boldly. "You know…with Hannah."
"Oh that," Harry said scratching his head. "I don't know. Not really."
"With the way that she was…throwing herself at Seamus, trying to make you jealous," Hermione added.
Harry stopped his sweeping at looked at Hermione who was gathering the pots from the table. "You know, I never did thank you for helping me here. It is my detention, you didn't have to do this," he said as he walked toward the table.
Hermione determinedly kept her face glued to the table. "Oh, you know…it's no bother."
Harry stood directly beside Hermione. "You have some dirt on you," he said quietly.
Hermione looked up at him, he was so close to her. "Uh…what?" she asked weakly.
"Dirt. In your hair," Harry repeated as he brought his hand to her hair and pulling a small clump of dirt out.
She was finding it hard to breathe as he looked at her. She gave a small smile. "Yes…well…so do you," she said mischievously as she grabbed a small clump from the table and dumped it on Harry's head.
Harry laughed out. "Oh…I'm going to get you for that, Granger." Hermione let out a shriek and ran around the table, her friend in pursuit.
Laughter could be heard from the outside of the greenhouse as Ron looked in on his two friends. He smiled to himself. Harry would forgive him for framing him with those dungbombs.
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Hermione sat on her bed, in her hands rested a small package with an envelope but her attentions were elsewhere as she stared out of the window. It had been a strange few weeks. She felt the butterflies and anticipation you get with a new love every time she thought about Oliver. But Harry…
She just couldn't get him out of her mind. It was the little things lately. The looks he would give her, the smiles, the way he would accidentally brush up against her or reach for the same object only to have their hands make contact without pulling away right away. He was the first person she would see in the morning as he waited by her door, and the last person she would see at the end of the day as he walked her to her room. It was the way she felt when he stood so close to her, looking down at her.
She sighed and opened the envelope, taking out its contents to read for the tenth time that day. She had received it early that morning.
My Dearest Hermione,
I hope this letter finds you well and I hope you are enjoying your final days at Hogwarts. Being back there brought back so many memories. I hope Gryffindor is still in the running for the cup but with the formidable team that you have, I don't have any doubts. I'm really glad I got to spend some time with you while I was there. And I won't forget our incredible night. I've sent you something that I hope you will like. It's really just a small gesture. Look out for a surprise that I'm sending you on Halloween. I really miss your company and I look forward to seeing you again.
With Love,
Oliver
Hermione carefully opened up the small package revealing a robin's egg blue box inside with a white ribbon. Hermione gasped. It was from Tiffany's. She slowly lifted up the lid of the box, taking out a smaller velvet box. Inside this was a silver heart pendant on a silver chain.
"Wow," Hermione breathed. She put it on and looked at herself in the mirror. She was so confused, she needed to think things through.
She sought solace at the lake, staring out at the flat water surface that was disturbed once in awhile by the giant squid. She should've felt happy. She had a boyfriend, she was Head Girl, it was her last year at Hogwarts. And yet she'd never felt more confused in her life.
She heard a twig snap behind her and she whirled around, wand drawn. But her intruder merely grabbed her wrist so the wand was no longer pointed at him.
"Harry!" Hermione gasped. "You should know better than sneaking up on people."
"I wasn't sneaking. I called your name three times," Harry informed her, releasing her hand.
"Oh," she said as she tucked her wand back in, "well, I have a lot on my mind."
"Apparently. You shouldn't be out here by yourself, you know."
"I can take care of myself."
Harry stood right next to her and stared out at the lake, not saying anything for a few moments.
"Beautiful necklace. Oliver, right?" he broke the silence.
Hermione shifted her stance. "Yes," she answered quietly.
"Tiffany's. Good taste." Hermione looked questioning up at Harry. "Remember, I dated Lavender," he explained. Hermione smiled.
"Beautiful night," she said.
"Yes, beautiful, indeed," he answered, looking at her. Another spell of silence fell between them.
"Well, curfew has started," Hermione stated. "We should get back to the castle to start our rounds."
"Yes, I suppose we should," Harry sighed.
Hermione turned to walk but her foot caught on a tree root that was sticking up out of the ground. She lost her balance and began to fall forward but Harry had caught her. He held her close to him.
"Are you alright?" he asked her.
She was having trouble finding her voice but managed to squeak out a yes. She regained her balance but Harry still held her close and she wasn't making any moves to leave his arms. She breathed in his scent, felt his arms wrapped around her, his beautiful eyes and those lips.
"I can't do this, Harry," she whispered weakly.
"Can't or won't," he whispered back.
"Shouldn't," she replied.
"Why?"
"I'm with Oliver, now."
"Then why haven't you pulled away?" he asked. His face inched closer to hers.
"Harry," she sighed.
"What if there was no Oliver?" he asked.
"But there is," she answered. She was well aware that she wasn't pulling away from him. Her heart was pounding in her chest as his lips were centimeters from hers.
"Then get rid of him," he said huskily as he finally closed the gap.
Their lips touched for only a millisecond before the sound of laughter rang out in the air. A group of third years were scrambling toward the castle. Hermione slipped out of his arms and walked toward the group, escorting them back. She heard Harry swear behind her then jogged to join the group. She managed to avoid him the rest of the night to settle her thoughts and nerves. She'd almost kissed him.
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The sky was a stormy grey, the next morning as they made their way to Hogsmeade. Harry held the carriage door open for Ron, Luna and her. She gave him a small smile before climbing in. Three Broomsticks was warm and inviting as the four of them snagged a table next to the fire. Ron and Luna were carrying on pretty well and they were enjoying each others company. Harry and Hermione smiled to themselves, happy for their friends, once in awhile their knees touched or their hands brushed. Everyone was having a great time until…
"I'll be right back," Harry announced as he got up and left the table, making his way to the restrooms.
"Hey, Hermione, you don't mind if Luna and I go and play a game of gobstones over there, do you?" Ron asked, pointing to a table across the room.
"No, no of course not. I'll tell Harry when he gets back."
"Thanks, Hermione."
She took a sip of her butterbeer and watched the two of the set up their game.
"Now what's a beautiful girl like you doing sitting by herself?"
Hermione whirled around. "Oliver!"
"Surprise!" he said as he sat down next to her. "I see you got my gift."
"Um…yes. Thank you," she said, still in shock.
"It's really great to see you," he said then kissed Hermione lightly on the lips.
Hermione broke the kiss and looked over his shoulder. Harry had come back from the restrooms and was standing in the crowd watching the two of them with the most heartbroken look on his face. He walked sadly past the table and out of the small pub. Hermione turned to look at Oliver.
"Oliver…we need to talk."
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It had begun to rain when Hermione ran out of the Three Broomsticks. She looked up and down the street but her friend was nowhere to be found. On a hunch, she ran towards the Shrieking Shack.
"Harry! Harry, wait up!" she called out to him. She found him walking towards the house.
"Go away, Hermione. I want to be alone," he shouted out, not turning toward her.
"Harry would you at least stop so we can talk?" she caught up to him.
"I said GO…AWAY!"
"Harry…I broke up with Oliver," Hermione's words stopped Harry in his tracks and he spun around to look at her. She was completely drenched, her jacket hung heavy on her and her jeans were soaked through, she brushed her wet hair out of her face. "Actually, I don't know if we were really going out." Harry just looked at her, he didn't say anything. "Harry, what do you want from me?" she cried out exasperatedly. "I've been in love with you since…since you saved me from the troll." Harry looked surprised. "But you never noticed me, you never noticed me like you did Cho and Lavender and all those others. Do you have any idea how painful that was? I had to get over you Harry! I couldn't take it anymore! But Ron noticed me," Harry winced at her words, "and Oliver did, too. So I tried to move on, I tried…so…hard," Hermione began to cry.
"Hermione…" Harry moved forward to wrap his arms around her but she stepped away from him.
"No, Harry, I can't," she pleaded but he persisted and won, embracing her against him she sobbed.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I've been so stupid and blind. Yes, I do know how painful it is to watch the person you love be with someone else." He cradled her head between his hands, forcing her to look up at him. "I love you. I just didn't see it until recently." She looked dumbstruck at his words. "It nearly drove me insane that you were with Ron. Then, seeing you with Oliver, I was crazy with jealousy. Hermione, I've loved you for so long, I've just been too stupid to see it. And, today, when I saw you kiss him, I thought I was too late. Am I too late, Hermione?"
Hermione stayed in the arms of the boy she loved, still loved, tried so hard to get over loving him. "No, Harry, you're not too late."
He looked down at her, she wanted him to kiss her so badly. He had that look on his face, the snitch look. The clatter of the carriages announced their arrival as Harry began to close the gap.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Harry groaned in frustration.
Hermione laughed and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving him to supervise the students leaving Hogsmeade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hermione, I'm closing up dear," Madam Pince informed her.
Hermione looked up from her Arithmancy homework. "I'm sorry, I didn't notice the time!"
She carefully packed her things into her bookbag and was heading towards the door when she was grabbed from behind, a hand covered her mouth.
"Harry!" Hermione hissed. "You nearly scared me to death."
"Shh!" he whispered, then threw his invisibility cloak around them.
Madam Pince looked up and down the aisles once more before turning out the lights and locking the door behind her.
"What do you think you're doing?" Hermione whispered as Harry uncovered them.
"Continuing our conversation," he replied.
"Our conversation?" she asked.
"Yeah, this conversation," he answered, then he cradled Hermione's head in his hands and brought his lips to hers.
Hermione felt time stop, the world around them fell away as Harry kissed her. Now granted her experience in this department was limited to the boy next door, Ron and Oliver, but none of them, I repeat none of them felt like this. Not even close by a longshot. Harry wrapped his arms around her as she fell limply against the bookcase behind her.
"Wow," she gasped when Harry broke the kiss.
"Yeah," Harry agreed, a little breathless.
"We should talk about this some more," she said.
"Most definitely," Harry agreed.
The kisses intensified as Harry kept Hermione pinned to the bookshelf. Their hands began to wander and explore as Harry took joy in inciting little sighs and moans from her.
"Hermione," Harry moaned as she kissed his neck, "Hermione, we should stop. We have to stop." He forced himself away from Hermione.
"You're right, it's late," Hermione agreed.
"I don't want to push you or do anything with you that you might regret. You're too special to me. I want to wait until you're ready."
"I'm ready," Hermione said simply.
"Okay," Harry replied, then he kissed her passionately.
Hermione walked backwards, leading them to a table, undoing his robe as he kissed her. He quickly undid hers then lifted her onto the table. She scooted backwards then lay down, bringing Harry with her by this tie, which she began to undo. She moaned as Harry began to move against her.
"Ow," she whispered as she hit her head on the table. "Harry…we need…a pillow," she said he kissed her. He moved down to her neck, reaching down to retrieve his wand.
"Oh sod it," he whispered when he couldn't find it and reached for his robes, bundling them up and placing it under her head. Hermione pushed Harry up so that she could remove her sweater. Harry promptly began to undo the buttons on her shirt.
"This is taking way too long," he whispered frustrated and ripped open the rest of it.
"Harry!" Hermione scolded as he kissed and caressed her breasts.
"I'll buy you a new one," Harry whispered. Hermione brought him back up to kiss him on the lips and she heard the small tinkling sound of a belt being unbuckled, then a zipper being undone.
"Oh, crap, my shoes are still on," Harry muttered. Hermione let out a small giggle as Harry struggled to take them off.
"Not funny, Hermione," Harry whispered as he climbed back on top of her. He began to work on her skirt, blindly, as he kissed her.
"Just leave it on," Hermione whispered after a few moments. She let out a soft moan as Harry's hand traveled up her thigh.
"Are you wearing granny panties?" Harry asked her.
Hermione wanted to die of embarrassment. "The house elves haven't brought our laundry up yet."
He laughed quietly. "They are totally hot."
"Oh shut up, Potter," Hermione scolded.
"Too bad they have to come off," Harry whispered as he slowly slid them down her legs.
He climbed back on top of her and nestled himself between her thighs. He kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Do you-"
"I'm taking a potion."
"Okay."
Harry paused a moment, then slowly slid himself into Hermione.
"Oh…God," he whispered as Hermione moaned quietly.
Harry kissed her once more before he moved rhythmically against her. He invaded her every sense. Maybe it was because they had to be quiet, the fear of discovery or the fact that her best friend, whom she loved for so long, was sliding above her and within her, or all of it put together but she had never felt like this. Her only experience had been with Ron and it was nothing compared to this. A new sensation overcame her, it was like a tension building and building. She had never felt this before, it felt pleasurable. She let out a little gasp. Harry moved a little faster. It was a pleasurable tension, just building and building and building until it released.
Hermione let out a moan but Harry quickly covered her mouth with a kiss. She couldn't help it, she was feeling the most wonderful sensations all over her body. This is what the big deal was about, what all the girls talked about. An orgasm. She had just had her first orgasm. And with Harry!
He broke his kiss with her and let out a hushed groan as he came. Her heightened sensations made her body aware of every move he made. Hermione moved his bangs away from his head, feeling a trace of sweat on his forehead as she traced his scar with her finger. Harry was a little out of breath as he kissed her sweetly on the lips then rested his head on her chest.
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Ron looked up as the portrait door opened and his friend walked through.
"Hermione still out on her rounds?" he asked Harry, who plopped himself onto an armchair.
"Yeah," he said, scratching his head and looking into the roaring fire in the fireplace.
"Did you get a chance to talk to her?" he asked.
"Yeah…we talked." Harry shifted uncomfortably.
"And?"
"We, uh, basically said all we needed to say," Harry answered, fiddling with the hem of his sweater.
Ron looked at his friend. "Good, then," he said, still perplexed by his friends deceptive behavior.
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